Leonard Hofstader perched on the edge of a bathtub, his baby son on his lap. After Clare had left, the atmosphere had become too tense to handle, so he retreated to the bathroom. "God, I really am a mess." He said to Lenny. "You know, I finally had it together and then bam, he strolls back into my life and here I am, hiding in a bathroom like a teenage girl."

Lenny giggled, wrapping his fingers around the toggle of his father's jacket.

"Oh, what would you understand, you're only two." He picked him up and raised him above his head. "You just like to play airplanes don't you?"

Lenny squealed in delight. "Again, again." He clapped his hands together.

Leonard placed him down on the floor, picked up a rubber duck and passed it to him. "Here, you play with this." He watched as his son squeezed it, amazed by the squeak it made. "You know, Lenny, I've been a real bad friend."

Lenny looked up at his father, still smiling, completely oblivious to the true meaning of his words.

"I poisoned my best friend. I was stupid and that could've killed him."

"Silly Daddy." Lenny stated.

"Exactly, I was a silly Daddy."

He closed his eyes, took a deep inhalation through his nose. Leonard was determined to keep his composure in front of his son. The memories that he had tried to hide from had flooded his mind once more – his guilt had made it impossible to move on. Whenever he thought back to that morning, it was as if he was reliving it all over again. His friend's incoherent mumbles still rang in his ears, the smell of sweat and vomit still turned his stomach and the feel of hot and clammy skin still lingered on his skin – but that was okay now. Leonard didn't want to suppress these memories and feelings anymore – He wanted to confront them head on.

Leonard's point of view:

Leonard lay out on the couch, phone clasped tightly in his hands. He looked up at the wall clock, it was six am and if anything had happened, it would have done so by now. Leonard had not slept all night, his eyes were stinging and he had yet to change out of yesterday's clothes.

The sound of keys in the door made him sit bolt upright, after a few seconds it became apparent that Sheldon was struggling to get in, he heard scrambling and then a clang as the keys hit the floor. Leonard pulled the door open to find his friend on his knees.

"I can't do it, Leonard." Shaking, Sheldon picked up his keys and handed them to Leonard. "I'm so dizzy."

Taking the keys off him, Leonard tossed them to the side and took hold of his friend's arm. "C'mon buddy, I've got you." He looked him up and down. "God, you look terrible, how'd you get back here?"

"I took a cab." Sheldon allowed himself to be helped to his feet- he walked up those flight of stairs everyday without trouble, but today it had taken every ounce of energy he had. "Oh Lord, it's not a good day, Leonard. The relationship agreement, it's been violated."

Leonard helped him down on the sofa, noting that his jacket was tied around his waste. "Let me just take that off you."

"No!" Sheldon protested, picking up a cushion and placing that over himself too. "You can't look Leonard, I won't let you look."

Leonard instantly knew what he meant. "Hey, there's no need to be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us." He hoped that he sounded casual. "It's happened to me, more times than I like to admit." He forced a laugh.

"How do I make it stop, Leonard? It just won't go away."

"Just relax, ok? You look like you've got a fever, so I'm just going to go to my room, get the thermometer and see how bad it is."

"It's bad, Leonard, it's really bad."

In all the years that Leonard had known Sheldon, never before had he seen him this vulnerable. "Ok, I know, I know." He desperately tried to mask the panic in his voice. "It's gonna be alright, just give me a minute and I'll be right out."

Leonard entered his bedroom and quickly dialled Howard's number. After several rings, the call was picked up.

"Hey, what's up?" Howard said.

"Howard, you gotta listen to me, this is really bad, and I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out here; you have to help me with this." He sat down on his bed and let out a hefty sigh.

"Ok, just slow down and tell me what's happening."

"It's Sheldon, the powder is still working. I mean it's still doing its job now, except he's sick, like really sick." There was silence down the other end. "Howard, talk to me, what do I do?" Desperation was clear in his voice.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." He said. "He's overdosed, Leonard. That's what I told you last night, his body can't cope with all that."

"This can't be happening, how the hell am I meant to deal with this? I did this to him!" He raised his voice.

"Leonard, listen to me, you're gonna have pull it together here. You know how good his hearing is, if you carry on shouting like that, he's gonna hear you." Howard's tone was firm. "So just listen to me, you've got to just sit this out, stay with him and make sure nothing happens."

"No. I've got to take him to the hospital. I think this could be serious."

"It's really up to you, but you're going to have to tell him what you've done and explain to the doctors why there is such high levels of that crap in his body." He paused. "Do you really think that's the best thing to do?"

"I don't know, I just really don't know!"

"Listen, these drugs are relatively new, so little is know about the adverse affects, I wish I could be of more help, but I honestly don't know." Howard said. "What you need to do is get off the phone and make sure he's alright. Treat it just like any other sick day; make sure he has everything he needs until it wears off."

"Seriously, you can't just leave me to deal with this. I really don't think I can take this on."

"I can't rush over at this time of the morning. Bernadette is bound to ask questions." He said. "I'll come over later, but for now you're just going to have to deal with this." Not leaving Leonard anytime to respond, Howard ended the call.

Realising what he had done, Leonard threw the phone across the room. "Son of a bitch!" He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He searched through his bedside table until he found a thermometer.

He re-entered the living room.

"Sheldon?" He asked.

Sheldon tried to raise his head and mumbled incomprehensibly. Leonard noted how his shirt was sticking to him due to the large amount of sweat.

"Ok, it's alright, no need to talk. I'll just take your temperature and we'll see what we're dealing with." Leonard knew just by looking at him that the reading would be sky high. "Just place this under your tongue and I'll make you some breakfast. It's oatmeal day today, right?"

"I can't."

The thermometer beeped. Reading his temperature, Leonard's eyes widened in shock.

"Is it okay?" Sheldon asked.

"Just a bit higher than normal, nothing to worry about." He prayed he sounded convincing. "I know you may not feel like eating at the moment but..." The sound of retching abruptly interrupted him.

"Oh Lord." Sheldon looked down at the mess he had created on the floor. "This won't do, the floor must not be contaminated in this way."

"It's okay. I'll clean it I promise."

"You won't do it properly."

"You have my word. I'll get it all up and I'll disinfect it properly." Sidestepping around the vomit, he helped Sheldon to sit up. "Let's just get you sorted first, ok? You'll have to have a shower."

After a struggle, Leonard managed to get Sheldon into the bathroom. "Right, I'm really, really sorry about this." He placed Sheldon into the shower and began to remove his socks and shoes. He paused, waiting for protest – receiving none, he carried on. "I can't believe I'm doing this." He proceeded to remove Sheldon's trousers, followed by his shirt. "Ok, your underwear is just gonna have to get wet, because I draw the line at taking those off for you."

Sheldon merely nodded, too weak to disagree.

Leonard drew the shower curtain, pulled up his sleeve and reached for the dial. "Okay, this might be a bit cold, just bear with it."

The shower sprung to life. Sheldon didn't so much as flinch as the cold water soaked him. "Is that making any difference?" Upon receiving no response, he let the water flow as it was for a few seconds more, then adjusted it to a warmer temperature.

After a few minutes, Leonard switched off the water and grabbed a towel from the side. "Let's get you out." He pulled back the curtain and wrapped the towel around him. "Okay, Buddy, I'm really gonna need you to stand – Careful, it's slippery. As he was helping his friend, Leonard noticed that Sheldon was placing more and more weight onto him, soon it became too much and he felt his knees start to buckle under the pressure, accepting that he couldn't keep him upright, Leonard slowly lowered him to the ground.

Disorientated, Sheldon looked up at Leonard. "Why are we on the floor? We can't be on the floor, I've just showered." Despite his words, his tone lacked it's usually passion.

Leonard repositioned himself so that Sheldon's head was rested on his lap. "You've just fainted, that's all, and we don't have to worry." Reaching over, he picked up another towel and placed it in a way that ensured Sheldon was fully covered. "You're shaking, are you cold?"

"It seems cold and hot." Sheldon mumbled, confused.

"Okay, we'll just stay here for a little while longer." He replied. "The feeling will pass in a moment and you'll be fine, just fine." He picked up his phone and typed in a number. "One thing is for sure though, neither of us is going into work today." A small part of Leonard hoped that Sheldon would snap back into action, pull the phone from his hand and tell him there was no way they were calling in sick.

He waited a moment. Sheldon remained where he was.

Disappointed, Leonard made the call.

oOo

Leonard was exhausted. He stood outside the bathroom door, listening to his friend being violently sick – this had been going on for most of the day. It had been nearly twelve hours since Leonard had taken his friend for a shower and so far, he had only managed to move him as far as the toilet. The day had been sat on the cold bathroom tiles, holding him in place when the shaking became too intense and giving out words of reassurance when the sickness became too much to bear.

A knock on the door broke his train of thought.

He slowly approached the door, walking as slowly as he could to avoid making any noise. Looking through the peephole, he saw that it was Howard. "Where the hell have you been? When you said you'd be around later, I didn't think you'd leave it this long."

Howard stepped into the apartment. "I'm sorry, alright? I had to go to work and then when I got back, Bernadette's mother had called around to see us. What was I suppose to do, tell them that I had to leave because Sheldon had overdosed on a sexual performance enhancement drug?" Not wanting to risk being heard, Howard kept his voice down to a sharp whisper.

"I know, I get it." He sighed. "But, you don't understand what it's been like. I've never seen anything like this."

"Listen, I spoke to one of the people in pharmaceuticals and asked them about this." Howard said. "I didn't tell them what had happened, I just told them I was asking out of curiosity."

"And?"

"The dose he's taken isn't going to kill him, but you're in for a rough few days. The body reacts very badly to having such high levels of it."

Leonard turned away from Howard and glanced the bathroom door. "This is all my fault." A thunderbolt of guilt and shame hit him. "I just can't believe that this has happened, I was impulsive and now he's suffered."

Taking a seat on the couch, Howard exhaled loudly. "What can I say? None of us knew that he'd drink it. It was an accident."

"It doesn't feel that way." He said. "I guess I really can't think about that right now. I've gotta get back in there and make sure he's alright." Leonard was unconvinced by his own words – he knew that it would play on his mind for a long time to come.

"That's the right attitude." He presented him with a plastic bag. "Here, I picked some stuff up on the way over here." He emptied the bag to reveal several large bottles of water. "The more you can get him to drink, the better chance he'll have of getting it out of his system. It's also a good sign that he's puking so much, it's getting it out quicker."

Leonard was not comforted by the assurances. "He looks awful. I haven't been able to move him all day and it took me nearly half an hour just to get him into a pair of pyjamas!"

"You've just got to ride it out. I know it's awful, but right now there is nothing you can do to change the situation."

Reluctantly, he nodded in agreement. "Will you excuse me for a minute? I've gotta go check on him." Upon receiving a nod, Leonard walked down the corridor and back into the bathroom. "Hey, Sheldon, you mind if I come in?"

Sheldon looked up from the toilet, flushed and closed the lid. "I think I'm done being sick." He leant up against the wall to support himself. His vision blurred, the room seemed to be spinning. "I should be at work, Leonard."

"Don't worry about that, they know you're sick." He crouched down and took a place on the floor next to him and passed over a water bottle, watched as he drunk it. "That's good, you're probably dehydrated."

"Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"Of course I will, anything you want, buddy."

A knock on the door interrupted the exchange. Howard stuck his head around the door. "Hey, you mind if I come in?"

Leonard nodded. "Sure."

Moving in, Howard took a seat on the edge of the bathtub. He looked at Sheldon. "Leonard told me you weren't feeling well." He said. "You look awful."

"You don't know the half of it." Sheldon replied. Moving the conversation along, he turned too look at Leonard. "Will you do that thing for me now, Leonard?"

"What is it?"

"Will you sing me soft kitty?"

Despite the circumstances, Leonard couldn't help but smile. "Are you not sick of that by now? I've been singing it all day."

"I'm sick, Leonard. That's my sick song."

"Yes, Leonard, he can't get better if you don't sing him the song." Howard joked.

"Very well then – Howard has to sing it with me though."

Howard painted on a false smile. "Sure." He said, through gritted teeth.

Leonard began. "Soft kitty warm kittle little ball of fur." He looked over at Howard, encouraging him to take the next part.

"Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, "Purr, purr, purr."

Sheldon sighed, looked at Leonard. "Howard was off tune, you're going to have to start again."

Leonard pulled himself out his thoughts and looked down at Lenny. "No amount of soft kitty could make him better. It was about a week before he fully recovered. I was there the whole time, but I guess it didn't really matter how well I looked after him, it was still my fault." He got to his feet, walked over to the sink and splashed his face with water. "Anyway, we've been up here long enough." He bent down and positioned Lenny on his hip.

Arriving back, a sweeping glance of the room proved that his absence had done little to improve the situation. Sheldon had since got to his feet and was now stood awkwardly, looking at Amy who had taken a place on the couch and had turned her back to him. He turned his attention to Mary, who was watching over them in concern, clearly at a loss of what to say or do. He cleared his throat to attract their attention – Sheldon clearly ignored him and it appeared as though Amy hadn't even heard.

Mary however, diverted her attention over to where Leonard was stood. "I don't suppose you came up with any solutions whilst you were in there?"

He shrugged. "No, I got nothing. Where's Howard?"

"I think he went to his bedroom." She gestured to the stairs. "He's been up there a while, do you think he's alright?"

"He's not been alright since Bernadette..." Thinking better of it, Leonard trailed off.

"Then maybe this is just what he needs." Mary said. "If he's not coping, we could help look after Clare. At a time like this, they need people around them. I could stay in Pasadena a little while longer. I'd love to get to know her, Leonard."

Leonard sighed. "I'm not saying I don't agree with you, Mrs Cooper. Anybody would be lucky to have you as a grandmother; in fact I've always felt it was hugely unfair that you didn't get to see her grow up, but..." He lowered his voice, discreetly gestured to Sheldon and Amy. "But as far as they're concerned, she doesn't need them. I hate to be this harsh, but they've not been there for any of her life."

Disappointed, she sighed to herself, reluctantly nodded in agreement. "Would you mind if I talk to you in the kitchen?"

"Sure, it's this way." He took the lead. Entering the kitchen, he placed Lenny down and took hold of his hand.

Mary didn't waste any time, she knew what she had to say and she cut straight to the point. "You know, Leonard, I always used to think that my George was a bad Father. I don't tell this to anyone, but it's true, he was drunk all the time and he took no notice of his children."

Taken aback, Leonard was unsure of what to say. "Well, um, Sheldon never really used to talk about his father all that much."

"And why would he? George never showed him any love." A look of sadness dominated her features. "He used to come home every night and pass out in the bed next to me. Sometimes, I would just look at him and I would pray to God that none of my children would ever end up like him."

"Oh." Leonard wished he could have come up with a better response.

"God forgive me for saying this, but after Clare was born, I felt the same anger towards Shelly that I felt towards George when he was alive." She confessed -these feelings had been a burden to her for far too long. "Every Christmas and thanksgiving, Missy and George Junior would bring around their children to see me, and I would think of Clare and how much I wanted her there. The more I missed my granddaughter, the more I came to resent my son for keeping her away from me."

Leonard visibly flinched. "C'mon, Mrs Cooper. Please don't feel that way towards him, he's not a bad person."

Hardly registering what he had said, Mary continued. "I thought of Mrs Wolowitz and how she would be calling her grandma and it ate me up, Leonard. I just kept thinking of all the things they would be doing together and how that should've been my job."

"I understand, I really do, but please, please don't blame all of it on Sheldon."

She held up her hand, signalling him to stop. "There's nothing you can do it defend him. I've tried, but there's nothing I call tell myself that will ever make what he did right." Mary reached over and ruffled Lenny's hair. "He's a lovely little boy; could you ever imagine leaving him?"

"Never." He offered her a weak smile. "Do you think I should go talk to Howard?"

"Allow me." She said. "There are a few things I feel I have to say."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I don't know, but it can't be any worse than some of the ideas cooked up tonight." She turned and walked into the living room. She paused and took a look at Sheldon before heading up the stairs. Mary scanned the upstairs hallway, all but one door was closed – hoping it was the right one, she knocked.

The door was opened in seconds to reveal a pale looking Howard. "No offence or anything, but seriously, could you all just get out?"

Mary immediately noted the smell of alcohol on his breath. "Have you been drinking?"

He shrugged. "I may have had a glass or two, but I don't see how that is any of your business."

"If you have got time to drown your sorrows with cheap liquor, then you can spare me a few minutes of your time." Her tone was unusually harsh. "I have gone fourteen years without seeing my granddaughter, fourteen missed birthdays, fourteen missed Christmases. It was not my choice, but rather, it wall down to some cut all ties agreement you and my son came up with. After all the time I've lost with her, five minutes talking to you is nothing."

Howard could tell there was no chance she was going to let this one slide – Considering her words further, his tense features slowly softened. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "Come on in." He walked back over to his bed, picked up the bottle he had been drinking from and placed it under the sheets.

Entering the bedroom, Mary took a moment to take in her surroundings. It was clear the Bernadette had taken the lead when it came to the decoration process. The walls were cream and the bed sheets were a feminine floral. She also noted the vast amount of family photographs of the Wolowitz family - time lining Clare's life from birth to her teenage years. Redecorating his bedroom was not a decision Howard took lightly. After becoming parents, Bernadette insisted that Howard adopted a more mature, tasteful bedroom. After much debate, Howard took down the light sabres, replaced the leopard print bed sheets, repainted the walls and replaced his disk with a cot and a changing table. The hardest part however, was swapping his magic tricks and sci- fi memorabilia for cuddly toys and pacifiers.

"Mind if I sit down?"

"Sure."

Awkwardly she perched on the edge of the bed. Now she was up here, Mary wasn't sure where to start. "I'm sorry about how tonight played out. Amy went a little overboard."

"Damn right she did."

Ignoring the anger in his voice, she continued onwards. "None of us are perfect, Howard. We've all made mistakes throughout this. There are things we've got wrong, things we could have handled better but didn't."

He nodded. "And we're all painfully aware of it, believe me."

"I don't know if it's possible to put things right with Clare... but, Shelly and Amy, they went very wrong when it came to her. They need to make peace with her, Howard. "

"Just like Bernadette had to? Something's are just left how they are. My wife used her dieing breath to tell our little girl that she was adopted. How can that ever be excused?"

Mary was hesitant with her response, choosing her words carefully. "Maybe she just couldn't live with it anymore?"

He raised his tone, fighting back the tears of frustration and anger that threatened to surface. "What do you mean live with it? She died an hour later! But me? I'm still here, Mary. It's me that has to deal with what she did, it's me that has to pick up the pieces and help Clare to come to terms with it, not her, she chose the easy way."

Mary could see right through his anger. "Regardless of how angry you may feel towards her, she is still the love of your life and it doesn't change how much she loved Clare, or what a loving and committed mother she was." She continued. "And even if you are angry, you're going to have to put that to one side, because right now you have a very confused and upset young girl and regardless of what you're wife said or did, your only priority must be Clare."

This only served to anger him further. He crossed his arms. "Okay, if you want to talk about priorities, we'll talk about priorities. Tell me, what was Sheldon doing the night that Clare was born? Go on, you were with him that night, you should know better than anyone."

"Let's not do this."

"No, I think we should." Howard was in no mood for backing down. "C'mon, what was he doing?"

Mary paused for a moment, despite her reluctance, she answered honestly. "He was on his laptop for most of it. You know, writing some sort of paper about whatever it was he was researching at the time. I tried talking to him, but he just ignored me."

"Interesting." He said. "Now, tell me, what was I doing?"

"You know what you were doing, you don't need me to say it."

"Yes, I do know what I was doing. I was doing everything your son should've been doing."

"Where are you going with this?"

"It took eleven hours all in all. I held Amy's hand and she had a tighter grip than any electronic robot I've ever come across, she screamed like holy hell and there was an unnatural amount of blood and gross stuff shooting out of her." He said. "As far as labour goes, hers wasn't an easy one."

"Nobody is disputing that you were there for her and Sheldon wasn't." She agreed. "But, what sort of point are you trying to make?"

"The point I'm trying to make it, you can't just come in here and start lecturing me on what my priorities should be." Howard was determined to put his point across. "How can you ever accuse me of not having Clare as my main priority? She has come way before anything else, since the moment she was born - So, don't ever tell me I'm not putting her first because you're very wrong."

Mary was lost for words- She couldn't argue with what he had said and neither did she want to.

There was a painfully long awkward silence, which was only broken by the sound of the front door opening.

"We should..." Howard gestured to the bedroom door.

Wordlessly, Mary nodded in agreement.

Despite, the hostility, Howard politely held the door open for her. If he was to be honest with himself, he wasn't truly angry with her – he was angry with himself and no matter how much he blamed the Cooper family for their mistakes, he could never quite forgive himself for all the lies he himself had told.

Howard leant over the banister, peered down into the living room. Upon seeing Raj enter alone, his heart sank. "Well, did you find her?" He shouted down.

Raj nodded. "I did. She's fine, she's a little freaked out, but she's fine. Penny arrived a little while ago and she's with her."

Mary moved passed Howard and headed down the stairs. "I'm really sorry about this, Darlin'." She said to Howard. "I know you'd prefer it if we stayed away from her, but it's about time me and my granddaughter had a little chat." Despite protests off Sheldon, she was out the door in seconds.