Chapter 11 - Why We Live

"So you kids must be some kinda crazy celebrities, huh?"

Lightning shrugged, twirling a twig in her fingers. "Used to be, people treat us more like breathing history books now. Having immortals among them is less of a treat after a few generations."

"Really?" Fang shook her head. "Didn't know people were so evolved, thought they'd've poked and prodded you trying to figure out how to take it for themselves."

"As if we would've let them. Goddess, after a week I was ready to find some cave up in the mountains. Hell, if it weren't for Serah, Hope…" Lightning stopped, held the little twig up against the moon, the way she used to stare through Serah's crystal tear, "I might have. They were still just kids."

"But you didn't just stay." Fang took her wrist and dragged it down, forcing her eyes back from the moon. "You went back to the military, which is what I don't understand. They tried to kill us, Sunshine. All of us. Why the hell would you go back?"

"It was the only thing I knew." Fang's grip was gentle, so she didn't fight back, even though most of her instincts were screaming at her. What happened to Hope wouldn't happen here, she had to keep reminding herself of that. "The only way I could help."

"I guess I understand that." Fang sighed. She let go. "Just seems like you would've lost your taste for it. All the fighting."

"Have you?"

She barked. "Alright, you got me there. Just give me a reason and I'd beat the shit outta something right now. But there's a big difference between you and I." Her arms crossed, and when she shifted her weight her face fell into the moonlight. "I'm only older than you by technicality, love, you've actually been living all this time. I've got twenty-one years in my head, you have six hundred. I wouldn't go comparing us so quick."

"Maybe that's one way to look at it." Lightning's memories were all jumbled up inside, she could hardly tell one century from the next. After a while, things started to… blur. People, places, births, deaths. "Let's get back, I'm sure Vanille's worried about you."

Fang snorted. "Sure, if she's taken her eyes off your golden boy."

"Fang, stop, we talked about this."

"I'm just saying."

Just saying. Honestly.

Lightning turned back toward the lake and started walking, not much caring if Fang followed her or not. How Hope and Vanille felt about each other was their business, and had, frankly, been quite obvious for a very long time.

She heard Fang following her eventually, and chose to continue to ignore her. Whatever her problem was with Hope—beyond his feelings for Vanille—that would have to get worked out later. Her focus at the moment was to get him home. Nothing else mattered in her mind, not her memory gaps, not the miracle of Vanille and Fang's return, not even the explosion—that she was ignoring until she was able to report it.

"Sunshine." Fang called out, jogging to catch up. "Lightning, I'm sorry, I know how much you care about the kid, but I just don't trust him. You didn't trust Snow with Serah, right? Don't you get it?"

She got it, but that wasn't the problem. "It's not the same thing, Fang."

"The hell it isn't, she's my little sister and he's some idealistic kid who thinks he can fix everything. Where is the difference?"

Lightning huffed. She didn't want to keep having this argument, she didn't have the energy. "Look, Snow and Serah were kids, but it's literally been hundreds of years. You call Hope a kid," she shook her head, "he hasn't been a kid since he left his dad in Palumpolum. And if he still cares for her after all this time, don't you think that means something?"

That ended the conversation yet again. Fang stormed off, muttering something about just trying to apologize, with Lightning in her wake this time. It wouldn't be long until they reached the lake, they had essentially been wandering in circles.

Lightning's eyes stayed locked to Fang's back as they walked, drifting occasionally to her shoulder where her frozen Brand used to be. She thought there must be something she wasn't saying, something deeper than just wanting to protect Vanille, if that was even possible. There was a desperate element to her protests, a darker energy brewing behind her eyes and teeth. An energy she wasn't sure she'd seen in Fang before, or maybe it had always been there, and she'd never paid attention. A little guilt sprouted in her chest, because she knew that was entirely possible.

The earth started mixing with sand almost as soon as the treeline broke, and the beach was beneath her boots, between Fang's toes. They were on the opposite end from where they'd left Hope and Vanille, they would only need to follow the curve of the water to return to them.

The frustration between the two of them dissipated in the cool silence of the night, and soon enough they were side by side again, close enough for brushing hands. Lightning caught Fang glancing her way many times, but chose to hold her tongue. She didn't want to fight anymore. Goddess, she and Vanille were finally free, really free, why was she fighting? It seemed impossible that they could even be doing this, walking together again, but here they were. They should… they should be celebrating, not whatever this was.

She'd tried not to think about Fang and Vanille. She told herself it was for the benefit of the others, so they could move on, but the truth was that it was too hard. Since the death of her parents, Lightning had never had friends outside of her sister. It was stupid, but she'd felt comfortable calling Fang a friend by the end, and losing her to such a cruel fate was painful. It hurt in a different way than losing her sister had, and if she were to be honest, was part of the reason she'd joined the military again. She had to do something.

Hope's leaving made more sense all the time.

At some point, the air to her right went cold. She stopped, turning slowly, drifting through the sand. Fang stood about ten feet back, staring silently over the water.

"Fang?"

"Did you miss me, Sunshine?"

"What?"

Fang grunted, shaking her head. Her hand tightened against her waist. "Nothing, never mind."

"Right." Lightning crossed her arms, settling back onto her right foot. "I did miss you, Fang, for what it's worth. We all did."

"'What it's worth?'" Fang turned to her with heavy eyes which might have held the mists of tears she'd never allow to shed. She choked on a wet gasp. "Everything, Lightning. Vanille and I have only ever had each other. You know what that's like, don't you?" She started to shake her head in short cycles, the fist at her side open but still stiff. "In a sick way, I'm really glad you all are still alive. I don't think I could lose everything again."

"We lost you." Lightning's voice was soft, but she resisted the part of her that wanted to take Fang's hand. "We never forgot, Fang. We celebrated you and Vanille every year, every day, for what you did. I'm pretty sure Serah's kids learned more about you in the house than they did at school."

"Heh, school. Who'da thunk?" She took a deep breath and crossed her arms tightly over herself. "Thanks, Lightning."

"I mean it." She would have elbowed Fang, but they weren't standing that close, so she just made the gesture. "Everyone will be really happy to see you again." She took a half-step back. "Come on, let's go."

"Uh, first..." Fang was cut off by Lightning's outstretched hand, held like an offering. A smile flickered on her lips and soon they were walking hand-in-hand down the beach. Lightning slipped away after a little while, but they didn't drift very far. They walked in silence and listened to the water lap against the night.

Lightning had made an effort every once and a while to make new friends, mostly under Serah's insistence. She didn't remember most of them, but most of the time it hadn't been real, anyway. People liked her because she was famous, her family was famous. More than that, they were immortal. When she told Fang before that people didn't care as much any more, that was true, collectively, but once you got one-on-one with someone, suddenly they had all kinds of uncomfortable questions.

She's sure there were some over the years that she could tolerate, some that she may have even been close to.

But there had never been anyone like Fang. That she knew for sure.

"So, when we get back…" Fang glanced sideways at her. "What do we do? I mean…" She took a long step, sweeping her foot over the water, just breaking the surface with the bottom of her shoe. "I don't think I know how to live anymore. I've always been fighting something. For food, for my Focus, against my Focus. Even I know I can't do that forever."

"I used to think that we could." Lightning said. "Maybe that's why I stuck with the military, some way of tricking myself into thinking there was still something I needed to fight. I must have trained millions of idiots like me." She chuckled softly. "But you know what? They never let me fight. I get shot once, on accident by some kid, and they get so scared they're going to lose one of the 'saviors of mankind' that I never saw real combat."

"Really? Their loss."

"Yeah, well, this was after Hope disappeared, and they thought he was dead, so they weren't going to take any chances." Lightning paused. "Anyway, if you can't fight, you have to find something to live for. So… live for yourself, or Vanille, or whatever makes sense."

Fang stared distantly over the moonlit water, perhaps searching for her something. It would take her time, Lightning knew, a lot of damn time, but she'd figure it out.

They were getting close to their little makeshift campsite, any minute now they'd find Hope and Vanille again and this intimacy they'd developed would disappear. Not because they wanted it to, but that's the kind of people they were. Lightning wasn't sure if she'd miss it or not.

Fang slowed down. Maybe she was thinking the same thing.

"What do you live for, Sunshine?"

She expected that question, yet she still didn't have an answer. "I don't know, really. Hope and Serah, for a while. Work, probably."

Fang hummed to herself. Lightning watched her think, veering distractedly into the water more than once. She wondered what Fang was like before the war, before all this happened to her. Fighting looked as natural on her as it sounded like it felt. She was graceful, calculated, strong, probably stronger than her. She'd find something to live for, there was no doubt there.

"I guess I have forever to figure it out."

"Yeah, I guess you do."

Though they'd slowed their pace, they came upon the camp soon enough. The fire that had been there when they left was just embers now, and that's where Lightning's gaze went. But Fang saw something else, something more, and the next few moments moved by as slowly as they did quick.

Hope and Vanille were stood a short way into the lake, dripping wet from the water with their arms around each other. They were very, very close. It was obvious what they had been doing.

Beside Lightning, Fang snarled, her hands balled into fists. She barely had time to grab her friend by the wrist before she attempted to lunge at them.

"What in the hell are you doing!?"