Chapter 10

"Satisfaction is Not Guarranteed!"

In the middle of a dilapidated car lot known as "Big A's" on the outskirts of Chicago, Aro was not having the best day of his immortal life.

"But honey, you said when we got rid of the Dodge I could pick the new car, " whined a red headed , exceptionally large busted who bore the name of Peggy Bundy, who glared at her husband, a slovenly grouch of a man named Al.

"Quiet woman, it's hard enough haggling with under handed car salesmen all day without having to hear you moo about missing Dr. Phil , Akk!," he broke off in a screech as his 3 year old grandson Bruno Bundy, riding on his dear grandpas shoulder reached down to bit his ear. He hurriedly shrugged the brat to the ground and looked beadily at Aro, "Er, no offense to yourself meant good sir," he added smarmily as Aro stood there , a almost believable smile on his face as he raged inside.

Note too myself, do not drink any of These mortals blood unless there are no fresh homeless people in Chicago tonight!

Suddenly, Aro's prepaid phone began making a noise suspiciously like the squeaking of bats ! It's Jane ! News at last, the Vulturi leader thought to himself. Making his excuses he pointed the Bundy in the direction of a ancient Dodge Caravan- woth only 4 cracks in the windshield and at least 1 good tire as he hurriedly returned the call, happily leaving the smell of shoe wax, stale beer and flatulance behind him.

Fortunately for Jane- she answered on the second ring.

"Master, we've met with the troll and are in the process of getting to the treasure, "came the soft hiss of the red eyed demon child, who added in a nervous tone, "there has been a slight snag however..."

Aro- instantly enraged- "What do you mean "snag" ? And tell me quickly- these overseas calls are too expensive, " he hissed sharlpy, his attention slightly distracted by the site of Billy Bundy, Al's towering 14 year old grandson climing upon topof the decrepit Caravan to do backflips- with less than good results - as he accidentally kneed his grandfather in the spine.

"The troll apparently got makeup on part of the map- we're having to use guesswork to read the last third of the directions- by th way- she says hello," Jane grumbled- the unmistakable love calls of the troll in the background telling her to tell Aro Kissy Kissy.

Aro: " I'm surrounded by incompetants! Just get the treasure Jane! Rentone and Best are about to garnish all 4 of my paychecks and the mob is ready to send the Mob Wives after us if we don't repay them for the gas we siphoned from their jet fro your trip!" Aro grimaced in remembrance- the jp4 has tasted horrible! gain he was distracted, this time by the sound of Al telling Benny Bundy and Betty , his twin swister about how he had scored 4 touchdown in one football game for the thrid time since thier arrival a hour ago. He snapped his fingers and Caius swooped down upon the hapless Al, flanked by James and three other Vulturi.

"Just get the job done Jane! And don't call back until you do- and now- I'm off to hunt supper, " he snarled , snapping his flip phone shut, grimacing as he watched James hack up a ball of leached red hair.

Meanwhile on the island- something else had happened!

"How could you dude?!" Jacob Black casually kicked a tree stump over as he glared at Seth Clearwater.

"How could you Gabriella?" Troy wailed in anguish as Rosalie patted his carefully coiffed hair.

"Quit hunching my leg!" Gabriella commanded as Seth was yanked back by Jacob.

Carlisle stood there shaking his head , " This is so wrong!"

"I've been saying that since Chapter two at least!" Spinner Mason declared

"It took you that long- it's plain if I picked you for your brains I was cheated, " was Paige's contribution as she winced in pain as Bolton let out another of his shrieks of heartfelt pain to the heaven - until Emmet irritably threw him out of earshot and into the lagoon.

Things had actually came perilously close to quiet for 6 blessed hours. Then it had happened unexpectedly. Gabriella was walked by Seth, tripped and been caught by him. ANd then seth had phased into his wolf form and begun licking her face and wagging his tail- of course Gabriella was NOt pleased to be under a slavering half ton of werewolf! She has protested in her inimitable style- by peper spraying the titanic teen wolf squarley on the snout. The sneezes had sprayed all over the camp and nearly gotten her mauled by the entire pack.

Jacob turned to Seth and was about to start another lecture when Quill erupted into the small clearing the others were in-

"I caught a scent of something old, something moldy, and something sarcastic!" Quill bellowed

"How do you smell sarcasm?" Spinner asked, scratching his head?

Paige: "I'm not sure you can even spell it, much less smell it!"

Carlissle, nervous and decisive all at once "Gather the others! THe troll must be close!

Next- Rumble in the Jungle!

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