I KA WA MA MUA, I KA WA MA HOPE - FUTURE IS IN THE PAST

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or the characters.

A/N: Hello there! Wow, guys, I'm really grateful for the positive reviews and the heartwarming messages! THANK YOU to everyone that has read, faved, followed or reviewed this story. I love seeing the continued support you guys have for this story. It really brightens up my day! Now let me (hopefully) brighten up your day with this new chapter!

CHAPTER NINE

01:15 AM KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - ICU

Steve went up the coffee machine standing down the hallway. He stared at the screen for a while. The device gave him a thousand options on different kinds of coffee, but he just wanted a black coffee, nothing fancy. Touching the screen to skip through the options, the screen froze. Steve double tapped; nothing. He pressed a little harder this time, still nothing. Starting to get frustrated he slammed on the side of the machine. A cup dropped in its holder, and warm liquid poured into the paper cup. Steve glanced back up to the screen. Out of all the option, he got hot chocolate. He didn't even like hot chocolate. Still, he waited for the machine to complete preparing the beverage.

While stirring in the cup, he sat down in a chair facing the coffee machine. He was willing to take a sip, but then he would give in on something he didn't want. He didn't want a hot chocolate, nor did he want to see his friend go through that kind of grief again. He honestly didn't want any of it. The fact that Danny had an infection was already bad enough, but him having a fever that made him confused and delusional was one of the cruelest things Steve ever had to watch. Actually three years ago he had been in the same spot. He witnessed his partner go through one of the roughest moments in life. Thinking about it Steve wasn't sure whether learning Matthew was dead or actually killing Marco Reyes had been the lowest point for Danny though.

On the flight to Columbia, they barely had said a thing to each other. Steve had been fine with the silence, he wasn't someone to keep a conversation going if not needed. Only the fact that his partner didn't feel the need to talk worried him. Danny was always talking, and if he were allowed, the chatter would be accompanied by wild hand gestures. Not in that moment though. He had been staring out the window almost the entire flight.

Steve didn't blame his partner, he probably had been nervous, and it was his right to be silent. Some guy had been standing in his house days ago, saying his brother owed him money. Well, Matthew stole the money and never returned it, but whether Matthew owed him or stole it. Marco Reyes wanted his money back. Danny had called Steve the second Reyes left his house. Danny had been a legit mess when Steve picked up the phone, but as always they figured it all out. They found a way to get all the money Reyes demanded. The only thing left to do was go to Colombia. Without thinking twice about it, Steve had joined his partner to the exchange, and that's when life took a horrible turn.

From the moment Reyes told Danny he had Matthew, there must have been one thing on Danny's mind. Steve was no expert in reading his friend's mind, not even after all those years, but he knew for sure Danny wanted just one thing. To save Matty. It was all that mattered. So when they handed over the money and waited for Matthew to show up alive, not only Danny's world shattered to pieces when he didn't, so did Steve's. He would never know how much it hurt to have your brother delivered in an oil barrel. But seeing his friend break with grief in front of his eyes, was one of the hardest things he had to watch in his life.

While Danny had been struggling to keep his tears silent, Steve had made up his mind. Reyes had to pay for what he put Danny through. Whether it was locked up in a prison cell or a bullet to the heart, Steve was fine with it either way. It didn't take long for his partner to find the exact same rage. Danny had threatened Reyes with a kind of anger Steve had never seen before. It sure scared Reyes when they came back after eliminating his henchmen. There was nowhere else to go, and with Danny pointing a gun at his head, Reyes had stared fearfully at Danny.

Steve stood right behind Danny as he pulled the trigger, sending a bullet through Reyes's brain. God, if Danny hadn't done it, Steve probably would've done it himself. He rather would've done it, because, on top of the loss of his brother, Danny had to deal with the guilt of killing a man. The second he fired that gun, Steve could see guilt consuming his partner. Both of them figured that ending that man's life was the closure they needed, but the truth was, the hurt just started.

All those years Danny never cried in Steve's presence. Right after it happened, Steve could obviously see the awful hollowness, the waves of wretchedness that threatened to engulf Danny's mind, body, and soul. But never did Danny show that side of him when Steve was around. Steve always figured that if he would want to share anything Danny would come to him. Sure they talked, and Steve had been there for him more than ever, but not a single tear had dropped. At least not to his whereabouts. Coming to think of it there had been one time that Danny had opened the door with red eyes. It had been shortly after coming back from Colombia when Steve had gone by Danny's place to share the results of the autopsy.

At that moment Steve had promised himself he would always try to protect Danny from any hurt that might come his way. Yet he failed spectacularly at that this week. It tore Steve to pieces seeing Danny going through the whole process of losing his brother again. He honestly thought Matthew was back by his side and then Steve had to ruin that moment and tell Danny his brother had died years ago. Danny didn't deserve to be hurt like that. He had paid for killing Reyes emotionally and physically. So there was absolutely no need for him to be dragged back into that dark hole.

Clearly reliving that moment caused a deepening of the pain. A pain that had been there for years, one that never had seen the light of day. Danny must have carried that burden with him all those years; otherwise, it wouldn't pop up this easily. He finally poured out that emptiness in his heart and now that he did Steve had taken the easy way. He should've been there for his friend, but instead, he had sent Danny asleep. Steve had sent him to a place where Danny's mind could take him back to that horrible time. Even worse, he couldn't escape if he wanted because of the drugs.

01:29 AM KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - ICU

Lou didn't recall saying bye to his family, he just rushed out of the house and climbed into his SUV. He probably said it because he always did. It had become a remote routine, one that meant a lot to him as he never knew how the day would go. Since he didn't remember doing so, he called Renee on his way over to the hospital and explained the urgency of his sudden departure.

Arriving at King's Medical Center Lou took the elevator up to the ICU. He already had checked his friend's whereabouts at the front desk before heading up. As the entrance sliding door opened Lou spotted Steve immediately. The six feet man's broad shoulders were impossible to miss. Lou paused a second before he casually strolled up to Steve. The commander was sitting near the coffee machine with his head in his hands, not aware of Lou closing in on him. Steve seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Lou had never seen him this lost, and whether he was lost in his thoughts or in his heart, it was hard to see his friend go through it.

Lou stepped forward. "McGarrett, talk to me, man. How bad it is?"

Steve's eyes shot up abruptly, apparently was having deep thoughts. Steve sighed and leaned back in his seat. He summed up most of the things that went down earlier that day. "He's in pretty bad shape, Lou. The doctor had to sedate him."

Lou frowned. "Sedate him? Why would they do that?"

For a second Steve peered sightlessly at the wall. He took a deep breath, and his gaze flicked back to Lou. "He-um, he believed I was his brother."

Now it was Lou's time to turn all quiet. Lots of questions had run through his head when he had hung up the phone call with Steve, but this wasn't something he had thought of. "His brother? Matthew? God, that's horrible, man. You all right?"

"Me? Yeah, it's him I'm worried about," the commander confessed. "I know that the fever is making him delirious, but he shouldn't have to go through all this. He doesn't deserve this."

"No, he doesn't," Lou sat down in the chair next to the one Steve was sitting in. "At least he doesn't have to go through it alone."

Steve nodded. "That's right. I appreciate you coming all the way over here, Lou."

Lou looked aside at Steve. "Did you really think I would let you take care of him all by yourself? Because that's not how we do things."

Steve leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. His stare was focused on his folded hands. "I would trade places with him in two seconds, you know."

"Yeah, I know, and I'm sure Danny knows that too," Lou placed his hand sincere on Steve's shoulder. "He'd probably say something like," he cleared his throat and tried to imitate Danny's grumpy voice. "They have to file a missing persons report if you keep talking nonsense like that."

A grin appeared on Steve's face as he probably could visualize his partner say something like that. "That's definitely something he would say."

They both stayed silent, letting the joke hang in the air for a bit. Lou stood up and gazed up to the cubicle Danny was in. He slid his hands in his pocket while he turned back at Steve. "How about I go sit with our boy while you go outside and take a deep breath?"

Steve rubbed the back of his neck and stood up as well. "Thanks, I'll be back in five."

"Take all the time you need."

03:04 AM KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - ICU

Once, Steve had returned to the ICU both him, and Lou stayed for the night. They made themselves as comfortable as they could get. The chairs weren't ideal for sleeping in, but for one night it would be fine. Or in Steve's case, for the second night. Lou didn't seem to have a problem with the chair, because he fell asleep straight away. Steve, on the other hand, had trouble falling asleep. His mind was keeping him up by replaying the events of the last days over and over.

Leaning with both arms on the bed rail Steve stared at his friend. The minutes dragged by slowly as there didn't seem to be any improvement in Danny's condition. Danny hadn't moved a muscle since the doctor had given him the medication. Not even with the doctors and nurses coming in and out multiple times. Giving in on the exhaustion Steve rested his forehead on his arms. He sighed out of despair.

"You should catch some sleep."

Steve lifted up his head, looking straight at Lou who apparently had woken up. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes briefly. "I tried."

Lou shrugged his shoulders. "So what's eating you?"

"All of this I guess," Steve paused as he didn't feel like opening up. "It doesn't seem like he's getting any better," he pointed at the red flashing temperature number on the heart monitor. "I mean the fever hasn't come down and you can hear him having trouble breathing with every breath he takes."

"He'll get better. Just give him some time," Lou's attempt to stay positive hardly made any impact on Steve, but he appreciated the encouraging words. His gaze traced back at his partner. Danny was still sleeping in the same position as before. Steve couldn't possibly imagine Danny was comfortable this way, but as long as he was asleep, he was resting and hopefully getting better. Suddenly Danny's eyes started twitching underneath his closed eyelids.

Lou presumably noticed it too. "Is he waking up?"

"Don't know," Steve placed his hand on his partner's hand and squeezed gently. Danny's fingers flinched in response, but his eyes didn't open nor did they stop twitching. This could only mean one thing, Danny was having a nightmare. Steve leaned in. "Buddy, it's okay. We're here, you're safe."

07:39 AM KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - ICU

Eventually, the exhaustion won, and Steve had fallen asleep. Around six in the morning, he woke up once again as the doctor came in for a quick exam. Steve didn't leave nor did Lou. They waited for the doctor to finish and share his findings. To Steve's relieve the fever had come down to 103.6. The antibiotics were kicking in and doing their job. Reassured by the update, Steve finally relaxed and slept for another hour.

Later that morning both Steve and Lou had gone for a short walk downstairs. They went to straighten their legs and grab a cup of coffee after a long night. But not even 15 minutes later they already traced their steps back to the ICU. The two officers guarding the main entrance of the Intensive Care Unit changed shifts as Steve and Lou reached the floor. They thanked both men and greeted the new officers. Going past the nurses' station, one of the nurses stopped them from walking by. "Commander? Your partner is waking up."

Steve didn't need to hear anything else the nurse might have to say. He gazed aside at Lou, and they went directly back to Danny's cubicle. Going in Steve knocked out of courtesy on the glass sliding door. He didn't wait for his partner though, he entered anyway. Danny was no longer lying in the same position as last night. He had turned his head to the other side and had possibly shifted with his legs as the sheets and blanket were a mess. "Hey, Danny?"

Danny ripped the oxygen mask off the first thing. Then he rolled his head toward the door. "Steve?" He questioned, but recognition dawned on his face.

As Steve walked up to the end of the bed, he couldn't help other than to smile. "Yeah, that's right."

Danny let out a strained groan while he stretched his neck. "Why wouldn't it be right?"

"You don't remem,-?" An elbow poke in the ribs from Lou cut Steve's question short. It almost made him drop the paper cup he was holding. "What?" he looked irritated aside at his coworker. Lou had excellent nonverbal communication skills, so Steve knew immediately that he should stop talking.

Lou took over and smiled compassionated at Danny. "How are you feeling, brother?"

"I'm feeling fantastic," Danny stated sarcastically as he pulled a cautious breath and levered himself upright. Doing so he squeezed his eyes shut, and Steve could see the pain flash across his partner's features. "When can I go home?" Danny inquired.

For a brief moment Steve and Lou shared eye contact, but Steve rolled his eyes a second later. He couldn't believe Danny was even serious about it. Before Steve could make a comment, Lou went ahead.

"Don't think that's up to us, but it's a good sign you're feeling better," he traced his steps back to the chair he had spent the night in. "Actually, I was thinking when you get out of here, I'm gonna teach you how to make proper pancakes, how does that sound?"

"What's wrong with my pancakes?" Danny asked, sounding a little offended. "Steve? You like them, don't you?" it stayed quiet. Steve didn't even have to say a word, because Danny had no trouble filling in the blanks himself. "No? You lied to me then? When you said they were the best thing you had ever tasted?"

Feeling caught Steve scratched the back of his head. "No-well-I mean," he started, but he knew there was no way out of this tight spot if he kept lying. "What was I supposed to say?" Steve shot a glance at Lou, trying to get some support from him, but he was enjoying this way too much.

A giant grin beamed on Lou's face while he tried to act seriously. "Oh, I don't know, let me think. How about the truth?"

Steve joyful jabbed his finger at Lou. "That might have worked," he admitted before he looked back at his partner. "But hey, Danny, if Lou wants to teach you, maybe next time I'll tell the truth when I say they are the best." Steve teased.

Danny stared annoyed at him. "Could you do me a favor? Please shut up and stop talking for the foreseeable future."

Once again another Doctor strolled in. At least Steve assumed the man was a doctor because he was wearing a white lab coat. "Good morning Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Lewis. Head of the Cardiology department. How are you, Detective?" He asked as he leaned in to give Danny a handshake.

"Annoyed." Danny scoffed.

Doctor Lewis cleaned his hands with antiseptic gel from the dispenser hanging on the wall. "Don't know whether that's a good thing or not."

"Don't worry, he'll get over it," Steve waved the argument away as his concern had spiked when the doctor introduced himself. "I'm sorry, did you say the head of cardio?"

"That's right, Dr. Keller asked me to consult as he had some concerns. We were going over the chart as he was paged to an emergency last night. I'm sure he'll come by after he's done with the surgery," the doctor explained. "Why don't the two of you go grab some breakfast while I do a few tests?" He suggested as he apparently needed the space and privacy.

"All right, we'll be back later." Lou said as he grabbed Steve by his shoulders before he could argue against. Which he otherwise would've done as he didn't see the point of leaving.

Exiting the ICU bay an orderly crossed them, pushing a portable machine forward. She walked up to Danny's cubicle and left the device with Dr. Lewis. To Steve's knowledge, the machine appeared to be for an Electrocardiograph test. And if that wasn't already enough to make him worried the orderly came back onto the hallway and took the echo machine. The one that was just standing there and she brought it into the bay as well. Steve was familiar with the equipment as he had those tests himself after the liver transplant.

"I'm sure Dr. Keller is just being thorough." Lou comforted as Steve kept looking back at his partner's cubicle.

Once more Steve glanced over his shoulder before he left the ICU. "I hope so."

07:42 AM KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - ICU

Danny fiddled with the name tag around his wrist. "Must be quite serious if they send the head of cardio himself."

"That's not immediately true, I happened to be available, that's all." Dr. Lewis reassured.

The physician seemed convincing, and Danny almost believed him, but as an orderly brought in two machines, Danny started to get suspicious. "All right, but add Dr. K's concerns, and there's definitely something going on."

"We'll know soon. Don't worry, you're in good hands," the doctor plugged the ear tips of the stethoscope in and slid the end underneath the hospital gown and onto Danny's chest. "Detective, can you inhale slowly, please."

Danny did what the doctor asked, but after a few breaths, a deep frown appeared on the man's face. Making it clear there was something wrong. "You might wanna work on your facial expression if you don't want me to worry."

"Sorry about that," the doctor tried to look less concerned, but he kept frowning. "Are you experiencing sharp or sudden pain in your chest if you inhale?"

Danny shook his head. "No, just quick out of breath."

"You know for the oxygen mask to help you with that you have to put it on your face," the doctor teased while handing over the mask. "Really, it appears to be supporting with pneumonia."

Danny rolled his eyes but complied and slid the mask back on his mouth. "Funny, but seriously what's with the face?"

"I'm afraid Dr. Keller was right. There's indeed a heart murmur, though it's systolic and therefore usually innocent. Only the high fever along with an increased heart rate and the weariness may indicate the murmur is caused by acute endocarditis. So I'm going to do a quick echo and ECG to rule out any of that if that's okay."

Danny nodded, consenting to the test. "Is that the reason I'm in the ICU?"

"No, you've been in critical condition throughout the night because of the infection. Your fever spiked to 106.1, and I don't think I have to explain how dangerously high that is. Right now it's down to 103.6." The doctor clarified while he unbuttoned the hospital gown on both sides and pulled it down, showing Danny's bare, but injured chest.

"At least that explains all the worried faces around here." Danny didn't know what else to say about it as he didn't even recall ending up in the ICU. Except for the part that he was shivering in the heat and Dr. K was asking him questions. Next thing he woke up this morning. He did remember having a horrifying nightmare about Matthew, but that wasn't something new. He still had the same dream from time to time, hauling him from his sleep during the night.

Dr. Lewis pulled the portable machine closer and grabbed a bottle. "This might be a bit cold," he warned before he placed some gel onto Danny's upper chest followed by the transducer. Dr. Lewis moved the transducer back and forth recording images of sound-wave echoes. Danny tried to become less tense by listening to the pulsing whoosh, but the cold gel kept him from doing so. Apparently, the doctor noticed. "Try to relax, the fever is possibly the probable cause of the rapid blood flow through your heart, which can result in an innocent heart murmur."

"Using the word possibly is not really helping."

Dr. Lewis studied the pictures that were displayed on the video monitor. "This will help because I don't see any abnormalities or adhesions and no inflammations around your heart valves." He stated as he wiped the gel from Danny's chest.

"What about the murmur?" Danny asked, taking the oxygen mask off again.

"Let's check it out." The doctor placed several sticky electrodes on Danny's chest, arms and legs. Then he attached the wires onto the stickers and made sure they were properly working. "I'm going to turn it on, so keep as still as possible."

Danny did what the doctor asked and rested his head back onto the pillow. After a couple of minutes, Dr. Lewis ripped a piece of paper off the machine and examined the test results. He looked up and smiled comfortingly. "Your heart's pumping just fine, so that means no endocarditis. The murmur's innocent and will probably go away once your temperature drops back to normal," he disconnected the leads and peeled the stickers off. "But your heart rate's higher than I would like, so I'll prescribe anticoagulants to prevent blood clots and beta blockers to lower your heart rate and blood pressure," all cleaned up, Dr. Lewis closed the gown again. "You've been incredibly lucky, Detective."

Danny levered himself up. None of this felt like luck to him. His muscles were rigid from lying still so long, his chest ached from all the coughing, and his breathing hadn't improved much. "You call getting shot incredibly lucky?"

"The bullet missed your heart by three millimeters, so yes, I would call that luck." The doctor stated the fact.

"Okay, that changes the circumstances," Danny admitted, feeling indeed lucky that the bullet didn't go through his heart. Hearing luck was on his side again, he might as well ask the one thing he wanted most right now. "So when can I go home?"

Dr. Lewis snorted but went tidying up the used machines. "If the fever comes down below 101.5 we'll transfer you back to the surgical ward," it was all the doctor consented for now. He was about to exit the room as he turned back around. Dr. Lewis pointed at the oxygen mask lying on the bed. "Detective, put it back on."

-HAWAIIFIVE0-

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