Enjoy…

Lucy knew that she was being unreasonable, but she couldn't find any shred of remorse in her. She was frustrated. Utterly frustrated. Having bottled up her emotions for the past few days in an attempt to remain cheerful in the midst of the calamity that plagued her life, Lucy was well past her breaking point. And then this happened. This shit happened, and there was no way she could turn it around, there was no going back, and she was lost. It was like she was submerged in her own personal bubble of disbelief.

Denial. That's what psychology labelled it as, a defense mechanism. Refusing to acknowledge a painful reality. She herself had observed persons who adamantly refused to accept something, but now that she was on the inside looking out, not just some casual observer, she knew that it was much more than a few words strung together by some intellectual. It was real. It was a sickening dread pumping through her, she knew, yet she refused to accept it.

So when the stupid cretin who was the catalyst to it all dared to show his unworthy, sniveling, cowardly, yellow-bellied self in her house Lucy decided that he would be perfect to let it all out on, after all she knew that it was highly unlikely that she would ever truly and willingly be in his presence in life again, and he was the least likely person to call her out on her momentary fall from grace.

The frustration had been building from the moment she stepped into her mother's room that night to scent of sickness. The helplessness coursing through her body only magnifying it; she had no control over anything for the second time for the night. It was humiliating. She was humiliating. She couldn't help the people that she cared about in the moments that it mattered. She was a failure, a useless piece of shit.

"Metastasis," the doctor said somberly as if it could explain the feelings rolling through her head while she stood outside of the hospital room where her mother had been transferred to, as if it could explain why her lovely mother was reduced to a shell of her brilliance, golden hair a mess, supple skin ashy and gaunt and caramel eyes glazed weakly. It was a frightening change. Just earlier on that day she was radiant, flitting around the house elegantly. Then Lucy thought again.

No.

Her mother hadn't been well earlier, but she was too caught up in meeting Dragneel and his friends to notice. She wasn't there at home where she should've been when her mother had been calling for her as she stumbled and crawled, shivering in pain until a staff member saw her and called a doctor. She wasn't there when her mother wanted to tell her how much she loved her in her last few moments of lucidity before she was captured by the blanket of cancer, smothering her ever-present glow.

She wasn't there! She was frolicking with a fool who threatened her and her best friend. She was gallivanting like some new born foal while her precious mother was suffering. So she took it out on him. Slapped him. Glared at him. Launched herself at him and pounded his chest. Suffocated the tiny feelings of guilt that were swimming up in her as he stared at her in confusion and worry but not anger, just accepting her punishment as if he deserved it.

And he did. He deserved it! He deserved every bit of it and more.

It was his fault.

It was his fault even though he grasped her shaking body and wrapped her up in his muscled arms, his warmth seeping into her. It was his fault even though he stroked her oily hair and rocked her slowly. It was his fault even though he allowed her to sob all over his shirt. It was all his fault, so even after he had comforted her, she pulled away, allowing the dull throb of anger to shoot through her once again and fuel her sluggish muscles as she yelled at him. Tell him she hated him and to stay away from her. That it was all on him that her mother had been taken away from her. It was his fault that the light of her world had died, even though she knew it wasn't.

But she had to say something, to make him feel the way she felt, to inflict the pain that was slowly ripping her soul apart. Misery loves company, so she yelled until she was hoarse. Yelled until her body was exhausted and her anger trilled through her no more. Then she kicked him out. Told him to leave and never speak to her again. Never look at her again. Never think about her again, because it was all his fault.

Heya guys! So I hope this is as emotional as I envisioned it. Actually, I didn't intend to write it so soon but I was so angry today that I had to release all my frustration into writing. This sort of captures my own feelings, but not really cause it's nothing as deep and provoking as what Lucy is going through, it's just the frustration of a college student. Anyway I feel a lot better so that's great!

Oh I started a new fic called After Eclipse, it is a tragic Natsu/Lucy and then Laxus/Lucy fic. Check it out if you're interested. It's based on Future Lucy, after Natsu dies, how she and the remaining guild members cope and rely on each other, so yeah.

Bye and don't forget to leave some love!