Magnus knew for a fact that this was going to go very, very wrong. Standing in a kitchen with sharp knives, fire and boiling water? No way everyone was going to come out alive (Even though they were already dead). The question is how it was going to go wrong. Knives flying around the kitchen? Getting burned with water or fire? Eating too much marshmallows and exploding? Who knows!
He stepped into the enourmous kitchen that Hotel Valhalla for some reason had, together with T.J. and Halfborn (Mallory and Alex were doing Origami to the death somewhere else). On the right side of the kitchen, everything was clearly made for Giants. On the left side, the kitchen was designed for dwarfs. Magnus saw a few pairs of sharp knives glinster.
A giant and a dwarf appeared out of nowhere. 'Hello! We teach cooking!' The dwarf said, with a very deep voice. The giant nodded. 'The kitchens for humans are over there,' he said, in an even deeper voice. The giant pointed at a kitchen counter, with multiple ovens and dishwashers wedged next into them, that was as long as a street. Slowly, the einhirjar walked to the counter.
'Alright, you all can start with cooking some soup. There are enough furnaces for groups of two.' T.J., Magnus and Halfborn looked at each other. Magnus coughed. 'So...'
'Let's do rock-paper-scissors,' Halfborn suggested.
'Sounds like a plan,' T.J. and Magnus said at the same time.
First, Magnus and Halfborn played. Magnus won. In the second round, T.J. won. Halfborn grunted. 'Say, Sarah, would you...' he begun.
'He lost rock-paper-scissors!' someone screeched. Halfborn cursed and sprinted towards the doors of the kitchen. Someone threw a spear towards him, which hit him - he was immediately send back to his room. The girl who had thrown the spear cheered, but the cheer quickly became a scream when she was picked up from the floor by the giant.
'Hey! I despise violence in the kitchen!' He walked to the door with the screaming einhirjar in his hand. He threw her through the door, then closed it again.
'Alright, now go back to the furnaces!' The dwarf yelled. T.J. and Magnus shuffeled behind a furnace that had a fridge close to it. 'We are going to begin with tomato soup. There are already cut slices of tomato in the refridgerators.' Magnus opened the refridgerator. There were, in fact, sliced up tomatoes in the fridge, together with some sliced meat.
He got out the tomatoes and put them on the kitchen counter. Meanwhile, T.J. had gotten out a pan. 'Throw the tomatoes in the pan with some water,' they heard behind them. T.J. narrowed his eyes. ' isn't the kind of tomato soup where you just throw water into the mix and it is done, right?' he asked no-one in particulair. Magnus shrugged.
'I hope it isn't. I mean, I already know how to make that.'
'I think even toddlers know how to make instant soup.' Still, they dumped water and sliced tomato into the pan. They watched it for a minute, After which the dwarf announced that they had to grab a baggie out of their kitchen cabinets. T.J. and Magnus groaned when they saw what was in there: Instant tomato soup. They threw it into the pan without grace.
They only had to add the meat and then they were done. It might have been easy, but it did not put Magnus and T.J. in a good mood. 'I am pretty sure Halfborn once made a pan of instant tomato soup with fresh tomatoes and meat,' Magnus muttered. T.J. nodded.
'I hope we get to do something more exciting next.' Around them, people had mixed reactions. Some of them seemed to think they just reached the height of fine cookery, others had Magnus and T.J.'s reaction and one lady threw a laddle across the room, before storming out.
'Good, good. The next course will be shrimp, but we'll start with the vegetables as well,' The giant said. He clapped in his hands. The fridges lit up for a moment. A knife block appeared on the kitchen counter. While T.J. got the (Already ready - the knives were more for show) meat out of the fridge, Magnus narrowed his eyes and picked up a knife.
The sharp part was wrapped into bubble wrap. Magnus sighed a deep, deep sigh while he realised that the entire kitchen was made 'safe' - which wasn't so bad on a surface level. Yet, this was hotel Valhalla. Somehow, someone would find a way to weaponize something. If they had nothing to distract them on top of that, the battle would be messy.
T.J. slowly put the shrimp in a pan that had randomly appeared, with cooking oil already inside. He and Magnus sighed at the same time. 'Boring?' Magnus asked
'Yeah,' T.J. answered. The meat cooked brown in the pan (Which was also magical, so that it was not hot and too light to smack someone on the head with). Magnus opened a drawer. 'Have you seen a fork somewhere, or something? I want a taste.' T.J. started to help him with looking for utensils.
After three minutes, they realised there was a suspicious absence of utensils (and also of about half of the cooking class, who had apparently quit out of boredom). Magnus looked around. He saw a girl falling on the ground. Slowly, her body disappeared.
He heard the dwarf yelp. 'What happened?' The partner of the girl looked at him. She looked tired. 'I think she died from boredom.' She yawned. A few people sighed. The dwarf scoffed.
'What bored? You are standing in a kitchen! Cooking! This is as interesting as it will get!'
'We should have gone to Origami to the death,' T.J. whispered in Magnus ear. Magnus nodded. Before they went of to the kitchen, they had told Alex and Mallory that Origami was the most boring thing ever. Irony, he thought.
Meanwhile, the dwarf and the giant were ranting on. 'It's great!'
'Our knives are wrapped in bubble wrap and we basically don't do any cooking!' It came out of Magnus mouth before he realised it. The dwarf turned to him. Magnus thought this was the angriest dwarf he would ever see. 'So you all don't attack each other!' he screeched. Magnus sighed and opened his mouth to snap back, but he didn't have to. Because someone threw their meat at the dwarf.
A lot of manly cheering errupted from the people who were still in the room. Other people started to throw parts of meals around the kitchen. Magnus decided to hide when he saw someone picking up a bubble-wrapped knife and chucking it across the kitchen.
He and T.J. hid behind the huge kitchen isle of the giant. 'Is that one guy from floor threehundredfifty picking up a fridge, or am I seeing thing?' T.J. asked. Magnus shook his head. 'No, it's true. Also, he is throwing it across the kitchen.'
The fridge opened while on it's way to the other side of the kitchen. three pans filled with tomato soup fell out of the fridge. Magnus couldn't help it; he laughed. 'What are the odds of picking up a random fridge and it being the one filled with tomato soup? There are at least forty fridges!' T.J. shook his head.
'I don't know, Magnus.' A laddle in the form of a dinosaur flew past their heads. Magnus picked it up. 'Hm. Let's leave. It's getting spicy in here.'
Yet, there were complications. Because the only way out was past the food fight. An einhirjar threw a bubblewrapped knife against the head of another one, who bumped against the kitchen isle and got send back. Another girl slipped on the river of soup, broke her neck and dissappeared.
By a miracle, the mercy of some god or because of the power of Elon Musk, they made it out of there without any torn up clothes, But with a ladle in the form of a dinosaur. Magnus looked at the ladle. 'I hope they won't miss it,' Magnus whispered softly, 'Because I am going to call them Kevin.'