Triangles Chapter 11 - Parallel Postulate, a love live! school idol project fanfic

A/N: Moving apartments is a real pain, especially in a country where you're not speaking your first language. Thank you to those who sent me a note or a review about the story. Also, thank you to everyone for your patience in waiting for this chapter. I look forward to once again regularly updating now that I am settled.

To all who read these lines, my thanks. To all who enjoy these lines, my happiness.

Chapter 11 - Parallel Postulate

The next morning

Maki didn't sleep well. Having grown up in a family of doctors came with certain privileges, such as having comfortable over-sized beds her entire life. She hardly ever slept on futons and even in her single occupancy dormitory she had the pleasure of a full-size bed. As a consequence, the nights she actually did sleep on futons were filled with tossing and turning.

Though, to be fair, this night was one that would cause anyone stress. She had basically run away from home with little to no planning, hoping to find the answers as she went along in a city that was over 300 kilometers from her on-campus dormitory. What she was going to do when she got there and what her actual purpose for going was were things she hadn't fully considered.

But something drove her to a goal that she wasn't fully aware of. At the end of this journey from one coast the the other was something she desired - needed, even. She'd gone on this journey basically on a whim and even though she had a breakdown along the way last night, some part of her already felt a little better about everything.

In the letter that Maki had written Eli she wrote about wanting to make sure that the three girls were safe and happy. The visual realization that Honoka had been in this place all along had hit Maki like a train, but even if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes - even if she'd only received a letter from Honoka herself saying that everything was okay - that alone might have made Maki feel like their friend wasn't completely lost in the world and that somehow she'd be okay.

So in the end, Maki had already accomplished something. Her feelings of guilt had been partially assuaged and, if necessary, she could conceivably go home right now and share the news. She found them. They're fine. Let's move on.

But Ayako's insistence that she stay and see the girls was… surprising. Actually, it was staggering. By her own words, if Honoka or Arisa or Yukiho somehow found out that Ayako had led Maki to them, regardless of her intentions Ayako would be in serious danger of losing her three young friends. And even worse, especially for Maki, after that happened the cycle might just begin again in a new town, in a new time, with new problems.

That couldn't happen. Maki couldn't lose them again, not when it was entirely up to her whether or not they would run again. No, this time she'd stand up to them and force the issue.

Somehow.

Maki rolled over to her right shoulder only to find a pair of dark brown eyes partially hidden by strands of long, black hair staring right back at her.

"Good morning, Maki. I'd ask you how you slept, but judging by the look on your face I think I know the answer already." Ayako was lying on her left shoulder in her own futon just to the right of Maki.

She sat up and stretched, her pastel blue nightgown rising up to reveal the pale white skin on her lower back. Maki's eyes were wandering and she caught herself thinking about the past.

I never got to see this side of Eli. I always woke up before her and whenever she woke up before me she was about as cute as an ogre with a hangover. She walked to the bathroom like one, too.

Maki couldn't help but smile just slightly. Ayako took notice and gave a sly grin. "Oh, so you're a morning girl when it comes to those kinds of thoughts, eh?"

Fortunately it was kind of dark in the room so Ayako couldn't see the cayenne red color racing across Maki's face. Even so, she rolled away from Ayako just in case

"I was thinking n-nothing of the sort, thank you. As if anyone would find you cute, hmph."

As soon as those words left her mouth she immediately felt some regret. This entire journey was a result of being too careless with words and yet here she was, acting like some high school tsundere without a care for any of the consequences.

Dammit, I'm an idiot.

Maki rolled back over to apologize to Ayako.

"Ayako, I'm so-"

As she rolled onto her back Maki found herself immediately under a lot of pressure, as if there was a body holding her down, and she was physically unable to say a word.

"Stop."

Ayako was straddling Maki's waist and had her right hand over Maki's mouth. Maki began to struggle a bit which only caused Ayako to use her other hand to grab Maki's right wrist and pin it to the floor above the red haired girl's head. Releasing her hand from Maki's mouth, Ayako grabbed Maki's other wrist and moved it next to the other wrist above her head.

Ayako's face was hovering inches from Maki's face. Maki could feel the heat emanating from Ayako's breath and she slowly inhaled and exhaled. While the older girl's breathing was slow and steady, Maki's was rapidly picking up speed and she stared into the deep brown eyes that were invading her mind.

W-w-what did I do?! Oh my god…

"Maki. Did you mean what you said?"

Maki was having difficulty with… well, everything. Breathing, thinking, speaking. Everything was a blur right now.

"Maki. Did you mean what you said? Answer me."

Maki barely shook her head. "No…. n-no I-"

"Then why would you say it?" Ayako's words were intimidatingly smooth and calm.

"I d-don't kn-"

Ayako pulled Maki's wrists down to her sides. She forced Maki's hands under her own back and then moved herself up farther on Maki's chest, effectively pinning Maki while leaving her own hands free. She leaned down, bracing herself with her left and and placing her right hand on Maki's cheek, caressing it gently.

"We're going to be spending a lot of time together today, aren't we babe. So let's lay down the ground rules for the next 24 hours or so, shall we?"

Maki could barely believe what was happening.

"Maki, I have one rule for the two of us today - we must always say what we mean and nothing else. We're going to be alone in this apartment for the rest of the day to think through this situation together, but if you lie to me or even if you don't tell the whole truth… it's going to be a waste of our time. And it'll be dangerous, given the stakes. I want to help you and if I'm going to do that I need to know that you're always being honest and saying what you truly feel. Don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what's real."

"Give me blunt truths, nothing else."

She had a point. Maki had a tendency to put on a face when she was confronted by difficult situations and this one would be particularly difficult. She needed to grow up today. Fast.

"The same goes for me, so I'll prove that I'm willing to do what I'm asking of you," Ayako offered.

Ayako once again covered Maki's mouth with her hand, but this time she drew her lips close and pressed them forward, kissing the back of her own hand. After a few moments she drew back.

"Maki, you're adorable. I know that some of what you did with me in Tokyo was an act and that you were trying to get something out of me. I know you probably mixed a few exaggerations with your truths in order to talk with me... but I don't care. I had so much fun talking with you and being around you those two days. You're cute and confident and driven… but shy… and I'm kinda crushing on you."

Oh great, as if it wasn't hard enough to breathe with a girl straddling her, now she was being pseudo-confessed to?! What the hell is going on?!

"I also know about your recent breakup… one of the girls in the onsen at the hotel mentioned it. She told me not to hurt you or be a jerk or something. I know your emotions are probably in a haze right now between Honoka and your girlfriend situation. Most of all, I know you're here for something other than me. I know you're going through an emotional struggle."

"So I mean all of this: I intend to focus on nothing other than the relationship between you and those three women we both love so much. I'll tell you everything about their time here and I want you to do the same for me. Tell me everything from your perspective. Let's find a way to end this game of hide and seek together."

Ayako sat up and removed herself from the younger girl and slowly stood. Maki removed her arms from under her back and sat up cross legged. She looked up at the black haired girl standing in front of her.

Ayako crossed her arms and softened her gaze. "And when we're finished, when everything has settled down, let's you and I have a drink together and become friends. Hopefully with them, yeah?"

Ayako sure did know how to push another girl's buttons in all the right ways. It was scary.

"I promise I'll try. I promise."

Ayako smiled. "That's good enough for me."

"But, right now I could use a shower." Maki, too, started to stand.

"Oh trust me, I know."

"HEY."

"We're saying what we mean today, remember?"

A pillow flew across the room.

Ayako and Maki spent the better part of the day sitting around and talking about the three girls that were, unbeknownst to Maki, living directly below them. They didn't go out for fear of the off chance that they'd encounter the girls. Maki agreed to this on the grounds that, though there was an infinitesimal chance of this, the chance still existed. Ayako suggested this on the grounds that the girls were far closer to them than she would ever admit to Maki and the chance of seeing any of the three was probably higher than not.

Instead, Ayako ordered delivery for lunch, making sure to order hefty portions so they could eat the same thing for dinner. They settled on a delivery bento service and ordered some huge plates of tonkatsu and fried rice.

After lunch they got down to business. Maki suggested she tell her side of the story first so as not to have her own memories affected by new information. Maki started talking about the days before and after the death of Honoka and Yukiho's parents and the effects it had on the group of friends. She tried to include all of the relevant details about Honoka's attitude towards her while she was grieving and going to school in order to graduate. She told what she knew about Arisa joining the two sisters to make a polyamorous relationship and the denial the Eli displayed when talking to her sister.

Then she retold the story about the Love Live! reunion concert. She recounted the details of the minutes leading up to the show and how Eli had introduced her idea to the group with such confidence and fervor… only to have the entire plan blow up a few days later when she went to the Kousaka residence and was turned away. Not to mention having her own little sister effectively disavow their familial relationship.

She explained everything she knew about the night when the three girls actually left the city. She talked about the meetings and discussions the girls had had intermittently during the following days and how she seemed to be the only one who had an attitude of 'well that figures' as opposed to the others wanting to run off into the middle of nowhere to find them. The idea of young adult girls with such trying life experiences running away from home without a plan was ridiculous to her.

Finally, Maki explained just how spur-of-the-moment everything was with Ayako. She recalled all of the events that occurred during the weekend at Comiket and how she slowly came to the realization of what she was reading when she read Ayako's doujinshi. And then the train ride followed by the encounter with Honoka at Animate… and now here.

"It's interesting, ya know." Ayako stood up and went to the fridge to grab some more tea for the two of them. "A vast majority of your story lines up with Honoka's side of it. In fact, I'd venture to say that you two see the whole situation with pretty much the same perspective."

This perplexed Maki. "So what you're saying is that after all that, after almost three years of angst, the two of us have the same mindset about the whole thing?"

"I said nothing of the sort." Ayako handed a bottle of tea to Maki. "I said you have the same perspective about it. You see the past much in the same way that Honoka and Yukiho and Arisa do. Factually, the four of you are on the same page. It seems to me that's a good thing."

"I'm not sure I follow." Maki opened the bottle and took a swig.

"The problem here is that, aside from the action of Eli saying what she did at the concert, the actions taken by everyone aren't inherently wrong. It wasn't wrong for all of you to try to make up with her the way you did. It wasn't wrong to slowly reach out to her; it wasn't wrong for the three of them to shut themselves away from you; it wasn't wrong for them to run away; and it wasn't wrong for you to seek them out."

Ayako pointed vaguely in the direction of Tokyo. "There's a girl 300km away who made a truly awful decision and made the biggest mistake she's likely to make in her life. It sucks and there's no way to get around that, but nothing else anyone did was wrong."

"It's what wasn't done that's the problem."

Maki tried to talk out her thoughts in order to understand. "We did everything right… so then, we just didn't do it at the right time? Like, we should have left her alone when we apologized. We should have been quiet when we were talking. We should have gone to her when we didn't. Basically, we got everything backwards. The actions themselves weren't wrong, but the timing was… I think I see what you're getting at…"

Ayako nodded. "From my perspective, that's how I see it. It's not exact science that everything was reversed, but that's the gist of it. As a result, the two groups of you grew apart because everything you did to each other was, because of timing, almost the worst thing that could happen. Even those three girls - they know how Muse is. They know that the members of Muse would go to hell and back for each other. They should have known the eight of you would go out of your ways to check in and they should have communicated that better with you, but somehow it never happened. It seems like only at the end, right before they left, did some of Muse begin to understand that their timing was off. By then it was too late."

"And intent means nothing without results." Maki leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. "Actions don't matter if you have nothing to show for it. All of these actions… all of these attempts to do something positive and yet nothing really came of it. I can't help but feel this situation would have been inevitable unless we did the exact right things at the exact right time."

"And that's different from the rest of our lives how, exactly?" Ayako crossed her arms and leaned against the wall while sitting on the floor. "If one thing hadn't gone as well as it did last weekend, would you be here? If you had chosen a different hotel for your club to stay in last weekend, would you be here? If you'd gone to a different university last year, would you be here?"

"Once again, it's not about what you did. It's about what you didn't do. You've got to realize that, Maki."

Maki slammed a fist on the arm of the couch. "I do, Ayako! But every time we did something it was wrong. Now I'm here again, guessing about what I should do next. How do I know that what I'm going to do next is right or wrong? If I don't know, isn't it better to do something I know and am more comfortable with? Or just not do it… at all…" Maki was becoming quite aware of her own words.

"See? You've becomed accustomed to the vicious cycle. You do something - it's wrong - you want to do something else - second guess your new idea - revert to something familiar because it makes you feel better - you do something similar to what you did before - it's wrong."

It made simple sense and that's what made it both sad and irritating to Maki. She stood up, squeezing the helpless plastic tea bottle in her right hand. She went over to the window and stared outside at the sun-filled western sky. So they'd overthought everything from day one, huh?

Well, given that's what Eli did to begin with… I guess it makes a stupid kind of sense. Thinking too much with your mind while trying to understand someone's heart. People's feelings aren't a puzzle to be decoded or a map you have to read, they're like a piece of music that can be expressed and interpreted in a million ways.

Maki looked down and turned around to face the room. "She needs to know that we finally understand… doesn't she? She needs to see that I understand everything we've done to her and that I'm sorry for it. We don't need to push her forward, she needs to take that step herself."

Ayako gave a small hum of agreement. "You're probably right. And she needs to know that you're willing to suffer in your own way… well, maybe 'suffer' is the wrong word here…"

Ayako took a sip of tea and seemed to have clearer idea of what to say. "In life, if you think you did something wrong and you turn yourself in for it, you're showing that you're willing to suffer the consequences, right? You must be, otherwise you wouldn't have admitted your crime. So basically, if Honoka sees that you're willing to 'turn yourself in' then maybe - just maybe - she'd be willing to at least start over with you. Maybe she could begin to trust you again."

"That's… ahhhh the word 'maybe' is rearing its ugly head a lot here." Maki walked over and sat back down on the couch. "There's a lot more uncertainty in this than I usually care to have in my life."

"Oh don't worry, there's more where that came from." Ayako gave a small sarcastic smile. "There are three girls in that relationship. What if one of them doesn't want to forgive you? The dynamic between the girls is going to be very, very complicated and if one of them is different from the others, we might have another relationship issue on our hands."

"Maybe Arisa really wants to go make up with her sister but the other two want to stay here. Maybe Yukiho realizes she was just going along with her sister the entire time and wants to make her own way in life. Maybe Honoka has a change of heart but the other two are happier in their new life here. Worst of all, maybe Honoka can't forgive you but the other two want to." Ayako put her hands up in surrender. "Maki, this could split them. Forever."

Ordinarily, hearing apocalyptic possibilities revolving around the relationships of her friends would have driven her to tears, but Maki had endured this conversation for hours and there was very little that could phase her anymore. And probably very few tears she could cry.

Lucky for me, I guess.

"Ayako, all of this is not very reassuring, you know. And it certainly doesn't make me feel any better."

"Good, it shouldn't. It's not supposed to. This city is their sanctuary - their secret hideaway. They came here half a year ago to start a new life and, for all intents and purposes, they've succeeded. They have jobs, schedules, responsibilities, they're starting to make friends, and most of all they seem happy."

Ayako stood up from the floor and sat down on the couch next to Maki. "This is their sanctuary and by merely knocking on the door you're letting them know that they've been discovered. Even if it's by one person, even if it's by the most liked person they know, someone knows about them. And that's dangerous. That's when they start to think again - fight or flight?"

Maki closed her eyes and let everything fade to gray for a moment.

All of these possibilities, some of them good, some of them neutral, and a lot of them bad; they appeared in Maki's mind like a giant tree branching from the moment Maki chose to knock on that door. Which branch would she choose?

Fight or flight.

Huh. That would be different.

"You know, I think I understand… life in general a lot better now."

"How's that, Maki?"

"Every decision I make has a million possibilities. None are black and none are white. Some are right, some are wrong, some are both. Aristotelian logic can't truly explain the outcome of a problem or situation in this world. In the same way, it cannot accurately define the way I actually make my decision in those situations."

Ayako squinted a bit. "Look, babe, I'm gonna be completely honest here. I go to a college where people learn to make funny pictures for a living and I was really crap at philosophy in high school, so can I have the talking-to-a-12-year-old version of that sentence?"

Maki started twirling her hair. "A tree is a tree. It is not a cat. A cat is a cat. Everything about it is cat-like. It cannot possibly be two things at once, like a cat and a tree - this Aristotelian logic. Yet here we are, both of us suggesting that apologizing to Honoka is the best thing to do for me and our friends while also admitting that it could ruin her relationship with those two girls. It's good and bad. It's morally wrong and morally acceptable. My solution is also a problem - both things at the same time."

"So you want to avoid it, just in case?"

"No. Not any more." Maki looked at Ayako with a strong gaze. "I'm done doing the same things over and over again. I have to change my actions. I have to throw myself at her mercy, to give her the choice for a change. Eight girls in Tokyo miss the leader that brought us all together with her energy and passion. We're also missing that girl's supportive and enthusiastic sister. On top of that Eli is missing her sister! That's why I have to do this, despite how much I may try to talk myself out of it."

"Okay, Maki. Then we're doing this."

"Yeah….. we're doing this."

Ayako stood up and walked to the kitchen and removed a bottle from the refrigerator. She reached into the nearby shelves and withdrew two small cups.

"Well, I have two bits of good news for you, Maki."

"Hit me."

Ayako tossed a cup at Maki who fortunately dropped it on the couch rather than the floor.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah." Ayako plopped herself next to Maki and opened the bottle, pouring herself and Maki a bit of sake.

"Good news number one: Yukiho, Arisa, and Honoka come over here every other Thursday night for dinner. Guess what tomorrow is?"

"It's Wednesday, actually."

"Precisely! This week we moved the day up so we can chat about my trip to Tokyo and all that, so fortunately for you they'll be here tomorrow evening. All three of them."

Maki's heart twisted a bit. It was getting real.

"What's the second good news?" Maki tossed back the shot of sake in her cup.

"The other good news is that this is only the first of two bottles I have in the fridge. Let's drink tonight and try to forget about tomorrow. We can worry about it when we get there." Ayako tossed back her own shot and poured two more.

"Oh, but before we lose ourselves to this rather delicious bottle… where did I buy this again? This is fantastic stuff… Anyway, I have to work from 11 to 6 tomorrow. So you'll be on your own for a bit. You're going to need to head out somewhere around 5 just in case the girls show up early. There's a cafe just two blocks away that they never visit. You should be safe there."

"After all that," Ayako swirled the liquid in her small sake cup, "you'll need to knock on my door at 6:30. No earlier. They get here at 6:15 and we eat at 7. I need you here before then. I'll let you in and then I'll wait outside for as long as it takes."

"Wait, you won't be in there with me?!" Maki nearly jumped out the window that very moment.

"I can't, Maki. I'm not a part of your past. I'll come back in once your past is settled because then I get to worry about my own present and future. Assuming none of them run out the door, that is. Then I might try to tackle them or something."

Maki gave a resigned sigh. "I guess you're right. I mean, I'm still not sure what I'm going to actually do in there anyway."

"Maybe you should keep it that way. Do what you think is right at the time, not what you've brooded over for days on end. That's what got you guys in trouble in the first place - over thinking things."

Alright.

I can do this.

"Cheers to you, Ayako. You've been a friend to four strangers in need now. Thank you." Maki winked and smiled and took a sip.

Ayako faintly blushed and tried to take a long drink to cover it up.

The next day

5:15 pm

Ayako had never been this efficient at unboxing and sorting books in her life.

In a desperate attempt to distract herself from the inevitable collision of worlds at the end of the day, she had thrown herself into her work. It was a good thing too. It was Wednesday, which could only mean that a mountain of boxes would show up at her store's front doorstep. Wednesday was the biggest shipment day of the week and nobody liked it.

Until today, that is. Ayako had an excuse to work herself silly and nobody would question it too much. Perhaps a few quizzical glances, but other than that she'd just look like a manager hard at work.

"Hey Ayako, are you alright? You've been pretty serious today."

Figures. Honoka would be the one, wouldn't she?

Honoka had come up from behind Ayako and leaned onto the counter next to her. She looked at Ayako with a soft, caring gaze that nearly broke her just from the sincerity.

But that's why we all love her, isn't it? Oh Honoka… if only you knew…

"Yeah, I'm fine. To be honest, I drank a lot last night and woke up with a bit of a hangover. Combine that with the emotional hangover from Comiket and… well… I've been trying to distract myself a lot today."

And none of that was a lie. Good job, me!

Honoka stared for a long moment before reaching over and rubbing Ayako's back. "Celebratory sake, eh? That's my Ayako! I'm glad you're just in pain physically, not emotionally."

"Thank… you…?" Ayako said as Honoka giggled and helped to empty the box that Ayako was working on.

Well, I'd rather her have that idea than anything else.

Ayako was beginning to feel the pressure from the upcoming night and apparently this was the time it had chosen to show itself to the world.

"Regardless, why don't you head home a bit early and rehydrate? You've worked super hard today and the stock is almost finished before the last shift even gets here. That's something to be proud of."

Usually Ayako wasn't one to take up an offer like that, btu today was quite an exception.

"Yeah… maybe you're right. I could use a sports drink and a quick sit on the couch before I start making dinner for you kids."

"Who are you calling a kid, old lady?"

"And who's cooking dinner for you, little Honoka?"

"You are, oh lovely, youthful upstairs neighbor of mine!"

"That's more like it." Ayako removed her apron and tossed it at Honoka. "I'll see you later, then."

"See ya in an hour!"

Ayako made her way out of the store and opened her phone to check for messages from Maki.

16:50 - NISHIKINO - Ayako, I'm going to the cafe like you said. I took a pair of mangas from your shelf because there's no way I'm going to sit there for an hour and have nothing to read. If it gets damaged I'll pay you for it.

17:11 - NISHIKINO - God, this is going to feel like forever, isn't it? I'm sorry for messaging you again but I just needed to do something other than read because otherwise I'd down this chai tea in about three gulps.

Only two messages from Maki. To be honest, less than she'd expected.

17:21 - sent - Hey Maki, I'm on my way home. Got off early. The plan is still on. If you want to text me between now and 6 that's fine, but after then I'm only replying to emergencies. I can't have them getting suspicious.

Ayako got on the elevator and pressed the button for her floor.

17:24 - NISHIKINO - This'll be the last one, then. I should probably lose myself in these books. It won't do any good to think or talk now. Thank you for everything. No matter how this works out, I owe you a lot.

17:25 - NISHIKINO - And… I'll take you up on your offer to go out for drinks sometime. I think… it'd be nice.

17:26 - NISHIKINO - k, bye

Ayako smiled a big, beaming smile and opened the door to her apartment. She slowly changed into more comfortable clothes before deciding to sit down for a bit.

Man, that girl is too cute and too good for… well, for me, to begin with. And a long list of other people.

She took a few deep breaths and let out a big sigh.

"Alright world, let's see what you have in store for us today. Surprise me."

Ayako's apartment

Ayako's perspective

6:17pm

"We're here!"

Three girls nearly bounded into the room looking around for their favorite neighbor. She was found in the living room, putting plates down on the table in front of the couch. Ayako wisely put down the stack of other things she had in her hands as the younger girls ran up to her and hugged her from both sides.

"Why hello there, ladies! So I take a trip to Tokyo and immediately upon my return I'm given an offering of two virginal young girls?"

"Wrong on all accounts, actually. Especially that last bit." Honoka gave a wink that caused blushed to form on the faces of her younger girlfriends. "They're here because they love you and want to hear about your trip to Tokyo. I'm here for the food!"

Ayako jokingly sneered at Honoka. "At least your priorities are in order."

Ayako detached herself from the hugging duo and made her way to the kitchen. She brought out some napkins and some garnishes that didn't look familiar to any of the three guests. Furthermore, the girls were usually greeted at the front door by the smell of something delicious emanating from the kitchen. Today there was nothing.

"So, what's for dinner, Ayako?" Arisa was the first to speak up and ask the question that was hanging over everyone's head.

Ayako put down the things in her hands and turned to the three girls.

"I uh… I have a confession to make…"

The other three looked on with a bit of concern beginning to appear on their faces.

"I was really lazy… and kind of distracted from things revolving around Comiket and all that… so I didn't make dinner tonight. Instead I ordered pizza for all of us. I know it's expensive and kind of unhealthy, but I haven't had it in a while and needed some comfort food. Do you girls mind?"

Yukiho looked at Arisa and nearly couldn't contain herself laughing. Arisa looked slightly put off and Honoka was covering her mouth to giggle politely.

"Uhhh… please help the self-conscious old maid here… what's going on?" Ayako was more confused than she'd anticipated being.

"It's nothing." Arisa deadpanned.

"Hehehehe, it's everything-g-gahahaha!" Yukiho needed help.

Honoka only covered her face with her palm.

For what it's worth, this atmosphere bodes well for the inevitable interruption that's due to arrive in a few minutes, Ayako couldn't help but think.

"It's long story, but the short version is this." Honoka went to Arisa and hugged her from behind. "Arisa has never had pizza. Yukiho and I found this out yesterday when we were playing a perfectly innocent round of Never-Have-I-Ever while having something quite delicious to drink."

Arisa didn't look entirely pleased or unhappy either. Perhaps it was the combination of embarrassment and being in the arms of her lover that put her in such a state of confusion.

"We told her we'd suggest to you that we have pizza tonight, but she said she'd feel guilty. Like, it'd be an insult to your cooking. And then we teased her about how she doesn't eat much here anyway so she already gives off that impression… and then she started to panic about that… and we kept insisting we suggest it to you… " Honoka was also starting to lose it.

Yukiho had sufficiently recovered by now and tried to help out. "But, we never actually did. We figured we would save it as a surprise for Arisa's birthday in October. But… well… here we are!"

Ayako couldn't help but begin to giggle, herself. This whole situation was beyond belief.

Here she was, having the time of her life with her three best buddies, knowing that soon it would be interrupted by-

A doorbell ringing.

Ayako frowned more than she intended.

The girls all looked at her and exchanged looks of excitement as the tall, black haired girl slowly made her way to the door, presumably to open it for the delivery person.

"That's amazing timing." Arisa noted.

Ayako continued her walk towards the door. Slowly. Deliberately.

She approached the door and reached for the door handle.

She opened the door.

"Hey there."

"Hey."

She felt the person at the door step forward and embrace her. Surprised, she slowly wrapped her arms around the shorter girl and got pulled tight against her body.

"Thank you, Ayako. I'm happy I met you."

Ayako was beginning to feel tears.

"You're almost at the finish line, Maki. Cross it. Find your future."

The girl let go and moved past her without looking back. With strength and confidence.

Ayako let the door close behind her.

Ayako stood outside of her apartment facing the evening sky.

She took a few steps down the hall and stepped into the stairwell. She looked out over the handrail towards the painted dusk on the horizon and took a long, deep breath.

May the gods keep us all company tonight.

She sat down against the wall and pulled her knees up to her body. She rested her head on her arms.

And cried.

Maki's perspective

Maki closed her phone and tried to distract herself with the manga she had procured from Ayako's apartment. In hindsight she should have chosen something different. She figured she would want to read something romantic and light, but now that she was here in the moment she couldn't get into it.

Something with more drama or action would have been better.

She was sipping on her chai tea and trying to get through Yagate Kimi ni Naru when her reminder alarm went off.

6:20

Time to go, I suppose.

She returned her mug to the counter and made her way back to the apartment building. Arriving a few minutes early, she boarded the elevator and went up to the 9th floor.

Strange. I thought I'd be a mess but yet… it feels… like the end of a long, long journey.

I can finally see the end.

I'm going to be okay. No matter what.

6:29

She stepped towards the front door to Ayako's apartment and checked her phone one final time.

6:30

Maki took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell once.

Seconds passed.

Soft footsteps approached.

The door slowly swung open and she could see the silhouette of the tall, beautiful, black haired girl in front of her. She saw Ayako's face slip into the light and saw a girl who looked completely helpless. This was the expression of someone whose future was completely out of her own hands.

I'm sorry Ayako.

"Hey there."

"Hey."

Maki stepped forward and wrapped herself around the girl. She put every ounce of love she could spare into the hug, a small thanks for a world of help.

"Thank you, Ayako. I'm happy I met you."

Maki was beginning to feel tears.

"You're almost at the finish line, Maki. Cross it. Find your future."

Not my future. Our future.

Maki let go and moved past Ayako without looking back. With strength and confidence. With a determination to suffer anything that would come her way.

She knew she'd break. But that's okay. She probably deserved it anyway.

She knew she'd want to give up. But who wouldn't? Strength given to her by her new friend would carry her through to the end.

She knew she'd want to run away. But she wouldn't. This was a defining moment in her life.

She stepped out of the doorway and heard the door close behind her. Striding into the living room she looked around and saw three girls.

Arisa was wide eyed.

Yukiho had covered her mouth with both hands.

Honoka was… changing. What started as terror was slowly morphing into an anger unlike normal anger. It was the anger that a mother bear displays when her cubs are being threatened. It was protective. Maternal. The anger that could only be paired with an equal amount of love for that which was now in danger.

Maki was afraid, but refused to let it show. Maki took the deepest breath of her life and exhaled. She stared straight at Honoka not with avarice, but with sadness and shame.

"Honoka."

Honoka's resolve waivered slightly.

"We were wrong - I was wrong. About everything. I don't know what you want from me and I don't know if you need anything from me… frankly, I don't know anything."

Maki slowly got down on her knees and sat back on her heels.

"But that's why I will listen. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel the way I've made you feel. I want to know everything you're willing to tell me."

She leaned forward, putting her hands down on the floor in front of her and facing straight down.

"I want you to hurt me. Because I deserve all of it."

Maki leaned farther forward, resting her forehead on the floor. She could see nothing, so she closed her eyes.

And began to cry.

"I miss you and I love you! All of you, Honoka… Yukiho… Arisa… I'm s-sorry for everything and… I… just want… t-to see you ag-gain…"

Only tears.

Crying with no sound. Total loss of control. Seemingly nothing could find its way out of her body that was now prone, at the mercy of the women in front of her.

God help me.

God help them.

"You."

Heavy breathing.

"aaaAAA YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

Honoka's voice was nearly a shrill.

"You! You're what we ran from, what we ESCAPED from this entire time! We've been living a peaceful life, a happy life without having to deal with the SHIT you girls fed us for two years. TWO YEARS NISHIKINO."

She's not using my name…

"This… this is wrong. SO wrong. What did these girls do to deserve you coming here and ruining their lives again? Huh? ANSWER ME. Why did you invade our happy lives? Just to make yourself feel better? To help your own conscience? I hope you're happy, because now WE'RE NOT."

Footsteps. Irregular. Someone was pacing now.

Her crying slowed but didn't stop.

Let it out Honoka. I deserve it. You deserve it.

"God WHY. We've been so happy here without you! Every day I wake up and I'm not reminded of the past I lived through. It was always someone who was willing to take time out of their awfully busy day JUST to come find me and tell me how sorry they were about my parents. 'Yeah, thanks for reminding me my parents are dead. I'd nearly forgotten but now I remember.' is what I wanted to say. Maybe I should have!"

Say it now, then. Say it to me because I'm one of those people who did it to you.

"I finally found peace here, you know? Every day I live a new life and I don't have to answer those stupid questions. 'Oh Honoka, how are you today? Are you any better?' NO I'M NOT because you keep reminding me that I'M NOT OKAY and maybe I NEVER WILL BE."

You can be. You have been. You still can be.

"AAAAHH WHY? Why did you come? Why are you here? WHY aren't you answering me?! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY SOMETHING YOU COWARD!"

Quick footsteps.

Someone gasped.

A lot of footsteps.

"NO!"

Suddenly Maki was hit by something.

Something with much greater mass and force than she could have imagined.

She inhaled sharply.

"STOP!"

Oh my god… did she just…

Honoka's perspective

"Honoka."

Honoka felt herself bordering on hysteria and panic.

"We were wrong - I was wrong. About everything. I don't know what you want from me and I don't know if you need anything from me… frankly, I don't know anything."

Maki slowly got down on her knees and sat back on her heels.

What is she doing? Why is she here? W-what's going on here?

"But that's why I will listen. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel the way I've made you feel. I want to know everything you're willing to tell me."

Tell you? You're the ones that told me. Told me about me. Why change now?

Maki leaned forward, putting her hands down on the floor in front of her and facing straight down.

"I want you to hurt me. Because I deserve all of it."

Hurt you? I couldn't possibly find a way hurt you the way you've hurt me!

Maki leaned farther forward, resting her forehead on the floor.

"I miss you and I love you! All of you, Honoka… Yukiho… Arisa… I'm s-sorry for everything and… I… just want… t-to see you ag-gain…"

Love me? How dare…. You're sorry?! Like sorry makes up for years of suffering you… you… YOU...

"You."

Honoka was getting worked up, unsure of what feeling it was that she was actually feeling.

"aaaAAA YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

Honoka's voice was nearly a shrill and surprised even herself. But it didn't matter. The floodgates were opening.

I don't know you anymore. How dare you call me by MY name! And my sister and Arisa! As if you know anything about us.

Honoka couldn't stand still any longer. There was so much going on in her head and she still wasn't sure what it was that she was feeling. It was pain, it was anger, it was hurt, it was love, it was irritation, it was panic, it was hysteria. Everything was wrong. She wasn't thinking any more, only doing. She couldn't stop .

What's going on here… what am I… why is this happening to me?

Should I have? Wait - wait, this needs to slow down… I can't… god, these stupid memories of her and this girls… AAAAHH WHY IS SHE HERE?

Was I okay here? Maybe, who knows? No. Never. I'll never be okay any more. I'm only okay without you, Maki! WITHOUT YOU, MAKI! YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE!

"AAAAHH WHY? Why did you come? Why are you here? WHY aren't you answering me?! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY SOMETHING YOU COWARD!"

Looking back, Honoka would always say she had no clear memory of what happened next. The next moments flowed through the reality of her mind like a flooded river powerfully flows through a wide riverbed.

As she suddenly stopped pacing, her hands kept moving, searching. Finally they found what they were looking for and seized upon it.

Is this it? Is this the end?

It felt… heavier than she thought it would be. It felt solid, like a tree trunk. It felt like something that could forever end the pain she was exuding, the horror she was experiencing.

I just… I wanted to feel loved…

It surged with power. The power to destroy the intruder.

Is this love? Am I giving it as much as I've taken it?

In both hands it was effortlessly raised above her head.

Oh, Maki.

Someone gasped.

"NO!"

A lot of footsteps.

"STOP!"

Suddenly Honoka was hit by something.

Something with much greater mass and force than she could have imagined.

She inhaled sharply.

Oh my god… did she just…

Yukiho's perspective

"Honoka."

Yukiho stopped listening.

She couldn't listen. All she could do was stare at her older sister, her lover, and try to understand what was happening.

Honoka looked at… Maki… Maki! She was here! How? Why? What was happening?

Honoka's face was scary. It was like she was calculating the best way to defend herself from an wolf that had suddenly appeared in her own house.

"I miss you and I love you! All of you, Honoka… Yukiho… Arisa… I'm s-sorry for everything and… I… just want… t-to see you ag-gain…"

Maki… you came all the way here…

"You."

Honoka snapped. Yukiho could see it and could only brace herself for what was about to happen. She'd only seen it one other time - the night of the reunion concert when Eli had said those things on TV.

That night Honoka snapped and we were too afraid to do anything… she just… left herself…

"aaaAAA YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

There it was. The same sounds that came out that night many years ago. It was here again and now… now… what was going to happen?

Nishikino? Have you ever called her that, Honoka? What's going on in your head… why can't we just… listen… or talk…

We? Wait, what does she mean 'we' when she's talking? Honoka, we are us, but we've never spoken for each other like this before. I know you're protecting us from life but…

No. Honoka we can't do that. We're past that, aren't we? We gave up those regrets and should-haves when we left. We decided to start again and try to begin a new life.

But…

Why can't she be a part of it?

Why do we have to be alone?

Why can't we try?

But you are. This isn't anger about mom and dad, it's anger at eight girls who made a mistake.

Why couldn't we leave that behind too?

"AAAAHH WHY? Why did you come? Why are you here? WHY aren't you answering me?! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY SOMETHING YOU COWARD!"

Yukiho saw Honoka stop her frantic pacing around the room and reach for-

Oh god… no… Honoka…

Don't…

Yukiho gasped.

She ran.

She took a straight line.

"NO!"

She ignored that word and did the only thing she felt strongly about right now.

I'm sorry Maki!

She threw herself on top of Maki and screamed.

"STOP!"

Arisa's perspective

"Honoka."

Maki…

Maki, how did you get here? How did you know? How did you find out?

Arisa couldn't listen. Of all the people that could have come, this was the worst.

Nishikino Maki.

Her sister's girlfriend. The girl that protected her from her sister when she was dating Honoka. The girl that stood up for her when Eli and Arisa had fights and dragged the older sister away so they wouldn't continue their verbal battles. A softening force between two angry girls.

This girl. The girl who was always trying so hard to make Eli a better woman and… failing… but not noticing... because Eli found a way to make it all her fault…

Maki…

I guess… I guess it had to be you, didn't it?

"I miss you and I love you! All of you, Honoka… Yukiho… Arisa… I'm s-sorry for everything and… I… just want… t-to see you ag-gain…"

Maki… you've always been the best girl in Muse, haven't you? For all I love Honoka, you've done more for my sister than… probably anyone…

"You."

Honoka snapped.

Arisa was now looking directly at Honoka. It was happening again. It was like that night.

This… could be bad.

"aaaAAA YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

This is bad.

Whoa, Honoka. Where did that come from?

I… I'm still happy, Honoka. Don't you see? They can't take away our happiness any more. We left that behind, right? We gave up those feelings. We're different than we were.

We're… new. We're us.

You don't mean that, Honoka. You're too nice for that. You might say it, but you'd never mean it because you can't be mean. That's why this right now isn't you.

This isn't you.

So why are you doing this? Don't let your anger for your past overcome your love for us now, Honoka.

Are you? Aren't we? Honoka, this isn't right. We need to talk…

"AAAAHH WHY? Why did you come? Why are you here? WHY aren't you answering me?! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY SOMETHING YOU COWARD!"

This has to stop. Listen to her.

Let's talk.

Let all of us talk and listen and try again…

Arisa stepped towards Honoka. She opened her mouth to say something and help settle her down.

Smoothly and suddenly, Honoka reached out to grab-

No.

No, Honoka.

NO, HONOKA.

Yukiho gasped.

Arisa ran.

We're ending this.

She took a straight line.

"NO!"

She yelled that word louder than she'd ever yelled anything in her life.

Because you'll never forgive yourself.

"STOP!"

Arisa heard Yukiho scream and move swiftly towards the prone Maki.

Thank you, Yukiho.

I'm sorry, Honoka. This will hurt.

With all the force she could muster she slammed herself into Honoka, wrapping her arms around the waist of her lover and driving her onto the floor of the apartment.

I'm sorry, Honoka.

But now you won't hurt.

Now you'll heal.