Okay, I'm a little nervous about this chapter. It was not a decision I reached lightly even though I've been wanting to do it for some time. If you feel the same way about Gwen as I do then you'll understand.
I know people are reading this and I appreciate it, I really do, it always makes me smile when I see someone's added this to their alert list. But when I only get one or two reviews for a chapter it makes me think you don't like this story. I assure you this is a Janto fic and I think you'll like the end of this chapter.
Well, as the story is done I will keep posting it regardless because I like it and I really hope you do too. Thank you.
New Year's Eve
Devin Jones called right on schedule "Good evening, captain."
"Colonel," Jack nodded "and how's your year been?"
"I've transferred to San Diego to be closer to Ianto. How about yourself?"
"How is Ianto?"
"I'm sure you already have some idea, coffeeslave."
Jack blinked "What? How?"
Devin sighed "Jason was concerned that Ianto was spending so much time on the internet so he told me and Randy. We traced the screen name to a computer at Torchwood. It could only be you."
Jack needed to have Fiona strengthen the firewalls "I know I shouldn't be…"
"No, it's all right. Ianto says the only time he doesn't hallucinate is when he's chatting with you. Did he tell you about the situation with Jason?"
"He doesn't talk about Jason. Why?" Jack should never have let Ianto take retcon, protocol be damned.
"They broke up. Still house share but they're just friends now."
Part of Jack felt bad but the other part was thrilled "What happened?"
"You. Well, the hallucination of you and coffeeslave. Ianto doesn't know it but he's not over you."
….
Ianto and Jason decided to remain friends and housemates. As they had gotten the house together, it didn't make sense for either of them to move out but Ianto moved into the guest room.
And because the medication was not working Ianto had to leave his job at the office. He was able to work a part time job at a Starbucks though. Fortunately the hallucinations weren't so bad that he couldn't continue to function in society, he participated in his daughters' PTA and school events now that he had more free time. He was able to ignore his 'imaginary friends' quite well when need be.
During the rest of his free time he was on the internet talking to Coffeeslave.
Flyboyluvr: I can't believe you're still talking to me.
Coffeeslave: Why wouldn't I?
Flyboyluvr: I'm crazy, aren't I?
Coffeeslave: You're not crazy.
Flyboyluvr: Am too. I see things.
Coffeeslave: Have you thought that maybe these hallucinations are your missing memories?
Ianto thought about it. That would be weird.
Flyboyluvr: Then I lived a very strange life. And that doesn't explain the dinosaur or the monster thing I want to call Janet.
Coffeeslave: Are you sure? Maybe there's a reason you've given the dino and the monster names.
Flyboyluvr: Okay, assuming your theory is correct, how do I find proof? Because I would love to find validation that I'm not completely insane.
It was around five minutes before Coffeeslave responded. Why did he always do that? Sometimes it seemed like he was actually thinking about just how to word his response.
Coffeeslave: I'm not sure. If I could help you, I would.
Flyboyluvr: Maybe you can.
Coffeeslave: How?
Flyboyluvr: You live in Wales. Think you can check Cardiff for dinosaurs and monsters? Maybe a man who dresses like it's WWII?
Coffeeslave: I'll be honest with you, I live in Cardiff and I haven't seen such a man. But the dinosaur and monster could be hiding.
Flyboyluvr: You're placating me.
Coffeeslave: No I'm not, I swear. Okay, what I meant was I haven't seen such a man lately.
Flyboyluvr: Lately?
Coffeeslave: I used to see a man like that running around but two years ago he just disappeared.
Flyboyluvr: Around the time I left.
Coffeeslave: Maybe he was miserable without you and decided to leave too.
Flyboyluvr: Then he should have followed me and told me so.
Coffeeslave: You're right, he should have. I told you before this Jack guy's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you anyway.
Flyboyluvr: I don't even know if he's real.
Ianto thought for a moment and decided to go for it: My name is Ianto. Can you tell me yours?
Coffeeslave: I have to go now. Emergency.
…
As it turned out, it wasn't a lie as Jack's mobile rang about two minutes after he got off the internet.
3 days later…
Jack had gone as far as putting on a dark suit but he wasn't sure if he could leave the Hub. How had this happened?
"Captain?" Fiona stuck her head in the office "aren't you going to the funeral?"
Jack sighed heavily "Rhys won't want me there."
Fiona stepped in all the way "I know I'm still new here and I don't know anything about the history between you and Gwen so I don't see why Mr Williams won't want you there. It wasn't your fault. It was a drunk driver, nothing to do with work."
"But she was on her way to work. Believe me Fiona, Rhys'll find some way to blame me."
"Even so, you are the captain and you should be there. Gwen would have wanted it."
"I stopped doing what she wants two and a half years ago."
"Well then what about Ianto?" Mickey came in behind Fiona "if he were here don't you think he'd expect you to go?"
Fiona looked back and forth between Mickey and Jack "Boy, I really have no idea what's going on do I?"
Jack ended up going though he wasn't happy about it. Rhys refused to speak to him the whole time other than to say "You stay away from my daughter" and it was obvious he was forcing himself not to shout.
Jack had considered telling him about Gwen's affair with Owen and how she'd used retcon on him. But he decided to let Rhys continue to worship her and anyway it wouldn't now that she couldn't defend herself. Besides Gwen wasn't at all what Jack had been telling himself lately, she just turned out having more flaws than Jack initially thought. She'd been as messed up as the rest of them after all, no better and no worse. He should have tried talking to her about the whole thing in a calm and rational manner. Damned hindsight.
Even so, he couldn't help but wonder how things would have turned out with Ianto if he hadn't hired her in the first place. But he'd hired her because she reminded him of a girl he used to know and he liked her persistence. He lit a candle for her on his way out of the church "I'm sorry, Gwen" and then he lit one for Tosh, Owen and even Suzie "I'm sorry all of you. I hope you can forgive me someday."
God, how had he let things turn out so badly? He should never have joined Torchwood to begin with. The whole thing was cursed.
…
Coffeeslave: I'm sorry about the other day. A friend of mine was killed.
Flyboyluvr: Oh God. I'm so sorry. How, if you don't mind my asking?
Coffeeslave: she was driving to work and an early morning drunk t-boned her. She didn't make it to the hospital.
Flyboyluvr: was anyone else in the car?
Coffeeslave: no, thank God her baby was at home.
Flyboyluvr: she had a baby? Oh no. how old?
Coffeeslave: 8 or 9 months, I think.
Flyboyluvr: that's heart breaking. Please tell me the baby still has a father.
Coffeeslave: yeah, she does, a great one too. Rhys will take good care of her.
Jack had clicked send before thinking about it. Should he have said Rhys's name? Would that trigger a hallucination for Ianto? Maybe not, Rhys after all was one of the most common Welsh names.
Flyboyluvr: I'll say a prayer for them.
Coffeeslave: that's thoughtful of you. So how are you doing?
Flyboyluvr: Okay, I guess. Still insane.
Coffeeslave: you're not insane. Is the medication not working?
Flyboyluvr: No so I've stopped taking it. In fact I think it was making it worse. Since I stopped that damn North Londoner hasn't shown up nearly as much.
North Londoner? Oh god, now Ianto was hallucinating that bastard. This wasn't good.
Coffeeslave: I take it you don't like this one so what's the North Londoner done?
Flyboyluvr: bastard taunts me, says he's going to take Jack away.
Coffeeslave: well if Jack had any sense he'd shoot the s.o.b. next time he shows up.
And he would do.
Flyboyluvr: if only my hallucinations worked like that.
Jack was missing Ianto so much his heart literally ached. Oh god. He loved Ianto, he did, he always had. Why the hell was he just admitting this to himself now? Now, of all the… He remembered the letter he found taped to Ianto's coffee machine. Maybe it was time to read it and then try to make things right. If it was at all possible.
Coffeeslave: I have to go right now, something I need to do.
Flyboyluvr: okay, till next time then and again I'm sorry about your friend.
…
Jack clicked off without responding and went to his closet. His coat smelled like Ianto's coffee. He took it out and just held it for a moment before digging in the pockets.
He found the letter in the right pocket and sat down on the floor and opened it. The first thing he noticed were the tearstains, Ianto had cried as he wrote this. Jack took a breath and began to read. My handsome prince, it said:
I know, that sounds sappy and girly doesn't it? But it's true, Jack, you are a prince to me. I must confess something to you. I dreamt about you the night we caught Myfanwy. Dreaming itself was a feat as I hadn't been sleeping.
I wish so much that I had told you about Lisa from the start, asked you for help. Knowing you now I like to think you would have tried to help or at least convinced me there was nothing we could do except to end her suffering. That's hindsight for you. I am so sorry for what I did, I was filled with regret the whole time. But I kept telling myself I'd come too far to quit. You'll find all this in my diary as I'm sure you'll read it.
The dream I had that night was a fairy tale. You were a prince and I was a knight. I saved you from a dragon.
Needless to say that freaked me out.
When you were so forgiving after the cyberwoman I knew you were not a monster but you really were a prince. You gave me another chance. I would have been lost without you. Without you I don't know what would have happened to me. I like to think that I would have not killed myself so I would be there for my girls but I'm just not sure. Enough of that though.
I must confess something else. Jack, remember when we were weevil hunting during that thunderstorm? It was a week before Owen was shot and you and I were in the park. Lightning had struck a tree and a branch was going to fall on you. I pushed you out of the way and we rolled down the slope.
"Are you out of your mind?" you shouted at me "I would have been fine but you could have been killed."
I responded "Tree sap is difficult to get out of wool sir." The truth is I can't stand seeing you dead. That's why whenever I've been able I've pushed you out of the way of danger. I know you're supposed to be immortal but I can't help but think, what if this time he won't wake up? I couldn't bear that.
When you were dead after Abbadon I was devastated. I wanted to be the one down there sitting with you in case you woke up but I knew you'd want me to get on with my work. When I saw you alive, standing there in the Hub I'd never felt such euphoria. I knew then I was dangerously close to falling over the edge for you.
And that's what this letter is about, Jack. I love you and I always will. That's why I have to take retcon. Jack, I want so much to stay with you and live happily ever after but we both know that's not going to happen. But I don't need happily ever after, if you tell me tonight that you love me and want me to stay and make me believe it then I'll stay. But if that doesn't happen then…well…that will be that.
Jack, I'm telling you this because you need to know. I know you think you should be alone and don't deserve true happiness, it tends to be how immortals are. That's very stereotypical of you. You do deserve happiness Jack and you don't have to share every secret you have to get it. Telling people stuff is not always required to win someone's heart. You stole mine and you didn't tell me a thing. I want you to know that if I can fall unquestionably in love with you this much, then one day, someone else will too.
Oh Jack, I want to stay but I have to think about my girls. I need to give them a good life, a happy life and being exposed to Torchwood just won't do it. I'm sorry but I think you know it's true. If I were to stay with you, even if I was no longer in Torchwood, sooner or later aliens would be a factor, they'd follow you home or something. I won't put my children in danger and I would never ask you to leave Torchwood. So there we are. I hope you understand.
I know, if I love you I should find a way to make it work but it's a two way street Jack. If I know you love me too then we'll make it work. But I just can't wait for you anymore.
The thing is, even though I won't remember, you will always own my heart. I love you and I am so sorry I stopped waiting.
Your Stalwart Knight
Jack cried himself to sleep and when he woke, he knew what he had to do. He had to convince Ianto he wasn't crazy, that these hallucinations were based on real memories, hopefully make his real memories come back and do what he could to make things right. And to do that, he knew it was time to tell Ianto how he felt and make him believe it.
He considered shaving but decided to hold off. If he went to Ianto looking like his old self, Ianto might think he was just hallucinating again. He packed a bag.
"Where are you going?" Martha asked as he passed through the hub.
"I'm going to save my shining knight and give him his happily ever after."
So, Jack's finally had his epiphany and he's on his way to save Ianto. Will the handsome prince save his shining knight? Or will it be too late?
Good reviews sing me to sleep. Sugar on top?
TTFN