Hi! A bit of a short chapter but the next one is FP's retirement party! WOOHOO angst time
"Crash, are you listening?"
"Yeah, totally. I'm totally listening. You unscrew the old one and screw in the new one and if you do it wrong you'll explode and die. Easy-peasy." Sweet Pea sighs dramatically at my response. Don't ever let him say that he's not dramatic. He's a total diva.
"I'm trying to teach you how to replace your propane tank so you won't freeze to death and die when I'm not here to help you. The least you could do is pretend to listen."
"I told you, I'm totally listening. It's not my fault that you're freakishly buff and it's distracting." He glances at me from his spot underneath my old trailer and I'm suddenly really self-conscious of how weird I probably look squatting on my cement block steps and gawking at Sweet Pea's ridiculously buff arms. It's totally normal to notice how jacked your friends are right? I mean I can't not notice. He's right in front of me with his rolled up shirt sleeves and stupid arm muscles.
"Crash?"
"Hm. What?"
"I asked if you're pipes are ready are ready for winter."
"What?"
"You have to insulate your pipes for winter or they'll freeze."
"Sorry, what are you going to do to my pipes?"
"Crash." Sweet Pea scolds me, still enamored with the propane tank for some reason.
"Yeah. Insulate my pipes. Got it. Are you ever going to come back out? I'm cold." He huffs slightly but starts crawling out from under the trailer. "You're like my dad except you didn't die tragically in my childhood resulting in serious trauma and a life of crime."
"You've told that joke like three times and it's never funny." Sweet Pea sighs, finally getting to his feet and leading the way to my front door.
"First of all, it's funny every time. Second of all, your ass is covered in dirt and spiderwebs."
"Why are you looking at my ass?"
"I'm not! I wasn't looking at your ass it's just there." He mhmms and throws a smirk over his shoulder. "Whatever. You can't sit on my couch like that." He ignores me and walks right inside, the screen door slamming behind him. Asshole.
"First my hot arms and now my ass? If I didn't know any better I'd think you were checking me out." I'm not blushing. I'm totally not blushing and I'm totally not thinking about Sweet Pea's body because that would be a weird thing for me to do. It's just cold!
"Shut up." Smooth. I'm as cool as a cucumber. I swing open the screen door and let it slam shut behind me me. Sweet Pea is sprawled out on my couch, no doubt getting dirt and cobwebs all over it. "It's not my fault that puberty gave all my friends rockin' bods while I look like a cross between a 12 year old and a teenage mutant ninja turtle." I flop down on the couch by his feet and he moves his legs just enough for me to sit.
"Fangs says you look like an angel but act like a demon. Toni thinks you look like a cherub... but browner."
"You guys talk about my looks when I'm not around?" He shrugs innocently.
"You were gone for a long time. We couldn't remember what you looked like and the only pictures we could find were from middle school."
"I was only gone for two months." I say, poking him in the leg.
"I have a bad memory." He shrugs again. "Take a picture with me." He adds, suddenly sitting up and bumping shoulders with me.
"Why do you need a picture? I'm right here." Sweet Pea sighs again and gives me one of his famous broody glares.
"Listen, Carrie." He starts quietly, grabbing my chin and turning me to face him. I'm a little surprised at how close our faces are and my breath catches in my throat. "You get arrested more than anyone else I know. So will you just take a stupid selfie with me before you get sent to jail and I forget what your face looks like?" He lets his hand drop from my chin to my knee but he doesn't pull his face back. I never noticed how brown his eyes are. I know that sounds stupid but whatever. They're so deep and warm and I want to swim in them like the weird kid in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who falls into the chocolate river. He's staring back at me so intently and I briefly wonder if he's also thinking about the weird kid in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who falls into the chocolate river. After a few more seconds of swimming, I finally get the self-control to speak out loud.
"You are such a brat." A look of surprise flickers across his face before he rolls his eyes.
"Shut up and take the picture." He pulls his phone out of his pocket and swiftly wraps his arm around my shoulders, tugging me closer to him. I glare at the camera, trying my best to look hot and tough without looking like I'm trying too hard. Sweet Pea takes a picture and then rolls his eyes at the face I'm making. "Smile."
"I don't smile for pictures. I'm mysterious." He snorts, very unladylike.
"Yeah. So mysterious. Just smile." He poses again and I keep glaring at the camera. I'm a vixen. A femme fatale. Sweet Pea glances down at me and back to the camera. He pulls me tighter with the arm he's kept around me and just before he takes the picture he smooches me on the forehead with his stupid mouth, effectively causing me to drop my glare and maybe… maybe even smile at the camera long enough for him to take the picture. The smile doesn't last long though because after snapping the photo he gives me a triumphant grin and I glare back wholeheartedly.
"You're going to ruin my reputation." I point out.
"You're reputation as the meanest girl in the South Side is solid, Crash." He reassures me, taking his arm back and shoving his phone back in his pocket.
"Wait! I want a picture on my phone." I pull out my phone and grab Sweet's arm so he can't lay back down on the couch.
"Does your weird old people phone even have a camera?"
"Yes! Now shut up and take the picture." I have to hold the phone weird because it doesn't have a fancy front facing camera.
"I'm not going to smile." Sweet Pea says, cementing his spot in my mind as Riverdale's Sassiest Teen Queen. He leans in close enough for me to take the picture and following his footsteps I lean in and plant a big smooch on his cheek as I take the picture. It's blurry and grainy but I still like it. Not that I would admit it to anyone, but it's a pretty cute picture. I can't admire it for too long before my phone starts ringing obnoxiously.
"Who's in your phone as 'Dumbass Emo Nerd'?" Sweet Pea asks, leaning back into the couch.
"Jughead."
"Why is Jughead calling you?"
"I don't know." I guess I could answer it and find out. But then I'd have to talk to Jughead and just… ugh. The ringing is annoying though… Stupid Jughead. I answer the call and step into the kitchen.
"Crash?" Jugheads anxious voice flows through the tinny phone speaker.
"No. It's Jason Blossom." I answer boredly, opening my fridge and seeing nothing but some half-wilted spinach.
"That's- That's not funny, Crash." Yeah… I guess not.
"Whaddya need, Crate Face?"
"I have a problem."
"That blows." Jughead huffs loudly into the phone. Sweet Pea saunters into the kitchen and leans against the door frame, shooting me a vaguely interested face.
"A Penny problem."
"And you thought it would be a good idea to call me? Over the phone? Don't you know anything about the FBI? What's a Penny problem? Don't call back here." Before I can snap the phone shut (thank god for flip phones) Jugheads needy voice calls through the speaker again and shoots straight into the part of my brain that cares about other people. I hate that part.
"Crash, please. My dad got jumped by Ghoulies and I'm freaking out."
"Wait, wait, wait. What happened to Daddy Jones?" That piques Sweet's interest and causes him to give me an annoyed expression.
"What? Don't- don't call my dad that. He got jumped by Ghoulies in the shower."
"Did you see him?"
"No. No, Penny told me what happened. She said she can get him out but I need some cash."
"Well, I don't have any money. Penny cut me off."
"She said I could do a job for her."
"No! Jughead, don't do that. Don't do anything for Penny."
"If she can get my dad out of prison, I have to. She got you out, right?"
"Yeah but that was a bunk charge in the first place. FP is an accessory to murder, Jug."
"Well, what am I supposed to do? It's my fault the Ghoulies went after him. Now I need to get him out." I cringe before even spitting out the words but-
"I'll do it." Sweet Pea's eyes widen and I end up squeezing mine shut in response. "I've done it before, it's not a big deal." I mean, no Serpent stands alone or whatever.
"I can't ask you to do that, Crash. Besides, Penny called me."
"Penny is easily persuaded." Silence. Sweet Pea gives me a look I don't really understand and sits at the small kitchen table.
"I already asked Archie…"
"Archie? Are you joking? For god sakes, Jughead. Who would you rather have help? The best juvenile delinquent in Riverdale or your Northside boytoy that accidentally started American Psycho the boy band?"
"Archie owes me. And his dad has a truck."
"You're really bad at crime. You know that, right? The Serpents are a real gang not a glee club. I mean, I haven't seen Glee because I'm not a nerd but I did watch a compilation video of people getting slushied and it was awesome."
"Crash."
"Right. Well, if you didn't want me to help then why did you call me?"
"I don't know. I've never done anything like this before."
"Well she gave you the address, right? You have a GPS on your phone? It's not as bad as it seems, Jughead. Just pick up the crate and take it to Greendale. You can tell yourself it's a pizza if it makes you feel better."
"It's only one delivery." Definitely wrong.
"Yeah. Sure. Totally. Just once."
"What?"
"I gotta go. You'll be fine, Jug!"
"Wait, Crash why did you say it like that?"
"Bye!" Smack. God, I love flip phones. I sit at the table across from Sweet Pea who's currently giving me a look I've only seen on the faces of Toni Topaz and my probation officer. It makes me fidget. Maybe if I just stare really hard at the table Sweet Pea will forget why he's disappointed in me and everything will be fine!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay, that's not working. And there's no dirt under my nails to pick at. I'm so screwed. Ugh. It's fine, Crash. Just act casual.
"What's up, Pea? You want some old spinach?" Jesus. What is wrong with me? Sweet Pea takes a minute to respond and the room gets tense.
"What are we going to do about Penny Peabody? The Serpent's aren't drug traffickers, Carrie. And I'm not just gonna to sit around while Penny and Tall Boy are threatening you."
"What do you want me to do, Sweet Pea?"
"We need to tell the rest of the Serpents."
"No."
"No?"
"No. It's not their problem. It's mine and I'm dealing with it." Sweet Pea scoffs and sits back in his chair before leaning towards me again and recrossing his arms on the table.
"A Serpent never stands alone."
"Yeah. Sure. A Serpent also never fucks up and gets caught in Penny Peabody's web. I'm not going to drag everyone else into this with me. Half the Serpents don't even do shit, they don't deserve to have to clean up my mess."
"It's not about that."
"Then what is it about?" He scoffs again, throwing himself back in his chair before standing up and pacing the length of the kitchen. The length of this kitchen is like, two feet and his legs are so long that it looks like he's doing the waltz but like, he's mad about it. So, he's just furiously dancing in my kitchen and if we weren't fighting it would be hilarious. Eventually, he stops. He leans against the counter and looks down at me with that look. The disappointed look that zaps directly into my heart and makes me want to die just a little bit.
"It's about how you always try to deal with everything on your own." Oof. I don't know what to say. Instead of words all I can think of are 'Caution: Do Not Enter' signs and semi-truck horns.
"Well, I can handle it on my own."
"Can you? Because every time you 'handle it on your own' I'm the one who has to pick you up from the sheriff's office. I'm the one who has to take you home, drunk or high, from the party. I'm the one who has to go to the quarry at 3am. I'm the one who has to do damage control every time you-"
"Damage control?" Sometimes when people say mean things to me, I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. That probably sounds crazy, but whatever. It's like I'm hiding in the corner while I watch this other girl get ripped to shreds and I can't look away no matter how hard I try. Like a car crash. Like you're sitting in the backseat of your dads 1965 Ford Mustang Coupe and your mom is screaming and your whole body aches and you don't really know why.
"You know I didn't mean it like that."
"How did you mean it, Sweet Pea? Cause it seemed pretty fucking sincere to me." He sighs and pushes his hair back, the curl on his forehead dropping back into place anyway.
"I just wish that you would let us help you."
"I don't need your help." I bite back. A bit too harsh.
"Fine." Sweet Pea only needs two steps to turn and walk out of the kitchen. Fuck.
"Sweet Pea." I call, standing and following him. He pulls open the screen door and pauses, obviously waiting for me to say some kind of cheesy apology… I've got nothing. He shakes his head and walks out, letting the door slam behind him.
This fricken blows. I should just apologize for- Actually, no. I don't have anything to apologize for! I didn't do anything wrong. I just want to clean up my own messes and not drag anyone into it. That's not a crime. Trust me, I know all about crimes! Sweet Pea should apologize to me! For being a jerk. God, he's such an asshole. He called me damage control. Damage control! That's so fucked up! I hate him.
Okay, I don't hate him. He's my best friend. Maybe he's right and I should let him help. But is it wrong to not want to get someone you care about wrapped up in drug trafficking drama? NO. That's a good quality in a person! Sweet Pea should apologize to me for being an asshole and then I guess I could apologize for being a good friend or whatever. It doesn't even matter he'll never apologize first he's too stubborn.
Maybe I can just bottle everything up until Toni notices that Sweet Pea is acting like a brat and makes him apologize to me. That's a really good plan. I'm a genius.