:pouts: I'm back from vacation. Miss me? You got lucky enough for me to nab a hotel computer and pound out a side-fic while I was away, so no complaints!
You know, it's weird, I knew what I wanted to write and what I wanted to happen in this chapter, but I had the worst time doing it, it never came out the way I wanted, in fact, I still don't like it… and it's excruciatingly long. Kahhh I possess much hate of this. Well, let's see what you think of it, eh? - look, I learned Canadian while I was away!
By the way: Hagaki 2. Ozuno: I emailed you a while back, did you receive it? If not, try mailing me first: DBaxta / hotmail / com. Obviously without the bars in between… that's only to protect against robots. My email malfunctions every once in a while… o.O.
Didn't cha hear me ten times before, lads? I doon't have any sort of copyrights on the charactas o' places. :sighs: Guess ye joost needed a reminda, eh?
One more thing: there's a confusing thought-process thing halfway through this chapter, I used "/" to designate that… it's like Auron is thinking it, but… not… well, you'll see.
chapter 11: Cherish each moment
At some point during the night, Rikku had woken up. Everyone else was still asleep and her guardian still held her in his protecting arms. She admired his face in this unconscious state; he seemed… calm… relaxed… maybe even happy. The opposite of how he was while awake; tense, tetchy, and pretty much inaccessible to everyone but her. It's like he has some deep dark secret hidden behind those dark shades… She mused as she ran her hand delicately over the stress-lines etched on his brow.
The light rain had subsided, leaving the forest humid and sticky. Rikku quietly stood up and hopped onto a low-hanging tree branch, getting a better look of the sparkling woods around her. Sighing, she leaned back against the tree and continued to contemplate what Auron might be trying to hide beyond his barriers of stoicism and solitude that only she had ever been able to penetrate. Unable to come up with a satisfying solution, she closed her eyes and returned to sleep.
The next morning the group set off in the direction of the Calm Lands. Rikku felt well rested and bounded out of her makeshift tree bed, running slightly ahead of the group while Auron lagged behind, struggling with his inner thoughts.
What she had said the night before, about wanting to return with him after they had defeated Sin, had struck a chord within Auron. Rikku still didn't know… she didn't know the truth; that Auron was an unsent, dead, his story was finished… and it put him ill at ease.
It wasn't like Auron had necessarily been trying to hide the ugly fact, it was just that no one had actually asked him; "Hey Auron, are ya dead yet?" He, as always, had simply remained silent and let them assume whatever they pleased. It wasn't his nature to expose things without being asked directly…at least, that's what he told himself… but for this, he felt like he needed to; Rikku deserved it…whether she would still accept him or not was up to her, but he couldn't let her assume things anymore, she was too close to him now.
Perhaps that was why he hadn't confessed to her earlier, he was afraid of what she might think, or what she might do… she had already expressed her view that the dead were "scary"… enhanced by the fact that she hadn't even wanted to go anywhere near the Farplane back in Guadosalam. So who knew what she would do when she found out that the person she wanted to be closest to had crossed over… surely she would cower from him… hate him, even, for not informing her earlier, before she fell in love.
He cursed himself harshly for being such an idiot and letting her get this close already. You knew what would happen… yet you allowed her to infiltrate your stone defenses and become more than just another person on the pilgrimage… Yevon, you let her become your girlfriend, you let her fall in love… knowing full well what's going to happen once you face Sin… you'll leave and she'll remain… is that fair? You didn't care, though, did you, old man? You allowed it anyway… selfish bastard… One negative thought led to another, and soon Auron was trapped in a spiraling train of thought, his contemplations getting darker and darker.
So absorbed was he in his thoughts, that he barely noticed that the group had stopped upon reaching the entrance to the Calm Lands. They all stood and surveyed the seemingly endless valley; the green grasses, the few hilly slopes, the scattered, sparse patches of chocobos and even fewer human trainers.
"The Calm Lands." Lulu dictated. "Long ago, the high summoners fought Sin here. The road ends here. Beyond, there's no towns, no villages; only endless plains."
"Many summoners stray from their path and lose their way here." Auron said, remembering how he, Jecht, and Braska had been lost for days. The Calm Lands had been long and unforgiving. Thankfully, he knew how to get around this area now.
Yuna collapsed onto the soft grass, as if in a daze… her mind mystified by the vastness of the prairie. She looked up into the bright blue sky, the sun beating down lightly on her fair skin. "I've always known where to go." She exhaled deeply and took in the scenery.
"I won't let you die. I'll find a way, somehow." Tidus swore, extending his hand to her and helping her off the ground and to her feet.
Yuna smiled an empty grin as she walked away. "Let's go."
So the group continued to traverse; and Auron continued to let his thoughts and reflections of his last guardianship journey here control his mind as they marched onward, battling their way through hordes of fiends along the way. Being so lost in thoughts began to impact Auron's fighting skills; his movements became lethargic and delayed. Luckily, the other party members were well enough rested to cover for his uncharacteristically lackadaisical mood. The fiends in these parts weren't too challenging, either, compared to what they had been through back in Bevelle.
It took them about four hours, but they eventually reached a small rest area in the heart of the field. Once there, they were approached by a small man, whom both Lulu and Wakka recognized as Father Zuke.
"Long time no see." He greeted them in a friendly manner. "You are Yuna? Huh, you certainly don't look like Maester Kinoc's murderer."
"What'd you say?" Wakka asked, surprised.
"Please, tell us what has happened!" Yuna begged.
"Maester Mika just issued a personal order, you know. It said that you and your guardians murdered Maester Kinoc and fled. We are to kill you on sight, or so it says." Zuke informed, everyone's jaw dropping in disbelief. Wakka and Yuna seemed to be the most upset… they shook their heads, everything they had ever held to be true seemed to be falling apart in front of their very eyes. Yevon had betrayed them, labeling them 'traitors' and attempted to cover itself up with lies… at the summoner's expense… the same summoner who had only wanted to help Spira… even if it meant her life.
At least they could trust Father Zuke; he, too, had been temporarily exiled from Yevon after his pilgrimage had failed, and he knew both Wakka and Lulu personally. They knew he was not their enemy.
"What of Bevelle?" Auron inquired.
"Things are calm on the surface, but the depths are turbulent. After the death of Maester Kinoc, Kelk Ronso left Yevon."
Auron smirked. Yevon is still up to its old tricks… and this time their circus seems to be falling apart. "Convenient. Getting around will be easier with Yevon in disarray."
Zuke nodded in agreement. "But be careful, my friends. You have been branded enemies of Yevon. You should avoid temples for the time being."
"Thank you, Father Zuke, for your warning." Yuna bowed deeply.
Zuke turned to leave. "I must be off. I shall pray for all of you." They watched as he walked off into the vast horizon.
"Who was that?" Tidus wondered aloud.
"Until half a year ago, he was a summoner. Wakka and I were his guardians." Lulu explained.
"It was kind of a short pilgrimage." Wakka continued, scratching the back of his head.
Lulu finished, "He gave up here, on this plain. Now, he is a monk at the Bevelle temple. This is my third pilgrimage as a guardian. Father Zuke was my second. And my first, well… it ended here, too. I've never been to the lands beyond. Mount Gagazet towers to the north, and Zanarkand lies beyond that." She trailed off, lost in thought.
Auron, too, returned to his past recollections. Today seemed to be a very pensive day for everyone, especially him. He was still thinking back to the last time he was here… he had crossed with Jecht and Braska after days of being desperately lost, climbed Gagazet, gone to Zanarkand, where Braska had received his Final Aeon from Yunalesca, then together they had come back to battle Sin in the Calm Lands... Braska has won, and paid with his life, Jecht merged with Yu Yevon to become the next Sin…
"Auron." Tidus said, but Auron wasn't paying attention, he was too caught up in his reflections.
He was infuriated, tormented by their futile deaths… he went back, to Zanarkand, to Yunalesca, to avenge them… she fended off his blind-rage attacks, inflicting wounds that would eventually kill him as he stumbled back down Mount Gagazet, back to these fields…
"Auron?" Tidus repeated, to the still dreaming guardian. He was thinking too hard to be interrupted.
…once he reached these plains, he was already dead… a wandering unsent… a fallen knight. This is what he still was today… only this… and Rikku had fallen in love with that. He couldn't allow this to continue. Rikku needed to know the truth, before anything …else… happened. Before it was too late for her to revoke her heart and save herself from the pain at the journey's end…
"Auron!" Tidus yelled.
Auron finally snapped out of his train of thought and turned his head to face the boy. "Hmm?"
Tidus shook his head.
Yuna smiled gently. "Sir Auron? We think it would be wise to use chocobos for the remainder of the journey through the Calm Lands, do you agree?"
Auron groaned inwardly. He hated riding those birds, but he knew it would be a better idea. "As you wish." He sighed.
"Alright!" Tidus gave a triumphant whoop, pumping his fist.
"Yay! I've never ridden on a chocobo before!" Rikku squealed in delight.
"What do you mean, never! You live in Spira, and you've never been on these things?" Tidus said, barely controlling his excitement.
"Nope, I've always ridden on machina, never these birds… but I've always wanted to, they seem so… fun!" Rikku pet the beak of a nearby chocobo.
"They aren't as fun as they seem." Auron said, killing the mood.
"Oh come on, Auron, don't be such a spoil-sport!" Tidus said, getting on one of the birds and paying the cashier.
"There's only four chocobos for rent." The trainer told them.
"That's fine. I'll walk." Auron said. He despised riding them anyway. Not only were they uncomfortable to sit on for long periods of time, but they also didn't seem to have a taste for him. He had never really mastered the art of controlling them, yet another reason Jecht, Braska, and he had been hopelessly lost. Damn birds.
"Ah, come on Sir Auron, you know you're the slowest outta all of us, you can't just walk behind, we'll lose ya!" Wakka said, hopping onto another one.
Auron glared at him as Lulu mounted the chocobo Wakka was on.
"Hmph. I'll be fine." He assured as Tidus helped Yuna onto the back of his and Kimahri got onto another. He knew he'd never be able to keep up with a chocobo. Rikku jumped on the last, which seemed to be the most docile, and smiled.
"Come on, you can ride with me!" She grinned brightly, patting the back of the chocobo, urging Auron to take the seat behind her. Auron sighed; he didn't like riding them, but riding with Rikku might not be so bad. And, besides, he didn't really have another choice. The rest watched with piqued interest as he climbed on behind her and held onto her hips securely as she tightened her grip on the reigns.
"Oooh… go Auron!" Tidus taunted, nudging Wakka in the ribs.
"Oooh, hey Rikku, watch out for Sir Auron and his wanderin' hands!" Wakka joined in, laughing.
Rikku flushed and tried to play it off while the boys nearly fell off their chocobos, laughing. Auron gave them all his patented shut-the-hell-up-before-I-Bushido-your-ass-to-the-Farplane scowls. Yuna giggled and looked sympathetically at her cousin whose embarrassment was too much to hide.
"Let's go." Lulu advised, trying to stifle smiles of her own. Tidus, Wakka, and Yuna continued to giggle and laugh as they snapped the reigns and rode their chocobos into the field.
"They don't know anything…do they?" Rikku asked in a whisper once they were out of earshot from the rest of the group.
Auron scowled. They better not. "Not that I'm aware of. The Ronso knows, yes, but I believe the rest can only speculate."
"Well, they've seemed to 'scepculate' correctly!" Rikku nearly shouted.
Auron grunted. He had meant to say something more, to finish his musings, but instead, the notations of a relationship between them had caused Auron to contemplate things again. His number one priority now was to find an acceptable way of telling her that they wouldn't be able to be together anymore… how he had to break off their relationship before it evolved any further… how he needed to confess…
"Hey guys, what's in that cave over there?" Tidus asked, pointing to a narrow crevasse in the cliff.
"I believe it's a training arena, ya? It's where summoners and their guardians can improve their skills before they gotta climb Gagazet. Wanna go check it out?"
"Sure! Why not!" Tidus pulled the chocobo over to the small opening; it was nice how much faster chocobo traveling was.
Sure enough, it was an arena for fighting and honing in on battle skills. The old trainer man offered then a job; to capture different types of fiends and bring them back to his arena. Of course, they would be rewarded, and would have full access to strengthen their party in the fighting dome once it was re-opened.
"Should we?" Tidus asked the group, hopefully for an affirmative answer.
"I don't see why not. Sir Auron?" Yuna asked.
"Fine by me." He said, dismounting the chocobo. "How much for your weaponry?" He asked the trainer.
"10,000 gil a piece!" He replied, happy someone was willing to help.
"10,000 gil! You sure about this?" Wakka asked, suspicious of the man.
"Ah, come on, Wakka, we'll be able to make the money up in no time. Besides, we should practice fighting some more; we've hardly encountered any fiends since we rented those chocobos." Tidus said, offering up 50,000 gil for special capturing weapons for himself, Wakka, Auron, Kimahri, and Rikku.
Wakka scratched the back of his head, studying his newest blitzball. He tossed it between his hands a bit and decided it was a good weapon. "Alright, let's roll!"
"Actually, I think it might be better if we called it a day, and fought more tomorrow." Yuna suggested. The others nodded in agreement; it had been a long trek across the Calm Lands. It was probably a new record to make it almost all the way across in a single day, and they were all wiped out from being under the blazing sun all day.
The trainer man smiled. "Very well, then. I thank you in advance for your help, kiddos. I'm tuckered out myself, so I'm going to bed as well. Night! I'll expect lots of hard work from you all tomorrow!" He said, retreating into his own little provisional house for the night.
"Hey! Aren't you going to offer us a place to stay?" Tidus called out after him, but received no response. He sighed angrily and sat on the cool ground.
"Guess we'll just have to make camp here, ya?" Wakka said, sitting down next to him and pulling out a piece of grass and chewing on it. "It's not so bad… kinda nice compared to last time we were here, ya Lu?"
She nodded. "If I remember correctly it was raining and all you could think about was if the weather was going to interfere with the Blitzball tournament."
"Hah! Gee, Wakka, you sure had your priorities in order." Tidus joked, pushing him softly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm betta now, ya? More focused, right Yuna?"
Yuna smiled and nodded, "You sure are, Sir Wakka."
More idle chitchat was made until they all began to feel too drowsy to continue. Lulu used a small fira spell to spark a campfire as they arranged themselves in their sleeping bags for the night. It was amazing how cold and quiet the valley became after the sun went down.
Tidus and Yuna were the first to fall asleep, followed shortly by Lulu, then Wakka, until once again; only Kimahri, Auron, and Rikku were up.
Auron stared across the fire at Rikku, who was crouched in front of it, trying to keep her hands warm. He smiled sadly at her innocence and decided he had to tell her tonight.
"Rikku, will you accompany me for a walk?" Auron asked in a low, barely audible voice.
"Sure thing." She replied, hopping off the ground and giving him a sideways glance. Wonder what's wrong?
Kimahri watched as Auron walked off into the darkness and Rikku followed briskly after him, her small quick steps chasing his long strides. His pace slowed as they got farther away from camp and closer to the edge of the ravine. Rikku was able to catch up to him now; she grabbed onto his right arm and looked into his emotionless face.
"What's up?" She asked, concernedly.
"Rikku…" He began, unsure of himself. "We must talk."
She let her hands fall from his arm and she watched him take a few steps away from her. "Okay. What is it? You know, you've seemed a bit… off… today; is something wrong?"
He looked over at her again, pained by her worried expression. He felt his heart shattering all over again as he tried to form sentences that would appease the young Al Bhed. There seemed to be no easy way of doing this.
"I…" He gathered a deep breath of the chilled air. "I shouldn't have allowed this to happen."
Rikku looked at him quizzically. What the hell is he talking about?
He took a couple of hesitant steps nearer to her and rested one hand on her shoulder, bringing his gloved hand to cup the side of her face.. "I want you to know that I love you, I truly do. But… our relationship cannot continue… I should never have allowed you to get this close... it will only make it hurt worse in the end. There are… things you do not know." He whispered, showing more feeling that he wanted to. "I'm sorry, Rikku."
Rikku stared into his downcast face. The dark shades he wore hid the emotion filled within his one good eye. Tentatively, she pulled his glasses down so she could see past his barricades. He warily opened his eye and shifted its gaze to meet her two gleaming green oculars. She furrowed her brow; he seemed to have a whirlpool of turbulent emotions captured within his solitary eye. "Auron? What's wrong? Did I do something… to make you mad? Because I'm sorry if I did...I…" Rikku whispered, trying her best not to cry… she was baffled, to say the least.
Auron shook his head, no… no… she did nothing wrong… this is my fault. "Rikku, there is something you must know about me." He paused and withdrew his hands from her. "I am an unsent. I died just beyond these fields, ten years ago. After the deaths of Lord Braska and Jecht...I was distraught and sought revenge… but I was struck down and defeated by woman named Yunalesca in Zanarkand, I tried to make my way down Gagazet, but the wounds I had received eventually killed me just before I reached these lands… I died on the mountain before us, cold and alone."
He averted his gaze, looking over the edge of the cliff, shamefully. He expected her to recoil and run from him… to say she hated him, or that she was afraid. But she stood her ground, still gaping at the broken man before her.
Rikku bit her lip. An… unsent? He... he's dead?
She touched his arm, causing him to flinch. "Au-Auron… are you sure…?"
He nodded gravely, doing his best to keep up his defenses and not let any more emotion leak out. Her piercing gaze hurt him, but not as much, he figured, as he had hurt her.
Rikku brought her hands back to herself, contemplating. "I-I… I'm sorry." She whispered, facing the ground. Why can I feel his heartbeat, why does he possess emotions and feelings, why do I still love him… if he is dead?
He wordlessly continued to stare out into the dark void before him. Yevon forgive me, I had not meant to hurt her… He was pulled from his thoughts by two small arms wrapping themselves around his waist.
"Auron, I don't care. E tu hud lyna. Ed tuac hud syddan du sa… e muja oui, tayt un ymeja." She didn't know why she had slipped into her native language, probably due to emotional stress, but it didn't matter, since Auron could understand her either way. "Oui muugat bycd dra vyld dryd E ys Al Bhed, yht cu silr ouihkan, ouin muja fahd bycd dryd… famm, seha kuac paouht dra vyld dryd oui yna tayt. E muja oui, hu syddan fryd, vunajan." She smiled.
He was surprised, to say the least… the girl who had always feared the dead… seeking refuge in one now… she still loved him! He encircled her small frame in his arms, much obliged, and much in love. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head. Her acceptance of him was like giving him life again… liberating him from a problem that had plagued him relentlessly from the beginning.
"E zicd fyhd du cdyo mega drec vunajan. Yc muhk yc oui yna rana, E ys rybbo." She mumbled.
"Rikku…?" He whispered. Wait… she doesn't see the full affect… "Rikku, I don't think you understand…"
She looked up at him, inquisitively.
"Once we defeat Sin… after everything is over… I must ask Yuna to send me, I will leave. I cannot stay here any longer than I already have."
The news hit her harder than if he had slapped her himself. "Wha—what? Fro? Why do you have to leave? Hu… Auron… you can't go… please, I need you here!"
Auron did his best to check his emotions before addressing her again. "I must. I have… played at life too long. It's not easy to be an unsent… the pull of the Farplane is much greater than one would think, as are the efforts to keep your mind clear of bitter thoughts that would lead you down the road to becoming a fiend. If I could stay, I swear to you I would- there is no part of me that would ever want to leave you- but I can't do this anymore. I apologize, Rikku, I never intended to hurt you… but I'm afraid it is now unavoidable… please… forgive me."
"No. Don't be sorry… even if it doesn't last, I know the time we spend together is better than never knowing each other at all… I should thank you." She hugged him tightly, burying her face in his side and blocking out the world. . "Zanarkand is on the other side of this mountain, you know? We're running out of time, then, huh?" Her voice had become distant and regretful as she did her best not to cry anymore, to be strong for him. "Auron… zicd rumt sa… bmayca. Rumt sa…"
And he did. He simply held her in his arms, protecting her from everything as she cried into his chest for their soon-to-be lost love.
end chapter 11:
gahhhh the agony. I never do seem to write happy things for long…
Someone please tell me what is wrong with my writing.