"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."

Unlike other mornings since Maura's disappearances, this morning was different. Jubilant blood soared throughout Jane's veins as excitement took over her. She rolled herself from her bed and made her way to her dresser. She pulled out her running shorts and a police academy shirt. She checked the time on her clock to see if she had time to start her coffee before her run. Shrugging it off because she decided she'd just grab a coffee at work for the rest of her team, she changed into her running wear.

Jane's run was longer than normal. She ran faster and further. Excitement tickled her bones. She was happy. For the first time in a long time, she was truly happy. When the brunette returned to her apartment, she was greeted with sloppy kisses from her small dog.

"Hi, girl." The detective cooed, kissing her dog right back. "I missed you too." She was rewarded with a loud bark. The brunette chuckled but put her dog back down. In her shower, she danced along to the music from her iPhone. Happiness. It suited her. When the detective all set and ready to go to work, she realised she didn't even need coffee. She actually slept. For the first time in three months, she slept without a worry. She didn't even worry about the difficult case she'd been working. It was all because of Maura. The thought of the honey-blonde brought a smile to the brunette's lips.

In her cruiser, she even tapped her fingers against the steering wheel and softly sang along to the tunes on the radio. When Jane reached the precinct, she parked her car in the front just like she'd normally done. Ever since Grant left, she didn't have to worry about it being towed.

"Hey, Ma." The brunette greeted her mother with a smile the size of Texas. "Four coffees."

"Why are you so smiley?" Angela searched her daughter's face to see if it'd been a facade. "Did you meet someone?"

"No." The brunette laughed. "I didn't mean anyone."

"You can tell me, Janie." The older woman smiled. "I know you like women now."

"I didn't meet anyone, Ma!" The detective said firmly, but her mood was still untouched. She tried to be serious for a moment but gave into the laugh that tickled at her throat. "I didn't!" She claimed when her mother gave her a look.

"You can't even hold a straight face!" Angela laughed. "I don't who's making you happy but I'm glad."

Jane playfully glared at her mother. "Just hurry up with the Joe, Ma." The brunette made a face.

"Dr. Isles is coming down here for lunch." The older woman informed, pouring the last cup of coffee.

"You've known each other for years." Jane looked at her mother. "You've lived with her for a year. And you still refer to her as 'Dr. Isles'. It's kinda weird, Ma."

Jane's mother only shrugged. "I like it. It makes her sound...sophisticated."

"I think you just like reminding yourself that you know a doctor." Jane chuckled.

"Anyways," The older woman rolled her eyes. "She told me she's meeting someone up here for lunch. I don't who it is, but I'm just letting you know."

"It's me, Ma." The detective took her wallet from her pocket. "She's coming to see me."

"Why was she so discreet about it?" Angela frowned.

"Because she didn't want you in her business!" Jane took her mother's hands and slapped the money in them. "Don't take it personally, Ma. She just likes her privacy."

"Or there was a reason she was hiding it from me." Angela looked at Jane. "Is it a date?"

The question caught Jane off guard. She hadn't actually thought of it as a date. "No." She shook her head, her smile faltering slightly. "It's not a date."

"But you want it to be." Angela smirked. "You'll have to tell her soon or later."

"I choose never." Jane grabbed the coffee carrier. "Anyways, I don't want it to be a date. I'm actually really happy with it just being a lunch between friends. I'm glad I can call her my friend."

"Good." The older woman looked down at her hands. "You should get to work. The sooner lunch comes the sooner you can see the love of your life Dr. Isles." Jane would've said something to tell her mother not to broadcast her feelings to the precinct, instead she nodded in agreement and walked away. Her morning was going good and there wasn't much but Maura herself that could bring her high down.

Maura's morning started just as blithely. She managed to go for a run throughout her neighborhood. She made herself breakfast. But, after all of that, her high began to decline. She began to realise she had to go to lunch with Jane. The thought alone gave her butterflies but racked her nerves. Suddenly, nothing in her closet seemed good enough. Suddenly, she wasn't pretty enough. Suddenly, she wasn't social enough. She was nervous.

It was obvious the lunch wasn't a date, because that would be a terrible first date. But, it was a stepping stone to their first date and Maura knew it. She knew that she had feelings for Jane. She's always had feelings for Jane. There had been times when the brunette showed the same affection, but Maura couldn't be sure now. She began second-guessing herself. Did Jane really share the same feelings for her? No. She couldn't have. She had feelings for Agent. Gabriel Dean. Maura knew this because she'd talked Jane into going on a date with him. She'd talked Jane into being with him. Now she regretted her words. The honey-blonde took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"It's just lunch." She coolly told herself. "Granted, it's the first time we've spent together socially in three months after she shot and killed my biological father. It's just lunch." The doctor ran her fingers through her hair, nervously. When she finally settled on casual jeans and dark blue blouse, she knew that Jane – and pretty anyone that knew her – would realise that something was up. She grabbed her purse and keys. This outfit, this make-up, and these shoes would just have to suffice for now. It wasn't a date. Driving to the precinct, she'd managed to turn around twice. She kept talking herself in and out of going. She'd never been this nervous to have lunch with a friend before. But, that was it. Jane wasn't a friend. She wasn't just an associate. Jane was much more than that and Maura knew it.

She was mostly nervous because she knew they would have to discuss the Doyle thing. They would have to discuss a lot of things. Like where Maura went. Jane would beat it out of her if she had to. It was a risk she was willing to take. Maura knew it unnerved Jane to not be able to know things. But, that was how she needed it. If the brunette had known where Maura had been that entire time, she would've bought a plane ticket and searched for Maura.

It wouldn't take long for Jane to figure out where Maura had gone. She would ask simple questions such as: Was it hot? Was it cold? Were you around nature? Were you around buildings? Were you around people? Did you spend a lot of time in the sun? Did you walk a lot? Did you sit on a couch the entire time?

Maura would answer all of those, knowing that eventually Jane would come to a conclusion. That was how Jane was. She was smart enough to figure something out if she had enough clues. That stupid gumshoe thing really worked outside of investigations. Maura ran nervous fingers through her hair when she got out of her car. Boston was chilly. She shivered slightly. Either it was because of the weather or because she was getting closer to Jane. Most likely both. Angela had been the first to spot the honey-blonde when she entered the cafe.

"Dr. Isles," The older woman greeted with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"Water would be nice." Maura smiled, taking a seat.

"Jane should be here soon." Angela nodded. "I'll call her if I have to."

"I'm here early." The honey-blonde tried to excuse. "I came early to catch up with you. We haven't spoken much."

"Girl time?" Jane's mother smiled, excitedly. She finally had an open invitation into the doctor's personal life. "Great! Let me just tell Stanley I'm taking a break." Her fingers were already untying the knot of her apron. Maura nodded before the other woman left. She looked around the cafe. It was relatively empty. There had only been two other people in there. A young woman and an officer standing right next to her. The young woman looked like she'd been crying. Maura frowned.

"Okay, I have a lot of questions for you." Angela said, taking the seat across from Maura. "First thing's first." She handed the doctor the water she'd requested. "You said you ran into Ian?"

"Yes." The medical examiner nodded before sipping the water. "I did."

Angela thought for a moment, figuring out how to form her question. "Are you two an item?"

Maura's answer was quick and simple. "No."

"Huh." The older woman smiled. "Do you have someone else in mind?"

"I do." The younger woman nodded.

"Is it...Tommy?" She questioned already knowing the answer to that. She was playing a game with the younger woman. She didn't want to off the bat ask if it'd been Jane. When Maura shook her head no, the older woman continued, seeming as if she'd been thinking about it really hard. "Is it...Frankie?" Again, another no. "Okay...hmm...Jane's surgeon?"

"No!" The reply was so quick, it had Angela chuckling.

"Okay, okay, not him." The older woman smiled. "Do I know them?"

"Yes." Maura smiled.

"Hmm..." She pretended to think. "Frost?" Maura shook her head no. "Korsak?"

"Oh, oh no." The medical examiner grimaced at the thought. "No. No. No."

Angela laughed. "We've ruled out all of the men..." She smirked. "Is it...is it Jane?"

Maura started to lie, and because of that she gave herself away. Her breath quickened, noticeably. She was hyperventilating.

"It is Jane!" Angela exclaimed.

"What's me?" Jane called from the table where Tammy had been. "Maura." She smiled. She wasn't sure how she'd missed the honey-blonde. She mentally kicked herself in the ass, though. That was for sure. When she noticed the smaller woman in distress she quickly rushed to her side. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Can't. Breathe." Was all Maura could get out.

"Ma, what did you do to her?" Jane accused, her good mood ruined. She didn't know how to help Maura. Normally this was her job. She thought of calling Dr. Pike but it would take too long, he'd been on lunch.

"I just asked her a question!" Angela defended, but all too worried about Maura to really care now. "Should I call someone?"

"No." Maura shook her head, still having trouble breathing. Her hands were at her chest now and she knew exactly what to do to get herself back on course. She took a few deep breaths, then her airway opened. "I'm...I'm fine." She looked up at Jane, who'd face had been soaked with worry.

"Okay." The brunette nodded, but she didn't move.

"I'm sorry, Maura." Angela said from across the table. "I...I didn't think I would get that reaction from you."

"It's quite fine, Angela. I brought it upon myself." She felt guilty that Jane had yelled at her mother. She knew what would happen if she tried to lie but she didn't feel right telling the truth just yet.

"Still," The older woman slid out of her seat. "I'm sorry." She was vacating it so that Jane could sit down. "I should get back to work. I'm sure that young lady's hungry."

"She said she's not. But I'd make her something, anyway." The detective offered a small smile to let her mother know she wasn't still mad. If Maura said she was okay then she would just have to get over it. Angela smiled back but walked away, giving the two women the privacy they needed.

"I tried to lie." Maura explained when Jane had sat down.

"About what?" The brunette smiled at the thought of her best friend attempting to lie. It'd gotten the honey-blonde in trouble a few times before.

"It's not important." This wasn't a lie. It wasn't important to Maura right. Because she was almost sure that Jane didn't reciprocate those feelings. "How's your case going?"

Jane sighed, her eyes flashing to Tammy. "She won't talk." She tilted her head to point. "She's protecting someone in Prison. But, we can't investigate because she claims that if we do they will kill the inmate she's protecting. She's confessed to the murders but I'm not buying it. Neither is Korsak or Frost."

"What are you going to do?" Maura asked, watching the young woman pick at her food. She seemed bored.

"Don't know." Jane shrugged. "We can't help her if she doesn't open up."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out." The doctor turned to her friend. "You always do."

"I hope so." The detective frowned. She looked over at her mother, who'd been busying herself. When she looked up, the two locked eyes.

"Is there anything I can get your girls?" Angela asked.

"I want the house club sandwich special." Maura said, surprising Jane.

"Why?" Jane looked at her with a smirk. "Don't tell me, after all of these years you actually liked that sandwich?"

"It reminds me of how we became close." The honey-blonde smiled. "Even though it's tremendously distasteful, it makes me smile."

"Am...am I missing something here?" The older woman looked at the two women, confused.

"It's kind of how we became friends," Jane tried to explain. "See, I got her the house special because it seemed fancy and she was fancy so I thought she would like it."

Maura's body shook with laughter. "It was terrible."

"No one really likes that sandwich." Angela agreed. "Stanley designed it himself."

"Well that explains it." The detective laughed. "We'll take two of those, Ma."

"Okay." The older woman smiled at the two women before leaving.

"So," Jane turned to Maura. "Why are you looking at me like that?" The brunette asked. The honey-blonde wore a grin from ear to ear. She almost seemed proud.

"You're eating," She pointed out. "And I don't have to force you."

"I figured I should spare Ma the sight of you shoving food down my throat." The detective looked down at the table.

"Well, since we agreed that could get very messy," The medical examiner looked at her glass of water. She ran a finger across the condensation on the top of it. "I'm sure we're also sparing her the sight of you undressing me, slowly."

Jane laughed at their inside joke. "I guess we are." She licked her lips. "Are you ever going to tell me where you went, Maur?" Dark eyes looked into hazel eyes, searching for any hint of doubt. Being here now, the doctor was actually happy that she'd come. Her nerves had calmed down.

"If you guess," The honey-blonde bit her lip for a moment. "If you guess correctly, then I will tell you. Otherwise, I feel like I should hold on that part of my life."

"Because I already know everything about you." Jane concluded. "I see. So...where you went...did you meet anyone?"

"I met a lot of people." Maura nodded.

"I mean like, did you meet anyone?" The detective asked, quietly, slightly shy of her curiosity.

"Oh, you're asking if I met someone I had a physical and/or emotional attraction to?" The medical examiner cleared. "No. I didn't. Well, I ran into Ian. I traveled with him for a month. But, it didn't go any further than that. I have moved on from him."

"Oh." Jane tried to hide her happiness about that. "So, you didn't have any exotic adventures? You didn't have sex with a male prostitute from the streets of Berlin?"

"I think sex with a female prostitute would be more exotic." Maura shrugged. "Unfamiliar territory." When she receive a blank look from Jane she smiled. "I haven't had sex with a male prostitute from the streets of Berlin, Jane. From any streets, actually. I've been with men. It would be more exotic for me to mate with a woman."

"Mate." Jane chuckled. "You make it sound like you're going to impregnate her."

"Impossible." The honey-blonde shook her head. "But, I'm sure science will find a way, one day."

"Did you at least have fun?" The brunette asked, getting back to her original point. "I mean, when you were gone. Did you have fun?"

Maura considered this. "Yes...and no." She frowned at her conclusion. "I didn't enjoy it because I was so angry with you. I was just really angry. But, I did enjoy my time in nature." When Angela returned, the two women continued talking in peace. Catching up on one anothers lives. The lunch was over almost as quickly as it had began. Jane found herself unwilling to pry herself from the arms of Maura.

"Those sandwiches were horrible. Let's never relive the past ever again." Jane joked, finally getting the willpower to pull herself away from the hug she'd been so comfortably embraced in. "I wouldn't be surprised if they shut this place down. I could see it now, Stanley is arrested for poisoning people."

"Maybe you could do the undercover work?" Maura nudged at her friend's side.

Something clicked in Jane's head. "Undercover..." She echoed. That's how she could do it. That's how she could investigate the prison without running a full investigation. None of the guards and hopefully inmates knew her. "I...I have to go. I'll see you tonight?" The two women had planned on having dinner with Angela.

"Of course." The doctor forced a smile, trying to hide her confusion. She wasn't sure why all of a sudden Jane was to eager to get away from her. Jane placed a quick kiss on the honey-blonde's cheek before running to catch the elevator doors that were about to close. Maura's fingers pressed against the tingling skin from the kiss. She was definitely in love with Jane Rizzoli.

10 hours later.

Jane's Point Of View:

My dearest Jane, I yearn for you. In ways only the seductively wicked can imagine. I have never felt this way for a man before so these feelings frighten me. They frighten me almost as much as they excite me. I've created a game with myself. How many times may I contain myself from screaming out your name while making love with someone else. How many times can I contain myself from thinking of you when pleasuring myself. How many times can I stop myself from moaning when you touch me in a simple innocent way.

Keeping myself from you takes such constraint, Jane. There's such exigency when it comes to being professional with you. It is almost infeasible to keep myself from thoughts of you while I touch myself at night, Jane. I have those thoughts so often that I shower myself after to wash away the sickness in me. Is it unnatural? Jane I am a woman, and I have needs. I am in my thirties and I've only been able to achieve an orgasm with two men. When I think of you, it doesn't stop. I have to force myself to stop touching myself. I could have multiple orgasms when I think of you, Jane.

But that doesn't explain my feelings for you. It's not just the sex. It's not just the thoughts. It's the protection. The secure feeling I get when you're around. I feel almost invincible. I know that no one can hurt when you're around. I know that you would go to the ends of the Earth if it were possible to protect me from anyone and anything.

The simple way you brush your hair behind your ears, nervously to cloak how you feel in a certain situation. Even when it's your mother narrating your secrets from your childhood or past. Things I would never have known unless she unveiled them to me. The five fingers of your left hand combing through your delicate strewed black hair. The snide remarks to my facts that you call useless make me laugh internally, but I'd never admit that to you.

I love how different you are from me and how obvious such a thing is so. You are night and I am day. You are black and I am white. We contrast but complement each other in ways none could imagine. I have written so many reasons why I love you and I have done so many things to show myself this is just a phase, but to me it is not, Jane. You make me a better person without even trying. Certain religions and cultures would believe that we were constructed for one another. Could that be true, Jane?

Because, Jane Rizzoli, I am in love with you.

My desperately tired eyes try to construe the words. My high from this morning has definitely wavered. There is no deciphering them, is there? I don't understand what the hell I'm reading. I close the diary and put it back where I found it. Maura exits from her master bathroom in her robe, ready for bed. I stare up at her from the bed. Have I fooled myself into thinking that those words were real? Maybe I'm so intoxicated with torpidity that I've mastered misreading words. Maybe they were about Ian.

"Why are you still in here?" Maura asks, obviously confused. "Is something wrong?" She glances to the top drawer that I found the diary. I shake my head giving her a silent no. She smiles almost pleasingly. I excuse myself from the bed without another word.

"Goodnight." I say before leaving her bedroom. I can't absolutely make sense of what the hell I just read, I just know that I'm too tired to care right now. I can't over process her diary. I have to sleep or I won't have time to process anything in the morning. But that's not what I spend my night doing. I reconstruct those words in my mind, matching them up with what they really could have said.

"Jane Rizzoli, I am in love with you." I say aloud. How could such words be true? Ian was the love of her life and she told me so. Those words have to have been for Ian. Why did I see my name? Why am I so interested in this? Oh right, because my best friend wrote an entry in her diary about being in love and like the asshole I am and thought it was about me. It couldn't have been.

Maura is straight. It's always "sex this and sex that" with her. She talks about breeding with guys like Tommy! How could she ever vise such feelings for me? I'm no Tommy. I'm no Ian. I'm not intellectually prepossessing. I'm not smart like Ian would be. I don't know much about medicine but how to do CPR and put on a band-aid. I toss and turn some more, uncomfortably. I'm not going to sleep tonight. No matter how much I need it. I'll chalk it up to that I misread her diary and these are the consequences for doing so. I was so fascinated by the possibilities of Dr. Maura Isles' deepest darkest secrets. It was a total invasion of her privacy and no amount of apologies will ever make it right. I dishonored her trust and I don't even deserve to be lying in her guest bedroom. She'd been so worried about me driving home. Something about me being too tired to focus properly. I shift again in the unbelievably comfortable bed. It's so comfortable that Maura once fell asleep in here with me when she was meditating. I decide I'm not going to sleep in here, I feel guilty enough. I pull myself out of bed when all I want is to really be in a coma. That would do me a lot of good. But, that wouldn't really contribute to the full fledged I have for the next three weeks. I have to spend a minimal of two weeks in the Wood Creek Correctional. Am I excited about that? Fuck no.

I'm in Maura's kitchen now, savaging her food away. I have to make this right. I have to tell her that I read her diary, but what if she hates me again? I just got her back. I don't want to do anything to risk losing again. I mean, I killed her father and she fled the country. What would she do if she found out I read her diary?. Now isn't the best time anyway, because she's asleep. Everyone's asleep and I can tell because there's complete utter silence throughout the house. The guesthouse is quiet too. So, it kind of surprises me when I hear light footsteps coming from Maura's room. I think that maybe it could be Joe Friday but I see her asleep in the living room. Maybe it's Bass? No he's creepily sleeping in the kitchen right now. A light from Maura's room flickers then the doorknob starts to jiggle. I think about darting back to the guest room, instead I wait for her to show herself.

"Jane," She breathes, closing her robe tighter around her body. I've seen you in less than what you're wearing, Maur. "What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep." I drop the carrot I'd been chewing on. It lands on the plate on the counter of the island. "Why are you up?"

"I think I'm suffering from insomnia." She confides as she steals a carrot from the plate. She chews it slowly before continuing. "I haven't been sleeping well, lately. I thought it was I wasn't in my comfort zone but I slept fine last night. I'm not sure what's keeping me awake."

I wonder if I should mention my theory to where she went...or the diary. "Maybe it's Ian." I suggest but she looks at me as if I've just said a bunch of random words in a sentence. Maybe I did. I'm so tired that I can't even be sure I'm really looking at Maura. "You know, that you miss him or something."

"I told you, Jane. I've moved on with my life." She says with a shrug, walking around me to the refrigerator. When she pulls it open, the light that radiates from it seems almost blinding. I use my hands to shield my eyes from the light. "Something's on your mind." She hands me a bottle of water.

"What?" I take the bottle from her. Damn it, Maura. Why do you have to be so smart? Can't you just leave it alone? For once, don't freaking profile me.

"Your lack of sleep." She lists. "You're diet has just started to get to normal. But, you're in my kitchen eating carrots when just last night, I had to talk you into eating. Also, instead of working the case, you're eating. Normally, when you can't sleep, it's because you already are on a case. So that leaves me to believe that something is on your mind."

"More like someone." I mumble, quietly. But, I think she heard it because she looks at me before taking a sip of her water. "It's not Casey or Dean."

"Then who has your thoughts?" She questions.

"It's stupid." I finish the last carrot before she can ask me a question. "Speaking of the case, I should get started on that. Gotta catch a killer..and all. Or killers."

"You left all the files at home." Maura points out. "Are you going to drive home at this time of night?"

"Yes." I nod. "Because there's possibly a group of guards and inmates going around killing people." . She gives me that slow head shake and disapproving look that she always gives me when she doesn't agree with me. "I'll see you at headquarters, tomorrow? You can come by to say goodbye." I know it won't be a permanent goodbye. At least I hope not. We hadn't really discussed if she would come to see me or not.

"Call me when you get home." She orders. I nod, but I don't really plan on it. I know that I should because Maura probably knows how long it'll take me to get home. She knows everything. I sigh, heavily. I'm going to have to call her and I know it. I'm going to have to deal with this problem head on.

A/N: Reviews would be oh so wonderful! I'll answer reviews on the next two chapters, tomorrow. Too tired and pissed off today.

Bad breakup. Cancer is growing again. Just not a good day for me.

Anyways, hit me up on twitter: juhkobe

I could use the company.