Climax French
After three chapters of Robin's "adventure", we are now moving to D'Eon and Teillagory, and as the chapter titles suggests, this is going to take place in a country where it would, centuries later, be named the USSR (aka the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics).
Disclaimer:
Le Chevalier D'Eon is owned by Production IG
Keroro Gunso is owned by Mine Yoshizaki and Sunrise.
Kamen Rider Den-O is owned by ishimori Productions.
As the scene unfolded, we are shown at what appeared to be a majestic guest room, which appeared to be inside a castle, which belonged to a monarch family of an unspecified country, and the scene zooms in to D'Eon and Teillagory, who both slowly woke up and found themselves in a majestic room and are greeted by what appeared top be two Siberian bears, and before D'Eon was about to take action, one of the two Siberian bears spoke to him in a Russian dialect, dressed in a red, modern-day jacket and black pants.
"Dobroe utro, ·eer." (Good morning, sirs)
-x-
"Eh? Who…what are…?"
The two Siberian bears glanced at each other before glancing at D'Eon, replying to him in English.
"What does it look like?"
"Can't you tell? We're Siberian bears."
"Where are we?"
"Mother Russia."
Teillagory stared wide-eyed at what he just heard, and is alarmed at the sight of two Siberian bears…talking and grabbed his rapier (which he saw it parked at the side of the bed) and poked one of the bears' knows and this created a mild tension. The Siberian bear struggles to get at Teillagory as the other Siberian bear restrains his fellow bear.
"Uspokoĭtesʹ, tovarishch ... on prosto ispugalsya ... net nyeobhodimosti, chtoby poluchitʹ zagorelsya ..." (Calm down, comrade...he's just startled...there's no need to get fired up...)
"Net .. YA ne zagorelsya ... YA peregreva! tolʹko odnoĭ tsarapiny, tovarishch ... tolʹko odnoĭ tsarapiny ... Mne nuzhno tsarapin post ... i eto starcheskoe shestidesyatiletniĭ prosto idyealʹno podhodit ... tak chto davaĭte idti, tovarishch i pozvolʹte mne nulya yego na shary ..." (No...I'm not fired up...I'm overheating! just one scratch, comrade...just one scratch...i needed a scratching post...and this senile sexagenarian is just perfect...so let go, comrade and let me scratch him on his balls...)
D'Eon and Teillagory glanced at each other and then at the two Siberian bears, one restraining the other. They are wearing clothes and can speak, even in Russian dialect, though the elderly musketeer is on the defensive as he still brandishes his rapier and the commotion might have continued had it not for someone who entered the room.
"Nikolaĭ ... Boris ... etogo dostatochno. YA uveren, chto eto vsego lishʹ nedorazumenie ..." (Nikolai…Boris…that's enough. I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding…)
Everyone stopped as they heard a voice and saw who entered the room. She is Empress Elizaveta, Empress of Russia, and her stern but calm tone made the two Siberian bears stop struggling, and the empress told Boris that Teillagory's action is justifiable since bears are sometimes known to attack humans and she urged Teillagory to apologize to the Siberian bear, which the elderly musketeer did so.
However, Boris flicked a finger on the musketeer's nose and the oral bashing recommences until Elizaveta reprimanded the bear for his actions and then glances at D'Eon, seeing him made her remind of someone she knew, and began to speak to D'eon in a serene manner which she brought up the subject of that person which the blond musketeer became surprised.
"Excuse me, young man…do you happened to know a certain Lia de Beaumont? You appeared to resemble her…"
"How…how did you know my sister?"
"I see…Lia is a close friend of mine…we met before and we share a close friendship…you must be D'Eon…"
"An honor to meet you, your majesty…"
"Please to meet you, your Highness…"
"It's alright…no need for formalities…anyway…these two are indeed Siberian bears…they are Nikolai and Boris…"
"Err…are they really Siberian bears?"
The two Siberian bears felt insulted and answered to Teillagory's question as they stood still and placed their right paws on their chest.
Nikolai: "You question our nationality…?"
Boris: "We will prove to you we are authentic Russians…allow us to demonstrate…"
And so the two Siberian bears stood still and began to sing the Russian national anthem, even though Elizaveta tried to urge the two not to go on with it as she can prove to the two guests their heritage but it is too late…the two bears began to sing the national anthem.
Rossia - sviashennaia nasha derzhava,
Rossia - lubimaia nasha strana!
Moguchaia volia, velikaia slava -
Tvoio dostoianie na vse vremena!
CHORUS:
Slavsia, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoe,
Bratskikh narodov soiuz vekovoi,
Predkami dannaia mudrost' narodnaia!
Slavsia, strana! My gordimsia toboi!
Ot yuzhykh morei do poliarnogo kraia
Raskinulis nashi lesa i polia.
Odna ty na svete! Odna ty takaia -
Khranimaia Bogom rodnaia zemlia!
CHORUS
Shirokii prostor dlia mechty i dlia zhizni
Griadushie nam otkryvaiut goda.
Nam silu daiot nasha vernost otchizne.
Tak bylo, tak est' i tak budet vsegda!
D'Eon and Teillagory stared in disbelief as they never seen two bears singing the anthem perfectly and Elizaveta had no choice but to praise themfor their efforts, but then decided to ease the tension by asking the two to go hunting, which the two bears obliged. As the two bears left, D'Eon began the discussion by asking her how the two bears came to talk and dressed like persons, which she told them that she found what appeared to be a version of the Book of Psalms, and thinking it was just another book, she took it outside the palace and accidentally read it aloud, which "letters" flew out and struck two nearby Siberian bears, and there the two bears gained human-like forms while retaining their appearances as bears.
Not wanting them to get slaughtered for their appearances, she secretly had the two sneaked inside the castle and began educating them, and within a few weeks they became her "bodyguards" and got along with the rest of the monarch family.
Then thenext discussion commences as Elizaveta asks D'Eon into telling her what happened to Lia, and he told her what happened to her and how he and Teillagory got embroiled into certain the events that happened before they regained consciousness.
"So…Lia was murdered…and no one even dare to give her a proper burial…"
"Yes, your majesty…"
"And a certain Voronstov is still on the loose…we don't know if he is still in France…or made his way here…"
"I see…very well…I'll have my guards on the lookout…in the meantime, why not make yourselves at home…? You are my guests…and I'll see to it that you will get back to France so you can continue investigating the cause of your sister's death…just promise me you send me the results…and when you found the ones responsible…let me know…"
"Yes, your majesty…I promise you…"
"Thank you for your kindness, your highness…"
Nodding her head, Elizaveta left the room while the two musketeers stayed inside to recuperate, not noticing that another person is eyeing at the two, who is revealed to be Bestuzhev, the grand chancellor of Russia, and left unnoticed and is heading to another room where another person is waiting. He is Pyotr III, and he appeared to be semi-drunk, and on the floor was his wife, Ekaterina. Her face was swollen with hard slaps and suffered from abuse and using his position, he managed to influence some of the guards to cover up his treatment of his wife from his mother, and he is eyeing the throne and planned to usurp it from Elizaveta.
"Young prince…we have a problem…two foreigners are here…they are from France and one of them happened to be related to Lia de Beaumont…what should we do…? They may pose a threat to your plans to become the next ruler…we should get rid of them…"
"Then have the guards throw them away…"
"But…but…your mother is here…she would surely overrule…"
"No need…I already have a plan to get rid of that old geezer…and here is how…"
As Pyotr and Bestuzhev are discussing the plans, they are unaware that Ekaterina is still conscious and heard their plan as she pretended to be unconscious. Fearing for her mother-in-law's safety, she bid her time and waited for the two men to leave. As the two men left, leaving Ekaterina behind, she waited for another several minutes before she sneaked out of the room and made a frantic search for D'Eon and Teillagory.
"I must warn the two Frenchmen about what I heard…Elizaveta is a good woman and she doesn't deserve an unhappy ending…! I can't believe she had a worthless son whom his mother raised gently…must be his father's bad influence…oh, I don't know why Pyotr turn out like this…"
-x-
As the hours went by, Ekaterina tries to get close to the room where D'Eon and Teillagory are resting, but then she saw Bestuzhev telling the guards to guard the room and heard him instructing them not to let anyone apart from Elizaveta to pass through the room, and she had to think of something to get past the guards.
By then, the two Siberian bears, Nikolai, and Boris, happened to pass by, carrying several fishes that they got while hunting, and an idea formed inside her head and secretly called the two, asking them to do her a "favor". After some five minutes, the two accepted and went into action and went in front of D'Eon and Teillagory's room, where the guards stood and blocked their paths with their spears.
"Sorry…we have our orders not to let anyone get past here other than her Empress…so turn away now."
"We are her Empress' loyal bodyguards…and we were told to check on them!"
"Da!"
"We receive no such order!"
"You may be her Empress' mascots but that doesn't mean we will bow to the likes of you!"
"If it were up to us, we'd skin off your fur, you freaks!"
"Very well…if that's how you put it…Boris…?"
"I'm on it, Nikolai…"
And so the two Siberian bears went into action and began singing the Russian national anthem, much to the guards' horror as they guessed what's about to happen, AND that is something the guards wanted to avoid, but they unknowingly provoked the anthropomorphic bears.
Rossia - sviashennaia nasha derzhava,
Rossia - lubimaia nasha strana!
Moguchaia volia, velikaia slava -
Tvoio dostoianie na vse vremena!
CHORUS:
Slavsia, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoe,
Bratskikh narodov soiuz vekovoi,
Predkami dannaia mudrost' narodnaia!
Slavsia, strana! My gordimsia toboi!
Ot yuzhykh morei do poliarnogo kraia
Raskinulis nashi lesa i polia.
Odna ty na svete! Odna ty takaia -
Khranimaia Bogom rodnaia zemlia!
CHORUS
Shirokii prostor dlia mechty i dlia zhizni
Griadushie nam otkryvaiut goda.
Nam silu daiot nasha vernost otchizne.
Tak bylo, tak est' i tak budet vsegda!
The guards covered their ears as they couldn't bear the bears' out of sync voices and begged the two bears to stop, but that didn't ended there as they began singing the Russian rendition of the TATU song, "All The Things She Said", further sending the guards into a frenzy.
Ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
Ja sashla s uma...
Julia:
menja palnostju njet
absoljutno vser'ez
situastsiya help
situastsiya sos
Ya sebja ne poimu
ty atkuda vzjalas
patshimu, patshimu?
na tebja pavelas
Lena:
vikljutshaestsja svet
ya kuda - to letshu
bez tebja menja njet
nitshego ne khotshu
Eto medlennyj jad
eto svodit s uma
a ani gavorjat - vinovata sama
a ani gavorjat - vinovata sama
Ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
ja sashla s umaa...
mne nuzhna onaaa...
Julia:
bez tebja ja ne ja
bez tebja menja net
a ani gavorjat
gavory'jat eto bred
Eto solnetshniy jad
zalotye lutshi
a ani gavorjat
nado sratshno lechit'
Lena:
ja khotela zabyt da upara i vniz
ja schitala stalby i rasteryannykh ptits
bez tebja menja net, atpusti, atpusti!
da ugla pa stene... mama papa, prasti...
Ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
Lena:
raz, dva pasle pjati
mama-papa, prasti
ja sashla s uma
Yulia:
raz, dva pasle pjati
mama-papa, prasti
ja sashla s uma
Ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
mne nuzhna ana, mne nuzhna ana
Ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma
ja sashla s uma, ja sashla s uma...
"Waaaahhh! We can't take it anymore!"
"Someone help us!"
"My ears are hurting!"
"Let's get out of here!"
"Wait for me!"
"I rather die than hearing those two bears singing!"
"I rather drunk myself to death in vodka than risking getting deaf!"
"For the sake of Mother Russia…get these bears out of here!"
As the guards fled in panic, Boris and Nikolai flashed a "thumbs up" sign at Etakerina, and she went inside the room where she saw D'Eon and Teillagory covering their heads with pillows, and she could understand why, and assured to them that the two bears have stopped singing, and there she introduced herself and informed the two about the plot she overheard from her husband and the grand chancellor, and this made D'Eon worried.
However, one of the guards came inside, bursting and informed them that Empress Elizaveta has been killed by an assassin, and there Elizaveta's daughter-in-law was shocked, realizing that her warning to the musketeers in an attempt to save the empress' life came too late, and Pyotr III came in, holding D'Eon's rapier, soaked in blood.
"You…you assassinated the empress…you did this! Guards! Arrest the foreign bastards!"
To Be Continued…
Now it's D'Eon's turn to take the spotlight…and along with Teillagory, gets into trouble as the Empress of Russia is assassinated by her own son, just like in the anime, and gets the blame through framing, despite Etakerina's attempts to warn the Frenchmen of the plot.
This is just the beginning, as our heroes' adventure in Russia is about to shape up.
Another Book of Psalms? In Russian language? This is getting strange…
But that explains how two Siberian bears started to talk and act like humans, and are given clothes (red jackets), and got educated like true Russian nationalists.
The names Nikolai and Boris are inspired from two former WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) wrestlers Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov, the wrestling tag team of the early 80's and 90's known as the Bolsheviks. I don't own them so don't due me for copyright infringement.
Preview:
D'Eon and Teillagory tries to fight their way out and clear their names while aiding Etakerina in preventing Pyotr III from usurping the throne, while Robin and Momotaromon arrives in Russia and unintentionally finds their comrades in trouble. The Musketeers will then be reunited…