Chapter 11

Amy sat on the bathroom floor, next to the toilet, hoping she was done. She was now seven weeks pregnant and morning sickness had kicked in, full force, a week ago.

"Are you okay in there?" Ty asked, gently knocking on the door.

"Yeah, I think so... I'll be out in a minute," she said. Her stomach felt fine, for the moment, so she went to the sink to clean up and brush her teeth.

When she came out of the bathroom, Ty greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Ugh, don't kiss me, I'm disgusting," she said, pushing him away.

"You're not disgusting, you're-"

"Don't even say it..."

"-beautiful."

Amy glared at her husband, as he took her hand and pulled her toward him, smiling the whole time. "I love you," he said.

Ty's smile was contagious and Amy was too tired to fight it, so she began to smile, too. "I love you too," she admitted. This time, when he kissed her, on the lips, she surrendered and let herself enjoy it.

"Now, was that so bad?" he asked.

"I guess not," Amy teased.

Ty shook his head and laughed. "Alright, well dinner is ready, and I'm starving," he told her.

They sat down and Ty began eating, but Amy just pushed her food around on her plate.

"You know, 'morning sickness' is a deceptive term," she said, "since it can obviously happen at any time."

"Yeah, I guess that's true," Ty agreed. "You've had a pretty rough week, haven't you?"

Amy nodded and finally dared to take a bite of mashed potatoes.

"I think we need to tell your family," Ty said.

"Not yet."

"Amy, they're all noticing that something is going on and your not yourself. Jack has been worried about you, ever since you passed out, and it's getting harder to convince him that nothing is wrong. Lou is getting suspicious, too. This morning, I told her you had the flu, and she nodded and gave me that look that says she knows what I really mean."

"We'll tell them after my first check up, ok?"

"That's not for another week, Amy. I can't keep lying to your family," he told her. "Besides, it might be good for you to be able to talk to them about how you're feeling."

"In other words, your hoping they can convince me to be happy about this whole thing."

"That's not what I said, but maybe they could-"

"You know what, I'm not hungry," she said, getting up from the table, "I'm going to check on the horses."

Ty said something, probably asking her to stay and talk, but Amy ignored him and went downstairs. When she reach the last step, she suddenly stopped and covered her mouth. "Oh no," she groaned, turning around and going back upstairs. She ran across loft, and made it into the bathroom, just in time.

When she came out, a few minutes later, she told Ty, "I guess we can add 'the smell of horses' to the list of things that make me sick."

Ty came over and hugged her, and said, "Why don't you go lay down? I can do night check, for you."

"Thanks," she said, then with an ironic laugh, she added, "only seven weeks along and I already can't go near the horses. What's the rest of this pregnancy going to be like?"

"It's only temporary, Amy, the morning sickness will go away."

"Yeah, but I'll still be pregnant. I'm still having... a baby," she said, still struggling accept the reality of what was happening.

"That's a good thing, Amy! Having a baby is a good thing!" Ty still wondered how she couldn't see it that that way.

"To you, maybe, but I don't feel that way. I know you hoped I would have changed my mind by now, but I haven't. I still don't want this-"

"This? You mean this baby? Our baby. You don't want our baby?"

"Ty, that's not-"

"You know what? I have been trying to be patient and understanding about this, but that is my son or daughter that you're carrying and I don't want them to grow up, feeling unloved or unwanted. You're his or her mother, Amy, and you need to start acting like it. This isn't about you anymore, and it isn't about me, either. It's about our child."

"I don't want to talk about this right now," she said, going into their bedroom.

"No, you never want to talk about anything, do you?" Ty asked, following her, "You just avoid your problems and hope they go away. Well, that's not going to work this time."

Amy did her best to ignore Ty, as she got ready for bed.

"What are you going to do when the baby is born?"

"Shouldn't you be checking on the horses?" she asked.

"Amy-"

"I told you, I'm not talking about this right now."

Ty opened his mouth to speak, but then changed his mind. He knew this argument would only get worse, at this point, not better. So, without another word, Ty left the room.

This was supposed to be a happy time, when they would prepare for their baby and dream about what their baby would look like or what personality it would have. Ty never imagined that he'd have to convince Amy to actually want their child. He thought back to his own childhood and how his dad had abandoned them, and then his mom married a man who abused them. When his mom started drinking, he had felt like she had abandoned him too. Alcohol was her own escape from their problems. While she escaped, through bottle after bottle, Ty was left behind to face the reality of their situation. He had to protect his mother, because she wasn't able to protect her own son. The physical pain, from the beatings, was only temporary and, over time, the cuts and bruises would heal. The emotional pain, that came from being rejected by his own parents, though... that stayed with him all these years and still hadn't fully healed. It was because of his childhood, that he swore his own children would feel nothing but love and acceptance from him.

By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, the weight of his childhood memories had become too much and he had to sit down. The thought that his own child may feel unwanted or unloved, by even one parent, broke him. He had always trusted that Amy would be a good and loving mother. Now, seeing how much she didn't want to be a mom, his trust had been broken. How could she not want their child? What was he supposed to do now? He didn't have any answers, so he just sat there and wept, unable to do or think about anything else.