A/N: As always, thanks go out to my betas, Ann and Pathwatch! Any mistakes left are mine alone (and let's blame them on my upper respiratory infection, shall we? It should at least be good for something!)
Thanks to all of you for continuing with me and being patient with my slow as molasses writing speed.
"Sookie!" Lorelai called as she hurried towards the kitchen, nearly knocking a guest over in the process. Muttering a quick apology and stopping only long enough to ensure he was all right, she pushed through the swinging door.
"Sook!"
"What, sweetie?" Sookie answered, barely looking up from her position at the stove. There was a flurry of activity scurrying around the kitchen, the small area filled with clattering pots and pans and a din of voices as everyone shouted out instructions from their various positions scattered across the room.
"Please tell me there is fresh coffee?" Lorelai asked amidst the clamor, quickly hopping to the side to avoid crashing into the newest addition to the kitchen staff as he moved swiftly in her direction.
"'Scuse me, Lorelai, hot plates coming through!"
"Manny, where's the chopped onions I asked for hours ago?" Sookie hollered, ignoring Lorelai's question. "Do I have to do it all myself? Why do I even hire you people?"
"Five minutes ago you asked for them, Sookie. Five minutes!" Manny hollered back as he brushed past Lorelai with the chopping board filled with tiny pieces of onion. Lorelai wrinkled her nose at the eye-watering aroma that filtered past and headed towards the coffee.
"Sookie!" she exclaimed in dismay at the empty pot.
"Yeah? What is it?"
She held up the pot and thrust it towards her friend's direction and waited for her to look up.
"The coffee pot? What about it?" Sookie asked before turning back to Manny, rattling off new orders.
"Oh, I don't know Sookie — it's empty? Or did we switch to invisible coffee?"
"Huh?" Sookie asked. "Aiden, how's that chicken coming?"
"10 minutes!" came the reply from the back.
Lorelai sighed, resigning herself to making a fresh pot of coffee herself since it was clear Sookie was too distracted to even realize there was life outside of the kitchen much less that the force to keep certain lives running required mega amounts of coffee.
As she went about refilling the pot, Sookie had scurried over to the sink next to her.
"Dad came home today," Lorelai informed her as she leaned against the counter.
"Yeah?" Sookie replied as she rummaged in the cabinets below. A crash of pans clattered towards the floor after she pulled out the item she needed, which Sookie left where they landed. Manny immediately appeared and stooped down to start cleaning it up, shaking his head and muttering under his breath in Spanish.
"Yeah, he's doing good," Lorelai called towards her retreating back. "We got him settled this morning at home."
"Good, sweetie. That's really good," she said. "Hey, I need that garlic sauce!"
"Coming!" someone called out.
Lorelai walked over to sit on one of the stools at the counter as she waited for the coffee to finish brewing. "I told Mom."
"Mmmhmm?"
"Yeah, she's actually ok with things. I think. At least this morning she was. I mean, there was yelling of course, the typical Gilmorian Disappointment and all. But in the end, I think she really heard me. She understood and I think she's ok with it all. At least, today she is. Tomorrow she could pull a Sybil and we'll be back to 'Why can't you keep a man? Why do you constantly insist on humiliating the Gilmore name?' Blah, blah, blah."
"Good, that's really good."
Lorelai narrowed her eyes. "Sookie?"
"What honey?"
"You're not listening to me," Lorelai said, on the verge of whining.
"Sure I am," Sookie said, glancing up at her for a second to give her a quick smile. "Your dad's home. You had a fight with Emily. The usual, right?"
She exhaled a dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes as she stood up. "Never mind. I've gotta get to work anyway. I'm supposed to be manning the front desk while Michel's out."
"Ok, hon," Sookie said without looking up.
Lorelai poured herself a cup of coffee and quickly made a face at the first sip.
"Ugh!" she said in distaste, shaking her head. "Sookie, did you switch brands?"
"Hmm? Oh yes, the supplier was out of what we usually order. Not good?"
"Horrid!" she said, glaring down into the cup before taking another tentative sip. "Oh man, still bad."
"I'll keep an eye on it," Sookie murmured, staring down into the pot with a frown of concentration.
Lorelai sighed as she heard a bell chime from the other room, indicating someone was waiting at the front desk. As she was about to leave the kitchen, Sookie called out her name. She paused in the doorway and turned back around.
"Sorry, Lorelai," Sookie said with an apologetic smile. "Things are a little crazy today."
"Yeah, I noticed. What's going on?"
"Party of about thirty people coming tonight. We booked it earlier this week, did I forget to tell you?"
"Ah, so that explains the scent of panic in the air. Glad to hear business is booming even in my absence," Lorelai said with a smile. "Guess I'm a little too distracted right now. Sorry for the disturbance, Sook."
"Don't worry about it. We'll chat later, ok?"
Lorelai smiled at her friend as she took another sip of the disgusting liquid, making another face as she pushed through the doors.
"You know, you could just stop drinking it," Sookie called after her.
"Hi, did you just tell Lorelai Gilmore to not drink coffee? You must be distracted!" Lorelai called over her shoulder with a laugh.
Keeping the smile plastered on, she headed towards the desk to greet the customers waiting to check in.
----------
"Hey, Lor. Uh, just checking in, seeing how you are. And, well, also to let you know that I met with a lawyer today and the papers are being drawn up as we speak. Anyway — call me."
Lorelai stared down at her answering machine while Paul Anka whined in the doorway to the kitchen. She'd been on her way there when she hit the message button but had stopped when Christopher's voice came on the line.
Lorelai Gilmore: Divorcée.
She ran her fingers through her mess of curls and sighed.
"If there was an Olympic sport for fucking up one's life the most, you'd take home the gold," she muttered to herself, hitting the delete button and continuing her way to the kitchen. Paul Anka barked twice in quick succession as he turned in excited circles while she filled his bowl.
Distracted, she left the kitchen and threw herself down on the couch, pulling a pillow over her head. When Paul Anka barked again and whined, she lifted her head to peer back towards the kitchen.
"Oh for the love of Lassie…"
She threw the pillow on to the floor and pulled herself back to the kitchen. She switched the light off, leaving her strange pooch in the dark to eat his meal. She took a few steps backwards until she was out of sight and sure enough, within a few seconds she heard the familiar munching commence.
"Crazy dog," she said under her breath as she stood in the middle of her living room. She checked her watch and saw it was barely even 7. She could go to bed early but she wasn't tired. She could watch a movie, but she felt too restless to sit still.
She dug out her phone from her purse and hit the familiar speed dial. She sighed when she got voice mail.
"Hey, hon! Just wanted to make sure you were getting the necessary daily interruptions into your studying. You're smart enough already. Remember, boys like 'em dumb. Call me!"
She flipped her phone shut and threw it into her purse. She stared around at her surroundings, her hands on her hips as she turned slowly in a circle.
"I'm bored," she finally said to the wall in front of her. The wall simply stared back but her stomach rumbled slightly in response.
"Food!" she exclaimed. "Duh, of course." She grabbed her purse and headed towards the door.
"I'm going out, Paul Anka! No letting in neighborhood puppies for a night of frolicking — I mean it, mister. This house better be in the same condition I left it when I get back!"
To her amusement, Paul Anka barked in response from his spot in the kitchen.
"God, I love that dog," she said to herself as she shut the door behind her.
She was pondering where she would eat as she walked, not paying much attention to where her legs were taking her. Nothing sounded good to her despite her rumbling tummy. It wasn't long before she realized she was looking directly at Luke's. After hesitating briefly, she continued heading in that direction until she was standing in front of the steps. A Luke's burger sounded perfect to her and her stomach loudly agreed.
It had been nearly a week since she'd seen Luke last. He'd made it clear several times she was welcome in the diner but something was holding her back from going in. Today's coffee disaster had made her ultra aware once again how much she missed her daily stops in the diner. It wasn't even just him she missed, or his coffee. It was simply having a favorite place to stop in several times a day. It was predictable but at the same time, not at all with whatever crazy antics the townies were up to on that particular day. She missed the weirdness of Kirk, Taylor's obsessive festival drama, not to mention that much to Luke's chagrin, that diner was gossip central. She hardly knew what anyone was up to anymore except when she happened to pass Babette out in her yard, talking to her gnomes.
It was awkward, though, because even though they'd spoken several times and things had been as good as they could be between them, she still felt a little uneasy around him. Guilt had a way of surfacing whenever she saw or thought about him and avoidance had worked well for her so far. Not to mention, she still felt a little like an outsider in her own town which made going inside a little more difficult than it should be.
But her mother's words from that morning rang in her ear. It seemed impossible to her that Luke would ever want anything from her again. Not to mention, did she even want them to get back together? She still loved Luke, of course, but that didn't discount that there were big problems involved in their break-up. And while she contributed to a good portion of that, he wasn't exactly blameless either, she mused. If they did get back together, would things just go back to how they were? Had he changed at all? Better yet, had she?
"Sugah! You goin' in or what?"
Lorelai whirled around with surprise to see Babette and Patty standing before her. They shared equal stares of concern mixed with amusement.
"What?"
"You're blockin' the entrance, doll!"
"Easy, Babette," Miss Patty said, turning to her friend. "It's her first time back in the diner. Let her take her time." She turned back to Lorelai, putting a supportive hand on her shoulder. "You go in when you're ready, sweetie."
"Oh, no, I was just…lost in thought. Didn't, uh, realize I was standing here." When Patty and Babette shared a look, she added quickly, "It's no big deal."
Holding her breath, she turned and pushed through the doors and the achingly familiar jingle of the bells above her head caused her to look up as she took the steps necessary to enter the diner. She tensed a moment as she lingered just inside the doorway and then breathed a sigh of relief when nobody seemed to take notice. She held her head high and marched up to the counter without looking around and sat down, trying to act as if she'd never been gone.
"Hey there, Lor-e-lai," Zach said, drawing her name out in three distinct syllables as he appeared before her. "Haven't seen you around here in a long time."
"Zach," she said, surprised to see him behind the counter. "Hi. When, uh, when did you start working here?"
"A few weeks ago," he explained as he made a grab for his order pad. "Lane felt bad having to leave Luke all high and dry so I thought I'd step in. You know? It's not half bad really. This diner business is pretty fun. It's not a career change or anything, so don't go getting any ideas. I'm still very much 'Rock 'n' Roll'. But you know, gotta make some dough somehow. Got two babies to feed soon. And man, the diapers. Do you know how many diapers kids use?!"
"I have a vague recollection, yes," Lorelai replied with a grin.
"Sure, yeah, of course you do," Zach replied, nodding his head. He leaned a hip against the counter, his arms folded in front of him. "But that was just one kid! Imagine two! At once! And of course, double the food. Lane's of course going to breast feed so we can save a little money on baby food for awhile-"
"Wow, Zach, that's great. Really," Lorelai said hurriedly, interrupting before he could get further into the details. "It's great of you to help out here. I'm sure Luke appreciates it."
"Yeah, he's cool, you know? I mean, Lane always said he was but until I started working here, I just had her word for it. I'd never really hung around the dude much. But yeah, he's been really great." He leaned over the counter towards her, lowering his voice. "A little grouchy at times but mostly, yeah, he's a pretty cool dude."
"This 'dude' is going to be even more grouchy if you don't get back to work," Luke said, coming out from the storeroom. "That guy over by the window is signaling you."
"Oh, sure thing, boss!" Zach said, straightening up quickly. "No problem-o." As he rounded the counter and passed by Lorelai, he leaned in to whisper, "See what I mean? Grou-chy."
Lorelai couldn't contain the laugh and she shook her head as she turned back to Luke. "Wow, so you've got Zach here now. How's that working out?"
Luke frowned after his new employee. "He's fine. Better than nothing, I guess. So," he said, his hands awkwardly on his hips.
"So…" Lorelai repeated, staring down at her fingers splayed out on the counter. She frowned at the chipped polish, realizing in the craziness of the week she'd neglected her weekly manicure. Shoving her hands in her lap, she glanced up at him with a small smile.
"Coffee?" he suddenly asked, grabbing a cup from beneath the counter.
"Oh sure, yeah, coffee would be great, thanks!" Lorelai stammered, suddenly wishing she were in a real chair where she could lean back. She suddenly felt a great need to be able to put her back up against something solid.
"What else?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you want anything else? Or just the coffee?"
"Oh, yeah, I guess."
"You guess…you want something else or you guess you just want coffee?"
"Uh, sorry. Yeah, I'll have a burger."
Luke nodded, not even needing to ask what kind as he wrote it down. "Fries?"
"Please," she said, biting her lower lip and suddenly feeling ridiculous.
"Got it," he said. "Be right back."
Lorelai let out her breath and slumped in the stool as soon as he was out of sight. She wondered if she'd ever feel normal around him again.
Nearly an hour later, after eating her dinner and chatting some with Patty and Babette and trying not to laugh at Kirk's latest drama, at least directly to his face, she began to gather up her things. Unfortunately, Luke had mostly spent the time she'd been there in the back so they'd barely exchanged words beyond her initial order. She quietly sighed her disappointment and called out to Zach to bring her the bill.
When she looked up from digging in her purse, she discovered Luke standing in front of her instead.
"Oh!" she said, her hand going to her chest as she took a step back. "Luke, hi."
"Sorry," he said with a small smile. "You leaving?"
"Uh, yeah," she said with a nod. "It's getting late."
Luke nodded while looking down at the floor, rocking slightly on his heels. "Well," he finally said. "Have a good night."
"Yeah, you too," she said as she started to turn towards the door. Pausing suddenly, she faced Luke again. "Um, do you have a minute by chance? To talk I mean?" She hadn't intended to say the words and she momentarily panicked after they'd come out.
"What?" he asked in surprise.
Lorelai swallowed thickly. "Talk. Can we talk?"
"About what?"
Good question, she thought. Lorelai glanced around, noticing Kirk staring at them from a few stools down.
"Just about…stuff. Um, can we go upstairs maybe?"
"I'm working."
"Can't Zach take over? Please, Luke. Just for a minute?"
Luke stared at her, his face relaxing some as he tossed down his pad. "Zach! Cover me."
"No problem, boss!" he called out as he meandered from table to table chatting up the customers.
Luke motioned for her to go ahead and she hurried up the stairs as he followed a few paces behind.
Once inside the apartment, Luke closed the door and stood unmoving in front of it. Lorelai wandered briefly around the small interior, not fully expecting the myriad of emotions that rushed towards her from simply being inside his place again. Something was different about it, she realized with a small frown, as she glanced around the room.
"Wow, you've done some…decorating," she said at last, noticing at first the new tablecloth and then the new pictures hanging on the wall. She walked over to one to see him and April standing in front of a school bus, his arm resting across her shoulders. April was grinning up at the camera, her glasses slipped down her nose slightly. Luke was staring down at her with the unmistakably proud smile of a smitten father. She stood mesmerized by the photo. She found that she couldn't take her eyes off of it.
"Oh yeah, April's doing," she heard Luke saying form behind her. "She wanted to lighten the place up while she was staying here."
Lorelai nodded, finally dragging her eyes away from the picture. "Cute picture," she murmured, motioning to it with her head.
"One of the parents took that on the last day of that math thing I chaperoned last year."
"Ah," she said, not particularly wanting to remember that period of time. "Cute," she repeated, looking down at her shoes.
"Thanks," he said quietly, mimicking her stance. "So, Lorelai, I'd really rather not leave Zach alone down there for long. What did you want to talk about?"
"Oh," she said, suddenly remembering why she was up here to begin with. "I don't know. I was just hoping we could talk."
"Yes, you've mentioned that. But about what exactly?"
Lorelai paced through the apartment for a minute before coming back to stare at the picture of Luke and April. She felt that ever-present lump tighten in her throat and cursed herself.
"Lorelai?" Luke prodded with impatience. "Zach. Downstairs. Probably trying to set up some sort of band night in the diner as we speak."
"I'm getting divorced," she suddenly blurted out, whirling around to face him. Lorelai could have smacked herself at that admission. Not exactly the way she'd intended it to come out, so harsh and direct. Actually, she hadn't intended it to come out at all. It's not that she hadn't considered telling Luke but with their relationship as weird as it was, she had been delaying it as long as possible. She wasn't even all that convinced he would care.
"Luke?" she finally asked when he didn't respond. "Did you hear me?"
"Yeah," he said, looking up at her, his expression blank. "I heard you."
"Ok," she said. "Good."
When he continued to stare at her without speaking, she felt a sudden sinking feeling in her gut. "I guess, I guess I just wanted you to know is all. Chris and I are getting a divorce. It's over. I'm about to officially become a divorcée. The French always make things sound so much better, don't they? Almost glamorous," she babbled.
Luke's silent stare was beginning to unnerve her and she fidgeted where she stood, wringing her hands tightly together.
"So, that's all," she murmured with a shrug. "I just felt you should know and you should hear it from me. I'll just let you get back to the diner now."
She brushed past him, her throat tight with heavy disappointment she didn't even think she had the right to feel, as she fumbled for the doorknob. She didn't know what she'd expected really with regards to a reaction but his apparent complete disinterest in the news clearly stung.
"I already knew."
She stopped with the door only partially open and turned back to face him.
"You did? When? Who?" For a second, she had an irrational thought that Emily Gilmore was somehow involved.
"A couple of days ago. Babette saw him packing up the U-Haul and well, it wasn't hard to figure out what that meant."
"So like, the whole town knows?" she asked in dismay and at the same time partially shocked that nobody had confronted her about it. Of course, she reminded herself, she'd been at the hospital the majority of the week.
"You expected anything else? You live next door to one of the Stars Hollow gossip queens!"
"I know. But she wasn't supposed to be home." In actuality, she'd planned it for that exact time simply because Babette had mentioned Morey was treating her to night out on the town that particular night and she thought it best they do this without prying, busy-bodied eyes trained on their every move.
"Guess she changed her plans," Luke said, heading for the kitchen. He pulled out a beer from the fridge and popped the top off. "Want one?"
She looked up in surprise. "I thought you needed to get back to the diner."
He shrugged, simply handing her the bottle and grabbing another for himself. "Sit."
She took a few hesitant steps to the kitchen table and sat down. She cradled the bottle between her palms and began to pick at the label while she waited for him to join her.
"So," he finally said, taking his seat across from her. "Want to talk about it?"
She looked up, her eyes wide. "You want to hear about my divorce?"
"Not really," he said, finding a spot over her shoulder that was apparently fascinating. "But you seem like you might want to, what with the sudden desire to talk and blurting it out like you did, so…"
She laughed without humor. "No, I don't really want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it, actually. Too upsetting."
"I see," Luke said slowly. "So this wasn't your idea, I take it?"
Lorelai wondered if she'd actually heard the disappointment in his voice or simply made it up. "Uh, no, it was my idea," she confirmed. "But I guess you could say it was more mutual than anything. But I was the one who forced the conversation."
She tried to read Luke's reaction but he was careful to keep his face blank. He took a swig of the beer in lieu of responding and continued to look at that spot over her shoulder.
"Anyway, he and Gigi have moved out, lawyers have been contacted, so it's pretty much over except for the official signing on the dotted line."
Luke nodded while taking another drink.
Lorelai sighed. "So…you have nothing to say to that?"
Luke finally made eye contact with her. "And what do you want me to say exactly, Lorelai?"
She flinched slightly at the unexpected coldness in his tone.
"I don't know. Yippee?" she muttered, staring down at the mess of what remained of the label on the table before her. She pushed the bottle away from her, the contents only half drunk.
"Yippee?" Luke said after a short pause, sitting back in his chair with such force the legs scraped loudly against the floor, causing her head to jerk up fast at the unexpected noise. "You expected to walk in here after all this time, tell me you're divorcing that idiot, and me to say 'Yippee?' Should I do some cartwheels, too? Would that suffice? Or maybe I should throw in some Disney tunes to spice it up a bit?" His voice was on the verge of yelling and she mentally kicked herself.
"Calm down, Luke. I was kidding. Frankly, if you ever said 'yippee' to anything I'd be checking for implants. And do you even know any Disney songs?"
"Lorelai," he said with exasperation as he stood up and paced through the tiny kitchen. "I just don't understand you sometimes. Words come out but they make no sense! What exactly do you want from me here?"
"I don't know!" she exclaimed. "Nothing, I guess."
"Oh don't tell me 'nothing.' You clearly want something. You wouldn't have come here and made a big production out of informing me your big, exciting news otherwise!"
"'My big exciting news'?" Lorelai repeated, incredulous. "I'm sorry, Luke, I guess I thought you should know is all."
"You didn't feel it necessary to inform me you were getting married to that asshole. Why bother to tell me when it crashes and burns? Not that I am the least bit surprised."
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" Lorelai demanded.
"You've been chasing after that moron for decades now. You think I haven't watched him break your heart time after time? Why would this time be any different? You're deluding yourself if you ever thought you could have a lasting marriage with that man!"
"I have not been chasing him around anywhere, and especially not lately. You think I wasn't surprised at this turn of events? I certainly as hell never planned it!"
"Could've fooled me," Luke muttered as he downed the remainder of his beer, throwing it harshly into the trash. Lorelai flinched slightly at the sound of the bottle breaking.
"Look," she said after taking a few seconds to calm her breathing. She stood up and this time, it was her turn to pace. "I know you must think I went to him to hurt you. That I did all of this to hurt you. But I swear to you, Luke, I didn't."
Luke snorted his disbelief, shaking his head at her.
"I swear, Luke," she repeated, holding her arms out in front of her. "I didn't. I wasn't even thinking straight that night. I regretted it instantly, you have to believe me!"
"Oh, I have to believe you? That's rich, Lorelai. That's really, really rich. You cheat on me with…him…immediately after begging me to marry you that very minute I might add, and now your word suddenly means something? Are you kidding me with this crap?"
"I didn't cheat on you! We broke up!"
"You might want to work on your communication skills a little more because I wasn't really aware of that fact at that time," Luke all but sneered in reply. "And you sure as hell didn't seem to be too broken up about it if the first thing you do is jump in that asshole's bed!"
"Don't tell me what I was feeling, Luke!" Lorelai yelled, her arms flailing wildly. "You have no fucking idea how bad I was feeling so don't you even dare try to tell me otherwise! I felt as though my entire world had exploded and was currently crumbling down around me. And after spending months, Luke, MONTHS, feeling this impending doom coming, I lost my head a little bit, ok? I did a stupid, horrible thing and it's pretty much unforgivable, I know that. I accept that! But don't you dare try to tell me how I possibly could have felt!" She felt the horrifying sensation of tears prickling behind her eyes and willed herself not to lose it in front of him.
Luke stood before her with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed, a glare prominently on his face. His face had darkened with anger as his jaw worked and for a moment it seemed as if he as about to reply. When he finally did speak, however, his voice was tense yet controlled. "I can't do this right now. I can't have this conversation right now. I have a diner to run."
"Go run your fucking diner, then! I'm done!" Lorelai shouted, this time unable to stop the tears from escaping. She turned on her heel and threw open the door and with a slam that made Luke wince, she stormed down the stairs, ignoring the wide-eyed stares of the remaining diner patrons as she flew past and out the door.
To be continued...
:::ducks from flying coffee cups and danishes:::
I promise to do my best to be speedier with the next chapter. I know this is an evil place to leave it. So sorry, my dear readers!