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For a brief moment Todd considers bolting, it's not like Charlie could catch him if he ran, Todd's legs were way longer than his and Charlie Dalton had never really struck him as a running person anyways. No one who wears a sweater in June is going to attempt any physical activity than what is absolutely required. But Todd shrugs his shoulders vaguely, in an 'I'm listening' sort of way and stares at Charlie who shakes his head.
"No, not. Not here. Come on let's go to the courtyard." He turns on his heel and Todd follows, keeping enough distance between himself and Charlie that, to the casual observer it probably doesn't even seem like they are walking together at all.
The sun is blazing brightly in the courtyard and Todd squints wishing he had his sunglasses. Because he's an ass Charlie pulls out a pair of ridiculous sunglasses with perfectly circular lenses that Todd can't help associate with bongos and pretentious interpretations of On the Road.
Charlie flops down on one of the picnic tables in the courtyard and gestures for Todd to sit opposite him. Most people are still at their lockers or in the lunch line so there isn't anyone there but them. "I used to hate you. Did you know that?" Charlie says, nonchalantly, biting the side of his thumb and then inspecting it. "I mean for like the first three months of middle school you were literally all Neil could talk about, Todd this and Todd that. He missed you so badly all the time and it was like I was just this no-name brand substitute that wasn't what he wanted but at least I sort of filled the hole."
"And then I met you, do you remember that? You're this shy kid who barely says two words but Neil's acting like you single -handedly put every single star in the sky and it fucking drove me crazy."
Todd vaguely remembers the first time they had met. It was at one of Neil's birthday parties and Charlie had been practically elbowing him out of the way so he could sit next to Neil, give Neil his present first making sure he was always in his line of vision. As if the moment Neil looked away Charlie would stop existing. Todd can understand that, it's like a zen riddle, if Todd Anderson exists but Neil Perry is not there to witness it, does he exist at all? For a startling, slightly terrifying moment Todd wonders if Charlie feels the same way about Neil. That this is all leading up to some confession that he's in love with Neil and the thing with Meeks was just a fluke.
Charlie must see the terror on Todd's face because he immediately holds his hands up and shakes his head, "I mean, don't get me wrong I've never felt that way about Neil, but he's always had that you know...presence. Like you just want to do things for him, make him happy, make him proud of you." Charlie laughs, it's almost sarcastic. "I hated your guts because it was like you didn't even have to try. I mean that's not an excuse and I'm not saying it is but I was young and stupid and none of that was fair to you. "
There's a group of freshman girls sitting at another one of the picnic tables now and Todd can't help but stare at them while Charlie talks, it's easier somehow to listen if he doesn't have to actually look at Charlie. The way you would look away from the needle while giving blood, because if you don't look it's almost like it's not entirely real.
Charlie sighs,"And then, Steven, who I've had this thing for since I was 12 and I didn't even know what it was at the time but I just wanted him to notice me, but not in the same way I wanted Neil to notice me and it was all just insanely confusing. Our parents are friends. Steven's and mine and we were always at all these dinners and parties together for years and years and he just didn't want anything to do with me no matter what I did. But you two did one group project together in ninth grade and suddenly you're thick as thieves! I mean, you can see where I'm going here right? I just felt like no matter where I went I was stuck in your fucking shadow, which again isn't your fault but I'm admittedly kind of a selfish douchebag."
Todd's head snaps back his eyebrows raising. "What?"
"I guess what I'm trying to get at here," He makes a circle in the air with his hand, limp at the wrist, "in a very roundabout way is that I agree with you."
"...What?" Todd says again after a very long pause, because seriously what the hell just happened.
Charlie tilts his head, "I agree with you. I mean not about Steven being pathetic, because that's a fucking lie and we both know it, but about everything else. Me not being good enough. I'm not. Not for Steven and not for Neil either. But I am selfish, and if those people give me chances I will take them and I will hold on for as long as they'll let me."
Todd blinks. He opens his mouth. He closes it. He blinks again. "Wait...sorry but-what?"
Charlie tilts his head, "I can't tell if you're mocking me."
Todd frowns, "I literally have no idea what your point is here."
"I am kind of a dick."
"And...?"
"And I know that I'm kind of a dick but I really like Steven and I want to at least try and see if there's something there. That's what I'm trying to say here. And also I'm sorry that I've been such an ass to you because you didn't deserve any of that." Charlie takes a deep breath and adjusts his beret. "But you do have to apologize to Steven cause seriously you're beating me in the being an asshole category."
"We don't have to pretend to be friends do we? Because, I still kind of really don't like you and I can't stop you from dating my friend but I don't have to like it."
"It's not Fiddler on the Roof, we don't need your blessing. But you are Steven are friends and he misses you so suck it up and say you're sorry."
"What is the sudden obsession with Fiddler on the Roof?" Todd mutters and then concedes defeat. "Fine, I'll let you guys figure out what the hell you're doing, but I swear if you hurt him I will burn all your hats and shave your head."
Charlie ponders this, "Okay. Sounds fair." He extends a hand to Todd who rolls his eyes but shakes it. "See I'm not such a bad guy after all."
"I still don't like you." Todd says standing up.
Charlie shrugs, "That's okay."
"And you have horrible fashion sense." Todd says before turning and walking back into the hallway.
"Debatable!" Charlie calls after him smiling that stupid smug grin that Todd doesn't even have to turn around to know is there.
The halls are deserted as he makes his way to the cafeteria, the occasional echo of someone's feet on the tile or whispers of conversation. He catches sight of Ginny sitting with Knox and Chris and he wants to wave at her but he remembers the text messages and his stomach sinks. Meeks is sitting with Gerard and some guy Todd can never remember the name of. Sam, maybe? Or Skippy or Skip or something?
They're all laughing at something Gerard said when he walks up. Steven has his back to Todd which is good because Todd is able to sit down before Meeks notices him.
"Hey," Todd says "Um, I really need to apologize to you."
Meeks doesn't turn to look at him but his body language screams his discomfort, shoulders tensing painfully. "I don't really want to talk to you right now Todd." He says tersely.
"Steven." Gerard says, "Remember what we were talking about earlier? About feelings? This might be a good way to get some things you need to say into the open."
Meeks rolls his eyes but Gerard just pats his hand and turns to look at Todd, "I think it will be good for you."
"You've been spending too much time with Knox." Meeks mutters.
Gerard is unperturbed by this lack of enthusiasm and shoves a red plastic fork into Meeks' hands. "Okay, so this is the talking fork and you can only talk when you have it in your hands. Be sure to make lots of statements about how events made you feel and to use 'I' statements."
"I feel that this exercise is ridiculous." Meeks says.
"Good." Gerard coos, "Now Todd, while Steven is talking you need to be listening and really understanding what he is saying. Alright?"
"Is this really necessary-" But Gerard is shushing him and leaning into Meeks who glares at him for a second before rolling his eyes and sighing.
"Fine, fine. Uh, okay, I feel" Gerard nods enthusiastically, "Like Todd was a total asshole to me and that it's really none of his goddamn business who's mouth I want to put my tongue into."
Todd opens his mouth but Gerard waves a hand in his face. "You don't have the talking fork."
"This is cultural misappropriation." Todd mutters and is firmly shushed.
Meeks won't even look at him, eyes planted firmly on the fake wood grain of the cafeteria table. "And I feel like you think you can just ignore me for your Neil problems but then when I do something you don't like suddenly it's like I'm the one who's being a bad friend for having the audacity to like someone you don't like. I mean, honestly I could have been dating Charlie for the last 3 months and I don't think you would have noticed because if it doesn't involve Neil Perry you don't give half a fuck!"
His voice raises and a group of dorky sophomores the next table over turn to look in surprise. "I'm not just going to be your nerdy friend sidekick anymore. I am sick of you forgetting about me and I'm sick of you calling me by my last name. My name is Steven, okay? I am not pathetic and unless you want to take this stupid talking fork and tell me you're sorry and that I'm right you can just leave."
Gerard has this look on his face like he's stepped on a nail and he reaches out for Meeks' arm. "Steven, hey man-"
"It's okay." He says looking at the table again, as if their are answers written there and not just 'call 705 674 3909 for a good time'. "Really, that was probably good, for like my mental health or whatever." He huffs out a laugh that sounds more like a cough and pushes the talking fork towards Todd.
"I don't like Charlie Dalton." Todd says holding the fork, "I think that you're out of his league and I'm worried that he'll hurt you. But you're right, everything I said to you at after-prom was uncalled for and I don't get to have a say on your love life. You're right and I'm sorry. And I also think you should know that before I came here to tell you how much I am sorry I had a heart to heart with your boyfriend-"
"He's not my boyfriend."
"-And I just want to make things right so we can be friends again." Todd takes a deep breath, he's not used to talking so much and he feels like he's running out of words, like a torrential rain storm slowing to a trickle but he has to get one last thing out first. "Steven, I am so, so sorry for how I've treated you and what I said to you at after-prom. You are the smartest most capable person I know and even if I don't trust Charlie I trust you."
Meeks- Steven looks up at him over the rims of his glasses. "Okay." He says simply.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
The kid named Skippy or Sam or whatever looks back and forth between the two of them. "That was the most intense thing I have seen in a long time." He stares at Todd, "And I have literally never heard you say more than 2 sentences at a time.
"Omigod," Steven says, "Gerard don't cry."
"I can't help it." He says, "Your friendship is so beautiful."
Steven put his hand on Gerard's shoulder, "What a softie. This is why I won't go see Monster's University with you."
"A real man isn't afraid to show his emotions." Gerard says wiping his eyes.
"Yeah, okay but a real man also knows that he needs to cry at a volume level that will not scare small children."
Gerard shrugs again, "I think we have learned today that sharing our emotions can lead to great things."
Steven rolls his eyes and grins at over at Todd and it's like the last four days just melt away between them and Todd feels like he can properly breathe again. Like someone had a knee in his chest pining him down and it's lifted.
"So," Steven says pulling a pen out from behind his ear and flipping open a notebook, "You said you needed me to do to help you find Neil?"
Todd pauses, not sure how to phrase it, "On a scale from 1 to 10 how cool would you say you are with breaking and entering?"