I nodded weakly, I was so tired. So as the exhaustion closed around me once more I couldn't help but notice that as Jace held me closely, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back, his smell surrounding me, his breath whispering into my ears and his taste on my tongue, that my tight little ball of pain was gone.

CPOV

I woke up slowly, relishing the feel of a good nights rest. It had been too long since I had slept peacefully, no nightmares or obscene dreams to wake me and send me demon hunting.

The sunlight was bright in my room, catching the floating dust particles in the air. Wait- why I in my room... I'm supposed to be in the Infirmary. I thought. That's when last night came back to me. The cuts, memories, kisses... Jace. I had fallen asleep in his arms, and he had bought me here?

I shifted slightly, hoping to get out of bed, get some breakfast and avoid Jace. A wayward curl was irritating me, tickling my cheek. I moved my hand to brush it aside when I noticed... It wasn't one of my curls.

I turned slowly, almost frozen in fear, panic and pure hope. They all won. Jace was lying next to me, his hand folded underneath his face which was cuddled into my shoulder. He was still fully dressed and I could see the dark circles under his eyes.

I moved slowly, not wanting to wake him. He needed the sleep. You just don't want to deal with the consequences my heart accused. I slipped out of the covers, the cold air chilling me, quickly wishing I was still in bed. I moved slowly to my dresser pulling out yoga pants and tight fitting tee.

I moved into the bathroom, putting on the shower and brushing my teeth. After relaxing into the hot water, its boiling pellets raining down on me. I got out and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel. I felt so good to be able... To stand, talk, shower. I changed quickly, my stomach growling from the lack of food. I had no idea how long it had been since I had had a full meal.

Maybe I should stop by Taki's for breakfast... I thought while throwing my towel in the hamper and heading out. I stopped dead at the sight of Jace... Sitting up in my bed looking straight at me.

My breathing hitched automatically and my hand went to my waist for a seraph blade. Instead all I got was skin... The yoga pants were low riding... Very, very, low riding.

His graze followed my hand, moving back to my face with a sceptical eye brow. He raised from the bed.

"Clary..."

I cleared my throat unsure of how to respond.

"Uhm... Yeah?" Was my brilliant response.

"Where you going?" Jace sounded curious, but also a little suspicious.

"Why do you care Jace?" I asked, exasperated that he could sit in my bed and still act like he was in charge of me.

He sighed out loud, running his hands through his hair. The hair I had been running my hands though last night.

"Clary... We need to talk about last night... About us."

"Oh really, Jace? What about last night? What about us? Because as far as I'm concerned last night was a mistake and there is no us anymore." I knew I was being more harsh than necessary, but I couldn't handle this right now. I needed some perspective.

I saw his eyes fill up with hurt and I expected the mask to come on... His ego to swell up in defence. Instead he just cleared his throat and said, "Clary... Come on, let's talk about it... Please. Can we just talk? Nothing more. Please?" His voice cracked on the last word and I could feel my wall faltering.

I sighed, "Fine..."

He smiled, a full on grin that made my heart stop and my head scream breathe!

I moved towards the door, grabbing a hairband and my wallet.

"Wait, where are you going Clary?"

"Taki's Jace! I'm going to Taki's. Anything else you need to know mother?"

He huffed, "I'm coming with you."

I turned to him wide eyed, he could not be serious. "Jace what the hell! I'm going to Taki's! I don't need a body guard."

"Yes you do Clary," he said, the arrogant tone back. He hopped off the bed and started to put on his shoes.

I stood there gaping at his rudeness. He stood up and walked towards me. I immediately took a step back, a reaction I had learned in order to stay a safe distance from him.

He stood still, gazing at me and my reaction. He took a small step forward, "I'm not going to hurt you Clary..."

I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, this was all too much! He couldn't act like everything was okay. It wasn't. I could feel the tears welling and my throat getting tight. I tried to get a grip on myself.

"But you always do Jace..."

JPOV

I was in the kitchen looking for James to see what he wanted from Taki's. The parents and Alec would only be back in a few days from the Clave and where ever James was, Isabelle was.

I thought back to last night, when the kitchen was a lit with moon light. Clary had stood in front of me. Her blood red curls tainted with white and her eyes wide and green. She had been peeling apples and had cut herself. But she had just stared at the cut, watching the blood drip to the floor. I had finally got her attention, holding her hand in mine.

The usual spark still emanated from our touch and I had such a feeling of rightness. That's when I saw her wrist... the cut on her thumb forgotten. She had a faint scar along the base of her wrist. So faint that the moon light was the only thing that illuminated the different shade of skin.

"Clary, why did you do this to yourself?" I had asked, so over come by confusion as why Clary, the happy go lucky girl would try cut herself. A part of me knew that she wasn't that person when she had done it, but I still couldn't believe it.

Then she had gone and thought I as talking about the small, stupid cut on her thumb. When I had asked her again, she didn't reply and I got angry, pissed that she wasn't telling me. Why had she done this, why had she hurt herself.

Her answer... Me.

I had driven her to hurt herself, to cut herself. I was the reason. It was me. I may as well have been the person to hold the knife to her skin.

I couldn't wrap my brain around it. I felt the guilt wash over me, that I had hurt the girl of my dreams, my girl, to the point that the depression and hatred that she felt had made her hurt herself.

That's when I had kissed her. I couldn't help but want to make sure that she was here, she was with me. Still with me, and with her here I could fix things. I could get her back. She could be mine again, we could be so happy, we would soar together.

And that's what the kiss had felt like, her taste sourish with apple had invaded my mouth and I felt her moan slowly. Her fingers running through my hair, and my hand cradling her cheek. Her lips were so soft and warm. It felt like I was coming home, I could have lived my whole life in that position. My lips against hers and my hands on her, and she on me.

But then she had started crying, the salty liquid had come between our lips tainting our kiss with pure sadness.

I had pulled away, trying to comfort her, to say sorry... That I loved her but she stopped me, saying she wasn't ready to hear my declaration of love for her. That she needed time. I had been disappointed but agreed, I would have agreed to anything.

She had fallen asleep in my arms, sighing softly when I picked her up. Moving her to her room, I had laid her softly on her bed. She had clung to me, not letting go of my waist. I kicked off my shoes and joined her. As soon as I was settled, right next to her, my fingers caressing her cheeks and her head on my shoulder I fell into a blissful sleep, knowing my Clary was with me.

CPOV

I was sitting at Taki's trying to look anywhere but at Jace. I stared at the menu, even though we had already ordered.

The walk here had been awkward enough, neither of us saying anything. We had left my room quickly after I had gotten a hold of my feelings. He said nothing about the break down and carried on like it had never happened. James had told Jace what he wanted and I couldn't find Ash so I had ordered for him.

"Listen Clary..." Jace started.

"No Jace... You listen I need to get this off my chest," I interjected, a sudden urge to just tell it all and get it over with because I really couldn't live with this edging around each other any more. I need something solid and clarified, a relationship of sorts with rules and boundaries so I didn't feel like I was floating in the middle.

He nodded and gestured for me to continue.

"Jace... I know I hurt you when I had a moment with Ash. I understand, but I need you to know that you hurt me by a tenfold, and that I really felt like I had no reason to live anymore." He drew in a deep breath while I continued, tears welling up in my eyes. "That lasted a little while, afterwards I just felt angry. Angry that you acted as if everything was normal and that nothing had happened. It irked me that you dismissed what we had, what I had done, what you had done so easily and I withdrew. But I tried Jace, I tried so hard to get over you, to let the hatred I felt take over... But I couldn't." I took a deep breath as a few tears spilt onto my cheeks, "I couldn't get over you Jace. My heart still beats faster when you enter the room. My breathing increases when ever you step too close and I think that's what I hated the most. That after all you did to me... I still... I still," but I couldn't say it.

I quickly wiped away the traitor tears and sucked in the cool oxygen. I had confessed so much, too much. I sneaked a look at Jace and was taken aback. He was staring at me, amazed.

"Clary... I'm so sorry! You have no idea how long I wanted to say that, to tell you I was sorry. That I had been an asshole and was just trying to make you understand so we could move on. I'm sorry. But, but Clary I still love-,"I held my breath at his declaration hoping he would stop, but he ploughed on.

"I still love you and you may not want to hear it but it's true Clary. What you saw between Gabriella and me was nothing! I mean she came to tell me about her wedding, to invite me to it! I just... Clary I just want you back. I want to feel whole again and just-just love you," He finished slowly looking me in the eyes. He had grabbed my hand half way through his apology and it felt so warm and comfortable.

I looked up at him, unsure of how to respond but I already felt better, his words were slowly sinking in. How he was sorry, and that he loved me and that Gabriella was married – or soon to be. My heart soared at all these pieces of news. I had heard what I had wanted, an apology. He had meant it and he wanted me back, to love me and hold me and kiss me.

So when he said, "Clary? Clary sweetheart will you take me back? Please? I mean we can start from the beginning. Earn back the trust and take it slowly. Please, please Clary... Will you come back?"

I felt myself nodding, my head shouting in anger and my heart singing in delight, because I was going to start again. Afresh with Jace. That felt good, I felt whole knowing that we agreed to be back again.

I couldn't take this too fast, though I reminded myself. He would have to work hard to earn my trust back, to take away the hurt and to heal the wound. Even though it sounded stupid, and my pride was extremely wounded, if Jace wanted me back... I would be back.

My pride and dignity continued to shout profanities at me and I quickly second guessed myself. I looked at Jace, he was staring at me, unsure of my nod.

"Yeah Jace, let's start over," His face broke into a huge grin so I smiled as he embraced me, placing a kiss in my hair and leaning down for a proper one. I quickly darted back, his grin fell and a puzzled look took over his face.

"Slowly Jace..." I reminded. Then quickly added, "and as friends... We need to start as friends." We needed to take this slowly, one step at a time, to heal our relationship.

He nodded, looking down sorely disappointed, but I was not going to give up my everything for him just yet. He had lost that right earlier and we would have to see if he ever got it back.

My heart, head and pride all seemed to agree on this compromise, so as the steaming pile of food was served between us, the warm smell of coconut pancakes filled the air I smiled shyly at Jace, who smiled back at me and I felt calm for once, knowing that that my life was starting anew, and maybe I would heal.

A/n: So this was a very tough chapter to write. I had such a writers block and had so many ideas on what to do after this... But not how to write this :P . Anyway hope I did it justice. Thanks for reading! And for all the reviews! Also to my lovely beta Namington!

Click review ;) :)