"I knew I should have brought Jasper," Emmett grumbled on the way home. "He doesn't get guilt trips about hunting."

I was silent. To my credit, I didn't cease hunting; I couldn't if I was going to be near Bella.

But I didn't like it. The blood, while sustaining me, suddenly was akin to taking medicine and I was a child that had to be coaxed into it. I felt guilty about ruining Emmett's fun, though I knew he would forget about it soon enough.

I sighed as I looked into his thoughts. He had already forgotten, in his eagerness to be with Rosalie.

It was a slight annoyance, being privy to his thoughts , having to shut them out when they got too graphic. I had enough trouble keeping control, I didn't need Emmett putting thoughts into my head.

I had enough of them already.

We were nearing our home. It was run down when Esme first purchased it. She still was making renovations to it, making it better than it was. Of all the places we lived, it was probably my favorite. There was a feeling of stability to it, probably stemming from the fact that we had lived there as long as we had.

Alice came out to greet me, bouncing down the stairs as she did so.

"Hey Edward!" Her enthusiasm was infectious, it truly was. There was something about her, something about her disposition that when you were near Alice suddenly you shared in her own personal sunlight.

"Alice," I said in greeting. "How are things?"

She rolled her eyes, understanding my meaning. "I'm fine, Edward, thanks for asking."

"Alice," I said.

"She's fine, Edward. In fact," she stopped, closing her eyes. A smile played on her face. "She's sitting under a tree, reading. Enjoying the sunlight."

The anxiety that I'd been holding since I watched her walk out of her car suddenly released itself, the weight I carried suddenly gone.

Alice allowed me in her head, letting me see Bella, reading as Alice said. She was radiant in the light, happy in her element. It suited her, the sun. Just as the darkness suited me.

"You've missed her," Alice said softly.

I looked at her, Alice-the person I identified the most with, the one I was closest to. I could never lie to her, she knew already the ending.

"Yes, I do," I said equally as softly, not wanting to relinquish my view of Bella.

"Go," Alice said, pushing me. "There is a tree that you'll be able to easily climb and see her and she won't be able to see you."

I lingered, wondering if I was missing something, some danger that in my eagerness I'd missed.

"There's nothing, Edward. Be selfish. Be happy."

I left, hugging my sister in gratitude, silently saying my thanks. She knew already of course.

I ran through the forest, careful that no one would see me. I couldn't risk exposure, it was hardly justifiable for me to even be lurking, much less in the sunlight.

I saw her, at least thirty yards away, happily reading in the sunlight.

I lurked, wanting so much to show myself to her, regardless of the consequences. Instead I found the tree in Alice's mind, the one that would bring me close enough to her to inhale her scent, to be able to see her quickly, but out of her sight.

In the shadows.

I was curious as to what she was reading. I realized I knew nothing about her-not the frivolous things that weren't so frivolous upon thought-things like what her favorite book was, her favorite color. Trivial things that made up a personality.

Jane Austen. Bella seemed to be the kind to appreciate Ms. Austen's works. She would like the dry wit, the romance.

She sighed, flipping from Sense and Sensibility to Mansfield Park, only to mutter a few minutes later, "too close."

I wondered what she meant, too close. The superego in me thought that she meant me, that I was too close. I was, I was too close on so many different levels-too close to falling, too close to losing all reason, too close to be anything but a harm to Bella.

She sighed, placing the book down, content to just enjoy the sunlight. She titled her head up, thirsting for the warmth the sun gave her. Her eyes were closed, if she had opened them she could have seen me, a demon lurking in the shadows, unable to leave her alone. She didn't, instead she let her hair billow out, letting herself fall asleep under the protection of the sun.

Bella belonged in the sun. She was sustained by the warmth, the light, it enhanced her, she enhanced it. I was a creature of darkness, to be with me would be to reject the sun, reject the one thing she clearly enjoyed and missed.

I continued to watch her until the sun started to fall, until her father made his way home. His thoughts were more simple, betraying the concerns of a father, the concerns of a person reaching middle aged, ready for the twilight. He wondered if he should have called her before he left, just to make sure that she was OK, that she hadn't hurt herself. He wondered if he would find her with a broken ankle, from tripping down the stairs. Or perhaps a burnt hand from making dinner.

His thoughts became more depressing, thinking of the possibility that one day he would find Bella gone, just like her mother. A note on the door and her truck gone, taking her back to Phoenix. I knew immediate that was Chief Swan's worst fear, that the worst day in his life would have to be lived twice.

I felt sympathy for him, having to live in fear that his daughter, who he clearly loved deeply would leave him in the most painful way possible one day.

I had to leave. Soon he would wake her and I couldn't risk being seen by either of them.

I made my way back, thankful that I had the chance to see her, though still wishing for more.

The house was quiet when I came back, really just to say hello to Carlisle and Esme, for I wanted to get back, to watch Bella in her sleep. I wondered if she would say anything more-specifically if she would say my name again.

Esme was busy painting. She had set up a studio a year ago, finding that she took a lot of pleasure in painting.

I went into her studio, hoping that she wouldn't mind that I would interrupt her,

"Hello, Edward. Welcome back," she greeted me as I came in.

"It's good to be back."

She smiled. "Emmett arrived sometime ago."

"I was, er," it sounded rather foolish to say that I was essentially stalking Bella.

"You were with Bella."

"Yes, did Alice tell you?"

Esme laughed. "No, you tend to become uncharacteristically tongue-tied whenever it is something involved with Bella." 'It's cute.'

"Cute?" I questioned.

"Yes. It's so lovely to see someone falling in love."

"Unrequited."

Her smiled widened as she set down her brush. "I doubt it, Edward."

I wouldn't be able to dissuade her, in truth I didn't want to.

"Is Carlisle here?" I asked.

Esme shook her head. "There was an emergency at the hospital, they were short staffed and asked him to come in."

I noticed a note of sadness in Esme's voice, realizing that Carlisle's day off was today. Their schedules were busy, but they made sure that spent at least part of the day together. They had eternity, yet the still needed every single day.

I left her to her work after saying that I was stepping out for a minute. A look into her thoughts told me that she already knew that I was going to see Bella and that she approved.

I went in, easily opening the window she'd left unlocked. The sky was still clear, Bella lay untroubled in her sleep. She must have just fallen asleep, as she hadn't started talking yet. I waited, I had time.

"Edward," she said, just as clearly as before. The warmth it brought me was just as potent as before.

She sighed, turning to her side.

I wished I could dream, as she could. To be able to work out my day, my problems, to be able to sort them and bring them to sanity. As a vampire I didn't need it, my mind clearer and sharper than any human's.

But still. I wanted to dream. To dream of her.

I left the house before Chief Swan awoke. Even in the early morning I knew it was going to be a clear day, a day that I would have to spend at home, since we couldn't be seen in the sunlight.

Another day without Bella.

I was irritated by the fact, though I knew it was going to be sunny, Alice had predicted it. Still, the foolish part of me hoped that she was wrong, though I knew better than to bet against Alice.

"Jeez, what's got you in such a mood?" Jasper asked me, suddenly cross.

"It's sunny."

"So? Usually you're happy to be away from the humans and the boredom."

The proverbial light bulb went off in his head.

"It's Bella. You're made because you won't get the chance to see her." 'Even though you spend every night with her.'

I couldn't deny the truth in his statement-I was upset that I couldn't see her.

I shrugged, heading upstairs to my room.

"Do us all a favor and just tell her how you feel, will you?" Jasper called to me irritably.

I went into Carlisle's library. If I was stuck in house arrest, then the least I could do was use my energies to try to figure out Bella.

I started with Jane Austen, since Bella seemed to enjoy her.

She had started reading Sense and Sensibility. Not one of my favorites, though I wasn't a fan of Jane Austen's work. There was something very simplistic about them-whatever conflict there was, was solved almost instantly.

I chose some music, classical that fit nicely as background music-some Faure piece that required little attention.

I smiled in spite of myself. The suitor in this book was named Edward. It had bothered Bella-upon her realization, she changed to Mansfield Park.

I looked, finding it on Carlisle's shelves. It probably belonged to Esme, though we all tended to add to Carlisle's collection.

The name of the main suitor was Edmund.

Too close.

Now it made sense.

It was interesting, learning the processes of someone, instead of simply just reading their minds. There was something rewarding about it, having to work through the labyrinth.

She thought about me. I was in her thoughts as much as she was in mine.

The realization was amazing, something so obvious I still didn't believe that it was true. It was so simplistic, so amazingly true and pure that I was reluctant to believe it.

I wanted to be with her-I had to be with her.

She was with Jessica Stanley. In Port Angeles.

If I could watch her outside and watch her sleep, how much more deviant was watching her in Port Angeles?

Besides, knowing Bella, she would need saving.