Chapter 11

Hello! This chapter is super short, but explains so many things. Erm... and read my note at the end?

"Bella…" he began, but my name tapered off into the tense air as nothing else slipped past his lips.

"Tell me what, Edward?" I asked, calmly, although the anger was bubbling inside of me at an uncontrollable rate that I had to mentally push down. "What else are you lying to me about?"

He sighed softly in frustration before plopping himself down heavily on the side of the bed. "I thought it would be all behind me… that neither me nor you would have to worry about it if I kept all my shit in England," he shared quietly. He took a breath in before turning to face me. "I'm married to Kate. She isn't just a family friend. She's my wife. We've been married for six years, but before I came to the States, we were about to have a baby. I was so excited. I don't think I had ever been more excited when she told me the news, and if I had just calmed down for that moment, or any moment after, really, I would have realized she wasn't as excited. I would have saw that she didn't smile as wide as I did and I would have noticed when I talked about our baby, she would just zone out. I didn't notice any of those things. I didn't know she wanted to… kill… our baby.

She had an abortion when she was three months along – we could have known the gender in a few more weeks. The way she did it was so… so inhumane. I came home after work one day, about a week after she did it. I was excited because tomorrow we would be going for a check-up, but she told me that there would be no need because she got rid of it. I didn't understand at first, but she explained it to me well. I was just stunned – I didn't really know what to do. So… I ran. I wanted to get as far away from Kate as possible for a while, so the only place I could think of that I always wanted to go to is the US. I stayed in a hotel until Jasper arranged for me to be sponsored by a company in Chicago and to get my green card so that I could move out of England.

Jasper didn't like that I was running, but he still wanted to help me. When I finally moved to the US, I realized that even though Kate hurt me in the worst way possibly, I still loved her. I didn't want to get a divorce, but I still wasn't ready to speak to her. I was really just all over the place – it was confusing to me, to my family. It took almost a year for me to finally call her. She told me that she was sorry, but she hadn't been ready for a baby. She said she still loved me though and wanted me to come back. I didn't go back, of course, but I thought I still loved her too. I wasn't in love with Kate, not anymore, but I couldn't let her go at the time.

Edward paused, seemingly to gather his thoughts, then swallowed hard before continuing. "It wasn't until I met you that I realized I didn't love Kate anymore – that I needed to let our relationship go. I wasn't lying when I said that I was utterly fixated on you – that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. After the zoo with you and Maggie, I called Kate and told her that we finally needed to get a divorce. We couldn't keep hopping in circles like we've been doing. She lost it – which led to her trying to commit suicide. I think she's always had hope that we would be together again one day. I didn't love Kate anymore – I actually think I stopped loving her after she had the abortion, despite what I tried telling myself – but I still cared, even when I didn't want to. So, I hopped on a plane and went back home. I felt so guilty and, like I said before, it just made me hole up there until I was ready to come out. And when I did… I told Kate that I would fix what was going on between us. Somehow." He looked at me then, his eyes staying still after bouncing so anxiously around the room when he was speaking.

"I didn't mean I wanted to get back together with her, Bella. I would never be able to – not after so long, and especially not after what she did. What I meant when I said I wanted to fix what was going on was maybe someday being able to forgive her and making amends. She didn't understand that before I left, though, and she's been trying to contact me the past few weeks. She's even gone as far as barging into Jasper's home and my parents' home and demanding where I've been." Another deep breath in. "I know what I did… was shitty. And I was – am – a coward."

I didn't really know how to respond. Half of my mind was caught up the speed, but the other half had been left behind at the very beginning of when Edward began to speak, when he said he was married and almost had a baby. After hearing all of this, my emotions were heightened to an almost unbearable degree and the need to be as far away from Edward as possible nagged at the tip of my mind.

"Say something," Edward pleaded, and my eyes snapped toward his. He looked desperate, sorry, guilty. I wondered if my eyes showed the absolute befuddlement that I felt numbing my body.

"You were right," I stated lowly. Edward's eyes narrowed, confused, so I elaborated. "You are a coward. The biggest coward." I wanted to relish in the hurt look that immediately flashed in his eyes and wounded his stature, but I was too wound up right now to feel any sort of accomplishment at this. "Can you go?" I asked, turning away.

"Bella…"

"I need time to think," I spat harshly. "You just drop on me that you're fucking married to another woman that somehow, even though you didn't want a divorce, have no feelings for – which sounds like complete and utter bullshit to me. You lied to me – you've been lying for weeks! And when I made you promise not to lie to me anymore, after looking me straight in the eyes, you still did." I clutched the sheet around me tight as I leveled his gaze. "Just go. Please."

His jaw clenched a few times before he stood and began pulling on his clothes. I had to look away as he did this, not really wanting to look at him. I hated how we had just been in this bubble of bliss and ease and now we were suddenly so far away from that, jerked into an inimical point in time where that bubble had burst so unpleasantly and left only a dense shroud of tension in its wake.

When Edward was done, I could tell he lingered by the door for a moment from his lack of movement, his presence so loud. "I'm sorry, Bella," he mumbled, then left.

So, when I first started this story, I knew I wanted Edward to appear to be this great, lovable guy just so things can turn like this. I wanted to add some angst and bring more to the story because it honestly would have ended in another chapter or two if I didn't go down this route anyway. I kinda sprinkled hints along the way, almost foreshadowing this turn of events, like having Bella highlight how perfect Edward is and whatnot. Trust me, more will come with these two. If you don't like how it is progressing, I'm not sure what to say other than: sorry, this story is not the one for you. If you want to still continue with me as I write this story, then I thank you! It's not going to all be peaches and cream, but I can assure you that I love happy endings. I know most of you feel like what Edward did is unforgivable and that there is no way he can redeem himself... I think I would too if I was a reader, but... well you'll just have to wait and see how it all turns out!

Now, for people who don't completely hate this story yet lol, I know previously I said that updates will be fewer and fewer, yet I keep updating early. That's because I basically had chapters written, but now... chapter 12 is not even halfway written and I'm not sure when it will fully be written. I'll try to write a little bit each day, but I can't really promise more than that.

Also, just one more thing, I don't know much about green cards or that process. I looked stuff up on Google, but it might not be 100%. But that's okay, because it's fiction, so just pretend everything is right :) This is also low key a message to a guest reviewer who said I had some wrong info in the first few chapters about soccer - thanks for informing me, if you're reading this, since I was not able to PM you. I may put out the wrong info, and I won't go back to change it (unless it was something noticed by everyone or an offensive thing), because, again... fiction... but if I write something wrong, don't hesitate to inform me :)

Anyhow, thanks for reading! What did you think of Edward's confession? What do you think will happen next for these two?