Chapter 11
Salvation
The days following Edwards' statement; that he now had more to consider with regards to the direction of his life; were both joyous and burdened. Each day we made sure we spent a little time discussing our predicament but were unable to come up with anything solid or realistic. The ideas that Edward kept coming up with all revolved around him delaying his studies, there was simply no way I was going to allow this to happen.
Ashamed as I was, the last time he'd suggested it I got up and abruptly left the suite, I was getting so frustrated and felt like I was in a constant state of despair, I knew Edward felt the same but being the gentleman he was he didn't allow it to get the better of him. I was such a monster.
"Bella, don't leave, I'm sorry" he pleaded; I kept walking and didn't even bother to close the glass door behind me. The others were outside on the balcony and were thrust into witnessing our first fight. Their conversations were silenced by my disgusting display, I was just so upset to think that he would think I would be Ok with that kind of solution, to me it wasn't a solution, it was a tragedy.
"Bella!" He called out from the doorway. I continued down the walkway towards the elevator. "Bella!" he called again as he followed me swiftly, almost jogging to reach me. "Edward, stop." I said looking right into his eyes. Other than most times I'd visited my mother, I couldn't think of any other time when I'd felt so angry. He stopped immediately leaving a good 3 meters between us "Bella, I'm sorry" He said and his pleading eyes almost broke my resolve. "Edward, I'll come back to you, but for now you need to let me go" I instructed "Ok" He breathed "Take all the time you need, I'll always be waiting for you" he said. His double meaning was like a kick in the guts, I felt terrible that I was hurting him but I needed to set up some boundaries and he needed to be aware that I was not the sort of woman who needed the man she loved to discard his dreams, I needed the exact opposite, I needed a man who was dependable and determined and as Independent as I was.
I walked out onto the street and up the road, I didn't have anywhere else to go and I'd unconsciously headed in the direction of the hotel where we'd shared our first kiss. I was startled by the guard when he spoke to me from just beyond the small gate. "Miss Bella, where's your Edward?" My Edward, he'd said, and he was. "Oh, you scared me" I said slightly flustered "I'm sorry, ma'am, are you looking for him?" He asked, "Ah, no, no, I'm just…." I started, then it came without warning, and suddenly I was consumed with a flood of emotions, it was physically evident that I was upset.
The guard came over to me and asked if I would like to go through and sit quietly for a little while, I was grateful and accepted his offer glad to be able to disappear from public view and be able to spend some time alone in the dark. "There is no guard inside tonight Miss Bella, it's just me" He assured "Thank you" I said and slipped through the gate.
I sat at the table where we had placed our clothes the other night and stared deeply into the water that had been so warm and inviting. I hadn't completely lost it but my vision was blurred by my tears nonetheless, I looked towards the spot under the bridge where I had rested my chin on his shoulder and wished that he was here for me to be able to it again but I knew my reasoning was just and I had to be cruel to be kind, at least that's what I told myself.
I sat motionless wallowing in the pity of it all, trying to think of a plan which would allow Edward and I to be together without compromising his future, I kept coming up blank, then out of the shadows I saw a figure appear, it ghosted over towards the other side of the pool, with only the distant streetlight for Illumination I was unable to make out who it was.
The figure paced up and down the other side of the pool deck like a caged tiger at a circus, it's ominous movements indicating it was looking straight at me. I felt it's penetrating glare but could not make contact with its source and although I felt like I should be afraid; I wasn't.
It made its final pass back down towards the end of the pool and I lost sight of the shadow as it moved behind the enormous tree that was situated near the stairs. I gazed for seconds into the darkness anxious but prepared, for something to be there like that at the same time I was made me remember my own life's mantra 'Everything happens for a reason'. What I saw next could only be described as salvation.