Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for your reviews and adds. Sorry I didn't update sooner, but the weather's been really nice where I live and I've been enjoying the warm up we've been having. Hopefully you guys won't hold that against me! I really am glad everyone is enjoying this story and you guys are awesome for all of your reviews. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Twilight series.
Chapter 11
"So it really is genetic?" I asked after several beats of silence between the two of us. We were sitting on the bed and hadn't left the bedroom for the last thirty minutes while Paul explained everything to me.
"Yeah," he said slowly as he watched my face carefully and took in my expression. I was pretty sure the expression on my face was one of utter confusion after Paul told me about the Quileute legends and the reason why quite a few of the young Quileute men shape shifted into wolves. Vampires.
Vampires actually existed but in a way that was a complete one-eighty of how they were in the movies and in most books. He wouldn't tell me much about them, but he said that he'd make sure that one never got near me. He told me that Sam, Jared, him, and a few others that I had yet to meet patrolled the reservation to keep their people safe from any potential threat, but that they didn't patrol as often as they used to as the threat wasn't as great as it used to be.
"Harper?" he asked and I turned my head to face him completely and he looked a little panic. I gave him a small smile and relief filled his eyes before I looked away from him and down at my clasped hands in my lap.
"Looks like we both had stories to tell," I said softly and his large hand reached out and covered both of my hands. I didn't look at him. I just unclasped my hands and laced the fingers of my right hand with his left before I rested my left hand on top of our joined hands.
"There's something else," he whispered.
"What's that?" I asked slowly as I turned my eyes to his.
"When you told me to stay away, you remember how awful you felt?" he asked and I nodded. "I felt that way too only, for the first day I didn't phase out of my wolf form. I was so upset that you'd pushed me away and it hurt so bad, I didn't know what to do." It dawned on me then that the wolf I heard howling loudly that day had been him.
"The wolf I heard howling was you," I said more or less to get confirmation and he nodded as he squeezed my hand.
"It felt like a knife in my chest when you pushed me away because . . .," he trailed off and sighed heavily before he closed his eyes. "I don't know how to say this right," he said softly as he opened his eyes and his dark eyes held mine. "I should probably have Emily or Kim talk to you about this part."
"Paul, what are you trying to say?" I asked and he let out a heavy breath and let go of my hand before he stood from the bed and ran his hand through his hair. "I think that if you can tell me that you shape shift into a giant wolf on occasion and that I can tell you how messed up I am, you can tell me whatever it is that has you like this."
He turned to face me and lowered his hands to his sides. He clenched his hands into fists as he looked at me, but I knew it wasn't because he was going to hit me. It was because he was frustrated and unsure of himself. His defense mechanism was anger when he was in a corner. I'd learned that from a few of the stories he had shared with me, but it wasn't anger that fueled his uncertainty. It was fear, and I could read it clear in his beautiful eyes. He was afraid to tell me what it was that had him so on edge, but it really couldn't have been that bad.
"I'm going to get Kim," he said as he turned around and I was quick to my feet. I rushed in front of him and put my hands on his hot skin, which I learned was an effect of his transformation.
"No, I don't want Kim to tell me whatever it is that has you like this," I said as I looked up at him and he unclenched his hands before he wrapped them around my wrists. Thankfully he didn't pull my hands from him, but I could tell he was thinking about it. "Obviously it's important and we've gotten pretty damn good at this communicating thing; so, why stop now?"
"Because . . . you'll take it in a way that I don't want you to," he said heavily.
"Paul, just tell me," I said and his grip tightened around my wrists, not enough to hurt me but enough to let me know he was desperate.
"Remember when I mentioned the whole 'imprint' thing?" he asked, referring to just minutes before when he explained the Quileute legend and the lives of the tribal warriors. He had quickly brushed over it, but an imprint was the warrior's other half. His soul mate.
"Yeah," I said slowly.
"You're my imprint," he whispered as his dark eyes held mine without wavering from them. His entire body was tense as he awaited my reaction.
"So," I started before I had to clear my throat of the sudden lump that had settled there. "So, the night at Sam and Emily's . . . when I ran into you and . . . and you looked at me like you did . . . it happened then, didn't it?" I finally got out and he gave me a small smile.
"When your eyes met mine it was instant," he said as he let go of my wrists and raised his hands to gently cup my face. "The second I looked into your eyes everything made sense, Harper. Every crazy turn my life took led me right to you." He spoke so softly to me as he ran his thumbs along my face that his words seemed to caress my mind. I broke myself free from the haze that surrounded me and pulled away from him. He looked hurt that I pulled away, but quickly masked the more vulnerable emotion.
"Then everything between us is because of imprinting. Everything between us is a lie?" I asked, my heart breaking a little at just the thought of him not feeling anything for me on his own free will. "It's just . . . magic. You don't like me just because. You like me because the wolf part of you drew you to me."
"It's nothing like that, Harper," he said as he took half a step closer but I held up my hands for him to stop and he did.
"Then tell me this," I said as I lowered my hands. "If it wasn't for the whole imprinting thing, would you have even looked twice at me?" He stared at me for the longest time before he closed the distance between us and placed his hands roughly on my upper waist as he pulled me closer to him. My hands once again found their way to his chest, but they were trembling a bit out of fear of what his answer was going to be.
"I'm not going to lie and tell you I would have loved you the second I saw you that night, but I would have eventually," he said, his eyes still holding mine. He was telling the truth. There was absolutely nothing in his eyes that hinted what he was saying was a lie. "It probably would have taken a lot longer for you to open up and it wouldn't have been until then that I saw just how perfect you really are."
"I'm not perfect, Paul," I said quickly and he smiled at me. That was the second time he had told me that I was perfect and the first time he said it, I had been too stunned to say anything. He had just kissed me senseless at that moment after all.
"Yes you are," he said.
"Sure okay," I said with a bitter laugh and a shake of my head.
"Before I met you, Harper, I wasn't . . . I wasn't the most pleasant guy. I had a few issues and I still have some, but all I have to do is think of your smile," he paused and raised his right hand to my face, gently cupping my jaw as he ran his thumb along my lower lip before settling his thumb on my cheek, "and it's like almost nothing can ruin my day." I believed him, and I felt bad. I felt bad because he imprinted on me. He would forever be connected to me, when he deserved someone so much better.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I looked up at him and he frowned.
"For what?" he asked.
"You deserve someone better than me, Paul," I said. "I'm damaged goods and I am only just learning who I am all over again." He shook his head as his grip on my waist tightened and he pulled me even closer, wrapping his arm around me completely as he tilted my head back with his right hand so I was looking up at him.
"Don't," he said tightly as he looked at me. My hands were pressed between our bodies, but I didn't have the courage to move them. His eyes were too intense for me to do much more than hold his gaze and breath; and I was barely doing the latter. "I won't let you even think that, Harper. We've both got things we need to work through and we can work through them together."
"If it wasn't for imprinting on me, when I told you about what happened to me, do you think you would still want to be with me?" I asked.
"That wouldn't make any difference even I didn't imprint on you, Harper," he said. "What happened doesn't change how I feel about you. You're still perfect, no matter what you say and think. You just are." Tears filled my eyes at his words and I fought to hold them back. I wanted to believe he was lying and just telling me what I wanted to hear, but I knew he wasn't; and it was very hard for me to believe that he really felt that way about me.
"Could you ignore the imprint if you wanted to?" I asked softly. My voice was barely audible to my ears and it shook a bit, but because of his keen senses I knew he heard me.
"Even if I could, I wouldn't; and I'm not going to live my life without you in it," he said. "I love you, Harper, battle scars and all." My breath caught in my throat when I heard him say those words to me and I didn't know what to do. I cared about him a great deal, but I wasn't ready to say those words back to him and by the look in his eyes he knew that. "I'm not expecting you to say it back. I only want you to know how I really feel," he whispered as he pressed his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes when his breath washed over my face and a lone tear rolled down my cheek. He wiped it away without a word and just held me close.
I didn't know what to think anymore, but I knew that I didn't want to be anywhere other than where I was at that very moment. Even though I should have pushed away and told him I couldn't possibly be what he wanted, I didn't. When I was around him it seemed like I all I wanted was to be with him and nothing else mattered. Words couldn't express what I was feeling, so, I slowly turned my head against Paul's and tilted my chin up so that my lips were a feather's touch from his. Just as I was about to close the centimeter between us, the door busted open. I jumped away from Paul a bit, but remained in his arms as a slightly frazzled looking Kim stood in the doorway.
"I'm sorry, but Jason's on his way and unless you want him to find you in a room with a half naked man, I suggest you join me in the kitchen. I've got it all set up so it looks like we've been busy all day," Kim said quickly and I looked from her to Paul.
"Go on," he urged. "Tell him that Kim came over and picked you up this morning so you could have a girls' day. I don't think he'd like the idea of you spending yet another day alone with me." I nodded and he kissed my temple before he looked back down at me. "You can't tell him about my secret," he whispered and I shook my head.
"I won't, I promise," I said. Even if I did, he probably would have thought I really did crack and send me off to some mental hospital.
"I'll see you later, Harper," he said before he smiled and quickly made his way past Kim and out of the house.
"Come on," Kim said as she took my hand. Surprisingly, I didn't flinch or start to panic at her touch. Apparently, Paul and Jason weren't alone in the comfort that physical contact now brought to me. I wiped at my eyes with my free hand as she pulled me into the kitchen. I was still a flustered from the events of the day as I threw on an apron and Kim carefully dusted it with flour before tying an apron around her slim waist. "You look like you've been busting your but in a kitchen all day, so, I thought this was as good as an excuse as any." I offered her a weak smile before we started making chocolate chip cookies.
Shortly after Paul and Jared had disappeared and Kim and I settled into a grove in the kitchen and already had a pan of cookies in the oven, there was a solid knock on the door. Kim shot me a look and I gave her a small smile before she wiped her hands on a towel and made her way out of the kitchen and to the front door. My heart was pounding hard in my chest when I heard Jason's voice followed by Kim's soft and reassuring tone.
"Sorry, Jason, I thought Harper could use a girls' day. I didn't mean to make you worry," Kim said as she led Jason into the kitchen and my older brother had scowl on his face as he looked at me and as Kim settled at the counter next to me.
"Hi Jason," I said with a weak smile but his scowl remained.
"Why did you turn your phone off?" he asked and I shook my head negatively.
"I didn't turn it off, I just don't get service out here," I said as I put another spoonful of dough onto the cookie sheet and Kim took the pan from the oven.
"Why didn't you at least call me to let me know you were okay? I woke up to a note saying you'd see me later and no phone call for nearly six hours," he said, hands on his hips. He had no idea how much he had grown to act like our dad over the last three years.
"I'm sorry, Jason, I guess I lost track of time," I said with a shrug. "Kim asked me to breakfast this morning and after breakfast she asked if I wanted to help her bake some cookies."
"She's been a great help," Kim said. "We made a bunch for a fishing trip Jared when on this morning and now we just started making some for her to bring home to you." Kim stuck the pan I just finished filling into the oven and Jason let out a breath as he lowered his hands from his hips and walked closer to me.
"I just worry about you, Harper," he said and I smiled.
"I'm fine, Jason," I said not only for his benefit but for Kim's. I glanced at her before I looked back my brother. "Really, I am." I knew she was concerned about more than just cookies and getting Jason to believe our lie. She was concerned about Paul and me; and just how I was taking to the news. I really was surprisingly fine, but I wasn't sure if everything had sunk in yet.
Jason and I had dinner with Kim and Jared once he returned from his 'fishing trip.' It had been a comfortable evening and while I helped Kim with the dishes, my thoughts kept turning to Paul and wondering where he was and what he was doing. During dinner I realized that despite everything I wanted to be with Paul. I wanted a relationship with him. I wanted a future with him. I wanted what I thought I could never have, but now it was right in front of me and I wasn't going to let it get away from me.
"I know it's a lot to take in all at once, Harper," Kim said softly as she handed me a plate to dry and I looked from the window above the sink and at her smiling face. I blushed because she caught me day dreaming.
"It is a bit, isn't it?" I asked and she laughed lightly and nodded her head. It was silent between the two of us for a few seconds before she spoke again.
"Harper," she said as I put the plate in the drying rack for it to sit with the other dishes to dry completely. "You're welcome to come and spend time with Emily and I any time you like. We could use another girl around here and I think Emily's going to need a few extra pairs of hands when she finally has the baby." I smiled at her and nodded my head.
"I'd like that," I said and she smiled in return before Jared walked into the kitchen and over to the fridge where he pulled a couple cans of soda from the fridge.
"Harper," he said and I looked at him after I dried the bowl Kim gave me. "Would you mind pulling the grill up closer to the house for me? It should be cool enough." I stared at him for a second before he grinned, winked at me, and walked out of the kitchen and back into the living room where he and Jason were watching the baseball game that was on that night. I looked at Kim and she laughed as she rolled her eyes.
"Go on, you'll find out why he sent you out there soon enough," she said before she took the towel and bowl from my hands. I frowned and slowly walked to the patio door and stepped out onto the deck of the house. I turned and closed the patio door behind me and when I turned around I nearly had a heart attack when I found Paul suddenly standing behind me.
"Good gracious, why don't you scare the living daylights out of me," I said as I put my hand to my chest and looked up at him only to see him grinning at me. "It's not funny," I said as I lowered my hand and he tried to sober up his face, but failed. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see if you were okay," he said as he took my hand and tugged on it for me to follow him. We walked down the steps of the porch and around the side of the house where we wouldn't be seen by anyone inside. The sun was still shining but it was lower in the sky and hidden behind the trees, however, the light glowed behind Paul as he stood in front of me and it looked like he was surrounded by a halo of light. He let go of my hand and I rested my body against the siding of the house while I looked up at him. "Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded my head.
"Yeah, I am," I said.
"Are we okay?" he asked and I found myself smiling.
"I'm not going to push you away if that's what you're worried about," I said and I literally saw his body relax as he moved closer to me, resting his hands on my hips.
"You look tired," he said gently and I sighed quietly as I tilted my head back and met his eyes.
"It's been a really long day," I said and he nodded as he sighed quietly. "Paul, are you sure you about this?" I knew what I wanted and even though I knew he wanted the same thing, I was still willing to give him an out.
"About what?" he asked with a small frown.
"Us," I said and his frown deepened. "Do you really think you'll be happy with me?" I asked and he closed the small distance between us to the point where his body heat overwhelmed me and my heart started to pound heavily and echo loudly in my ears.
"I know I'll be happy with you, Harper," he said. "Do you think you'll be happy with me?" he asked, throwing my question back at me.
"Paul, for three years I didn't know if I was ever going to feel the way I do when I'm with you," I said. "You came along and completely threw me for a loop. So, yes, Paul I think I will be very happy with you." His smile was blinding and he pulled me from where I rested against the house and crashed my body against his chest as his hands slid up to my upper waist. I raised my hands to his shoulders and looked up at him.
"I love you, Harper," he said deeply as his eyes held mine and I gave him a small smile before I brought my hands to his face and pulled his lips to mine. I couldn't say those words just yet, but I could show him how I felt and he was quick to respond as our lips melted together. He sighed against my lips and tightened his hold on me as he increased the pressure of his lips against mine.
As we kissed he gently pushed me back so I was pressed up against the house again and he brought a hand to my face as one of my hands slid down to his bare chest and the other found its way to his hair. He may have been able to change into a giant wolf and I may have had all sorts of issues, but when we were together none of it mattered to me. All that mattered was him and the feelings coursing through my body. In the end we really were perfect for each other; there was no fighting it and I didn't want to anyway.