Slowly into the Light
By: Montez
Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See chapter one

It was a touch and smell that greeted SSA Aaron Hotchner back to awareness. The smell was the overwhelming antiseptic cleanliness of a hospital. The touch was a slight pressure around his left bicep and a warm weight around his right wrist. His head hurt much like it had after the explosion in New York, a nearly overwhelming sensation that the pain-killers could only dull, not completely take away. He couldn't remember why he was in the hospital again and for a moment his breath hitched in his chest as he realized he couldn't hear any of the faint hospital noises that were always in the background, even during the quiet of night.

The weight on his wrist increased slightly, another touch coming up to rub his upper arm, a comforting touch, one to help keep him calm, but he could feel the panic rising as the lack of sound continued. Finally through the fog of exhaustion, that he could still feel, he finally managed to open his eyes. It was the worried, dark-brown eyes of David Rossi that met his tired and slightly scared gaze.

Dave knew Hotch could read lips so when he saw the younger man's eyes finally open, feeling the tension increase in the injured man's arm, he made sure he was in Aaron's line of sight before he spoke slowly, "You with me?"

Pinching his eye's shut Hotch nodded slightly, stopping as soon as pain shot through his head, radiating from his right ear, causing him to turn on his side, a muffled moan escaping his mouth. It was another firmer touch on his shoulder that helped ground him through the pain as he felt the blood-pressure cuff activate and his sleep-starved body give in and drew him back into the darkness.

Just then the nurse entered there room, noticing Rossi standing next to Hotch's bed, the unconscious man now curled onto his right side, Dave's arm resting on his friend's shoulder. "Is everything all right?" She asked.

Dave looked at his friend, the lines of pain still clear on the younger man's face. The veteran profiler ran his hand through his hair and faced the young woman. "He woke up for a second, I don't think he could hear anything, then the pain hit and he passed out." Rossi watched as the nurse stepped forward to take vitals, noting the slight spike in her patient's blood pressure.

"I'll let the doctor know." The young nurse responded, giving Rossi what appeared to be a reassuring smile, which did nothing to reassure the older man, before leaving the room.

Dave returned to his seat, glancing at his watch; 2:53 am. It had been a long six hours since Hotch had collapsed at the scene. It had taken some doing before Rossi could convince the rest of the BAU to head back to the hotel and that he'd call them if anything changed.

The older profiler had ridden with his younger counterpart, the collapse unnerving him; it was too reminiscent of New York, after thinking Aaron was fine only to learn he was more injured than anyone realized. Now, even though the doctors had reassured the team that it was mostly the pain and exhaustion that had caused this latest episode, it didn't make watching his friend laying unconscious in a hospital bed any easier.

Silence had again settled when the door opened slowly, Dave glanced up and saw Morgan coming through, two cups of coffee in his hands. "How's he doing?" the dark-skinned profiler asked, handing Rossi one of the cups.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. He woke up for a minute, but I don't think he could hear and the pain caused him to loss consciousness again. I thought I told you all to go back to the hotel." Taking a sip of the hot beverage Dave looked at Derek.

"Couldn't sleep even if I wanted to." Morgan looked at his sleeping boss, his gut churning. "This is too much too soon. Besides once Garcia learned about what happened she told me in no uncertain turns that I was to quote, 'keep an eye on our boss man and let me know if anything changes no matter the time and if you don't I won't answer your calls for the next month', end quote." Derek pulled the other chair in the room closer to Rossi.

"She can be very intimidating when she wants to be can't she?" Dave gave Morgan a small grin.

"You have no idea." Derek shook his head as he took a drink of his coffee. His voice took on a somber tone as he continued, "She's called me several times over the last couple weeks in the middle of the night because she wakes of crying…she can't get the images of watching the explosion out of her mind…" the younger man's gaze fell on his friend in the bed, "We've had some close calls, but this time…this time was too close…to reminiscent of Boston."

Dave nodded, that incident had crossed the older man's mind as well, this makes two explosions that Hotch had survived, if only barely and Rossi prayed there would never be a third. With those thoughts both men settled in, finished their coffee and kept vigil over their friend.

The next time Aaron awoke, sunlight was streaming through the partially closed blinds and Morgan was sitting in the chair next to the bed with his eye's closed. Hotch turned his head slowly, pain still present but thankfully not as intense. Feeling a touch on his arm he slowly turned back to find Derek standing next to the bed, "Hotch, can you hear me?"

Morgan noticed his friend's brow crease, "Morgan?" Hotch raised his hand to his forehead, his mind slowly clicking the last twenty-fours events into place, he remembered Chloe coming out of the house and not much else except pain. Now it was dull pain and a low buzzing in his ears telling him something had happened that may have damaged his ears even further. "What happened?"

"You didn't answer, can you hear me?" Derek asked again, waiting for the answer he knew would be coming since Hotch was talking louder than normal.

"Buzzing…all I hear is buzzing…where's Dave?" Hotch vaguely remembered Rossi being there, but he couldn't pin-point when.

Morgan now knew his boss couldn't hear him, so he kept eye contact and spoke slowly so Hotch could read his lips, "Rossi's gone for coffee, how are you feeling?"

For a moment Aaron contemplated going with his usual line of 'I'm fine', but the tiredness he saw in his agents face and the fact he was back in the hospital made the older man decide to be honest, he owed Derek that, both him and Rossi had been sticking close to him these last weeks, despite his continued grumpy mood. "Tired…head hurts and I hate that I can't hear." Hotch pushed himself up more, Morgan finding the button to raise the head of the bed.

Squeezing the injured man's arm Derek shook his head, "I'm not surprised, you were standing right next to Sheriff Dobson when he shot Chloe, from what the doctor's say the sound of the gunshot so close re-injured your healing ear drum and because you haven't been sleeping…don't look at me like that, you're surrounded by profilers, you don't think we hadn't noticed?" The look that crossed Aaron's face made it seem like he was actually surprised everyone knew just how exhausted he had been. "Anyway, between you not eating, not sleeping and the shock of the pain, you collapsed."

Though he'd been honest enough, Hotch didn't really like being read that easy, it unnerved him some, so he decided to try and refocus attention to another question, "When can I get out of here? Have the other's headed back?"

At that Derek sat down, putting his head in his hands, the last several weeks finally weighing on him. Shaking his head, he sat back, crossing his legs and just staring at Hotch a moment before he spoke. "You know Hotch; I just don't understand you sometimes." Aaron honestly looked perplexed. "Haven't you realized anything about your team yet? No, the rest of the team is at the sheriff's office finishing up our end of the investigation and even if they hadn't needed to be there, it has taken everything Rossi and I have to keep them from camping out in here or the waiting room. Contrary to what you want to think we care about you whether you like it or not. No one was going to leave town until you could."

Hotch knew these people cared, he'd seen it over and over again, but he hated to have people worry about him. That's why he's always hidden his emotions, always kept things close to the vest; he didn't want people worrying about him. Yes he worried about his people, even before the divorce Aaron had viewed his team as an extended family, they became more important to him after the divorce. There were some days that, other than Jack, the group of people he was surrounded with were the only things keeping him going, giving him reason to get out of bed. So deep down he knew they cared for him as much as he cared for them, but that didn't mean he felt he was worth it.

Before Derek could answer the second question the hospital room door opened and Rossi, along with Hotch's doctor walked in, the older profiler handing Morgan a cup of coffee, giving him a 'what's going on look?'. At that younger profiler just shook his head as the voice of the doctor filled the room.

"Agent Hotchner, good to see you awake. Can you tell me if you can hear me and how you feel?" The white-haired man flipped through Aaron's chart as he waited for his patient to answer.

Blowing out a deep-breath, clearly still tired and getting more agitated by the minute he leaned his head back, "All I hear is buzzing and I'm tired, now when can I get out of here?" Aaron had taken to heart what Morgan had said, but old habits die hard and willingly allowing people to care for him would take some time. Aside from that he still didn't like hospitals and just really wanted to go home, maybe take some of those accrued sick days he's had over his years of service and sleep for a week. That is if the nightmares would leave him alone.

The doctor could read the tension coming off his patient, he'd seen this with law enforcement officers before, so he had a little experience dealing with stubborn types. "Agent Hotchner, you're going to be lucky if you didn't permanently damage your hearing, I'm surprised your doctor released you to be in the field, let alone fly with your ear drum still damaged." That is what the doctor was looking for, that slight look of guilt telling him that maybe the man's doctor hadn't necessarily released him for everything that he'd obviously been doing. "Okay, that's what I thought. When you return home you need to go back to your specialist because there isn't much I can do for you other than give you something to help with the pain. Now, as far as when you can leave, I am insisting you stay another night, I wasn't happy with you your blood work or your blood pressure. According to your friends here…" The doctor motioned to Rossi and Morgan, "You haven't been eating or sleeping much," Aaron tried his best to glare at his friends. "I would have been able to tell, even without them telling me." The doctor mentally rolled his eye's at the man thinking a doctor wouldn't be able to already tell these things. "I want you to stay on an IV for the rest of today, if you eat something of substance this evening, and I'll allow you friends to bring something in for you if it will help, I'll see about releasing you tomorrow morning, but I will not sign off on you flying back to Washington, nor will I release you for duty until you have seen you doctor there."

Dave had been watching Hotch and listening closely to what the doctor had been saying, by the end of the doctor's comments Rossi couldn't help the small chuckle that had escaped as he turned away, glancing at Morgan's amused expression as well. He wished he could have this doctor be the BAU's personal physician, the way he was more or less 'telling' Aaron what was going to happen.

Hotch hated being told he was staying another night, but if he was completely honest with himself he was too exhausted to care. So, surprising both Rossi and Morgan at the ease to which he'd given in, Aaron agreed to stay another night, praying tomorrow would bring some of his hearing back and maybe, just maybe he could sleep and not feel so exhausted.