Everything seemed to become unbearable, from the moment he talked to Sam until this very moment, it seemed like I was stuck in a permanent nightmare that I could never wake up from. Sam refused to see me away from class until this whole thing was settled out. No matter what I said or begged, he just walked away from me, from this whole thing. He looked back once, right before he turned the hall towards his room, but refused to make eye contact with me, but I saw all of the sorrow on his face. He couldn't hide it from me anymore. I guess that I could not blame him for doing it, but I felt like my heart has been breaking from the moment that he said that.
I really heard a crack coming from the middle of my body. It felt like something broke inside of me where my spine or ribs should be, something that holds me up. It burned and stung all at once, like something had been ripped out of my body, the pain still hasn't gone away. The first thing that I did was sit under the hot water of a shower, to to see if I had pulled a muscle, that didn't help. But no matter how much pain I went through, no matter how much it hurt inside, no tears would come out. I would just sit there, feeling hollow inside. I felt like something, everything, had been ripped away from me. By the ministry, by Math Mathonwy, by my own mental state. I barely ate anymore, barley spoke to someone unless spoken to.
That's why I like to wonder around at night, no one really seems to care about what you are doing- besides the professors – and as long as you keep your wands and lights low, no one seems to really ask any questions. I roam around until I find an exit from the school, escaping into the cold crisp air. It was mid-November and I could always seem my breath, always wanted to draw the picture of the moon or of the Womping Willow, but nothing really seemed to really catch me attention enough to do it. I was a little afraid to be out in the middle of the lands at night, but then again, I really could care less for the same hollowness I felt inside. There was something about being away from the school,something about getting as far away from Math Mathonwy and his evil plans, away from Sam and my desire, away from love and death, that really made me feel like myself again.
I sat in what has become my normal place the top of the a stoned wall that encircled the waters around the school. From where I sat, legs curled into my body, head buried into my knees, I could easily be pushed right into the water to my death. But it was too peaceful to be out here and worried about that. I should be more worried about freezing to death then the water. Though I was wrapped up very well, two pairs of socks, a scarf, two pairs of gloves, a hat, normal clothes, and Sam's leather jacket, I still felt cold. Though, it was not from the air around me. I just sat there and looked up at the full moon, pale and yellow above me.
" Why are you out here so late?" A dark voice said from behind.
" I could ask the same about you." I said it almost the same tone.
" I was sent here to give you a message, and to make sure that you were alright." Castiel said as he came and stood beside the stone wall. " What are you doing away from your school in the middle of the night?"
" Is that the message?" I look up at the man, he looks like he could use a little more sleep, and Castiel seemed very unimpressed with my answer. " I like to be out here, I mean I can't sleep, so why bother being inside of the school? I'm not going on those stupid potions either, they are horrible and make me feel like a mental case. So I like to come out here, it's peaceful out here, makes me want to draw." Castiel looked around with almost a puzzled look on his face.
" So where are your drawings?" He asked, almost sounding human for a second.
" I said it makes me want to draw, not that I will draw. I haven't felt up to doing much since all of this started. Everything with Sam and with this god." I sigh, picking up a stone that laid next to me on the wall, it was perfectly round and had many colors to it.
" How have you been holding up?" Castiel said a few minutes later.
" Oh, so Sam sent you to be like a shrink to me?" Yeah, instead of sending Dean, the human one, Sam sends Castiel who has never felt an emotion in his life. " Well ya see Doc, I have been feeling like crap since my boyfriend pretty much broke up with me. I have an investigation being placed on me and my teacher, Professor Winchester ever heard of him? Oh yeah, and to add onto all of that, I have someone trying to kill my family and has killed one of my friends! That friend has been haunting me in my dreams for the past three weeks trying to tell me all these different friggen things!" I am almost yelling by the end, Castiel not moving an inch. I hurl the stone deep into the water.
I feel like the crack inside of me got just a little smaller with what had just happened, but with all of that, I can feel that the crack is coming back when I shrink back to myself. I guess that Sam may have sent someone like Cas to see someone like me is because Sam knew that I would break with Castiel, someone who never showed emotion, and that Castiel would just allow it all to happen. As I look over at Castiel, I see that he is just standing there, looking up at the stars. There is something different about him as he looks up at those stars, something that makes him look a little younger, a little more curious.
" So I guess that you should give me that message before you drift up to those stars." I say with a smile as he shakes his way out of his thoughts.
" Oh yes, the message." He clears his throat as he looks back down. " He wants you to meet up with him at the East Gate Bar in the middle of London, tomorrow at midnight. He said that you would need no transportation there, but if you would like me to bring-"
" Castiel, thanks you, but then again no thanks. I'm no Muggle and I know how to get from place to place. So thanks for asking." I say with a smile.
" You are welcome." From behind him I can hear a growl.
" What was that?" He asks.
" A Mngwa." I sigh lightly. " She has been following me around for a few days now."
I turn to see that she is already standing there, in front of Castiel. Castiel does not look as afraid as I had the first time that I saw her standing in front of me, her body ready for a battle. But, he did have this silver sword out, ready for a battle. She snarled at the man, preparing her hind legs to pounce in and try to kill the angel right then and there. She stood almost at the same height as Castiel, showing all of her sharp teeth, ready to attack with any sudden movement. Looking over to me, I shook me head, and places a hand onto Castiel's shoulder, trying to ease the tension on both sides. Clove in a blink of the eye became much friendlier, almost smiling through her teeth, while Castiel looked back and forth until he shook his head and left, just disappearing into thin air.
Clove was a Mngwa or also known as a Nunda. She stood at ab out five foot five off of the ground and looked like a mixture of a lion and a leopard. She had these spots all over her brindle covered body, some large and others were small, but had the body of a lioness. Very fierce and something that seemed very terrifying, but still so friendly if you got onto her right side. At first, she started to follow me through the woods, just watching from afar, but soon that became to little for her. She showed herself to me a few nights after that, though I never really knew that she was around, I had a gut feeling. Clove became my protector, making sure that I would always be safe and sound. I became more like a daughter to her, and I was find around with that. Clove came over to me and wrapped herself around my body.
" Who in the world was that?" She asked as she looked back to where she had stood only a few seconds before.
" Castiel, a friend of Sam's." I say as I move a little more into her warm fur.
" He seemed a lot more, deadly then I thought that he would be. I thought that we were really going to have a scene out here tonight." She said in her normal dark tone.
" Well he is an angel you know." I sigh. " He is supposed to be a warrior."
" I still think of angel's as those things with fluffy wings and harps." She said with a animal smile.
" I really want to see Sam." I whisper into the night.
" Well then why don't you go up to his room right this moment and see him!" She asked.
" Maybe because there is a huge investigation going on about the two of us and how close we are with one another." I sigh, throwing another rock into the water, making a large slash.
" The mermaids have asked me to ask you so please stop wrecking their sleep. It seems that the rocks have been hitting them in their sleep." Clove said, going back to her normal, scary, tone.
" Tell them that I am terribly sorry." I hissed and walk away form the water.
" Where are you going to go now?" She asked.
" No clue, woods maybe? Hagrid's hut? Maybe I'll just wonder around the school acting like a ghost." I laugh.
She follows close behind while I just walk around the school, trying to figure out what in the world to do, where in the world to go. I just want to feel whole again, but there is nothing that I can do. Looking up at the window that I know is his, I see that the lights are all on, and wonder what he is doing. Looking over to Clove, trying to figure out what to do, and she gave a very toothy smile. She seems to know what I am thinking before I do because she is already climbing she wall of the school and going straight for the window. Making a loud, almost panther sound, and Sam and Dean are running for the window as she is falling from the sky straight for me.
" Sam! Get the gun!" Dean hollered as he ran into the room somewhere.
" She's fine, she's just giving you a message." I yell back with, evil smile all over my face. " Meet me in the woods, near the water, five minutes." I smile as I pat Clove's head.
" Better make it ten." She hissed.
" Did that cat just talk?" Dean asked lightly.
" You bet Hunny and I can do a lot more things for you." She said with a feline laugh as I climbed onto her back. " Maybe you and your brother should meet us there tonight. Just keep that angel at home." She said as she took off, back towards where we had been before.
This was only the second time that I had ridden her back before, but it felt like a lifetime of doing it. It was so natural for me to be doing this, to be able to ride a wild animal with no real training. The first time that I did it, and from the beginning this time, I was clutching to the contours of her body, head buried deep in between her shoulder blades. But once I got into the rhythm that she was going in, I rose from my hiding spot and started to really get into the motion of things. Laughing and really liking having the wind fly through my hair. It felt invigorating.
" You know that you should really be thanking me for that." She said with a smile.
" You know that I really should, but then again if we get thrown out of school for this, I will have to have some Mngwa for dinner." I smile as she lets me go onto my side onto the sand beside the water.
" He's coming." She said as she moved into the woods.
And coming he was. Sam was about twenty yards behind us, but still just because of the height you could tell that it was Sam coming. E was running, almost in a dead sprint towards where I was. As he got closer I could see he was not just coming to see me, but to make sure that I was alright, with a gun in his hand. He ran straight for me and made she that there were no cuts, no marks, and no bruises anywhere on my body. Soon I was striped down to just the bare minimal, shirt and jeans. When Sam was happy he allowed me to get everything back on besides my scarf, which he wrapped around the both of us.
" You know, I have really been missing you lately." He said, holding onto my hands and rubbing them in between his.
" Well then again, you could have come and found me anytime! There was no need to be missing me." I said, not looking him in the eyes. " We could have found a way."
" No, there was no way. I tried everything to figure out a way to get you into my room at night, to make sure that you would not be scared at night, but every thing that I could think about was knocked out of the way. If I could have found a way, I would have, if there was anything, I would have done that to make sure that you were alright." He whispered. " I love you and you were all I could think about."
" I could never get you off of my mind. It was like you were the only thing that I could ever think about, no matter where I was." I smiled. " It was keeping all of the bad thoughts away."
" He has still be coming into your dreams-"
" Nightmares, dreams are good and happy." I shoot at him with a glare.
" Nightmares. He's still coming into your nightmares every night?" Sam asked, holding me close to his warm body.
" Every night that I sleep he does. Sometimes as a warming, something killing everyone that I love, sometimes it starts out happy and ends in horror." I try to keep me emotions locked inside. " So I have just decided that sleep is something that I don't need anymore. I mean who really needs a basic thing like sleep?" I laugh a little.
" You." He whispered. " I wish there could be a way that I could end these dreams, but you know that we can't sleep together anymore. Soon it will be too cold for us to even be doing this."
" But we can let this last for now." I shake in his body, refusing to show how cold I really am.
" I doubt we can do it for much longer even tonight." Sam said lightly
" I'm fine." I get out without anything skipping.
The truth was, it was the first time that I really felt the ice cold the whole night, and started to wonder about how cold it really had been outside. Why Clove didn't ship me into the house right at that moment. But something inside was telling me that she had all of this worked out, that everything was just going right into her plan. There was something about all of this that seemed a little odd. I was shaking and starting to feel my body light on fire with the ice cold. But I loved it no matter what was happening, I wanted more and more of this feeling to come back. I wanted to come back to life like this, I wanted to feel more of this life coming back. All I needed to have was Sam's touch.
Sam lifted me from the ground and held me close into his body, wrapping his arms around me and slowly moving me around in a circle. He placed his arms around my hips and for a moment, it felt like I was back at the Yule Ball, but with the right person this time. Sam started to sing an old song from the past, a song that everything knew. Hey Jude by The Beatles. Everything was perfect at the moment, everything seemed to be so right, but so off all at once. Something was wrong, something in my gut was telling me there was nothing right about this whole thing, but Sam just kept rocking me in place with him. But when everything seemed to be going so right, everything seemed be happening so perfectly, Sam backed away.
" Shit!" He grunted as his hand shot up to his noise.
" What? What's wrong?" I ask, jumping as I got thrown out of the moment.
" Noise bleed." He said as she applied a lot of pressure to his noise.
" Here let me help." I offered my scarf.
" No! Just- I have to go." He started to walk away from me.
" I'm going with you." I said as I follower him behind for awhile, Clove coming out of the woods
" What happened?" She hissed.
" Noise bleed." I sighed. " Sam. Will you please just slow down a little, let me help?" I asked lightly, trying not to make him angry once again.
" I'm fine. Just have the Mngwa bring you to your common room somehow and meet me at that bar tomorrow. Love you." He said as he slipped into the main doors.
" That was different." I whisper as I walk around to another side of the school.
" There is something wrong with him, that is not the man that you have talked so much about." Clove hisses from beside me.
" You can say that again." I climb on top of the cat and have her bring me to the higher tower of the school, the whole time I am praying that she wont lose her grip, and send us both falling to the ground miles below.