The fluorescent light and the white of the walls burned his eyes and made him want to wince.

Except -

Except to do that he'd have to stop glaring at Arthur and that was non negotiable, no matter how pathetic and pity inducing the man looked curled between the toilet and the sink.

"Were you ever going to tell me, Arthur? I had to find out that from fucking Leon who accused me of leaving you here alone! Accused me of breaking up with you because of this! Here's the thing Arthur. I didn't know you were even here! Why was that, Arthur?"

"S'not a good time Merlin..."

Merlin raked his hands through his hair. No it probably wasn't a good time, but was there any good time to find out something like this? He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to reign in the fiery beast that seemed to have taken up residence in his gut.

"When did you find out, Arthur? Before or after?"

The man looked up listlessly and then sighed.

"What do you want me to say? You know the answer."

"I want you to say it! And then - then tell me why - why you would hide something like this from me?"

Arthur sighed.

"Before - I found out before. The day before I met you in the cafe."

Merlin sighed and sunk down to the floor his feet splayed out in front of him, his head buried in his hands, looking odd and out of place in his dark suit and skinny green and silver tie with that ridiculous dragon clip that Arthur had bought him for his birthday last year.

He looked wrecked and when he spoke next it was in a voice that was small and confused, and so unbearably young sounding that it hurt Arthur to hear it.

"Why? Why did you believe that breaking up with me was the answer?" He lowered his face, his chin hitting his chest, black curls sprayed messily across his forehead. "Did you really think so little of me as to believe that I would leave you over this? Or, did you not lie, do you really not love me anymore?"

Arthur groaned and sat up until he was leaning against the wall, his pajama clad legs brushing up against Merlin's', hands finding each other, their palms sweaty and slick and warm against each others.

"I lied, m'sorry. I couldn't be a burden, refused to be, your carrier is just taking off and i - i just couldn't."

"Arthur...you're not - oh Arthur..."

He brushed his knuckles against Arthur's face, the man's skin clammy and slightly warm. Eyes blue as ever and in that moment Merlin wanted nothing more than to kiss him, kiss him and right this nightmare that they'd found themselves in.

"Arthur, you're no burden, i could never think of you like that."

Arthur scooted closer then until they were hip to hip and Arthur pulled Merlin's head down until it rested on his shoulder. It was quiet and Merlin took the moment to run his hands through Arthur's locks and to kiss his forehead, while the snake of fear and the dragon of fury calmed and dissipated back to the depths they came from.

Finally Arthur sighed and nuzzled his face into Merlin's neck, any tension that had remained gone, leaving him slack limbed and yawning and feeling a little less like death and more death warmed over.

"You alright?"

Arthur hummed in response and Merlin chuckled.

"Come on, Arthur. Lets get you back to bed."

Arthur frowned and shook his head while burying his face deeper into Merlin's shoulder. The idiot smelled nice, like shampoo and axe deodorant and something spicy, almost like Mexican food and - and he smelt like home.

He only realizes Merlin's speaking when he feels the rumble of his voice against his cheek. He hummed again and shifted until he was laying his head in Merlin's lap, his face buried in the cloth againat the dark haired mans stomach.

"Come on Arthur. Bed. Even a hospital bed is better than the floor. Come on up."

"M'sick. Feel sick."

Merlin's quiet for a moment but he doesn't stop running his hands through Arthur's hair, nails bitten down to the stub massaging his scalp, making him more tired then before, something that shouldn't be physically possible.

He hummed and Merlin begins to speak again.

"What that weird shaped bucket thing is for. What they probably told you to use in the first place. Come on, bed. If you don't get up now I'll carry you, neither of our backs need to spend the night on the floor."

"You can't carry me. You're too - too tiny."

Arthur groaned then and climbed to his feet and when he wobbled Merlin quickly ducked under his arm and Arthur melted into his side. The two stumbled out of the bathroom and Merlin pulled back the scratchy white blanket while Arthur climbed in before smoothing it down across the other mans' body.

Merlin was already turning, already making plans to hunt down coffee and cataloging who he needed to call when a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, the hold weak but steady and warm.

"Stay."

Something inside Merlin melts.

"Okay," Because he doesn't need coffee that much, and he could make calls after Arthur fell asleep. "Okay. I'm not going anywhere, Arthur."

Arthur hummed, the sound soft with sleep and curled up on his side, his eyes closed.

"M'sorry for lying. You'll stay with me?"

Somehow Merlin knows they're not talking about the night he was already planning on spending in the little hard plastic chair.

"Cancer swancer. We're Arthur and Merlin, nothing can separate us. I won't leave because you tried to be noble. You're stuck with me for a long time coming. Deal with it."

Arthur chuckles and slides closer to the edge of the bed, the sheets rustling with his every movement until there is a spot big enough for Merlin to slide into.

"Just hold me?"

Merlin does.