Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.
It took some smooth talking on my part, but I convinced everyone not to call Logan and Jubes right away. Eventually it became really awkward, with everyone thinking I hated them or something, and it wasn't like I could tell them my reasons why. So I had to give in a little and let them call and say I was OK and staying there. I trusted Jubes to somehow keep him in Canada, otherwise I'd split. I'd dug myself in this deep so far, going back and trying to tell Logan why and to repair the friendship was probably a lost cause. I was starting to rack up a lot of regrets in this new world, and in moments of quiet solitude I admit it left me feeling very hollow and alone. Maybe that's why Remy had a knack of finding me every time I ran off somewhere to be depressed. Damn Cajun knows me too well, grumble grumble.
Time passed, as it always does whether you do anything with it or not. I was not a part of the team, never really wanted to be, but I still proved useful around the house and hanging around Beast so much definitely imparted plenty wisdom. Things were starting to get settled, I was actually starting to feel comfortable seeing the same people day after day, and then Remy asked me out on a date. Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. I had overheard someone mention the one-year anniversary of Logan and Jubes' wedding, so understandably the rest of my day sucked ass. And I had my own special place to take my stresses and worries in case Remy's room was not available or I just wanted to be truly alone. On the furthest end of the lake, there was a large boulder a little bit into the trees that overlooked the water, and there was my outer sanctum. On that day celebrating what I wanted and was hers instead, I took my tears to the boulder- or the 'pebble' as I called it. How many plants and flowers I watered with my tears I don't know, but at some point I fell asleep curled in a ball on top; crying always seems to exhaust me like nothing else. I awoke to feel Remy's fingers running through my hair and snot running out of my nose. I know, I know, I'm so not the glamorous vixen so perfectly drawn, but this's real life people. Noses get runny, shit smells bad. Or at least mine does, and I don't generally make a point to sniff other's. Call me crazy. So I sit up and try to smoothly wipe away the snot without Remy noticing, wondering if I missed dinner or something. He knows I only go there if I don't want to see anyone, so I'm more curious than anything else about why he's invading my moping space.
"Remy, you ok? Somethin' happen?" I gave him a few minutes to answer, knowing how he liked to keep me in suspense sometimes. When he still didn't answer, I looked up at him, and instead of asking him again, I closed my mouth and gave him a few more minutes. He looked like he was trying to organize his thoughts and gather the courage to start talking.
"Remy know why you be out here, chere. 'N Remy always be givin' you space, but he also tink we have de same problem, no? Bot' o' us be lovin' persons lovin' oders, 'n all dat left of us be wastin' 'way little more by de day. You 'n me gotta take care o' each oder, we in dis t'geder." I'm sure I gave him a strange look; this was nothing new for me, we just never actually talked about it. There's no need to talk about hurts we know are there, as that just makes them hurt more. But apparently he needed to talk.
"You've been takin' care of me since I got here. Maybe I haven't been taking as good care of you?" I wasn't looking for recrimination, it was an honest question. When you're depressed, you tend to self-obsess and maybe I had been neglecting him.
"Non, you take care o' Remy fine. Jes dat Remy tired a people t'inking Remy not dating because he love Roguey 'n dey all feel sorry fo' Remy. Remy don' need nobody' pity. N dey also t'ink you be sad over Logan, n even t'o you are, don' mean you wan' ever'body ta know dat. So Remy got an idea ta fix our problem."
"If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd think you wanted to sleep with me LeBeau." Teasing is good, keeps it light, keeps the conversation from getting too serious. Little known requirement of staying at the mansion was to employ avoidance or evasion as some form of self-preservation on a daily basis.
"Remy know you beautiful, chere. You know it too. But Remy serious. Remy tired of de looks and 'pep talks' so Remy t'ink we should date. Not act'ally date, but go out 'n do t'ings, make de ot'ers t'ink we be dating, den no more looks or talkin'. What you t'ink, chere?" That made me actually sit up and think about it. First of all, Remy was never serious unless it was like a battle or something. Not to mention his talking about things we never talked about by silent agreement, and his feeling in particular. So this was very important to him. And it would help with the advice on my love life that I had been getting from Jean lately. Not so much advice, as more of a subtle 'I know what's going on and I feel sorry for you'. Now I did have some reservations, because as much as I love Remy as a best friend, as his best friend I know for a fact that he is perpetually horny. He is, after all, a man. And however good and honorable our intentions might be at the start of this, there were so many ways it could go sour. So, I had to tread lightly. Would I accept his proposal? Hell yeah! A good diversion and a relief from the pity of others would do me a world of good, and I knew Remy was hurtin' bad. I liked Rogue personally. But there was no way Remy could not get hurt by anything Rogue did, she had that kind of power over him. A little relief was the least I could provide as his friend.
"I think as long as you understand that neither of us are really ready for anything other than friendship and we are just going to pretend so the others will stop using us as the reason theirs lives are so fuckin' great, then we have a deal. But I need a pinkie promise on this, babe. I love you, but I don't think I can handle any more complications in my total lack of a love life right now. You promise not to hurt me later by falling in total abandoning love with me?" Then I gave him my thousand-watt smile just for levity, so he knew I was serious but not totally. He hooked his pinkie in mine and kissed it, which was a nice touch, I admit. Then he ruined it by pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me, which was one of my favorite things when I hid in his room. It was his way of reassuring me that he would do right by me, that things would stay the same. And somehow I felt so much better. I wasn't exactly dating, but we would be spending a lot more time together. I had someone to take care of, which I never knew I craved until I met Logan. Now I had someone who needed me, needed a kind of friendship that only I seemed able to provide. Yeah, that definitely helps the self-image. And even better was that I was doing the same thing for him; he was taking care of me. So I spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening just sitting with him, talking about God knows what, just enjoying the fact that if we had nobody else in the whole world, we knew we had each other. And that was enough for then. The rest would work itself out.
Hopefully.