OK! I am FINALLY typing up my first Christmas fic ever!! I wrote this out just a few weeks ago...--; So anyway, enjoy!!
Name: Breda's Christmas Neurosis
Pairings: none.
Rated: PG13! for mild language.
Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist, or Quest.
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Breda had a problem.
It wasn't something that many people knew about.
Roy Mustang knew, and sympathized with the dog-fearing man, but that didn't really help in any way.
See, Heymans Breda was paranoid about some random things. Specifically thinking that all machines talked when he left a room. Coffee machines, microwaves, telephones, computers and TV's were the chattiest. They were not only gossips in his opinion (how else would Roy have known that Breda had once accepted a dare to put kitten poop in the Colonel's coffee machine?), they were also complainers. But then, that particular neurosis didn't actually hurt anything. The fact that watching television hypnotized him to some degree, was potentially dangerous. Or at least, disturbing.
"Merry Christmas." Mustang mumbled distractedly as Breda came into the office.
"Yeah. Right. Sappy Holidays to you too."
"What?" the colonel looked up. Breda sighed.
"Two days before Christmas, so three days ago, I started watching TV in this bar and-and the TV and the phone and the compuoter were all complaining, just like they do in real life! And then they decided that they all wanted Quest service for Christmas! So then I got home and sue enough as soon as I turn out the lights they all start bitching about how all the other houses in Amestris probably already had Quest and all that. They wouldn't stop talking about it, so I finally had to go spend $70 on a Quest package, dammit."
Roy sighed. What could you do?
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Wow, that was a short one!
It was inspired by this commercial I'm really starting to hate where the computer and the ...DVD player maybe? are talking about how slowly they have to move because of the service they use, or something like that, and then the phone speaks up and she's like "Good news, boys. I hear we're getting Quest for Christmas." and they all start cheering and stuff and the narrator says something like "Get your electronics the service they need to work well." So it was bugging me and it was so dumb I kept thinking what if someone actually believed everything they were saying, so anyway, that's how I thought of it. Pretty bad huh?
R&R Please! Thanks for reading!