Chapter 11

The chapel in the grounds of Torchwood House was small and private. Inside it was austere, like many other Presbyterian chapels, but the family had added a beautiful stained glass window and altar table at one end. Having their own chapel meant that it was easy to organise a wedding at short notice and Gwen had been in her element teasing Jack about her wedding dress. He'd chosen to wear traditional dress.

'Well, I've got the legs for a kilt, haven't I?' he asked Gwen, as they strolled through the extensive grounds a few days before the ceremony was due to take place.

'Jack, you would look handsome in a sack, but I must admit that the page boys look gorgeous in their kilts,' Gwen replied, pushing her arm through his as they came around the corner to see some of the family sitting on the terrace taking tea.

'Have you two forgotten that you're getting married on Wednesday?' her step mother, Mary, asked.

It was true that they'd lost track of time. The weather was beautiful and they'd walked down to the loch to get a little time together away from the family. Jack had teased her about the honeymoon and she'd been trying to get clues as to where they were going, but Jack refused to say anything about his plans. He had to admit that her enthusiasm was infectious and he'd found himself swept along by a tidal wave of ideas.

Gwen looked at her watch. 'Oh goodness, we're supposed to be seeing old Mr Beddoes about the music choices for the ceremony, aren't we?' she whispered to Jack. They waved to the family and hurried across the grounds to the chapel. Mr Beddoes was sitting at the organ, playing to himself. While Gwen went to talk to him, Jack sat looking at the window and altar. They'd chosen to enter using the usual wedding march and both loved the hymn 'Dear Lord and Father of Mankind', despite the second line of 'forgive our foolish ways'. They'd laughed that perhaps they were both being foolish and the idea had hung in the air until Gwen had changed the subject. Jack could vaguely hear Gwen discussing the choice of a song to be played as they were leaving. As the music filled the chapel, Jack thought that it sounded strangely familiar. He wondered why he should feel anything for this rather cheesy song from the 1980s. 'Wind Beneath your Wings' wouldn't be something that he'd normally listen to as a rule, but there was something trying to push into his head, something important, and he felt his mind trying to reach for it and grab hold of this memory that was somewhere on the edge of his consciousness. He didn't hear Gwen speaking to him.

'It's a lovely song isn't it, Jack? It's what I want to be for you. You don't mind me using it, do you? Jack?' she repeated, walking up to him. Jack turned to look at her and she instantly knew that there was something wrong.

'Darling, what is it? You look strange,' she said quietly. Jack merely stared ahead, tears in his eyes, his feelings quite obvious even to Gwen as she looked at him. Turning on her heels, she hurried down the aisle away from him to sit at the back of the chapel. The noise of her heels brought Jack back to reality and he followed her to sit on the same pew.

'I'm sorry, Gwen. I was miles away for a moment,' he said, trying to comfort her. He wasn't quite sure why she was so upset.

'It's alright, Jack. I'm glad it happened now. It's better this way,' she replied between sobs.

'Better?' Jack questioned. 'What is it? I don't understand what's happened.'

'Oh come on, Darling, we both know that this wedding isn't going to happen. I've been uncertain from the start and now I'm sure. It's no use. I've always known it really; I just wanted so much to believe that you loved me as much as I love you, but even I'm not that selfish.' She looked at him, her tears flowing freely over her cheeks. She tried to brush them away.

Jack went to say something. 'No, Jack, it's true. I know I'm not the one for you. Just now you were remembering something or someone from your past. It was the music; it meant something to you, didn't it?'

'Yes,' Jack replied hesitantly. 'But I've no idea what.'

'You looked at me just now as if I was a complete stranger. Although I was standing there right next to you, I've never felt so far away from you. I felt like I was trying to take the place of someone else, someone you loved, who you still love but can't remember.'

'But I'm trying to make a life for us, Gwen. I can't stop my life because I can't recall what happened during those missing years,' Jack protested.

'No, please don't. There's someone out there who you love in a way that you could never love me, Jack. Let's face it, you'd never stay faithful to me and I need someone who'll completely adore me.' She thought of Rhys Williams who'd been following her around like a devoted puppy for months.

'I'm only nearly the one; so nearly that I shall always be proud of it but nearly isn't enough for a lifetime. It would be so hard to watch you get tired of me and even harder if you came to hate me. I think I'll go away for a while; I think that's best.'

'Gwen...' Jack felt confused.

'It's alright, Jack. I asked for all this; it's my fault and I'll get over it. I shan't be tragic; I'll see what fun I can find and we both know that I'm good at finding fun. I'll probably find a nice man more my age to marry me who will adore me and put up with all my nonsense.' She got up from the pew.

'I don't know what to say, Gwen. You're being so grown up about this.' He turned away for a moment until Gwen pulled him back around and put a finger under his chin, lifting it up.

'You don't have to say anything, Darling.' She bent down, kissed him gently, and then walked away, without looking back. Jack continued to sit and stare. Suddenly it came to him what he needed to do. He had to try and find out who he was; somewhere there must be someone who knew about his missing years and he intended to find them.