I'm so sorry for the inexcusably long wait. A serious case of writer's block combined with an absurd lack of time made it impossible for me to post anything. However, I love this story so much that I refuse to give up on it. I hope you guys feel the same way.
Katniss
"Catnip…. Catnip…" I was in the woods. His voice alerted me that so was he: Gale.
I knew he was there, but I couldn't see him. I was in the middle of the woods, in my father's jacket but without his bow. My head was overwhelmed with questions: What was he doing here? Was he back for good?
"Catnip!" I heard the smile in his voice and for a moment I was freed, he wasn't mad at me anymore. My yearning to see him grew even more after that. I looked left and right, but he was nowhere to be seen. I had so many things I needed to tell him. "Catnip!" He sounded farther away, and I panicked.
"Gale! Wait!"I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean for him to get reaped. I tried to run but my legs wouldn't move, I grew desperate. I looked up, searching frantically, and there he was, only inches away from me. I was ecstatic, I was sure he would be happy with all the news I had for him. I was going to tell him everything that happened since he left: how I was going to teach Rory to use his old bow when he was out of school, how Vick was excited to go to school and how Posey still had the doll he got her at the Hob. I wanted to tell him about me too, but… no. He wouldn't want to hear about Peeta.
We hugged. His smell was just right. It was like the forest, and rain and the fabric of his huge jacket. He hugged me tightly and I felt tears streaming down my face. I had missed my friend so much. "Catnip." He whispered and leaned his chin on top of my head like he always did. In a flash, he cupped my face and leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away as gently as I could.
"No, Gale." I wanted to say he couldn't kiss me. He must be married now and so was I. This was wrong. But the more I fought it the more his grip tightened around me. "Gale, stop." I begged. I really didn't want to fight him. I only wanted to enjoy his company while it lasted.
"It's ok Katniss." But it wasn't Gale talking anymore, it was Peeta. We were still in the forest, but he was wearing a white t-shirt and his white apron. For a wild second I was concerned that he might be cold. His grip on me wasn't a grip at all, his hands were gently encircling my waist. He leaned in to kiss me and this time I didn't feel like I had to move away. A deep warmth spread through me when I felt his mouth on mine. It began in my chest and slowly stretched out my limbs. The closer I got to him, the warmer I felt. And it was so pleasant to feel him all around me. It was light and warm and happy. The scent of Gale was gone, and now I could only smell the scent of bread, honey and flour. His lips were soft and his hands were sliding slowly up my back. I was worried he would get the wrong idea if I kept the kiss going for too long, he didn't have to kiss me because no one was around. But it felt so good. I leaned my body against him.
The kisses that had started sweetly turned more demanding in a matter of seconds. His hands were now gripping me against him as they ran up and down my sides. But it didn't feel constricting, it felt necessary. It was as if my entire body had started beating strongly and every beat released a soft ache. I realized quickly that that ache was appeased only when he pressed me against him. I desperately needed to get closer. I could barely breathe. The beating came more frequently, which only increased the ache.
"I want you so bad." I heard Gale say in ragged breaths. I pushed him away from me. But it was still Peeta. His eyes had changed. His bright blue irises looked dark, and for some reason that made lower belly feel tighter all of a sudden. My whole body wasn't beating anymore, the ache settled between my legs and on my chest. I wanted him to touch me. He came closer to me and grabbed me by the waist. He pulled me on top of the kitchen counter. I realized we were now at the bakery's kitchen. I was sitting on the edge of it. My fleeting worry of someone interrupting us dissolved quickly, somehow I knew we were alone. I wanted him to touch me really bad now. He did. His lips were pressed against mine, and when I felt his tongue prying my lips open I groaned and leaned against him. He'd spread my legs open, his hands were firm on my thighs, and he'd placed himself between them. He leaned on me and I tightened my legs around him. I thought it might be too much but he smiled at me before he kissed me again. He tasted so good. I was out of breath, and I was beginning to get impatient. His hands were lingering on my hips but now I wanted to feel him on my breasts…. He slid one of his hands up, he grabbed my neck forcefully to deepen our kiss. I wanted more. His other hand rested on my hip. I grabbed it and put it on my breast… his fingers gave it a gentle squeeze and I groaned in pleasure… he stopped kissing me just so I could look into his eyes…. They were a whole new darker shade of blue. He bit his lower lip, my center pulsed unbearably….
I woke up.
What the hell was that?
My heart was still racing. I couldn't quite catch my breath.
"Katniss," Peeta said tentatively from outside my door. "Hey Katniss, are you ok?" He repeated. It took me a second to understand what was happening. I was in the house, in my room, and for the looks of it, I was going to be late for work.
"Kind of. I overslept... I'll get dressed in a second." I said and I heard soft laughter on the other side.
"I'm gonna go to the bakery if that's all right." His voice wasn't as deep as it had been in my dream.
"No! Wait! Your arms!" I said and I swung the door open. He looked ready for work. I looked liked a mess. He grinned widely.
"Good morning!" His eyes studied me and he looked confused. I ran my fingers through my disheveled braid.
"I'll do it quickly," I said and let him in. I went in the bathroom and left the door half open. I straightened my shirt and did the best to fix my hair. I only managed to undo my braid and push the hair behind my ears, so I still looked like a mess.
When I returned to my room Peeta was sitting on the bed, his eyes widened and then he looked amazed.
"Wow! I've never seen you with your hair down." He said with excitement. Why would that be exciting for anyone?
I ignored his comment and looked at his arms. While I worked on his left arm he ran his fingers through a strand of my hair.
"You look really pretty." That got him quite the eye roll. He laughed. "I can't help to tell the truth, you know." I didn't comment on that either. Like anyone could look pretty at this hour.
"Ok, all done" I said and got up. He admired his arms.
"The burns are mostly gone. They'd never healed so fast before." It had only been a week, but the balm did wonders. "Thank you so much, I'll go to the bakery now, your breakfast will be ready when you get there." He looked like he hoped this would change my awful mood. He'd somehow gotten the idea that he could improve my mood by feeding me. Which was accurate, but it felt annoying that he could know me so well already we'd only been living together for three weeks.
"Thank you." I said and he winked at me. Usually I wouldn't care, but after the dream… it was confusing. I sighed in horror.
The dreams began a few days ago. I didn't dream about it everyday, but they had come often enough that I was embarrassed. This one had to be the worst one by far. I'd had my own fair share of sex dreams but never about anyone in particular. Not even Gale. Whenever I had a dream like I would always dream about someone without a face. I never dreamed of someone I actually knew.
The best way to get over this was to simply accept that the person in my dream had nothing to do with the person in real life. After all, Peeta's eyes weren't dark like that. They were bright blue and always smiling. Unless of course they got like that when he was turned on…
Which was definitely not something I needed to picture. Not that it was repulsive. Peeta was handsome. There was no way around it. But that was it.I'd also been spending so much time with him lately. I was bound to dream about him at some point.
I made an effort to stop thinking about it while I got dressed. I left for the bakery minutes later, the cool breeze of the morning helped me wake up a bit more. When I made it to the back door, I hesitated to enter. Why, oh why, did the dream have to take place in the bakery?
"Good morning, sunshine." Peeta said with a wide smile when I entered. I glared, furiously. He chuckled as he always did when he thought I was being "adorably crabby" in the mornings. He looked infuriatingly refreshed, as usual.
"Hey." I said and slumped on a stool by the counter. He immediately brought me breakfast and some tea. After weeks of eating bread everyday I felt I'd gained weight. I felt much stronger than when I started. Peeta returned to work, he was already setting up to bake. I liked watching him bake, it was relaxing to see someone so at ease in his surroundings. He moved with precision and concentration. He always achieved the result he was striving for. "Thanks." I said when he brought my food. He smiled. There was a trace of a dimple on his cheek. His eyes weren't dark. They were bright and light blue.
"How did you sleep?" He asked. I blushed deeply, as if he could know what I had dreamed about.
"Good. You?" He reached up to get a bowl. He threw some flour on it. The last of the container.
"Great." He turned to the left and opened a door I had noticed but I had no idea where it led. It was a small room or something, he turned the light on by pulling on a small chord on a hanging light bulb. He took the empty container of flour and went down some stairs. I jumped off my stool and went to see where it led. It was better to try to distract myself from the fact that I was having breakfast on the counter where we had made out in my dream.
There was a spiral staircase that looked a hundred years old made from welded metal.
"I didn't know this was here." I told him while I took a bite of my roll. It was a small room, like a tiny rectangular basement. I saw the sacks of flour neatly aligned against the door. There was a dim light from what I suspected was a small window.
"It's where we keep the supplies. It's cooler down here so it keeps things from spoiling too quickly." I saw Peeta opening a sack of flour and filling the container. It was a large container, but I guessed the larger the better. Going up and down those miserable stairs didn't seem like fun.
He came up the stairs carefully, and when he reached the top he sighed. "If you ever go down there be careful. The stairs are a little shaky and it's hard to see." He closed the door behind him.
"Ok." I said and I returned to my breakfast. I finished eating quickly and cleaned up after him while baked. I mostly did dishes, swept, and got the shop ready for the day. It was easy work compared with the hassle of hunting and then selling and trading. Not that I didn't miss that sometimes. I missed it a lot.
But the bike was really fun. And it was nice to come to the front door of people's houses and not care if anyone saw.
"Here's the delivery list for today." Peeta said when it was nearly eight o'clock. I grabbed it gladly. Peeta's parents were awake by now. The creature -which was Peeta's mom- would come down any minute now spewing her angry comments. I didn't try to conceal my hostility anymore, not with Peeta's arms looking like that.
I took the pouch out of the drawer and went outside to make sure the bike was ready. Then I came back for the packages. Peeta said goodbye with a smile and a wave. I left the bakery feeling relieved. Even though I was trying my hardest not to think about it, sometimes I was surprised by the image of his fingers around my thighs or the feeling of his body when he pressed it against mine. I sighed with horror.
I felt right at home when I started riding the bike. Soon I would be too tired to be thinking about things like Peeta's lips. And I was right. The faster I went and the more I felt my legs straining to push down the pedals, the more I felt like myself again.
Peeta
Katniss was acting weird. To begin with, she never overslept. Yes, she sometimes woke up crabbier than usual but it was mostly on time. Then she kept giving me these weird looks throughout the day. I was confused and even self-conscious at first, wondering if I had done anything wrong. But I couldn't think of anything that really stood out. Then I came up with a theory that I couldn't wait to test out.
Later that day when she came for lunch I was talking to my dad. When she came and stood beside me, I put my hand on her lower back and pulled her in for a quick kiss on the cheek. She blushed and looked away. She hadn't blushed in a while now, kissing was becoming normal for us. So I wondered. I decided today was as good as any to push Katniss' boundaries a little.
"Hey," She said when she walked in once her last round of deliveries was done. I had taken a small break to drink some water so I just waved at her when she entered. She put away the money in the drawer and looked around for work to do. She found some dishes that I hadn't had the time to do before she arrived and started doing them. I gulped down the rest of the water and made my way to the sink. I got unnecessarily close to her. I put my hand just above her hip and leaned forward so my chest touched her back; I leaned around to put the glass by the sink. "Here. You don't have to wash it, I'll get to it later," I said it against her neck. All the time I watched her reaction. She blushed furiously and for a moment it looked like she was going to drop the bowl she had between her soapy hands.
"I'll do it." Her voice shook only slightly. But I noticed.
I could barely contain my excitement. I wasn't so far off the mark, I think she liked me. I wasn't naive enough to think she was dying of love for me, but there was something there. After that I could barely stop smiling while I plotted other ways to prove myself right. I had to be cautious, Katniss did not react well when she was pressured into anything. So I had to be subtle, which suited me just fine because I had all the time in the world to get her to see me in a different light.
"Girl!" yelled out my mother as she burst into the kitchen. Her presence was like a cold bucket of water. Katniss had been on edge when he began working here, but now every trace of friendliness was gone, leaving the cold and detached woman she showed everyone else in place of her actual personality. "Girl, are you deaf? I've been calling you for hours now!" My mother complained impatiently. I turned sharply towards her.
"Don't talk to her like that." I wasn't yelling, but my voice was harsh enough that my mother glared at me filled with exasperation.
"She works here, I'm asking her to do her job. Girl," said my mother again, "go clean the front of the store." Katniss didn't move an inch, she just glared at her.
"My name is Katniss." She said slowly, her anger was evident and an outrage in the eyes of my mother.
"I didn't ask for your name, go clean the front of the store." Katniss didn't move.
"I'll do it." I muttered.
"You stay where you are." Snapped my mother.
"I'll do as I'm told if you ask me respectfully. I work for you, I'm not your slave. And I have a name." Her words were sharp with anger. My mother looked like the vein on her forehead was going to pop. She squared her shoulders and glared at Katniss.
"Katniss, there's a mess in the shop. Go clean it." Katniss didn't look convinced at all. My dad walked in looking completely terrified. He looked at Katniss apologetically, he knew my mother well.
"Katniss, darling, would you mind cleaning up the front? A customer spilled an entire drink on the front and everyone is slipping!" He said politely. Katniss remained as serious as ever but her voice softened considerably.
"Sure, Milles." She said looking at my father. My mother was outraged. Katniss grabbed a mop and a bucket from beside the counter and walked straight to my mother without flinching, she looked like she was daring her to touch her. My mom didn't move away from the door, she only glared at Katniss while she walked out of the room.
"The nerve on that girl." She muttered quietly, her voice was low but I could see her shoulders shaking. I remained frozen, staring at her waiting for her to move towards Katniss, knowing that as long as she was at the shop she was safe. My mother would never make a scene in public. When she left for the shop and I felt like a total idiot. I knew Katniss would be mad at me over this, and I had just stood here. I was so weak sometimes. Why couldn't I just confront that horrible woman?
Katniss returned to the kitchen holding the dirty mop and bucket, she continued to the back alley without a word. I followed her.
"Katniss-" She was by the side of the building where there was a large sink where we washed cleaning utensils. She set the mop aside and emptied the bucket. I stood beside her while she did that.
"Don't bother, Peeta. We already talked about this." Her shoulders had relaxed and she looked far less angry than I would have expected. "If you want to take that crap from your mother you have your reasons, but I'm not going to be treated like a maid." She set the bucket down and washed the mop.
"You shouldn't." I said stupidly.
"If you want her to treat you any differently, you have to stand up to her." I sighed and looked down. If only it was that simple.
"I can deal with that I just don't want her to get to you." My sadness was pathetic. She didn't need this, my mother needed to stop. Katniss finished her work and after washing her hands she dried them on her apron.
"Don't worry about me. I don't need to be saved, Peeta. I can take care of myself. But you're the only one who can really make her start being less of a bitch to you." She looked over my shoulder and her eyes brightened slightly.
"I gotta go." She said and stepped closer to me.
She put her hands on my chest and moved to kiss me goodbye. I followed her helplessly into a kiss that would bring me some comfort, even if it was for other people rather than for ourselves. I leaned forward because her fingers in my chest propped me to. Her lips kissed mine, how many times had we already done this? Pressing our lips together? It started as any of our movements were vaguely mechanic, like a well rehearsed dance. But then something shifted unexpectedly, her hands slid to the back of my neck and she pulled me down to deepen the kiss. Her lips parted, her head tilted and her tongue touched mine.
I was startled but not as I'd been the first time she'd kissed me, and I was able to find perfection in the unlikelihood of this moment. I found it in her hesitation and her sudden burst of emotion. I didn't know why we were taking this so far, or if it was really happening at all. I didn't care either. Because when someone kisses you like Katniss was kissing me, anything other than that emotion, that incomparable thrill, is meaningless. All was quiet, all was her. I left my carefully designed restrictions behind and I just let myself feel her relaxing into me for a moment.
The only thing that could have pulled my attention from Katniss, was Katniss herself. And she did, it seemed like hours later, days, when she took her lips away from me. My head followed her for a second, too disappointed to part with her just yet. She whispered something against my lips and her breath combined with my ragged respiration. She was trying to speak but to no avail. I couldn't hear anything.
"I," she managed to make a sound on her second try. It was like a purr, a soft sound barely audible. I couldn't believe it belonged to her. "I'll see you later." She didn't move. Only after the meaning of her words dawned on me did I realize I had pinned her to the wall of the alley, I had one arm on each side of her and my body was pressed against hers. This was wrong. Why were we doing this here? Why were we doing this at all? So much for being subtle.
"Ok." I said in a shaky voice and dropped my arms. She walked away, leaving me breathless and disoriented, leaning on the same wall where moments ago her small body had been fully pressed against mine. I turned around, remembering I had work to do and looked up at the store, my mother was with her back to the window, she seemed to be talking to a customer. How much had he seen? Had Katniss planned that? Did I care? I sighed in defeat as I entered the kitchen.
Katniss
It had been a long day of fucking up. Seriously messing up. First the dream and now this? What was wrong with me? My face was scarlet all the way back to the house. All I wanted was kiss Peeta because I knew his mom hated it when we kissed. I'd noticed her repulsed expression before. But then… it got out of hand.
I'd always thought people who said things "had gotten out of hand" were lying. They were just making excuses to have sex and then pretended some supernatural force had possessed them. My limited experience with making out had taught me that I could stop at any time… Gale's protests be damned. But in reality, I'd never had a reaction powerful enough that the stream of loud reasons why I had to stop became only an annoying buzz in the back of my mind.
I blamed the stupid dream.
Peeta's proximity had been bad enough, but when he'd pushed me against that wall I felt him in a way that was just too similar to the Peeta of my dream. His eyes I'd gotten right. They looked dark and open when I'd stopped the kiss. He'd been turned on. Which wasn't surprising… I'd basically assaulted him.
Stupid dream. Now I had embarrassed myself and Peeta would get the wrong idea. We were married so we didn't have to think of love or sex. And here I was basically throwing myself at him. The more I thought of it, the more my mind took me on undesired venues. Like, why had he married me at all? Why didn't he want to have children? I know why I had always hated the idea of it. The mere thought of love made me very uncomfortable. Love more than children. Because being in love was the only reason why having kids seemed like a remotely good idea. And it wasn't. Love made you think people were indispensable and the fear of their loss could unhinge you. I never wanted to love anyone more than I absolutely had to. Marrying for love was never an option for me.
Sex didn't seem too scary. No that I particularly wanted it, but it led to kids so it had always been out of the question for me.
But what about Peeta? If I took his parents as an example our marriage made even less sense. If a marriage made from desperation, like his parent's, had made his father so unhappy wouldn't it make sense that he made an effort to marry someone he loved? That was the only way out of that one, really. But instead he'd married me. It wasn't as if he had a shot with me. I was just not the type to fall in love. So what had he been thinking? And why hadn't I thought to ask. Maybe because I didn't really know him when I said yes. I wonder if I should ask him more about it, but what if I did and it made things uncomfortable between us?
What was I thinking kissing him like that? This would definitely be bad. Everyone wanted sex, I wasn't so innocent as to not know that. And I doubted Peeta would risk sleeping with someone else, I knew I wouldn't with the Peacekeepers keeping an eye on us. What if he thought now that I wanted to have sex with him? That just wouldn't work. Or what if he'd been uncomfortable because he really didn't see me that way and I had just taken it too far. Maybe that's why he'd married me, because he felt safe around me. And safe he would be, I would make sure of that.
My house was visible now, and I could tell my mother was home. She always had the windows wide open. I preferred to keep some of them shut, it kept the ash from getting on everything.
"Katniss," my mother said with a wide smile, she was on the kitchen getting ready for dinner I assumed. The house was too quiet, Prim obviously wasn't back from school.
"Hello." I walked in directly to the herb rack. I always had an idea of what my mother needed so I could get it for her without asking. She was running out of several plants. This was the result of me working everyday. I had less time to gather for her. "I'll get you those as soon as I can. Sunday should be a good day for it."
"Don't worry if you can't. We can make do." It still felt like my responsibility.
"I'll get them for you." For some reason, I thought about Madge and her situation. I wondered what was the best way to check on her without making her think I was prying.
"...and Peeta?" I heard my mother said. I was staring at her fingers while she chopped a potato. I'd only heard the last part of the question.
"What?" I didn't really want to think about Peeta.
"I said, is everything alright with you and Peeta?" I felt defensive. It wasn't a bad question, but it came from my mother.
"Yeah, sure." Even if I had potentially screwed everything up just now.
"I know you're a private person, Katniss. But if there's anything you want to know, if you have any questions I want you to know you can come to me." It was the tone that made me suspicious for a second before I became completely disgusted. Married or not, that my mother was talking to me about sex came out of the blue for me. I blushed in a second and I hated myself for it. It lessened my anger.
"I know what I need to know, mom, thanks." I said with a frown.
"I don't mean sex, exclusively, but other things as well. There are things about marriage that are more complicated than meets the eye, so if there's anything you want to know…" I wanted to stop her from talking about it a second longer. That's what I really need right now.
"Actually there is, why didn't you tell me you were gonna marry Peeta's dad?" She looked genuinely surprised at this, but not in a bad way.
"I hadn't thought about that in such a long time. But I guess I didn't bring it up because it's in the past." I remembered Milles' eyes whenever he asked about my mother or Prim. I was also well aware that he was nice to me, through no merit of my own.
"He really loved you." The words surprised me. It's not like I was defending him, but I didn't understand how she could fall in love with my father if she was with Milles first.
"I loved him, too. But when your father came into my life… there was no question." She looked at my expression, which I was heartily trying to keep from looking judgemental. Which I knew was exactly how I looked.
"I dated Milles since I was in seventh grade. He was so handsome, Peeta looks a lot like him but I dare say he is even more handsome than his father was." I thought of his arms around my waist. His bright blue eyes getting darker. I really had to snap out of it. "And then when we were only sixteen he asked me to marry him and I said yes, but with the condition what we would wait until we were 18 to get married. He couldn't begrudge me that at least. I should have known then…" She sighed.
"What?"
"That something was not right. I loved Milles, Katniss, but I think I agreed to marry him more out of fear of the Reaping than really being in love." I was getting more uncomfortable by the second. "Then I met your father a year before my reaping. I never meant to be unfaithful to Milles, so although your father was quite persistent, we were only friends. Good friends. He made me laugh," She smiled sadly. I remembered the days when she couldn't even talk about my father. She had come a long way, I just wished she had done this sooner. "He made me feel lots of things. I think that is how I knew that what I felt for him was different than how I felt for Miles. I'd thought I'd been in love and I was going to marry willingly. But when I was with your father… I lost myself in his stories. In his voice when he sang on the way back to the mines… My life felt different around him, lighter. Nothing scared me, because I was with him. I felt so safe. And how can you ignore something you never felt before?" I shrugged. "I broke up with Milles and I began dating your father in secret. Three months later he asked me to marry him and I said yes."
"Then Peeta's father had time to look for someone else. Why didn't he?" She looked genuinely remorseful.
"I think he kept hoping I would change my mind. No matter how many times I told him I wouldn't. Then he was too sad to think about marriage, and he ran out of time. Mellark men can be persistent, too." I thought of Peeta helping Haymitch.
"Tell me about it." I sighed.
"My only regret is that he married Eudora."
"That heartless witch." I muttered. For once she didn't say anything. She'd been letting me insult her more since I came here yelling at everyone because she had burned Peeta's arms. My mom had made the medicine for him, while Prim wrote down the instructions."I'm gonna go, tell Prim I looked at the geese and they're fine." This was a lie. I hadn't been there in a couple of days. I didn't want to be with my mother though, so I left.
"Goodbye, Katniss." My mother said with a sad smile.
People don't stop being horrible because you want them too. Peeta's mom had about as much chance of changing as Haymitch had to stop being a drunk. They would never be any different, so why take any crap from them?
People never changed.
Peeta
Two days before the 1st month's clearance a rumor started spreading about the Peacekeepers making surprise visits. I knew this was not a new thing, but I'd never actually seen it happen. Like many things in the District, Peacekeepers did things when it suited them, so since the surprise visits inconvenienced them, they only happened very rarely. But then Delly showed up at the Bakery and told me it had happened to her.
"Three days early and in the middle of the night!" She said loudly as she took a bite of her toast. She had finally taken up on my offer to come join me for tea at work. She'd been talking non-stop for the past hour. She already knew the drill, she talked and I worked. "Micah jumped out of bed like he'd been set on fire, it took us forever to calm down after it. We didn't know who it was at that hour!" I could tell she had already told this story a million times to different people.
"Who wouldn't be scared. And what did they tell you?" My interest was more than friendly, I needed to know so we could prepare. She shrugged, uninterested.
"Nothing that I didn't know already. I'm not pregnant yet. They didn't even ask anything else, like I thought they would. They only put that thing they have and when it looked red they left. Then they said they'd be back next month." It wasn't odd for people to not to be pregnant yet. It had only been a month. "I heard Dahlia from our English class is pregnant, did you hear?" She loved to gossip. So I let her rant.
It was the middle of the day so Katniss came in the kitchen, a couple minutes later than I had expected. I questioned her silently.
"Mrs. Abel is getting chattier by the day." Small talk made her crabby, it made me laugh.
"Hi, Katniss!" Delly had ordered some bread from the bakery and since then she felt quite comfortable around Katniss who often came to her house. Katniss gave her a small smile.
"Hello, Delly. How are you?" That's all she needed to say. Delly went on and Katniss cleared out the kitchen as we listened to her. When Delly said her goodbyes I told her about the surprise visits.
"I'll put your things in my room when I get back. At least until we've been cleared we should sleep there." I nodded. She kissed my cheek and left again.
After what happened in the alley that day, I noticed that Katniss had changed yet again. This time, she was weary, as if she had been expecting me to react in some way. I thought talking about it would be a bad idea, so even before leaving work that day I decided to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. She responded to that quite well. And now she was back to her old self.
Except she wasn't. There was tension between us. I wondered if it was only on my part or if she could feel it, too. But nothing she ever did suggested she wanted more, and I couldn't be the first one to make a move, or she would shut down and I would be left out. I was convinced that if we were ever going to be together it was going to have to be her choice. I had made up my mind years ago and it was her turn.
When I got back to the house I heard the sound of a loud hammer across the street. Haymitch was finishing his fence. I went over to his house and walked around to where the geese were. They looked better fed and they were running around freely.
"Hello, Haymitch." I said with a smile.
"Hey there, boy." He was sober again. He still drank, in a way I thought he always would but he'd been up and about more since we visited him.
"The fence looks great. I'm sure the geese will really like it."
"I'm doing it so that wife of yours will stop pestering me." I laughed. Katniss and Haymitch had a strange relationship that consisted of glaring and insulting each other. It would have bothered me except it was amusing and I had the feeling that deep down they didn't really mean any harm.
"She's only come here twice." Katniss had kept a loose watch on the geese, but nothing extraordinary.
"Twice too many times. The little kid, I like. But her sister…." He rolled his eyes.
"Hey! That's my wife you're talking about." I said without any trace of anger.
"Yeah so you should know better than me." I shook my head and waved goodbye.
"See you around Haymitch."
"Yeah, yeah." He could complain all he wanted, he cared. And for the looks of it, our friendly neighbor intervention had done him well. That made me happy.
When I walked in the house Katniss was coming down the stairs.
"Your stuff is in my room. But I left your drawings on the desk."
"Thank you!" I said with a wide smile. Seeing her again never failed to cheer me up. "Did you see Haymitch finished the fence?" She looked unsurprised, even a little offended.
"Yeah, the old bastard." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"What? Why old bastard?"
"Because now he built the fence. Which will make Prim's hopeful that one day he'll stop drinking altogether and we both know it's not going to happen. If he hadn't done anything I'd have a better chance to convince her to let it go." I rolled my eyes.
"Katniss have you ever considered that seeing the best in people is actually a virtue?" She looked straight into my eyes.
"No." She was lying.
"You're a liar. But that's beside the point. Seeing the best in people is wonderful and Prim is one fortunate soul for seeing beauty where others prefer to look away." She looked upset.
"Others like myself, you mean." I had inadvertently offended her.
"No, I didn't mean-"I began.
"I don't care, Peeta."
"I do. And I didn't mean that it was wrong to be anything else. There is beauty in being able to see things as they are. Your mind is so clear about right and wrong, Katniss. I envy you for it." She didn't seem convinced but she looked less upset.
"Did Delly say anything about what the peacekeepers asked?" No wonder she was on edge. I was, too.
"She said nothing at all, they just check if you're pregnant and then they leave." She nodded and went upstairs again.
We went to sleep that night at the same time as usual. "Are you still mad at me?" I asked when I sat on her bed. She was already in her pajamas, pacing around the room while she undid her braid only to redo it again.
"Mad about what?" She seemed to have no idea of what I was talking about.
"Oh… I thought I'd bothered you earlier." She shook her head but she still seemed troubled by something. I just didn't know what. "Are you ok?" She sighed.
"I went to see Madge today." I should have known.
"How is she?" She shook her head.
"It's not good. He's getting worse. She didn't say anything but she had a bruise on her upper arm. I just know he did it." She sat next to me and I put an arm around her shoulders.
"Why doesn't she tell her father, surely he can do something?" Anger tainted her features.
"That's what I said, but she said her father was too busy to be bothered. She used to say the same thing when we were in school. I don't think he cares."
"How about someone else, does she have brothers or sisters?"
"Only one brother, their mother almost died after giving birth to Madge and they couldn't have children after that. Since then her mother's had headaches so she's always in bed. She doesn't care either." I sighed.
"We can always tell the peacekeepers."
"She asked me not to. I think she's afraid that they won't do anything and then Ilke will only be mad at her." I knew that feeling too well. Once Miche threatened to tell the Peacekeepers about mom after she broke a wooden pail on Rye's back. He didn't but the threat was enough to make my mother give us a good beating, as a warning.
"If she doesn't say something, nobody is going to help her." It was sad, but it was true. She needed to file a complaint personally.
"I don't think she'll do anything." She looked so hopeless, I wanted her to feel better so I strained to find an answer. We silently turned off the lights and went to bed. It was far easier than the first time, even with our added tension to take into account. The difference was that now both of us were keeping our distance, which made me smile a little.
"I'll tell you what." I said, trying to stop her from going to bed on a sour note. "If anything else happens to Madge, we'll go to the Mayor with her. So she feels supported."
"But she won't want to."
"Maybe not now, but if things get worse, maybe what she needs is some support. And we'll be there for her." She turned to me in the dark.
"You don't even know her." Her tone wasn't dismissive, she sounded amazed.
"But you do, and I trust that she's a good person." I thought, but I couldn't be sure, she smiled.
"You're too good, Peeta." She said, and turned her back to me. "Good night."
"Good night, Katniss." It had been an exhausting day. I fell asleep moments after I said that.
First Month's clearance pt.2 is coming right up.
What did you think?
-M