Sorry this is late with being posted, I was out all day yesterday and so never got a chance to post anything. Hope you enjoy this next part!
The next morning, when Jemma awoke, Fitz was still at her side, slumped back in his chair, asleep. Jemma turned her head ever so slightly so that she was able to face him. She wanted to speak to him, to call out to him but the tube in her mouth was preventing that. It was uncomfortable; so much, more annoying that it had previously been. She wanted to reach out to him, to take his hand in her own, but found that she couldn't do this also; she had no energy at all, no strength.
And seeing him like this hurt her heart. More than it had hurt when she was dying. Seeing him like this, exhausted, run down… he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve her.
No matter what, she always hurt him. Always caused him pain.
What kind of friend was she?
Tears started to form in her eyes, glistening in the bright white lights of the hospital. She didn't know how long she was like that before the door to the room opened and Bobbi entered.
She smiled at Jemma once she saw that she was awake, then called out to Fitz. This awoke him, and he blinked, confused at first.
"Morning," Bobbi greeted, making her way to Jemma and beginning her daily examinations. "I take it you don't know how long she's been awake."
Fitz shook his head. "No, I… Jemma? Are you… Jems, it's okay."
He reached over, cupping her cheek with his hand, and she leaned into it, savouring the contact. There was so much that he wanted to say, so much that he had to say to her, to explain. To apologise for, But he couldn't find the words. He didn't have them. He didn't have anything that would be appropriate that would do the situation justice.
So they remained like that for a while, Jemma resting her hand on his cheek as he used his other hand to stroke her hair, gentle reassurances escaping his lips in barely more than a whisper.
She was asleep that afternoon again. Fitz was still with her, despite the fact that Coulson had tried to get him to go back in the lab, saying that he was needed, that she would be okay alone for a number of hours. That Hunter, Skye, even May could sit in with her.
Fitz had still refused to move, saying that she needed him. That he couldn't leave her.
Coulson, after some arguing, reluctantly let Fitz stay, knowing that if Fitz did go back to the lab, that no work would be done anyway.
"How is she?" May asked from the doorway. Fitz turned to look at her, and May took him, seeing just how badly the past week had impacted on him. Massive black bags hung under his eyes, he looked pale, and just exhausted.
May felt a twinge in her heart. She had seen Jemma in that position, seen just how it had affected her. Just what had happened to her. And now seeing Fitz sitting in her position…
It wasn't something that either of them had deserved. All of what they had been through, neither of them had deserved that, any of it. They were just kids, or they had been. In the past year they had gone through so much, suffered so much. Had to grow up so much.
They shouldn't be here. Not again. Not knowing what would happen to the other. They shouldn't have faced death, either of them. Not this many times.
"How is she?" May asked again.
Fitz sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and turned to look at Jemma. "Asleep."
May fixed her gaze on him, and Fitz felt it before he answered what she had actually been answering. "I don't know. Not yet. All tests show that she's recovering, that her cells are healing. That…" He trailed of, not knowing where to go next.
"Did you read her letter?" May asked, and this was not what Fitz had been expecting.
"Did I read her letter?" He spun so that he was facing the older woman.
May nodded.
"Yeah, yeah I did." He continued looking at May, wondering what she was getting at.
"So you know why she left?"
Fitz stared at May, his back to Jemma still, and wondering what she was talking about. "Undercover? Yeah, I know. She thought, she thought she was making me worse."
"And what are your thoughts?"
Fitz sighed, knowing that it was inevitable that this conversation was happening, knowing that it would have come one day or another. And he knew that he would still have to have this, and other conversations, with Jemma. "I was… I was too hard on her. I thought she was... I thought she didn't like me, the new me, the changed me and I was angry. And I took it out on her, took everything out on her. I shouldn't have."
May didn't reply, waiting for him to say more, wanting him to say more.
He sighed before continuing. "I didn't think, none of us did, about her. About what she suffered in the pod, afterwards. None of us, we didn't care almost. We didn't… we didn't think. And it's… she shouldn't have suffered."
There was more that needed to be said, both Fitz and May knew that. More that needed to be discussed between Fitz and Jemma, but for now, this was enough. This was more than enough for now.
"I don't," Fitz began. "I don't… I can't… I don't have the words. How can I say this to her… to apologise… to say that I'm sorry. That we all are… that it wasn't her fault, that it was never her fault?" He closed his eyes, and May could have sworn that she saw tears glistening in their corners.
"You don't have to."
Fitz looked at May, confusion sweeping across his face. "What?"
The corners of May's mouth turned up, and she raised an eyebrow, as if to indicate that he should look behind him.
Spinning back around in his chair, he allowed the tears to flow freely.
"Jems," he whispered, reaching for her hand.
Big brown eyes, wide and full of tears were watching him.
Taking him in.
Taking his words in.
And once her hand was in his, she managed to return the grip, and rubbed her thumb, ever so slowly as if testing the action, across the back of his hand.
Because over on A03, I had written The Conversation so many times, I wanted to try something different and this happened. Also, I need Mama May in my life.