I did it! I wrote another chapter! Yay! Okay, enjoy.
Song: Surrender the Night by My Chemical Romance (all of the last few chapters will be songs by them in honor of the story that started with Teenagers coming to an end, and in honor of their Greatest Hits album).
Another day of distracting my friends from the problems with me they occasionally notice. Another day of trying to ignore people when I know they're whispering about me. If at all possible, it's worse now. Their words reek of pity, and the figurative stench makes me want to gag. I don't want pity. I want them to, to use Roger's phrasing, "stuff a dick in it." And let me tell you, there's nothing quite so discomforting as deceiving people that you've known as long as I've known my best friends. Anna, Stella, and Julia have all known me since I was six years old. When they met me, not only was I a chubby little blonde girl, I showed up to school every day wearing a dress and a big, obnoxious bow- entirely by choice. They've been with me through all the changes, all the rough spots, and every fashion faux pas. Now, it's like they don't even know me. They ask me about Percival. I tell them he's a little boy I occasionally protected from bullies. They ask about punishment. I say all it was was a stern talking to about how dangerous it was for the kids to wander the jungle alone at night- the only thing punishing about it was the expression of vexation on Roger's face and the powerful stench of Jack's breath (this elicited a laugh from Simon).
It isn't until recess that I get them to leave me alone. Fiona is out sick, Anna is spending her recess helping shelve books in the library, and Alexis is getting help in science. Last I checked, Simon and Leo are playing a pathetic game of wall ball which mostly consists of Leo throwing his weight around and knocking Simon over to get the ball. Julia, Mackenzie and I lean in the shade against the wall of the church that sits beside our lovely school, pretending to watch the game and discussing Julia's love life. Apparently she and Leo are dating now. Jeo, I guess. I can't say I ship it.
"So how'd the date go?" Mackenzie asks, smirking and elbowing Julia in the side. "I hear y'all were making out in row 69 of the movie theatre." I roll my eyes. A couple of the school's resident perverts came up with the joke as soon as they learned Leo and Julia would be going on a date, and Mackenzie thought it was hilarious. Julia flips her off nonchalantly.
"It was far less interesting than that," she says. "We saw a movie. I felt his biceps. I ran across every street like a dork and due to his size, it probably looked pretty shady that I was running away from him. Lame stuff." Mackenzie looks disappointed, and to be honest, I am a little bit as well. Even if she is dating Leo (who I still consider to be the most annoying human being I've had the displeasure of meeting), she deserved a better first date than that. Although I applaud her for feeling his biceps. Even I'm a little impressed by his build.
"No kissing?" Mackenzie asks, feigning sadness. Julia snorts.
"It's my first kiss," she says. "I'm not throwing that out on a first date, and I'm certainly not giving it to Leo." I smirk at this. Perhaps Jeo is defunct.
"You haven't had your first kiss yet?" Mackenzie asks, sounding genuinely surprise. Julia gives her a look.
Everyone's a passenger tonight,
Just another accidental on the freeway of this life.
We'll drive on, and on, and on, and on.
We'll drive on, and on, and-
I'll remember this night when you're gone
"Just who do you think I've been kissing?" she says. "I was born with natural guy repellent that I can't seem to get rid of." I roll my eyes. Just about every guy I know of is at least a little interested in Julia. She's just such an awkward person that she doesn't get it.
"You've always been just fine with guys," I say. "I'm actually a little surprised too."
"Well then, sorry to disappoint," Julia says, tightening her arms around herself. I almost laugh. Julia has a bad habit of always crossing her arms. Always. I don't think I've ever seen them at her side. She says it freaks her out. "If it's so expected, then I guess you guys must have been doing a lot of kissing recently." Mackenzie shrugs.
"Just once," she says. I bolt upright, looking at her with wide eyes as if she were a goddess. A freaking love goddess. Disregard the fact that I've kissed guys before too, for some reason it's more magical coming from Mackenzie. She shifts away from me. "Jesus Christ Sharon! It was last year at one of Andy's parties. They were playing spin the bottle, it wasn't a big deal." Oh. Well that's disappointing. She then smirks. Why do we all do that so much? "How about you Erin? You spent all that time with guys, did you do any kissing?" She nudges me playfully with her elbow and I shrink away. I could lie. I'm good at lying. But I've been lying all day. Surely, something this small couldn't hurt...
"Maybe a little," I mutter. Julia practically hurls herself at me.
"You've kissed a boy?" she gasps, looking like she's hit the teasing gold mine.
"Who?" Mackenzie demands, jumping on me from the other side. I almost lie. Almost.
You surrender your heart,
I surrender every dream,
Every weapon you've got,
Every secret that I keep,
You can fight this all you want,
But tonight belongs to-
"Well, uh... there was Roger. And then Simon," I start slowly. "And after that, Jack. Then Ralph." The shouting that comes from that statement almost makes me melt. Like that dude from Sky High.
Man oh man, I would love to be able to do that right now.
"You've kissed four guys?!" Mackenzie and Julia both shriek.
"You kissed Jack and Ralph?" I hear Simon's voice out of nowhere, closely followed by Roger's indignant cry of "You kissed Blondie?!" I jump and turn around. Three boys stand there, hiding behind the other side of the wall. How did we not notice that?
"Why won't you kiss me Julia?" Leo pouts, not one to be left out. He is ignored. The boys step out. Roger stands in front of me, glaring down at me in what looks like utmost betrayal, while Simon sinks down to the ground, running a hand through his hair.
"You kissed my brother and my best friend," he says slowly, looking absolutely stunned.
"Seriously?! Blondie!" Roger yells. I shush him, glancing around to make sure no one's heard. Something suddenly occurs to Simon.
"Wait, Roger was your first kiss?!" he exclaims. "Roger?! I thought it was me!"
"Yeah right," Roger snorts. "You took your sweet time to make a move on her. I got to her before you even got the guts to ask her out."
"You two were dating?!" Mackenzie gasps, looking from me to Simon as if her world suddenly made a whole lot more sense.
"Hold up a second," Julia says. "I'm still stuck on you kissing four guys."
"Explain," Simon demands. I sigh.
"It wasn't all entirely by choice," I say, beginning to tell a far more condensed, PG version of all my kissing adventures. I make sure to portray Roger as a love sick school boy who had a desperate crush on me and caught me entirely off guard with his kiss. Julia and Mackenzie are big readers, so this doesn't seem at all out of the ordinary to them. Roger, however, looks pissed, while Simon looks like he can barely contain his laughter. I move on to Simon, editing very little out of this one. It was by far the most innocent thing that happened on that island. According to this story, when Jack heard that Simon and I had broken up for a little while, he decided the perfect way to tick his little brother off was to kiss me. Again, I had not been cool with that. I left in the part about me biting his nose. It earned me a high five from Julia. "And as for Ralph, it was in the last few days of our stay on the island. Simon got really sick by the end and if we'd stayed much longer, he probably would've died. As for Ralph, the group sort of ostracized him at that point because Jack had dethroned him. It was all mixed up. I was depressed, he was lonely, we kissed once. End of story." The group is silent for a little bit. The response Roger has is the last one I'd expect.
"Who was the best?" he asks, breaking the silence.
"You told them?" Ralph exclaims over the phone, making me wince. I tug awkwardly at the pigtails tied at the back of my head; we're coming down to the last few days of Sweeney Todd practice, so they have us in full costume. Meaning that I am standing in the middle of the hallway wearing all black, a dress with a freaking corset, ghostly white stage makeup, and Mrs. Lovett's crazy updo. Simon and Roger stand with me, the former looking relatively normal, if a tad outdated, while Roger's hair sticks out at every angle, his stage make up stranger than mine, and he wears a button up black vest over a white shirt with billowy sleeves. He also is oddly fixated on his toy razor, flipping it around between his fingertips and staring at it intently. It's what he does the entire time he's on stage without a line. In the break between our scenes, we decided to call Ralph and discuss our upcoming interview, but we didn't quite end up talking about that.
Just another surgery tonight,
Well if you amputate the loneliness,
Anesthesia dims the lights.
So dream on, and on, and on, and on.
So dream on, and on, and-
I'll remember your eyes when you're gone
"I thought it was harmless!" I say defensively. "And I didn't know Roger and Simon were listening in. I knew Roger was creepy, but I didn't think he'd be pulling that shit in public! And Simon's... Simon!" At the beginning of the conversation, Ralph's reaction was a similar one. You kissed Jack before you kissed me?! I made a quick transition, because I was not going over that again. He demanded to know why I told people about this. Hence where we now are in the conversation. Wasn't that a lovely wrap up?
"So..." Ralph says after a long silence. "...was it me?" I roll my eyes.
"Seriously? You too?" I ask. I imagine him shrugging. "Look, we don't have a long time until our next scene. Do you have any suggestions for the interview?"
"All I can say is that you get your stories straight," Ralph replies. "You're going to do most of the talking, followed by Roger. Simon will mostly be there to back up the facts you give. Make sure they know what you plan on telling the newscaster so that you don't catch anyone off guard."
"All right, thanks. See ya," I say, hanging up.
"I take it Blondie didn't have anything helpful to say?" Roger says, taking in my expression.
"Nothing we hadn't already figured out on our own," I say. "We should really just discuss what we're going to say so that there's no surprises." Roger grins and slings an arm around my shoulder.
"I say that we distract them," he says, smirking at me suggestively. "They've been hoping for an island romance, let's give 'em one." I step away from him and his arm falls limply to his side.
You surrender your heart,
I surrender every dream,
Every weapon you've got,
Every secret that I keep,
You can fight this all you want,
But tonight belongs to me
"Not likely Roger," Simon says, rolling his eyes. "And besides, if we were going to distract them with something like that, it'd be better to be honest about it and say that it was me." Roger snorts.
"Oh, yeah, because we've been really honest so far," he says. "Besides. Look at Erin, then look at yourself. I think a romance between me and a boulder would be more believable." I shudder at the reference, giving him wide eyes, and Simon glares at him.
"You asshole," he mutters.
"For what? Pointing out the obvious or bringing up memories of our dear departed Piglet's death?" he asks, batting his eyes innocently.
"Shut up about Danny!" Simon snaps. "Shut up or I swear to God I'll-"
"You'll what? Throw your girlfriend in front of me and hope for the best?" Roger snorts. "It's worked for you so far, I didn't get so much as a scratch on you."
"You're not making much of a case for yourself by bringing up all the times you've attempted murder!" Simon says. Roger takes a step toward him, his face set in stony seriousness.
"Lower your goddamn voice or I will skewer you with a fucking pencil," he says in a low voice.
"Both of you, shut the FUCK up!" I yell suddenly. My voice echoes in the narrow hallway and they both stare at me in shock. I give them a long hard look. "Bickering about this isn't going to help a damn thing. If this continues, we're all screwed." The air feels thicker and more threatening after the statement is out there. I'm one hundred percent right, and the longer we go without speaking, the more heavy it seems, the less likely it appears that we'll be able to pull ourselves out of this. Suddenly, I start laughing.
"What's so funny?" Roger grumbles. I smile cynically.
"You guys are going to look terrible in orange," I say. "I can't wait to see it." I can see in his eyes that I've flared up his anger again.
"What the hell do you want Erin?!" he yells. "Seriously, what? Because I don't think either of us have any fucking idea. You go and you make out with half the island-"
"Four people, and believe me, I wouldn't by choice," I interrupt, surprising myself with my own boldness.
"But you lose it when anyone dares to lay a hand on you. You spend the whole fucking time there telling me that I'm going to rot, then we get off the island and you force all your buddies into silence so we don't go to jail. Now there's actually a risk that all of us could go, and you fucking laugh. What the hell do you want?! Do you even freaking know?" He slowly advanced toward me as he spoke and as he yells, he spits in my face. I wipe it off with as much attitude as I can muster. Then I grin and lean in a little closer, saying the craziest thing that comes to mind.
"I want to be the freaking wind," I whisper. They both stare at me in shock, and I don't blame them. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can hear what's left of the sensible me saying Oh God, we've finally cracked. But I don't especially care. I don't care that it doesn't make sense or that I look like a nut or that if I don't get my act together, we're all going to be prison raped by a bunch of homosexual felons. I don't give a freaking damn right now. I'll regret it later, I know, when my sense returns, but for now, I just want to see how far I can push him.
"You're a lunatic," he says, shaking his head and almost laughing. "You're as cracked as I am." He turns and kicks the wall, crying out in frustration. "I'm going to rot in jail because you lost your freaking marbles at the wrong time. That's just AWESOME Erin!"
"Careful with the soap when you're in there Roger, I hear that karma's quite the bitch." I've done it. I've pushed him to the breaking point and sent him flying over the edge.
"Shut up, shut up, shut the hell up!" His knuckles crack across my face as he backhands me and I'm knocked to the ground. My sense has returned, and it's yelling that that hurt like hell. It's quiet, apart from Roger's panting.
"Oh my God." To my horror and most certainly Roger's, it isn't Simon that spoke. We turn and see Gavin Donnegy, Cole Harding, Tyler Dennings, and Miles McAllistor standing there, staring at us in shock and rage. It's the stage crew sent to get us, Judge Turpin coming along just for the hell of it. Gavin continues, and his tone of voice frightens me. "Did you seriously just hit her?" Miles runs over and helps me up while the other three advance threateningly towards Roger. I may not exactly be friends them, but when you've known someone since pre-school, you unknowingly develop a sort of familial loyalty.
"Who the hell hits a girl?!" Cole exclaims, shoving Roger back. He collides into the wall, but doesn't say a word. His eyes are wide, his mind obviously boggling with the fact that he just did himself in.
"Miles, go take Erin to get some ice," he says. Out of the three of them, Tyler is the one I would most be afraid of. Even though he's lanky, the boy is closing in on six feet and, as the fastest runner on our cross country team, has stamina like nobody's business. He could probably beat on Roger all day. "We've got it here."
"I'm fine, honestly. He barely touched me," I say, feeling a little panicked. I didn't mean it. I don't want to send them to jail. It can't end like this. Miles grabs my arm and tugs me along.
And I'll watch you in your sleep
'Cause tonight belongs to me
You can fight this all you want,
But tonight belongs to...
"Your cheek is swelling up," he says softly, a sad look in his eyes. A part of me breaks. If it's swelling already, it'll leave one helluva bruise. I resign myself to knowing that we're probably screwed and allow Miles to tug me along. Simon mouths that he'll take care of it. I don't know if I believe him.
Five minutes later, I sit on top of a cooler in the P.E. office beside Miles, an icepack held against my face. The warmth from my hand makes it drip down my face- a rather uncomfortable sensation that reminds me of the feeling of blood- but I don't wipe it away. I stare at my feet, praying to God that this doesn't bite us in the ass.
"He's done that before, hasn't he?" Miles says, surprising me. I glance up at him, and although his expression is sad, there's a sureness to it. He has no doubt that his brother has abused me before. "Don't lie to me Erin. I can tell that he has. You wouldn't be so calm about it if it hadn't happened before." Not knowing what to say, I lean my head against his shoulder, blinking away tears and trying to ignore the twisting feeling in my stomach. Like with Simon, telling the truth to Miles stings almost as much as the physical pain. He takes this as his cue to keep talking. "If I'm being honest, we already know how Roger is. My dad's a psychologist. We just... hoped that he could fix it." He pauses, then continues in a softer voice. "He tries so hard to control himself."
"It's an act," I say coldly. I don't know why I say this to his brother of all people, but I make no attempt to take it back.
"You obviously don't know Roger," he says, smiling slightly. "Why do you think I bug him all the time? It's to test his restraint. He doesn't want to hurt people, he just... can't help it. He gets so angry, and he doesn't hold back when he's angry because it feels good to him. But he always regrets it afterwards."
"How do you know that?" I ask, raising my voice. "How do you know he's not just fooling you like he fools everybody else?"
"When we were seven, I broke the Pinewood Derby car that Roger had spent hours working on. We were in the basement alone, just after he'd finished it, and I asked him if I could play with it. He said no, but I was a spoiled little kid and I ripped it out of his hands anyway. When I took it from him, it slipped out of my hand and hit the ground. The wheels popped right off. So Roger did the sensible thing," he says this with a humorless laugh, "and pinned me to the ground and started beating me up. He pounded on me for a while, and I fought back until my arm snapped. Then I started screaming and that made him even angrier, so he started strangling me to shut me up. My parents heard me scream and ran downstairs. By the time they got there, I'd already passed out." I stare at him, stunned. This was probably the incident that Simon almost told me about, the one that Ralph couldn't quite remember. "I went to the hospital and they said I fell down the stairs and hit my head on the way. My dad was investigated, but they figured out pretty quickly that he didn't do anything to me. While I was there, Roger flipped out. He ran up and down the halls screaming and crying, trying to find me so that he could say he was sorry. When he did find me, he nearly knocked me over, pouncing on me to hug me. It was obvious he felt bad, but my parents still couldn't figure out why he got so mad. My dad had a talk with him... He said he couldn't stop hurting me because it felt too good, but as soon as he stopped he felt like a rotten apple. His words, not mine." I don't respond for a long time.
"Your parents never told anyone? Even though he nearly killed you?" I ask. Miles actually laughs.
Sparks against the railing,
Distant phantoms wailing.
Through the windshield sailing,
With these airbags failing."
He's their son too you know," he says. I'm utterly flabbergasted, and I think Miles can tell. There's a glint in his eyes identical to one I've seen in his brother's, and before I can react, he gently grabs my chin and plants a kiss on me. My eyes go wide and I squirm away. He laughs when I raise a hand to my mouth, then leans in to whisper in my ear, "Let's keep that incident our little secret, okay?" Without another word, he jumps off the cooler and strolls out of the room as if nothing happened, leaving me to wonder if maybe both McAllistor twins had a little something wrong with them.
The interview comes, and I once again prove my acting ability. There's tears, even some hiccupping, and a sad story about how bad we felt about lying. I tell them that Percival's friend had been on the plane, but didn't survive the plane crash. I tell them that we didn't have the heart to tell the littluns he'd died, so we told them he was lost and we were looking for him. It had slipped our minds once we returned. When asked about the punishment, I tell them the same thing I told my friends. Roger backs me up, telling an unbelievably convincing lie about how concerned he and Jack often were about the littluns safety, particularly Percival's. Simon validates him, telling the newscaster that Percival had a habit of sneaking off into the night in search of Willie, and that the only reason Roger and Jack yelled at me was because I was the one appointed to watch after the littluns. According to this story, the kiddies grew very attached to me and listened to me more than anybody. It's difficult to contain my laughter at this.
By the end, I feel secure. We'd already convinced Tyler, Gavin, and Cole not to tell a soul about Roger hitting me, and it was clear from the newscaster's expression that he bought every word of our tall tale. We're in the clear. I don't have to worry that I've condemned the boys who would've been safe had I told the truth from the beginning. When the show ends, I actually skip a little and worry, for once not about Roger or my problems, but whether or not I remembered to clear my stuff out of Alaina's side of the closet- she's coming home from college to visit this weekend, and she'll probably be there when I get home. I'm shaken out of my security by an arm hooking around my waist and a hand covering my mouth. Of course.
Now you surrender your heart,
I surrender every dream,
Every weapon you've got,
Every secret that I keep,
You can fight this all you want,
But tonight belongs to me
"Listen Erin," Roger whispers, pulling me into a vacant room. He pushes me back against a wall, his face so close that I practically feel his breath condensing on my face. He gives me a smile that makes my blood run cold. "In all the excitement yesterday, I forgot that we need to have a little chat about your promiscuity."
"I'm not promi-" He doesn't allow me to finish.
"I can't change the fact that you've already kiss Ralph, Jack, Simon, even my brother." He laughs when he sees my expression. "Oh yeah, don't think he didn't throw that in my face. I can't change that that's happened, but if I hear that it's happened again, there will be consequences. Understand?" Without even thinking, I give a shaky nod, hoping that he'll leave me alone if he's appeased. He doesn't. Instead, Roger lowers his head and places a trace of a kiss on my neck. His lips barely graze me, but the touch spreads goose bumps all over my skin. He then leans in closer to whisper, "Whatever else you think of me, don't you dare forget that you are mine. Always have been, and always will be." He leaves me with that, smirking at me one last time and then striding confidently out of the room. I want to curl up inside myself and dwell on the heaviness of what he just told me. I want to sit there and convince myself that it's not true, that I would never allow myself to belong to him. But I don't. I know that I'm not that strong. I know that if he wanted to date me, hell, even marry me (who knows what happens in that kid's head), I wouldn't be brave enough to face his wrath and tell him no. In my mind, I concede to it. As long as he wants me, I have no choice but to be his. It's better to accept it and move on. If I allow myself to waste away in here, Alaina might wonder where I've gone.
And I'll watch you in your sleep,
You can fight this all you want,
But tonight belongs to me,
But tonight belongs to me
I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd curled up in a ball on the floor of that store room and cried pathetically as I usually do. I wish that I hadn't become so jaded that I accepted that and moved on. If I had done that, I wouldn't have a care in the world. If I had done that, my only concern would be Roger's inexplicable lust for flat-chested fourteen year olds. If I had done that, I wouldn't have come home to find Alaina waiting for me. She wouldn't have hugged me and said she was so sorry that she hadn't realized sooner. I wouldn't have seen my journal lying open on the coffee table, the pages wrinkled from turned too quickly. I wouldn't have picked her phone up off the table beside it and seen that the last number she called was the police. I wouldn't have heard sirens coming down the street, stopping in front of the McAllistor's.
"Alaina, what did you do?" Is what I wouldn't have said if I hadn't found out she turned them in.
But tonight belongs to me.
Dun dun DUN! That was hella dramatic! I loved it! I don't think I've had that much fun writing an interaction between Roger and Erin in ages. But you people probably aren't pleased with me. I had you all set up for a filler with that beginning, didn't I? I bet you thought this would just be another fun little chapter. But nope. I dumped that shit on you. So, if you didn't quite catch my drift, Erin's older sister Alaina, who was visiting from college, became concerned about her sister and decided to read her journal to find out what happened to her, in the hopes of being more equipped to help her if she understood the situation. When she read about the murder, abuse, and sexual harassment that occurred on the island, she did the obvious thing and called the cops. So now, our beloved island boys are totally screwed. Yay! All right, so there's only like two chapters left after this one, so if you haven't reviewed yet, I suggest you do that soon. Thanks y'all!