Chapter Eleven

It had been three months since The First Date, and there had been many other dates since then.

They went on special outings and fancy dinners, but both were careful to make sure there was not too much drinking, because they didn't want to forget the time they were sharing together. Sometimes it was Harry that planned it, other times it was Nikki, but they were always happy just being together after a difficult day in the office.

In the first month, they had been afraid of telling others about the change in their relationship. The change was new to them, something they had each thought about for a while but had never really prepared themselves for. They knew that the standard reaction amongst friends and colleagues would be 'finally, it took you two long enough'. However, they wanted to have some peace, even for a short while, where they could be themselves together and not on show.

That wasn't to say they weren't excited about the evolution in their relationship from best friends to being a couple. They had been shy on the physical aspect of the relationship, which had never been a real issue in their previous relationships. At first it was because simply kissing felt somewhat odd, however the last few dates had ended with heavy making out sessions. They knew there was a purpose to the relationship that there hadn't been in all their previous relationships, however the words "I love you" were yet to be exchanged between them. The passion was there, but they had both been somewhat afraid of crossing the final frontier, both still afraid that something could go wrong.

They knew this fear wasn't rational, but the issue had been undiscussed, causing a mix of frustration and excitement in both of them. There had been times, conversations, where the issue had almost arisen, but there was always something stopping them, a phone call, a distraction, an excuse.

It hadn't been until nearly a month until they told Leo about the progression of their friendship, although they had not divulged to him the agreement they had made of marriage. Soon after that, the news had made its ways to the techs and the faculty staff, and the expected ribbing had died down within the week. While they weren't flaunting their relationship at work, it was clear to anyone with two eyes and a functioning brain that the two pathologists were more than just colleagues or friends.

As expected, Leo was delighted and not very surprised. In the way that males tended to express themselves, he didn't say much, but he was happy for the two of them for finally sorting themselves out. That hadn't stopped him from giving Harry a friendly reminder to be careful of not breaking Nikki's heart, and all the things he'd do to Harry if he did. And then added that he expected to hear wedding bells soon.

This left Harry confused as to whether Leo knew of their pact, or if Leo had been very observant and the two of them very dim.

Janet had been more outspoken with her approval, insisting that the four of them went out on a proper double date, which Harry was desperate to avoid, mumbling something about how odd it would be to be double dating with the boss.

But he had overheard giggly conversations between Nikki and Janet over the phone, and there was a sense that Janet was Nikki's surrogate mother, hearing about some of their exploits as though it was Nikki's first proper, serious, grown up relationship, and this gladdened his heart.

And everything seemed as it always had been before in the office.

The anniversary of Harry's father's death was marked by a distinct sense of seriousness for Harry, as he once again considered his life, what he had achieved and what he hoped for in the future. For a long time, his future was bleak, where he didn't hope for or aspire to anything particularly meaningful.

People had always commented on Harry's likeness to his father, tall, dark haired with a face that tended to look stern in moments of deep thought. Harry's mother couldn't help but attribute his faults to his father, particularly with his temperament. His greatest fear was becoming like his father, which had for a long time caused him to be distant in all his relationships, afraid that he would hurt them in the end like his father had injured him. For most of his life, the future was nothing but barren, alone, lonely.

But now with Nikki, all the expectations and dreams he had locked away when he was eight, and tried to keep concealed was suddenly tangible for him. He could think about having a family and not feel guilty, ashamed or selfish for having such fantasies.

It wasn't until late in the evening when he told Nikki what he had been thinking about all day. They were sitting on Nikki's couch, having enjoyed a bottle of red after dinner, Nikki holding Harry's hand and resting her head on his shoulder. Nikki had noticed Harry's melancholy, and knew it was almost certainly had something to do with his father's death.

Harry began speaking tentatively about his father, what he was afraid of becoming, and what he hoped for, what he felt he could now dream, and Nikki listened quietly, knowing that the time for her to speak would be later.

"I know this will seem like a daft question, but do I make you happy, Nikki? Because if you aren't, or you don't think you could be when we're married, we're better off ending this foolish thing now, before either of us can get even more hurt."

"Yes, Harry, you make me happy. More than I had ever imagined or dreamed" because you are the only person I could ever love she thought.

"Good, because I know I'd be happy with you for the rest of my life" because I love you he silently added.

And then a little bit more hesitantly, he asked the question he had really wanted to ask the first time. "Do you think that you could eventually fall in love with me?"

Nikki didn't know how to answer. She did love Harry, as a woman loved a man, but she was afraid of Harry's reaction. What if Harry didn't love her yet in that way?

"I can't… I don't…" Nikki obfuscated. "It's just…"

Harry felt his heart drop, just a little, and he chuckled sadly. "It's OK Nikki. You don't have to give me an answer now. I'd just like to know, because I'm sure I'm well on the way to being hopelessly in love with you."

He hadn't meant to say that, to open his heart as much as he just had, but the words had been spoken and there was no turning back.

They sat in thoughtful silence for a while, the tension between them palpable.

They both thought about love, what it meant if they were both in love with each other, how much easier it would be for them, and how much more difficult if their love was unrequited.

Then she spoke.

"I love you too, Harry."