DISCLAIMERS

1. I DO NOT OWN JURASSIC PARK/WORLD. This is just for fun.

2. This is a femslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this.

PART 11

Claire felt awful. But trying to pinpoint the main reason was difficult, to say the least.

She had gotten almost no sleep the previous night. Instead, she simply lay in her hotel bed, numbly staring at the cold, empty side next to her. She had tried desperately not to yearn for her heart's desire to be laying beside her, to be sharing her bed... but that was impossible. The image of Lex Murphy resting opposite her refused to leave Claire's imagination.

Because she had next to no slumber, Claire's latest "chat" with the CIA was a shambles. Answering in monosyllables, more often that not just mumbling incomprehensibly; Claire just wanted to crawl under a rock. It did not help that it was the same questions, over and over again. Surely they had enough information? What more could be gained from asking the same things repeatedly? Maybe Claire's lethargic reactions today would be a blessing in disguise and the CIA would finally give up and let her go.

She also felt terrible about how she treated Owen. She did exactly what she wanted to avoid: used him as a crutch. Of course, it could be argued she did that anyway during the brief resumption of their relationship; but that was under different circumstances. Claire honestly thought she would never see Lex again, and it was best to try and work things out with Owen. But lastnight was different - she tried to spark things with Owen again with Lex back... and that was unthinkable. Claire felt disgusted with herself, but why? For treating the ex-Raptor handler so poorly, obviously - but also, of course, for nearly betraying Lex.

Which was ridiculous! They were not together anymore! Claire was well within her rights to move on with her life and be in a relationship, and she knew Owen loved her. But she just could not. Not with Lex around again. All the feelings of guilt she tried to dampen - which she failed to do anyway, as she still broke up with Owen! - came rushing back with the beautiful blonde once more in her life. And Claire could never deny she still loved her with all her heart.

And that, probably above all, was the final reason Claire felt awful. She was still utterly connected emotionally with Lex. She clearly had no self-respect left whatsoever. Lex had hurt her so much when they parted after their wonderful week together, that it should have been easy to hate the woman. But it was beyond Claire: she desperately wanted to be with Lex, even now. Despite what happened between them, despite her words and bravado, Claire wanted nothing more than to be in Lex's arms again, to feel her body against hers, to kiss her perfect lips...

Was pride that important... ?

Before fresh tears could be shed, she heard a knock on her door. "Claire, can I come in?"

The ex-OM rushed to the door and hastily opened it, revealing her visitor. "Oh, Owen," she gasped. "Look, I... I'm so, so sorry about... last... " She gulped. "I feel terrible. There's no excuse... "

Owen took a deep breath. "I understand," he said, but Claire could tell it was strained.

"No, you don't," she said resolutely. "But... you need to." She took his hand and led him fully into the room. "What I did was unforgivable. I, I... "

His face softened considerably as he stroked her arms. "You don't have to explain, Claire."

"Yes I do," she continued. "I felt awful. I felt weak. I needed to be strong again, I needed support. And I needed to know I didn't need... Lex." Tears threatened to fall again. "So I... I tried to... I thought we could... " Her voice caught. "Owen, I'm so sorry."

"You really love her, don't you?" he asked. It was not an accusation.

Claire hung her head. "It doesn't matter. I won't be toyed with. Just because the park's gone, she can't just come back a... "

"Claire, stop it," Owen interrupted. "The fact is - the park is gone. Whether that was or wasn't keeping you two from being together is irrelevent now."

Keeping her gaze down, Claire took a gulp of air. She decided not to repeat herself from yesterday and continue to give reasons why she could not so readily forgive Lex: it would only hurt Owen more, perhaps fill him with false hope. And with that thought, she looked up again. "Owen, you saved me, you saved my nephews, you saved everyone. I'll never forget that. And I do love you. But not... " Unable to finish, she knew he understood. Claire braced herself for the last part. "I don't... can't... " She grit her teeth. "We can't be." She stifled a sob, hating herself for the pain she knew she was causing him. But he deserved a proper relationship, and that was something she could never give him. "I'm sorry."

His eyes were closed, and her self-hate increased tenfold. She would not be surprised if he stormed out and she never saw him again. What he did do, however, shocked her. Opening his eyes, he smiled softly, though she could tell it was a struggle. "It's OK, kiddo," he whispered, before softly kissing her on the forehead. He then left, as tears flowed freely down Claire's cheeks...

TO BE CONTINUED