i think right now, honestly, the most stressful thing i've ever encountered is the fact that i can't use the verb 'demanded' anymore for Demantoid because 'Demantoid demanded" or even worse, "Deman demanded" is the most redundant and terrible sentence i've ever laid eyes on

heads up because i want all you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals to be safe, there are some brief mentions of child abuse in this chapter. i don't go into detail but it is implied and briefly mentioned.

"Yeah. We're just imagining things," Demantoid said, trying to brush off her uneasiness.

Periodically, they both glanced over their shoulders, eyes darting around, muscles tensed.

"I like how we said it's gonna be fine but we keep periodically looking over our shoulders like we're gonna die," Demantoid said, trying to make light of the situation.

"Since I'm a peridot, would we be peridotically looking over our shoulders?" Dot said, grinning and making finger guns at Deman.

"I...," Demantoid said. "I'm leaving you here. Bye."

Dot stared at Demantoid before they both started laughing. A third voice joined in on their mirth.

A cold shiver ran down the two green gems' spines.

"I do love a good pun," said a soft whisper.

Dot instinctively pushed Demantoid to the ground and ran in no clear direction, sprinting into a park and then following a trail before finally running into the forest (which was quite possibly the most ridiculous decision Dot had ever made, hadn't she ever watched a horror movie?)

"What the fuck?!" Demantoid yelled, getting to her feet and running after Dot. "Dot! Dot, what the hell!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Dot yelped, still running. "Look, Demantoid, it was- it was just instinct! Survival of the fittest, my guy!"

"You're a jerk, Dot!" Demantoid yelled.

"Sorry!" Dot yelled again.

Dot slowed her pace somewhat, so Demantoid could catch up to her.

"It's so late," Dot said.

"Yeah, well," Demantoid. "It's your fault for running out all the way to the Kindergarten and now we have to run all the way back!"

"Sorry that I'm doing my best to do my part in saving the world!" Dot fired back.

"We both know that it has nothing to do with that!" Deman yelled. "We both know exactly what you were looking for! Or should I say who exactly you were looking for?!"

"Wow!" Dot said. "Yelling! Accusations! Leaves!" Dot picked up a bunch of leaves off the ground and threw them around. "This had nothing to do with Nepheline, you know! I genuinely wanted to help out! I was trying to see what we were up against! To see if they were like, training them to kill everything around them or something! I just wanted to check out the enemy! Or.. the enemy.. and a bunch of people I knew that are all contributing to this disorienting hellish nightmare that I just found out about last afternoon when I came home after being spiritually dead and saw you on the couch! As far as I am concerned, you are a bad omen, Demantoid! You're tearing our family apart! You're making us swear and drink!"

"I'm pretty sure you guys were doing that before I ever showed up," Demantoid said.

"Shut up!" Dot said.

Demantoid glared at Dot, opening her mouth.

"No, I mean it," Dot hissed. "We're in the middle of a forest and it's 1 in the morning. We're being stalked. Look, I'm not trying to be that gem, but, I'm like, half-waiting for Slenderman to show up. Just sayin'."

Demantoid looked around. "I agree," she said nervously. "Who's Slenderman?"

The green gem rolled her eyes. "Wow," she said. "Can't believe a murderer is afraid of a little stalker."

Demantoid gritted her teeth. "There's no need for you to be petty because I called you out," she shoved Dot a little. "How do we get out of this forest?"

Dot gave her a blank expression.

"Dot," Deman said.

"Umm," Dot said, staring at the sky and then at the ground. "Well," she said slowly.

"Dot, you know the way out, don't you?" Demantoid said, forcing herself to be calm.

"It's so dark," Dot squeaked. "I can't see anything,"

Demantoid ran a hand through her hair. "Dot," she said as patiently as possible. "You have a gem on your friggin forehead," she continued. "See, if I was to light up my gem we'd be seeing the world through my knee, and I don't know what you think but I think that's a terrible idea and the light wouldn't be at our eye level-"

"I get it!" Dot interrupted, rolling her eyes. She set her gem aglow, and they could faintly see their surroundings, everything awash in a green light. "Speaking of your knee," she said suddenly. "How do you walk if your gem's on your knee? How does the joint work?"

Demantoid looked irritated. "Dot, stop talking."

"Are you gonna kill me?" Dot gasped delicately. "Oh dear!"

"I will," said Deman. "I really will, if you don't stop talking."

"Another strike on your criminal record will be bad news, Demantoid," Dot warned.

"Why are you even talking about this?" Demantoid asked.

"Just proving that everybody has a little bit of emotional baggage," Dot said solemnly.

"Little bit of emotional baggage?" Deman repeated incredulously. "Dot, I killed somebody," she said. "With my own bare hands," she continued. "I really... really don't think.. that's really the same thing as being emo and in a stage of permanent teenage angst for ten thousand years just 'cause my girlfriend died."

"Hey! Whoa!" Dot said, whirling around. "Unfair! Take that back!"

"Okay," Demantoid said. "It's okay to mourn, but-"

"No! I mean- you did not kill that gem with your bare hands! You used a dagger!"

"Ugh," Demantoid groaned. "At least you're not denying it."

"I'm not emo, I'm punk," Dot muttered. "Okay? There's a difference."

"Shut up, Dot."

"We're gonna die in a forest and I'm gonna talk as much as I want," Dot said.

"Okay," Demantoid said. "Look, sweetheart, if you keep talkin' like that, well sure, we're gonna die in a forest. Have some optimism! Didn't you want to die?"

"Good point!" Dot said, visibly encouraged. "Is there anything on the other side? Because if so, I don't want to die. I'd rather be in a coma."

Demantoid stopped in her tracks. "Are you legitimately asking me if I've seen heaven?" she demanded.

"Yeah," Dot said. "Is that a faux pas? I'm sorry. I don't really know.. dead people rules. Like, what is your structure? I don't know your social skills."

"Whoever's following us, please kill me already," Demantoid muttered.

"Me too," Dot said helpfully. "Unless heaven is real."

"Why don't you want to go to heaven, Dot," Deman said. "Don't you want to finally achieve happiness?"

"The whole point of being dead is that there's supposed to be a whole lot of nothingness. I become the void. I exist no longer. You geddit? If my consciousness remains then all my suffering will have been for nothing. I take comfort in the idea of death consuming every part of you and wiping it off of the face of the universe. I really would just not like to be here any more."

Demantoid kind of stopped a little. "You know, something about everything you just said makes me feel very concerned but I can't pinpoint what exactly it is you said that worries me, or for what reason it worries me."

"Where are we?" Dot wondered, ignoring Demantoid and looking around. "We're lost."

"And who's fault is that," Demantoid muttered. Her gem glowed and she bent down a little and unceremoniously grabbed a dagger from her gem, sighing.

Dot widened her eyes. "Look. I'm sorry. I know I have been distinctly annoying the whole time and I am just trying to cover my terror with ironic jokes that aren't even funny," Dot backed away a little. "Please don't kill me."

"I was," Demantoid gritted her teeth. "Summoning my weapon to defend myself, if anything attacks me."

"Okay," Dot said. "I'm not attacking you, look," Dot put her hands in the air. "I may have attacked you with words but that is no reason to-"

"Ugh," Demantoid exclaimed, thrusting the dagger in Dot's direction.

Dot ducked, looking distinctly terrified. "Point taken," she murmured, going after Demantoid, who's dagger had dissipated while embedded in a tree, prompting Deman to summon another one.

They walked on in silence, searching for an exit.

"I have, you know." Demantoid said, voice soft.

"What?" Dot asked. "I didn't say anything,"

"You asked me if I've seen heaven," Deman said. "I have."

"Great," Dot said. "Good to know there is literally never going to be any peace in my life. Makes me feel just grea-"

A stick snapped behind them.

Demantoid and Dot immediately stiffened, going back to back. Dot summoned her shuriken, eyes narrowing.

"It was a good run, Dot. You're a dear friend to me," Deman said.

"Please don't talk like we're gonna die," Dot said. "Not now that I know there's a heaven."

"You're the only gem I know who wouldn't wanna go to heaven," said Deman. "And I'm actually not scared of death, Dot. Like, at all. Been there, done that. Got the T-shirt. Honestly."

"I'm the first gem you know who wouldn't wanna do a lot of things," Dot replied.

"True," Deman said.

Dot looked around. "I don't think it's approaching anymore."

Deman sighed. "Let's just sit and wait for the sun to rise," she said decisively. "Then, we can definitely find our way out, or- Dot? Where did you go?" Demantoid looked around, in a panic.

"Up here," Dot said, from climbing up a tall, thick tree. "I'm trying to get a bird eyes' view. See if I can spot an exit or, maybe the entrance from which we came."

"If we're in a forest than we're probably not even close to Beach City yet," Demantoid groaned, suddenly making a realization. "This is a disaster. I hate you for making that reckless decision without going to get proper backup."

"I hate me too," Dot said, and added "For making that reckless decision without going to get proper backup."

"I feel like orginally you weren't going to add that last part," said Deman.

"Stop self-projecting," said Dot. "I genuinely don't believe or understand how anybody who regularly calls people sweetheart or darling can be okay with themselves inside. I'm not trying to hate. I just, have a fundamental lack of understanding of this."

I would just like to let you know that I, the narrator, do not personally support or endorse Dot's problematic and really questionable beliefs or opinions. Dot is strange, and has a fundamental lack of understanding of a lot of things.

Demantoid took a deep breath. "Dot, can you just look to see how we can get out of here?"

"I'm just making a point," Dot said. She looked around, squinting. "Hey, Deman," she said. "I'm gonna cry, hold on."

"What?" Demantoid said.

"We're literally a short walk away from the exit," Dot said, sounding not entirely mentally present. "We've literally been just walking back and forth right beside it,"

Demantoid closed her eyes. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "Okay," she started to laugh. "I really would like to go back to Homeworld now. I know my way around there,"

"No you don't," Dot retorted, climbing down from the tree. "It's so different now. And I mean real different. There's no vegetation. No water. Well- I guess they don't need it anymore," Dot walked beside Demantoid while they left. "It- it's been completely industrialized- you know, they made that great big law sayin' they'd have- they'd have land set out and preserved you know, so us oldies can grow vegetables and fruit because we need to eat, and we can get water and stuff.. but none of that is there anymore. It's just buildings, and buildings, and buildings, Deman," Dot sounded a little distressed. "Diamonds, it's- nothing is what it used to be. It's all just.. been thrown out the window for conquering planets and growing this massive empire but when we conquer all the galaxies what will we do then? There will be all these colonies on all these different planets," Dot made vague gestures. "All these big huge soldiers standing around with nothing to do because we've already conquered all the planets in the goddamn universe! And it's not like we're going to look around and go 'Oh wow, this place is so beautiful. Really glad we killed everything that lived here, because we get this beautiful scenery all for ourselves now and we get moonlit walks through lush scenery and breathtaking landscapes'.. because the land will be scorched, and barren, and dry, and lifeless, since we made the wonderful and insightful decision to milk all these planets of life to create more of us! And!" Dot took a deep breath.

Demantoid was remarkably, still listening to her, though her gaze was focused on the distance. She kept trekking forward. "And?"

"And!" Dot repeated. "I, personally, would like to know how exactly they managed to weed all of us out, and how the Diamonds managed all of the angry gems who were mad- no- furious, with the whole situation because of the economy which was probably in a terrible state- yeah, the economy was probably being ripped in pieces because- food production was going down and as the amount of mass produced gems increased, the demand for food was probably going down, which lowered the supply and increased the price, so you have a bunch of people angry because food costs so much all of a sudden- and gems are losing their jobs because the cost of producing food is too much because the price of buying food is too high and people aren't purchasing it anymore! All these big food production companies are being forced to shut down because they aren't making a profit and can't sustain their businesses anymore! And an entire industry just completely collapses! So you have broke, starving gems all over Homeworld and there's gotta be more than just a little bit of discontent! There's probably active hate against mass produced gems! So- so now you have this clear divide between bo-"

"Sweetheart, can you not be a politician?" Deman asked. "It's real disorienting, and frankly, I like to separate you from your mother in my head as much as possible. You actually showing capacity and startling capability for leadership really doesn't allow me to do that, y'know, and I keep remembering that you're more similar to your mother than anybody likes to believe. So. Don't do that."

"I am nothing like my mother," Dot retorted, scowling. "I just have a lot of questions about how the whole shift in the population and our capabilities even worked out. There are so many-"

"Shh," said Demantoid. "What did I just say? You're actually a lot like your mom, by the way."

"I am not," said Dot. "We have nothing in common."

"Yellow and green are right beside each other on the colour wheel," Deman said.

"Great," Dot said. "Not relevant, but great."

"Just a similarity," Deman said.

"Uh, no," Dot said. "Not really."

Demantoid rolled her eyes. "Well you guys are both intelligent."

"Wow," Dot said. "That means I'm also similar to millions of gems, and humans too. Amazing."

Deman rolled her eyes. "I'm talking instinctively intelligent. Especially with politics. You guys know people stuff too- you know how peoples' minds work and are scary good at manipulating others because you have an instinctive knowledge of weak spots and strong spots and what to say and how to say it to get somebody to bend to your will."

"I..," Dot said. "You're making me sound like an evil overlord, and I honestly am not this intelligent. But I'm really flattered you think I am. You know I'm really harmless," Dot said.

"Okay," Deman said, sighing. "Gloriam, ut patet adamas," she uttered, expression one of relief. "We're out of here."

Dot and Demantoid stood right outside the forest and both momentarily debated crying with relief, and both immediate decided not to.

"Diamonds," Dot said, putting a hand over her mouth. She looked horrified. "I forgot how old we were. Nobody says that anymore, I bet," she murmured 'gloriam, ut patet adamas' under her breath, followed by a really sudden and out of place- "How did you die?"

Demantoid startled a little, and then raised a brow. "That's a weird, invasive question."

"How?" Dot said simply.

"After you mysteriously disappeared some soldiers came for me. My sentence of servitude in the army for 10,000 years was rebuked and I was just executed for my crimes," Deman answered truthfully. "I think your mom kind of just held off on killing me because of you. She didn't want to upset you further, probably. You had already run away and proven yourself capable so she wasn't inclined to anger or upset you."

Dot sighed and shoved her hands into her pockets. "So... basically another person that died because of me. Great."

"It's literally not your fault at all," Demantoid said. "The world does not revolve around you, Dot. This has nothing to do with you-"

"You died because of me," said Dot.

"I died because I killed a man," Demantoid said. "I didn't even know you at the time. I was rightfully punished for my crimes."

"I feel like you were having early stress, you know?" Dot said, seeming genuinely distressed. "I feel like your mind was subconsciously aware that it would meet me later in life and was so distressed by this thought that you lashed o-"

"Dot, please stop talking," Deman sighed. "I doubt I could hate you that much, even subconsciously."

"I mean, I'm just saying," Dot said. "Just putting my thoughts out there. A penny for my thoughts."

"Nobody asked to hear them," Demantoid said. "But alright."

"Rude," Dot said, playfully shoving Deman a little.

"What happened to you, by the way?" Demantoid said suddenly. "Where'd you disappear to?"

Dot opened her mouth and then closed it and promptly ended the conversation.

"Dot." Deman said.

Dot sighed and ignored Demantoid.

"Dot," the green gem warned. "I have no time for this," she said. "Talk to me. I'll just keep bothering you,"

Dot stopped walking and closed her eyes, groaning. "You're gonna give me a headache," she grunted, starting to walk again.

"Did you fly to Earth or something?" Deman raised a brow.

"Please," Dot said. "Drop it." she sighed. "Instead, we can talk about something nice, like climbing trees, or your opinion of this moderately-sized human town. You know, when I first got here, Beach City was very small and very quaint. But now it's starting to grow."

"Starting to grow?" Demantoid snorted, dropping it. "More like in the process of rapidly growing."

Dot blinked. "Yes," she said. "That is what I meant."

"Dot, seriously, where did you disappear to?" Deman asked. "You owe me an explanation for disappearing off the face of the planet."

"I don't want to talk about it," Dot said.

"You owe me," Demantoid shot back.

"I don't owe you anything," Dot retorted. "Just forget about it."

"We were all freaking out over you!" Deman exclaimed. "We were really, really worried, okay? You owe it to me to tell m-"

Dot suddenly felt herself start to drift and pushed Demantoid to the ground in her frustration, breaking into a sprint.

"Dot! What the hell?!" Demantoid yelled, pushed to the ground by Dot for the second time, and frankly, quite tired of it. She got to her feet and ran after Dot.

Dot stopped running abruptly and closed her eyes, flexing her fingers anxiously. She looked around for some place to sit down. She didn't want to go again. She had just gotten here. She had just come back.

"Dot, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Deman exclaimed, finally having caught up to Dot. She glared at the green gem.

"Sorry," Dot said, sounding a little distant.

"Sorry," Demantoid repeated dryly. "That's it. That's the only apology I'm getting."

"It's so late," said Dot, still sounding slightly far away. "We should get home. The others will be concerned. Pearl will be losing her mind,"

Deman nodded slowly, looking Dot up and down. "You okay?"

"Yes," said Dot. She turned and walked in the direction of their home.

"Dot, really?" Demantoid said, matching Dot's pace.

Dot didn't respond for a good 5 seconds. "Y..es," Dot repeated.

"Hello?" Demantoid said sarcastically. "Anybody home?"

"That's where we're going," said Dot. "Home. We're not there yet, you know."

Demantoid gave her a dubious look. "Dot." she said. She shook Dot a little.

Dot stopped. "Did you want something," she said.

"You're freaking me out," Demantoid said. "Dude."

"Sorry," Dot said again, before going silent.

"Dot!" Deman exclaimed.

Dot blinked slowly before turning to Demantoid.

"What is going on with you?" Demantoid ... demanded. (a/n: No)

Dot gave Deman a blank, vacant look. "Hi, Deman," she said. "Did you need something?"

Demantoid sighed. "I feel like I'm gonna die tonight," she muttered. "Dot? Can you stop being weird and come on? We're being stalked by a disembodied voice and I want to run."

"Don't let me go," Dot said randomly. She clenched her hands into fists.

"Are you.. possessed," Deman said warily.

"Maybe," Dot mumbled. "Is that it? Am I just possessed? Then the answer is so simple. I just need to have an exorcism performed on me," she said. "And then that's it. This doesn't have to happen anymore," she laughed bitterly.

"Dot?" said Deman.

Dot didn't respond.

"Dot!" Deman exclaimed. "Can you please pay attention to me before we actually fucking die! Do you even care?!"

"Oooooh," said the voice. "Drama. Where's my popcorn?"

"Can you shut up?" Demantoid snapped, looking around. "For someone who doesn't seem to have a body, you're very annoying," she turned her attention back to Dot. "Dot? Dot, are you okay?"

Dot took a deep breath. "Yeah, everything's great," she said with a smile and a thumbs up.

"Dot-" Deman began.

"Please don't," Dot said. "It's late, I'm tired, it's dark, I can't see, and I'm only half-present right now, so please." Dot felt like she was slightly misaligned from her body- it was disorienting and scary though definitely not as bad as it could be. She was sort of questioning if things were real and if she was real, and you know, it was all just pretty messed up.

Demantoid glanced at Dot with that concerned look that Dot loathed, but didn't say anything.

Dot stared at the two hands held in front of her face mostly because she wasn't entirely sure if they were hers. They were slim and metallic and Dot could see little robotic joints but she wasn't sure if they belonged to her or not. She had no recollection of what she looked like no matter how hard she tried to think. She kept moving forward.

They made it home after 33 minutes. Pearl was sitting on the couch when they entered. She said nothing, just stared at them from her hunched position on the couch, holding a cup of tea and wrapped in a blanket. She looked tired and upset.

Demantoid wiggled her fingers in greeting.

"Where have you been?" Pearl demanded as quietly as possible.

"Dot went on a little journey to the Kindergarten," Deman replied. "And you know, I wasn't going to let her go all by herself. Which is good, because she ran into the forest an-" there was a bang on the window. Demantoid paled a little. "Uh.. anyways," she said.

Pearl stared into her cup of tea blankly. "You two should get some sleep," she said.

"Yeah," Deman said. "C'mon, Dot."

Dot followed Demantoid to her room wordlessly.

Deman closed the door. "Alright. What's going on?" she demanded.

Dot exhaled but didn't respond. She swallowed, pacing back and forth and tugging at her hair.

"Dot?" Demantoid frowned. "I feel like you're not paying attention to me. I feel like we're having some major communication problems."

Dot sank to the floor in a corner of her bedroom and huddled up and didn't say a word. She was trembling a little.

Demantoid forced herself to look away and go to sleep, but she couldn't. She laid in bed and stared at the wall, wide awake.

"Dot," Demantoid said finally, afraid she would lose her mind if Dot didn't respond.

"Go to bed," Dot said.

"Are you okay?" Demantoid asked.

Dot didn't respond.

Demantoid went back to staring at the wall. She turned and saw a dark figure by the bed. "Sweetheart," she said. "I have had a truly terrifying night and I don't need you hovering over me like that."

"What?" Dot muttered. She was still in the corner.

"Ha," Demantoid said, all the colour draining from her face. "A'ight. Nevermind. Um, so then.."

Dot looked up. "There is a dark figure by your bed." she said.

"Yes," Deman squeaked. "Goodbye, Dot. I know I just returned but it appears that death is calling me bac-"

"That happens every so often," Dot said nonchalantly. "Night terrors," she waved a hand in the air in dismissal. "It's something about this room."

"I have never had a single 'night terror'," Deman made air quotations. "In my life. Dot, please turn the lights on."

Dot rolled her eyes and turned the lights on.

The thing disappeared.

"See?" Dot said. "S'nothing."

"Snothing is not a word," the voice said. "Haven't you recognized my voice now?"

"I mean I do, but I don't," Dot said, frowning. "I have a suspicion, and you know, it's the same cadence but she spoke so differently from how you do, she was very softspoken, you know, hushed and quiet. And shut up. I did not say snothing and you know I didn't say snothing."

"You did too," said a tall, skinny figure, coming into view. "I literally heard you say it. Snothing."

"Goodbye, Dot," Demantoid whispered. "Goodbye forever and ever."

"B...," Dot squinted. "Bronze?" she broke out into a small grin. "Bronze Pearl! Is that you?"

"Shut up," Bronze Pearl said crossly. "You know very well that it's me."

Dot rolled her eyes and hugged Bronze tightly.

"How's the afterlife been treating you?" Dot asked.

"That is a.. weird question," said Bronze. You know, I had hoped you'd maybe gotten more normal but I guess that was wishful thinking." she sighed.

"I'm still a freak," Dot said joyfully. "Both in social terms and in the bed."

"Gross," Demantoid said.

"I didn't need to know all that." Bronze Pearl said flatly. "But thanks, Dot."

"Rawr," Dot supplied helpfully.

"Are you done," Bronze Pearl said.

Dot nodded. "Yes." she said solemnly. "Look.. I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight," she sighed. "I'm gonna go for a walk. M'kay?"

"Good riddance," said Demantoid, burying her head in a pillow. "I am going to go to sleep."

"Lucky," Dot commented offhandedly, sighing. "Okay, b-"

"I'll come," Bronze said.

"M'kay," Dot said. "Be quiet though, people are sleeping."

Bronze Pearl nodded.

They slipped out of the house and started working.

"I just- I just want you to know," Dot said, swallowing. "That you don't, uh, belong to me or anything like that. You're your own person and you can do whatever the hell you want," she combed her fingers through her hair. "M'kay?"

"I figured that out when your mom kicked me out after you disappeared," Bronze Pearl said. "She didn't want any reminders of you."

Dot let out a breath. "Yeah," she said quietly.

"What was that mental breakdown you had earlier?"

"What mental breakdown?" Dot responded. "I don't have 'breakdowns'." she made air quotations.

"Really." Bronze deadpanned. "Look, Dot. I've known you since we were 100," she rolled her eyes. "I've seen you have tons of those."

Dot shoved her hands into her pockets and sighed. "I wanted a peaceful walk," she said. "Is that too much to ask?"

"You can't keep doing this," Bronze said, frowning. "How long can you possibly keep it up for? Sooner or later you won't be able to and we both know it."

"Ughhhh," Dot said. "Why is there no peace in my life? I #wish people would stop talking to me about this."

"Please don't say the word 'hashtag' out loud when you're talking to someone," Bronze Pearl said. "That's.. that was... don't do that."

"I #dowhatiwant." Dot retorted.

"Stop," Bronze groaned.

"#no."

"Dot please," said Bronze Pearl. "We were having a serious conversation."

"And I am in need of some serious sleep, but I'm not doing that, am I? So do we really need to have that conversation?"

"You need to sleep!" Bronze said. "Your battery's going to run low."

"I'll just eat a lot to make up for it," Dot grunted.

"I really don't like it when you don't take care of yourself," Bronze fretted.

"My body doesn't like it either but my mind doesn't give a single fuck. Not even a half fuck," said Dot. Or a quarter fuck. Or an eight of a f-"

"Dot stop," said Bronze. "You're so strange. I've honestly never met anybody like you, even after you ran away and I lived in the streets and made money by scamming people by telling them I was giving them genuine mind readings. And some strange people came to me for mind readings, you know."

"What." Dot said.

"Nevermind," the tan gem waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Forget it. Have you been sleeping?"

"No." Dot said.

"Eating?"

"Yes. Then I throw up. Does that count."

"No," Bronze said. "Bathing?"

"No!" Dot said. "I don't think I will ever, ever hate myself that much."

"Sorry, I forgot," said Bronze. "Polishing? Wiping down with a slightly damp cloth?"

"No." Dot said.

"Other basic hygiene things? Brushing your hair?"

"No." Dot said.

"Do you care about your appearance and physical wellbeing at all?!"

"No." Dot said.

"For Diamonds' sake," Bronze sighed, and then frowned. "Dot."

"Look," Dot said. "You pull that 'Dot' shit on me and I'm leaving. Don't use that tone with me. We both know exactly what 'Dot' means and I really resent everything that 'Dot' stands for. So don't."

"Okay, fine," Bronze said. "You're going to put yourself in a coma, you know, if you don't sleep, and eat."

"I can't do either of those things, and I heard there's a heaven so frankly this seems like a desirable outcome. I'm ready."

"Stop that," Bronze 'tsk'd. "I am going to make you sleep and eat."

"Good luck with that." said Dot.

"Besides it wouldn't last very long. A week at the most. Just until you've recovered enough battery to walk around for a few hours until you find food, and then you'll sleep on and off for a couple days, and then that'll be it." Bronze Pearl said. "So your plan won't really work. Sorry, Dot."

"But what if when I wake up from my coma I don't move and then just let myself keep going back into a coma recovering less and less battery each time and slipping further and further until I don't wake up from my coma ever again."

Bronze stared. "Okay." she said. "I-"

"I don't even know where that came from," Dot interrupted. "I was just talking off the top of my head, I really- don't confront me about it- we- I should probably get back and sleep like you keep telling me to do. So, yeah."

Dot turned around and started walking in the other direction.

Bronze increased her pace a little to catch up to Dot. "Dot.." she bit her lip and attempted to pat Dot's shoulder in an effort to be comforting.

Dot pulled away and kept walking.

"Dot-" Bronze tried again.

"Shut up! I don't want to talk to you!" Dot yelled, whirling around and glaring at Bronze, tears in her eyes. "Leave me alone!"

Bronze let out a breath. "What happened to you?" she asked quietly. "You used to tell me everything," she swallowed. "You never used to shut me out."

"What happened is I grew up!" Dot said, clenching her hands into fists. "Nothing is that simple anymore! It was never that simple! What happened to me is I grew up and I learned that not everything can be solved by talking to somebody or whining to someone about how you feel! The truth is nobody wants to hear about your problems! Not a single person! Everybody has problems of their own that they're dealing with and they sure as fuck don't wanna hear about yours! Your problems are yours for a reason! They belong to you! So you're supposed to deal with them on your own! By yourself! Because they are yours! And yours alone! Nobody cares! Nobody wants to hear you talk about your problems! Okay? That's what happened! I got a fucking wakeup call!"

"You mean you convinced yourself that," Bronze Pearl said coldly.

"I didn't just fucking convince myself that," Dot said. "It's the truth! It's the truth and you know it!"

"Your biker friend asked you if you were okay a bajillion times while you two were in the forest and later, in your room!" Bronze exclaimed. "She was obviously concerned! She obviously wanted to talk to you! And she was obviously prepared to listen! And- and I'm sure there are other people who have been trying to be there for you, Dot! But you've managed to convince yourself that nobody is there for you when you have lots of people who are right there who want to listen! I-"

"That's not true! You're lying!" Dot screamed. "I- I," she swallowed hard and kicked a pebble. "I wish I wasn't on this cruddy planet," she said bitterly. "With people who care about me."

"You had people who care about you before!"

"I know!" Dot yelled. "I know I know I know I know I know! But they- I- at the- palace there was just you but things weren't so hard back then, m-my problems were so small and so insignificant- I- I wish I was only worried about having no friends, and the new shoes that I wanted being sold out, and some lame rumour about me on some gossip website- i- if only those were my only problems! I would give anything," Dot started to cry. "To be stressed over those things again. My problems were so small. They didn't mean anything. T-then I turned 10,000, and things got so much more complicated, and I got worried about finishing paperwork and giving speeches and being who she wanted me to be, a-and yelling and hitting a-and being locked in that stupid closet," her breath hitched. "And then I-" a few words were lost on Bronze Pearl here. Dot mumbles a lot. "-elve thousand and that dumb arranged marriage, like shoving two dolls together or something and saying now kiss, and so I guess it worked, because we pretended to date for 2,000 years, so that her parents and my mom would fuck off about it, and it was stiff, and it was awkward, and we became best friends but it wasn't ever.. love or anything and it won't ever be that, but I got to know her, and then when we were 14,000 we ran away and join the army together because we were both sick and tired of putting on this show for everybody- we ran because she told me everything about magazines and photo shoots and fancy dinners and I told her I was fine with being this, and she told me she could tell I wasn't. Then we left. We got super drunk and we ran," Dot took a deep breath. "And left you behind, and for a good month I was sure I had nobody, and then I realized I had her."

Bronze Pearl contemplated saying something about the dangers of underage drinking- she really did, she thought about it- but decided not to.

"After we kept running for a few years we saw posters and signs- our photos on parchment paper and our parents just- just putting a price on our existence- 3.5 million dollars if you can find Rhodolite Hemingway Rosalie Masidora, 5 million dollars if you can find the Heiress. We didn't even know where we were going at first. I told her the army. 'Cause for as long as I could remember I wanted to join the army. Everybody knew back then nobody ever joined the army out of dedication or because they wanted to protect or save lives. I mean, that was definitely a part of it, for some, maybe. But everybody at the army doesn't just come because they want to, and I knew that, and that's why I gave up everything to get there.." she trailed off. It was more evident now, that Dot was really half talking to herself about this point. "Anyways, everybody there has- had a story. There are two ways you get into the army, you're either running from something or someone or you're sent there 'cause you committed a crime. Rhodo and me- running. Demantoid committed a crime. Amber- running and committed a crime. Serpentine- running. Nep- she.. running. And, it's everybody cares about each other at the army, sure, but we're all fucked up people, y'know? And you know, they ask you "how are you" and "are you okay?" and no matter how fucking far from 'okay' you look, they accept your fine, and move on because we've been there and nobody would ever, ever press, because some of us have seen some real fucked up shit, the kinda shit you can't and won't ever be able to say out loud and for some of us, the shit was so bad we don't even remember it 'cause our heads are trying to protect us from something."

Dot took another breath. "But here, on this stupid, stupid planet," Dot started to cry again. "They just- they just keep going, they ask you and ask you and ask you- 'are you okay?' and 'are you sure?' and 'I'm just a little worried about you' and they wait 'til they get something out of you," she started sobbing. "I hate it here, I wish nobody cared, I just want everybody to go away, and stop asking me because I don't know and I don't care and if my answer was no last week why would it be yes today?" Dot sobbed. "I have always been not okay. I will always be not okay. I- I don't remember ever being okay. I just remember getting worse, and worse, and worse, and I want people to stop asking me about how I'm doing, because I would rather talk about anything and everything else, I don't want to think about myself, I don't want to talk about myself, a-and the only person who I e- ever talked to- I mean really talked to, was Nepheline!" Dot closed her eyes tight.

"We were two broken people and together we made something like one whole person but now she's gone and I'm broken again! She made me feel beautiful and strong and worth something and powerful and okay and like maybe things could get better, maybe I could get better and for a while I think that maybe I really did, and things were fine for a short while after the Awakening, but," Dot swallowed. "Then I started backsliding. Fast. And then I legitimately went up to Lapis and Peri when we were still on that island and told them I was going to kill myself. And maybe that was a warning sign but we had saving-the-world things to do and they forgot about it. It only got worse from there," Dot inhaled shakily. "I have been getting worse and worse over the past one or two years and I hate it. When I was stuck in my head, I," she wiped at her eyes. "I started to lose myself and getting every part of me that I lost back was the best feeling, but now I'm losing all those pieces of myself again, one by one, and it's scarier this time because this time so much is in the balance," the green gem started to tremble. "I'm gambling with my life, but I can't tell anyone," she started to sob. "I don't want them to know," her chest heaved with the force of her sobs. "I don't want them to know that everything hurts and I just want to be gone because they don't want to hear that. When they ask 'how are you' they want to hear 'good, thanks. you?' they don't want to hear 'I want to die' or 'everything hurts' or 'I'm so fucked up that I have to get hurt to feel temporarily okay'.

"I- I give up everything to keep faking for them but they're seeing through me now. I drink and drink and drink because I'm trying to forget, and I drink some more because that's the only way I can sleep these days, I can't sleep or eat or breathe or relax or smile and mean it, and I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to live anymore, and nothing is working, all the ways to feel better are not working, and all the ways to die aren't working either, it's endless and it keeps going on and on and I just want it to stop, I'm tired of this, I'm tired of hurting and crying and drifting and hangovers and throwing up and feeling scared and feeling sad and not feeling at all and faking and I'm- I'm saying too much, I've said too mu..," her voice wavered. "Fuck."

She kicked another pebble. Bronze Pearl watched Dot walk to the side and collapse in the grass and sob and cry.

Bronze didn't say anything. She had a lot to say- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I had no idea, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to help you, I want to help you, I don't want to watch you hurt this way, you lived like this for so long, how did you manage? You're so strong. So brave. How do I help you? How can I help you?

Bronze began to walk away- she wasn't going to leave Dot- she just needed to think, about what to say, and what to do. She was thinking too deeply, and not facing the right direction, to notice the large figure rapidly approaching, running like their life depended on it.

aw, dot. somebody get her a juice box. poor thing

bronze pearl is literally my favourite because what was she trying to accomplish by terrorizing demantoid and dot and leading them into a forest, she's so over-the-top, i love it