Chapter 11: Goodbye

When Kagome awoke her hands automatically reached forwards. They sought the demon that had become so much a part of her heart and her thoughts.

But- they met only empty air.

Kagome sighed and hated the painful sadness the filled her belly. She didn't know why she had expected him to be there. It was not in his nature stick around for the mindless coddling new lovers so enjoyed. Sure, he had been so gentle and warm yesterday; touching her and allowing her to touch him in ways that made her head spin with pleasure. But, that was yesterday.

Today is a new day. And, he is back to being Lord of the Western Lands. There had been the suspicion in her mind as they made love that it had all been too good to be true. She should have listened. If she had- her chest wouldn't ache so with the knowledge that the demon that awaited her in the adjacent room would be as cold and emotionless as he was the day she met him. The day he dug his claws into her neck and threatened to kill her. Gone was her lover that kissed her with burning lips and held her to him like he would never let her go…

She didn't want to believe it. Maybe- he feels as I do? Maybe he is waiting for me with open arms and a smile on his face? He simply woke up early. That is all…

But it wasn't true. He bedded her and would send her on her way. After all, she was only there for a treaty. A political alliance that she would carry back with her to her palace. Her prison. That was all. Her time of laughter and freedom was over.

Kagome clenched her eyes and waited for the sorrow to pass. It didn't. The reality of her situation was: she had fallen in love with a demon, and he did not love her back. Kagome could not deny it. Her heart turned into a bird every time she looked at him; fluttering madly in her chest as if it would break from her body and fly away. How did it happen?- she thought miserably, and turned her face into the sheets.

He was so cold. Like steel. He did everything precisely and without fault. Emotion was never part of the equation. But- she had seen him smile. She had heard him laugh! She had felt his lips and his hands and had seen his eyes blaze with passion. He did feel. Even if he did not care for her, the person beneath his mask was a man she loved. Perhaps it was even the sheer coldness of him that drew her to him. He was alone. She saw it when he thought his heart was shielded from her. She saw the pain in his eyes. If only he would let her love him. Perhaps- I could take it all away…

Kagome clenched her fists and opened her eyes. No- she thought and sat up. He loves nothing. I am nothing to him. Her mind knew it to be true, but her heart still wouldn't accept it.

She stood from the futon. The air was cool against her naked skin and she shivered. It was early morning. The heat had not yet come. Kagome looked down at her body and expected to see something different. How could she be the same when she had done such wonderful things with a man? But, nothing had changed. Another needle of pain shot through her stomach and she winced. Kagome clenched her jaw and walked to her closet. Her nudity did not bother her. Why would it? It was not her body anymore. It belonged to him. Just as her heart did…

Her hands found clothes of the darkest colors. That day- she left Sesshoumaru. It was a time to mourn. Would she ever feel his touch again? See that smile that made her feel whole? Kagome knew she would not. A kimono of a deep navy blue was pulled over her chest, and dark gray hakama for her legs. An obi of ink was wrapped at her waist and Kagome tied her hair messily behind her with a ribbon. Brightness was not wanted. Happiness was banished from her face.

When Kagome met Sesshoumaru at his wooden table, their expressions almost mirrored each others. Eyes were dull, and lips were hard. When Kagome looked into his eyes, her façade almost broke. He was so beautiful. She remembered how silky his hair felt in her fingers, how tantalizing his claws felt against her skin. And his eyes, of deep amber that made her spirit sing, had her heart breaking like glass.

His face was closed to her. He was back to normal. "Good morning," he said and Kagome replied with the expected response. The first difference of the day was the absence of tea. He made no move to stand and fetch it. He only sat still and looked at her. His eyes were almost mocking. She sat across from him and only then did he move. He pulled out a roll of parchment from one of his sleeves and spread it across the table. Ink and a crude brush were produced from the other sleeve, and placed in a corner of the paper.

Their eyes met. No spark of warmth. Of love or kindness. Affairs of the heart were over. So began the affairs of politics. With brisk words and a level voice, Sesshoumaru explained to her how the treaty would be written up. Then, they discussed the benefits each country would receive. The Land of Flowers would provide food and silver to the Lands of the West, and in return would gain its protection. Monthly rations of grain, rice, and fruit would be shipped across the border, and they would receive military support. Humans would still not be able set foot on demon soil, or demons human soil, and would meet instead at a checkpoint to exchange goods. Their discussions took most of the morning. When they were finally in complete agreement; the pact was written on the parchment; not even the smallest detail left out.

Sesshoumaru's brushstrokes were fluid and clean. Not a drop out of place. Of course. Kagome dozed as the demon wrote. The shoji doors were open again, revealing to her the beauty outside. The rain had left its mark upon the world before its passing. Every leaf and blade of grass sparkled with water, and nature was bedecked in endless droplets of diamond and opal. The sky was still gray but the clouds were no longer titans. They were full and bright as if spun from silver. Birds sung high in the trees and cicadas slept. Cedar trees were gleaming ebony and black mountains wore cloaks of mist that glowed in the faint light. Kagome felt her chest suddenly feel so hollow at the thought of never seeing it again. Oh how she would miss walking barefoot in the grass and looking up at the trees until her neck hurt! She would miss the spring with its warm waters and the shy koi that were her silent companions. Kagome wanted to cry with loss, and she hadn't even left yet.

At the palace, she would be caged up like a bird once more. She would not be able to set foot outside the castle or steal even a single glance from its windows. She would do nothing alone. Her maids would dress her, and bathe her, and brush her hair and powder her skin. She would return to being a mindless doll. A doll that is missing just one thing…- she thought desolately.

Kagome was roused from her dark thoughts when she heard the clinking of a brush against the rim of the ink jar. She blinked and looked up at Sesshoumaru. His eyes were upon her The silence was suddenly oppressive. Why can we simply not talk as we once did?- she wanted to shout. But she couldn't. Things were different. Kagome opened her mouth to say something meaningless, and was cut off when Sesshoumaru looked away to slide the ink jar over to her hand. It took her a moment to grasp the purpose behind his action. "Put the mark of your land upon the paper," he told her. Ordered her. Kagome took up the brush in her left hand, careful to spill no excess ink, and gathered up the sleeve of that arm in her right hand to keep it out of the way.

She hesitated. But, before she could stop herself, Kagome moved her hand in the curving symbol of the Land of Flowers. The brush glided across the paper and was then returned swiftly to the ink jar. Sesshoumaru reclaimed the black jar and put the symbol of his own land next to hers.

It was done.

Kagome clenched her hands tightly in her lap to keep them from shaking. She met the demon's gold eyes but could find no hint of his emotions. "After the treaty has dried," he said, his voice distant ",we will set out for the Border." Kagome couldn't help but feel cheated that things were moving so fast, and that she could do nothing to stop them. The treaty was made. The journey back to her land was but moments away, and Kagome could do nothing but watch it happen.

She nodded numbly to give Sesshoumaru some sort of answer. Time passed in a blur. Eventually, the demon rolled the paper into a tight cylinder and tied it with a piece of red string. It disappeared into his sleeves and he got to his feet. His mouth moved, but Kagome could not grasp his words. Then, he walked out the shoji doors and she followed.

Only the harsh cry of a crow was enough to snap her from her trance. Kagome shook her head and suddenly felt so very afraid. She kept close to Sesshoumaru and they walked to the back of the cottage. She was surprised to find a horse tethered to a tree there. He was short but muscled, his mane black and his coat a sleek chestnut brown. A small saddle graced his back and Kagome understood. She would be riding him back to the palace. The horse looked at her with intelligent brown eyes and she wanted to cry. Wrong. It was all wrong. She did not want to leave. Run!- her mind shouted, but before she could move Sesshoumaru grabbed her wrist.

His touch instantly quieted her fears and she looked up at him with an exposed face. "Sesshoumaru, I-," she struggled for the right words, her voice thick with emotion ",-will I ever see you again?"

He looked down at her as if she were stupid. "Princess, this treaty now has nothing to do with you. You are no longer a part of this," he said coldly. Kagome flinched but knew it to be true. She held no position in court. The alliance they had spent so much time on was simply a piece of paper without her father's consent. Sesshoumaru would meet with her farther and his court to finalize the treaty and even then, Kagome would only catch glimpses of him. Another possibility: her father would decline the treaty and the demon would vanish from her life as if he had never entered it at all..

Tears pushed at her eyes but she refused to let them spill. She walked quickly to Sesshoumaru and stopped only when their bodies were a mere inch apart. He did not move. "No!" she yelled up at him and grabbed one of his sleeves. Fear, anger, sadness rose in her chest and she could do nothing to pacify them. "I- I can't just forget you Sesshoumaru, as if this all never happened. I can't!" His eyes darkened dangerously, but Kagome did not step back. A hand rose, as if to strike her, and she shut her eyes. He would hit her? So be it. At least she would be getting a reaction out of him. She couldn't take his emotionless anymore. She couldn't.

But the blow did not come. She heard him sigh and then felt his hands gentle around her face. Her eyes opened and saw all the anger gone from his eyes. There was a weariness in them; something she had never seen in their golden depths. "Kagome," he said softly. Her heart rejoiced and his thumbs moved on her cheeks. He was her Sesshoumaru again. The one who was not a living statue. "Kagome, you must forget me. Forget all we have done here," he said and she frowned. "Seshou-," but he quieted her with a claw to her lips. "No," his voice had quieted to a whisper ",-it wouldn't have worked Kagome. I cannot marry you. I shouldn't even have touched you. Find some one else who can give you what you need." The tears came then. They burst from her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. She wanted to object but the words could not leave her lips. Her arms clamped around his waist and her face was buried in his kimono.

He made no move to touch her. After a couple moments, he pulled away. "You will learn to forget," he whispered to her, before grabbing her waist and setting her atop her horse. He thrust the reigns into her hands and stood in front of the beast. His eyes were hard and his mask was back in place. "Follow me," he called before setting off at a slow run into the forest.

Her heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. The tears poured down her face and her hands were white around the leather cord. That was it. He did not want her. Nobody did. Numbly, Kagome jammed her heels into the horse's sides and was thrown into motion.

The ride was not an unpleasant one. Not that Kagome noticed. The horse was well trained, and his movements were smooth and graceful. He required few orders and for that Kagome was thankful. Her lessons in riding had been crude and short. Simply staying on top of his back was a challenge.

The forest was a green blur all around her as they ran. Only a flash of white guided her. If it were not for the demon, she would have been lost in minutes. Birds called to her and the wind was heavy against her face. Under normal circumstances, she would have loved it. The musky scent of the trees, the coolness of the air.

But, it had no effect on her new self. She could feel no emotion. Life was cold and empty of color. Happiness was a goal that seemed too far away to ever reach again…

Kagome sniffed and admitted that she did feel some things. She still felt the dried tears on her cheeks and something like a dense ball in her stomach. She had many tasks before her though she did not wish to face them. She would meet her people for the first time in all her sixteen years. Luckily, what was left of her heart prevented her from feeling fear. She would have to face her father and bear his wrath. How she would explain herself she did not know.

She would have to face a life without Sesshoumaru.

Kagome flinched and numbness quickly erased the beginnings of fresh pain. She concentrated the white blur in front of her. Eventually, he stopped moving. The horse stopped by his side; steam coming from his nose and sweat a gleaming layer on his body. Distantly, Kagome wondered how long she had been riding for…..

She looked up and took in her surroundings for the first time. The trees were clustered where they stood, with green tips that brushed the clouds. Then the land sloped downhill and the trees began to thin. More and more land lay in between wrinkled trunks, until there was a patch of land where a single tree stood alone. They had reached the edge of the forest.

Kagome felt a stirring in her belly. Beyond the trees lay a small village. It was surrounded by rice paddies. The water around the small rice stalks gleamed like river stones and oxen mooed noisily in adjacent fields. Fruit trees were all around, looking like children compared to the cedars. Smoke from many small fires rose from clustered grass roofs, and animals and people toiled alike under the shrouded sun. It looked nothing at all how she had imagined it. So much more filthy and cluttered. Panic took root.

Beyond the village- was the palace.

Kagome felt fear at last bloom in her chest. Her mouth grew dry and sweat beaded on her neck. She looked down to Sesshoumaru. He peered at the humans below him with a face swiped clean of emotion. Do something- her mind shouted. Say something! But she could not. Her heart was broken. What was there to say except goodbye?...

When the demon's golden eyes finally turned up to hers, they were dull like glass. "There are your people," his said. He walked swiftly to her and pushed somthing into her sleeve. It was smooth and dry; Kagome didn't need to look at it to know what it was. His eyes were left hers and he turned away. "Do not disappoint them." The crunch of leaves under his boots was loud as he walked away.

Kagome looked over her shoulder at him, hands shaking, and her mouth betrayed her. "Sesshoumaru." Her voice was pleading. Still, she was numb. But her mind was acting against her. He was already seven trees away. The wind played with the silver ends of his hair as he stood.

"Keep the horse," were his only words.

Then, he was gone.

Kagome stared at the place he had been for some time before she turned back to the village below her. Gone. The word echoed loudly in her head. She would not see him again..

I am truly alone now. Her body went limp in the saddle and her face fell against the horse's neck. It was hot and damp, and his mane was course. Tears pooled at the tips of her eyes and Kagome let them fall.

When she eventually had the strength to sit up again, she rose and gripped the reigns tightly in her fists. Any emotion that could have affected her choice vanished from her breast. She felt nothing. Cared for nothing….

Only the weight in her sleeve mattered.

With bleak eyes she set the horse into motion and began the slow walk towards the village she was not ready to face…

Another quick update!! Woot woot! At least, I think it is... Thankies for all your reviews guyz and I hope you like this chapter!

-Kirin