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Chapter 11: So You Wanna Use My Employee Discount To Get A Vibrator?
KPOV
So after what was probably the coolest date ever, Jared drove me home, all the while talking and holding hands. His extreme heat making me feel secure until AGAIN I fell asleep.
God I should check with a doctor to see if I have narcolepsy.
At the door if my house he got out, opened my door and walked me to the stairs.
I looked up into his gorgeous eyes and felt my heart get bigger in my chest at the emotions I saw there.
"Kim, that was the most fun I have ever had with anyone," he whispered, not taking his eyes from mine.
I think I may have breathed something along the lines of me too but I can't be sure.
"Kim, I know that I am a total dork, I watch the Big Bang Theory religiously, have in fact said Bazinga and often snort when I laugh as you sadly have probably noticed, but I really lo- like you and I want you to take a chance on me, would you be my girlfriend?" he asked nervously, but his eyes didn't move and really how could I say no to this amazing boy.
I kissed him with all the ardor I was feeling, leaning into him and just feeling him. My heart was bursting in my chest, my nerve endings standing on end and when he pulled back and held me to his chest I panted into his shoulder.
"I'm hoping that was a yes?"
"Only if you say bazinga," I said into his neck as I smiled in total contentment.
He did and the huge grin that crossed my face just made me hold him tighter.
He kissed my nose before letting me go and walked me to the door, before giving me a chaste peck and whispering "bye girlfriend" and walking away while whistling.
I smiled at his dorkiness, and opened the front door, where I saw my mother MAKING OUT WITH BEN! Against the closet door, for shame.
They pulled apart quickly and each looked at the floor in embarrassment at being caught by the daughter I suppose.
Trying to contain my laughter and smile as I sternly said, "How long has this been going on?"
"Since Halloween," my mother whispered as she scuffed her high heels and the hard wood floor, acting like a teenager caught by her parents.
You have no idea how hard it was to hold back the smile.
"Benjamin, what are your intentions towards my mother?" Don't laugh Kim, don't smile, and whatever you do, do not hug them yet.
"Um, well we are sort of boyfriend and girlfriend and I really like her a lot," He said while he too scuffed his shoe and wrung his hands.
I couldn't hold it in anymore and ran towards them in happiness and gave them a big hug together.
"I'm so happy!"
"Really?" Mom said, slowly returning from the nervous teenager.
"Yeah, I have known since I was like ten that I wanted you two to be together! I mean I love Ben."
Ben's arm tightened around me and Mom started to laugh and mutter something about all the worrying for nothing.
"One request, don't make out in the hallway, Jared my boyfriend could have seen you."
Mom squealed and jumped around in a circle with me and Ben got his paternal look on that he has been giving me since I first told him I was going to marry Nick Carter. He may not have been my biological father but Benny has been filling the protective roll well.
I kissed both their cheeks while whispering how happy I was for them and left them to go to my bedroom and call Rachel.
She answered on the first ring and instead of a greeting I said, "Well, no reason for Operation Old People Love anymore."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
You know when you are really happy and time speeds up? I hate that. It's like oh shitty things are going on with you lets make 24 hours into 100 and oh your happy blink and it's gone.
Jared and I spent all the time that we could together but sometimes he would have to leave like crazy fast and that was annoying. But he held hands with me, laughed with me, and was friends with Paul again after some macho mumbo jumbo that I didn't understand in the least.
Thanksgiving passed without much to do, except for Rachel showing up in full Comanche brave costume (which was weird enough given that we were Quilietes) and yelling about how I had stolen her land, before coming into the dining room, where Billy, Jacob, Ben and my mom were and piling food onto her plate with a grin and a 'how has everyone been'. The freak.
Mom and Ben went on dates so often that I thought maybe they had moved in together and decided to leave the house to me, which now that I have a boyfriend who I can make out with all the time was fine with me.
So here I sat straddling the Adonis of male perfection below me who was slowly inching his hands above my shirt, making my nipples hard enough to cut glass when he tilted his head and groaned as he pulled his lips and tongue from mine.
I shook my head with my eyes closed and leaned towards him, seriously not wanting this to be over with. I mean I was on fire and I know he felt it too, because his very impressive boner was pressing against my jean's inseam, making me all kinds of turned on.
"Kim, ugh I have to go."
"No, no you don't, Mom is going to Ben's tonight for "in depth' financial advice, so she probably won't be home until like three in the morning you definitely do not have to go," I rambled as I pressed myself closer to Cleo's new best friend and swayed my hips back and forth against him, causing me to moan and him to groan at the amazing feeling.
"No, no I have to leave now."
He lifted me off him and onto the seat next to him as he stood up. I could barely think as he gave me a reluctant quick kiss and ran to the door.
"Are you for fucking real right now?" I yelled after he slammed door.
"I'm going to buy a vibrator and then I won't reed a boyfriend anymore."
Feeling unbelievably frustrated I walked to the door and opened it remembering that I had drove his cock blocking..well Cleo blocking ass here and saw that he was gone.
That was when I heard the wolves howling, sounding dangerously close to my house and in my state of anger I yelled, "Shut the fuck up you over grown chihuahuas!" Before slamming the door, and since it felt so good I opened the door and slammed it again.
Then in my tantrum state I stomped back to the den and sat down to watch some movie.
I pressed play and threw my head back into the padding and groaned. Now I was alone, pissed off and horny as hell. I mean we hadn't gone past heavy snogging but come on! Who the hell leaves in the middle of dry humping their girlfriend.
He almost touched my breasts for the first time and he skedaddles? I looked at my hand, grateful that I got to have it taken off on Saturday because now it was past the land of scratch and into the state of fucking itchy.
Also I was having major withdrawals from my glass house. I went in there at least once a day and stared mournfully at my punti. Mist came to my eyes just thinking about it.
Fed up with Jared's stupid deserting ass, I made myself a sandwich, ate and went upstairs before brushing my teeth and collapsing into bed.
Stupid fucking Cleo blocking boyfriend.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Jared was apparently busy this weekend, so Rachel was kind enough to drive down from Seattle to take me to the doctor's office to get this fucking itchy cast off of me.
"You know what I hate Rachy?"
"Umm, people who dress their dogs up at cats because it goes against nature in all forms?"
"Well yes, but I also hate like really old drunks. Like when you are fifty and sixty getting so drunk that you slur your words and keep repeating the same shit over and over again, I feel like you should join A.A, if not for yourself then for your liver."
"What brought this on?"
"Hmm? Oh Mom told me that she and Ben are going to have liver for dinner tomorrow, and after the initial revulsion it lead to one thing and then another and now here I am telling you my thoughts."
Rachel pulled into the hospital parking lot and we got out as we started toward the doors.
"Your mind is facinating, you should be a kindergarten teacher, you know get 'em when they are young and all that jazz."
I signed in and walked into my hospital as I considered her words.
I hopped up on the doctor's table just as he came in with a smile on his face.
Ah Doctor Closer we meet again.
"So how is Laila Ali today?" Oh ho sexy and smart Dr. Closer?
I smiled and said fine. He poked around at I don't know what and then the nurse arrived with what looked like a saw and bunch of other stuff.
He told me that everything looked good from the X-rays and that I was all set to take my cast off.
He pulled out the saw and being Rachel she had to say dramatically, "NO! Doctor please she need this arm to make money for our seven children! Can't you do anything to save it?"
I smacked my forehead with the hand not encased in plaster and sighed as I apologized for my friend, "She was just let out of the institution and her dad asked me if I could spare an afternoon because she still has tendencies to eat bugs and rocks when left alone."
Dr. Closer chuckled and got to work on my cast with the saw and then these huge scissors.
He finally pulled it away and my arm raised on its own and then to my horror I saw green on my arm.
"Oh my god Kimmy, you have contracted a flesh eating virus, or mold!"
Yes thank you Rachel for coming with me.
Dr. Closer just chuckled and wiped my arm down before asking if I wanted a lollipop.
I think he said it as a joke, but no joke I never turn down candy, and neither apparently does Rachel.
After a quick wave to Doctor Closer, who was standing at the nurses station, Rachel and I left the hospital and she drove us to my mom's diner to get free ice cream.
Nothing is better then ice cream, other then free ice cream.
We walked into the diner and Mom smiled at Rach and me as she saw us and called out to Joe who worked in the kitchen that she needed two cones.
I heart my mom.
She looked at m arm marveling at how much skinnier it was then the one that hadn't been broken and gave Rachel a hug.
Rach and I decided to leave the car at the diner and go for a walk since it wasn't raining, or snowing (a small miracle) and we started toward the woods that we had played in as a kid.
Rach got behind me and then started singing, "Owoooooooo
Who's that I see walkin' in these woods?" She crept up closer as I watched her and ducked behind a pine tree and peeked out at me, "Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood." She stood u and started moving her hips and turning her hands in a circle as she sang, "Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good. You're everything a big bad wolf could want."
She pointed at me and I took my cue, "Listen to me! Little Red Riding Hood, I don't think little big girls should, go walking in these spooky old woods alone. Owoooooooo." I finished the verse with a rather impressive howl.
Rachel walked in front of me and clasped her hands as she walked backwards and I 'stalked her', " What big eyes you have. The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad. So just to see that you don't get chased... I think I ought to walk with you for a ways."
Rachel looked at me with faked lust and started to stalk me, "What full lips you have! They're sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to grandma's place, I think you ought to walk with me and be safe!"
She kept singing as she jumped on my back and I walked with her towards our secret spot. Quick explanation ever since Rachel and I had heard my mom singing this song and we were alone in the woods we sang it together. A friendship quirk if you will, "I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on.
Until I'm sure that you've been shown, that I can be trusted walking with you alone. Owoooooooo!" Sh howled loudly in my ear causing me to laugh through the next part with her.
"Little Red Riding Hood. I'd like to hold you if I could
But you might think I'm a big bad wolf so I won't. Owoooooooo! What a big heart I have-the better to love you with, Little Red Riding Hood even bad wolves can be good
I'll try to be satisfied just to walk close by your side
Maybe you'll see things my way before we get to grandma's place"
We reached our little spot where the trees bent together to give the appearance of an arch way and finished the song as we always had, "Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are looking good. You're everything that a big bad wolf could want. Owoooooooo! I mean baaaaaa. Baaa"
We collapsed on the soft, sponge like grass in a fit of giggles and I gave her a hug silently thanking her for being my best friend. She returned it with her own silent thanks and we laid back and tried to pick out shapes in the clouds.
"So how goes the boyfriend thing?" Rach asked after pointing out a dragon."
"Well, two days ago he ran out on me before he almost got some serious under the shirt action, while I was grinding on his obvious approval, leading me to scream a threat of buying a vibrator to replace his ass," I replied nonchalantly even as I felt the anger rising in me again. God I was so frustrated!
"Well, I think you should get one anyway, you are eighteen now and I feel that every woman should own one, because while boys may leave, stray or run out on you The Rabbit will never let you down, especially if you use energizer batteries that are rechargeable."
I laughed at her serious expression and felt a small amount of color come to my face. "Ah Rach, I love you more then these delicious waffle cone."
I took a bite out of said waffle cone and heard some snuffling around a bush at the edge of our hideout.
Rach tensed next to me, and looked toward the bush, "Is it a bear?"
I had to smother the hysterical giggle I felt bubbling up my throat and shook my head, "Worse case scenario it is a wolf, possibly Big Bad, but we don't need to worry about that because with your hair, you are kind of rocking Betty Boop, and I saw a cartoon once where he was all up on her tip." Possible man eating creature in the bush and I am rambling about Betty Boop.
"Fist off, my head is not giant like Betty, second she does not have a tip he could be all up on her clit but not her tip, Lady Gaga has a tip but she is weird. And third if we are going to die I want you to know that I am the one who ate your chapstic when we were ten and eight. It smelled so good so I just took a bite not Jacob."
I gasped at her, remembering how she had told me it was Jake and then I had given him a makeover with magic markers. He was called Janice for a while after that.
Something stepped out of the bush causing Rachel and I to cling to each other and give a scream worthy of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie.
After I opened my eyes at the end of the scream, I saw my Cleo blocking boyfriend trying to hold in his laughter as Jacob bent over convulsing with his hilarity.
I noticed that the retards were in jeans. That's it, jeans! In the middle of November.
"What in the world are you wearing? !" Rachel and I yelled together as we each stood up, took off our coat and ran to the boys trying to cover them with the fabric that was way too small. Oh and we did this in synchronization, like those odd water ballet things.
Jared and Jake just laughed harder at us and they straightened up and wrinkled their noses before shaking a little, like the frozen Popsicles they were going to be, although to be totally honest Jared felt super hot as my hand touched his skin.
"God you two stink, go home and shower please you are making me nauseous."
"Fuck off Jacob! We do not smell bad! You smell bad, you smelly pants."
Smelly pants? Honestly Rachel. I internally sighed at her lame come back.
"Don't you think they smell bad Jared?" Jake asked Jared.
I looked over at him, daring him to say something and what he did was actually shocking.
He grabbed me into his arms and rubbed himself all over me, kind of like when Lizzie's cocker spaniel met me and rubbed herself all over my coat.
But when Lady did it I wanted to push her away what Jared was doing made me wrap my legs around him and kiss him, hard. I kind of forgot about my friends, that is how hot it was.
He pulled away from me, and sniffed me, giving a small purr of approval, that shot straight to Cleo and made her faint.
"No she smells, amazing," he purred some more and he snuggled hid face the skin that my neck met my shoulders, causing me to shiver in pleasure. Shit that was hot.
"Umm, that was the freakiest thing I have ever seen."
God, Jacob shut up.
"Are you kidding? It was like free porn. Well, done Kimmy!"
God, Rachel shut up.
Jared just chuckled into my throat and gave it a small kiss before pulling back and putting my coat back on me, then wrapping his arm around me so that I snuggled into his freakishly warm skin.
"SO why are you guys in the woods?"
"Why are you Jacob?"
"Because, Rachel it's my job."
"You don't have a job, your a dork."
"You don't have a job because you are to busy getting drunk with Kim."
"I do have a part time job, at a sex store, want me to get you a flesh light since no living woman is over going to let you touch her?"
"Ha! Are you still a virgin?"
Oh no Jake you didn't want to know the answer.
"Nope, are you."
"Yeah so you are not any better than m- wait, what? You aren't a virgin?"
Told you so. Watching them was like watching an amusing tennis match.
"Nope," yeah Rach pop that p.
"Who the hell did you sleep with?"
Oh no.
"Which time?"
"I think Jake's eyes are going to pop out his skull," I whispered to Jared.
His shoulders shook in silent laughter.
"What the FUCK do you mean?"
"Well I have had sex with a man and a woman, so which time."
Oh god Rach. Jake please stop when you are ahead.
"Wait, Rach your a lesbian?"
"Noo, I am in college and I experimented with my lab partner Tiffany. It was nice but I need a man."
Jake stood stock still and looked at her as if she had just grown a unicorn horn out of her forehead. I tried to mentally tell you to shut up. I already knew about Tiffany and Aden, but I knew that Jake could not handle knowing his sister was no longer a virgin. Dork.
Jake flopped onto the ground and Rach patronizingly patted his head like a dog before looking up at me with an angelic expression and asked,
"So you want to use my employee discount to get a vibrator?"
AN I like Chapter 11, although I love anything with Rachy.
Kim is starting to notice some canine tendencies hmm?
Question: Ever wanted to give up on relationships and get an amazing vibrator lol.
Rachel would say it was cheaper.
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Oh and when you review just tell me and you will get a sneak peek at Chapter 12!
XOXO Mel