Author's Note: Thanks a bunch to those who reviewed. I would not be on this chapter if it weren't for them. :D
Bella
Edward
Carlisle
Esme
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Hey Bells, where did you go? You've been gone for hours. We had Jacob running like a crazy mutt around the forest searching for you.
I called Tanya. :D
Why?
'Cause I had to tell Tanya that she lost at Who's Hot and Who's Not! We forgot to tell her!
(shakes head) And what happened?
She screamed for over a minute in the phone and I heard her snap it in half! You think we should invite her over for the cookout next week?
Maybe not.
What did I do?!
I swear sometimes you're more clueless than Bob.
Hehe. (waves hand) Wait. I also went to my job interview today. It was fun!
Job interview?
Yeppers. I mentioned it in the last note.
Oh…that. For what job?
To be a surgeon.
(spits out coffee) What the heck? You've only completed high school! And only Carlisle is allowed to work at those kinda jobs! What the heck happened?
We passed notes.
Passed notes?
Yeah. I told him, I do 'better' that way.
And he passed notes with you?
After many arguments, yes.
Here, I have it. (gives it to Edward)
(reads it)
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My name is Chickadee Tokens. What yours?
David Smith, Miss..eh…Tokens. May I ask again why we have to pass notes?
Because I am a vampire.
Excuse me?
Just kidding.
Maybe.
Can we please get on with the interview?
Okee Dokee.
Why do you want to become a surgeon?
I live by the saying, 'Believe in yourself and anything is possible.' The rest is self-explanatory.
I..see.
Can you give me a brief summary of your education?
Kindergarten…and…hmmm…let's see…half of first grade. Do I qualify?
Are you joking with me?
No, sir.
Stop kidding around. I'm serious, Miss Tokens.
:P
?
:P
Stop doing that.
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
Quit it!
You take all the party out of this note, you party pooper.
(glares at Bella) Have you attended college?
Does Clown College count?
What? Medical School, then?
Medical my azz.
(gasps) Miss! That is no way to behave on an interview!
You know what? (throws hands in air) I'm just a highschooler with nothing better to do than prank you. Haha. You've just been punk'd.
(slams hand on table) You mean you were just making this up?!?
Yep.
I…I…I can't believe this. How dare you do this to me?
This is getting boring. I'll be going home now.
(angrily) Please do that!
I'm going to clean out the doggy bones Jacob always hides under the couch. Bye.
GO! Just go!
(opens office door) Bi-otch.
What did you say to me?
Screw you.
(throws hand us in air) You are fuc –
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(stares at note) I can't believe you did that. You really did it this time, Bells. (shakes head) What did he say at the end?
Mr. Smith said whole-lot of R rated words. That's all I'm sayin'.
Hey you silly kids!
ESME!
Oh, hey mom. What's up?
Just joining your note passing charade to ask a tiny question.
Sure, fire away.
You know where Carlisle is? He's been acting weird lately…getting fired at the hospital and all.
I know where he is!
Where, Bella?
Right…(anticipation)
Yes?
BEHIND YOU!
(Esme and Edward jump at Carlisle, dressed in a stained white T-shirt, striped boxers, and foamy flip-flops.)
What…the…hell.
(drunkenly) What's up my b*&^%$#?
Carlisle Cullen! Stop using that language at once!
No…hoe.
Whoa Carlisle! You're so…
What? White trash? (angrily) Were you about to say that?!? Huh?!? Well you better shut your damn mouth…(cusses)
No, I was about to say 'different'.
Shut the hell up. I'm going to go drink beer with Quil now. Be back in a week.
(goes off)
Carlisle, Carlisle. He's changed. (looking around) Where's Renesmee? I have to give her cell back.
(curiously) Who…is…Renesmee?
(astonished) You..don't know Renesmee?
No.
She doesn't?!
Bella, she's…
Yes?
…your daughter.
DAUGHTER! I have a daughter?!? Me? The person who gets hypie off of M&M's?!
Yes. (shows Bella picture of Renesmee) Were you kidding? You didn't really forget the whole horrificBreaking Dawn birth scene..did you?
(ignores Edward and points at picture) That's Renesmee? Huh…I kinda expected her to resemble more Indian instead of pure white. But I guess that's how genes work.
(confusedly and shocked) What's that suppose to mean?!
Well, duh, since Jacob's the father, it would be…
(!!!) JACOB?!?!?!?!?
(sheepishly) Yeah.
No, no, no. NO! I AM the father. Not Jacob.
(excitedly) Really? So you're the baby daddy!
(sighs) Yes. (sternly) Not Jacob. Got it? That's why Renesmee doesn't look Indian.
(slowly) I seeeeee.
God Bella, I swear you're so dumb sometimes.
Wait!
What?
If you're the father, then Aro isn't?
What the fuc-
Language Edward!
Sorry Esme.
Good boy.
How the heck did you get the notion that Aro is the father?!? That's just…disgusting! Freakin' nasty.
What if Aro and you are both fathers of my baby?
Don't be stupid Bella.
Then how can you be sure you're the father?
Because we…
(cough)
What?
(pleadingly) You don't remem..
What?
(hinting) Honeymoon!
Why did you just say honeymoon? That was totally off topic.
(slaps hand to head) Let's just get off this conversation.
Ok.
You crazy kids will have to do without me. I have to warm up dinner.
(laughing) Sure mom.
What do you want on your cup of blood, Isabella?
Hmmm..some ranch dressing, salmon, a pinchie of salt, and…M&M's!
(sighs) Of course.
There's no person in the world like Bella.
You can say that again.