Part IX

My birthday is only one day away, on July thirty-first, and I have no idea what to do about it. I used to celebrate my birthday with my parents and with some friends, but I remember my seventeenth birthday particularly well; I had invited all of my friends and some family members had shown up. I invited like, fifteen people, and only four showed up around ten in the evening―they had already told me that they would be delayed and would come later. No one else had shown up. I had everything set up, I had drinks, snacks and the backyard was decorated with flags and a few balloons and I sat in my backyard for two hours on my own, waiting until those four people finally arrived. I was very hurt and vowed to myself that I would not celebrate my birthday again. And I had not celebrated it again. I had not seen those people who had not shown up at my party for several years either. I suppose I am a bit bitter about it.

I had not spoken to Seth again after I told him of my feelings for Draco―that was about a month and a half ago since I told him that. The good thing is that I have not cut myself for almost two months and I am very proud of myself for that.

As for the Draco situation as I call it nowadays, things have not improved. I find myself blushing and stuttering whenever I speak with him―and even that is not often. My dreams are still the same and I often masturbate under the shower or in bed when I think about him, which is quite frequently.

I have not spoken to my parents since I told them that I would be staying here. Nor have they contacted me in return. I did not expect them to. Hermione finally gave in to her colleague Ron's nagging and the two have been going out for about two weeks. It was the same fellow that I saw that morning at the apartment the day after Draco's birthday party. Apparently his younger sister is Draco's roommate. I thought they looked alike; the same red hair, the same freckles and the same eyes. I had met Ron officially and he apologized to me when he had a hangover. I had shrugged and waved it off. So Hermione had a boyfriend now, and it felt like being the third wheel all over again. I often left the apartment to give the two some alone time, even though Hermione had said to me that if I did not want to leave, then they would, but I figured that it was the least I could do. So I met up quite frequently with Draco, since Hermione was with Ron and all.

Tonight Draco had invited me over for a movie, and I was too delighted to go than to consider the fact that Draco only hung out with me because Hermione was unavailable. Draco's roommate was gone for the night; I believe she was going out with a few of her girl friends. I walked over to room number four hundred and twenty and knocked on the door. I had to swallow my tongue and stop my eyes from widening because Draco looked oh, so delicious in tight dark jeans and black wife-beater. Oh, my, those biceps were mouth watering and I will not even mention the equipment I saw in his jeans.

"Come on in," Draco said and motioned for me to enter his apartment. "Looks like we're both the third wheel tonight, huh?"

"Yeah," I said and attempted to smile about it, but let's be honest; if Hermione did not have a boyfriend, Draco would not have invited me over to watch a movie together. He would have watched a movie with Hermione instead of with me. I dropped down on the couch and wondered what movie Draco had in store for tonight. He joined me on the couch with two glasses and gave the one with orange juice to me. I chuckled at the fact that he had remembered that. "Thanks."

"No problem. I went through my entire DVD collection, but I couldn't find a movie that I wanted to watch tonight," he said and looked at me.

"Oh," I replied and looked down at the floor. I put my glass on the coffee table and shrugged lightly. "I can leave if you want?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Draco said and waved me off. "I went through Ginny's collection," he said and waggled his blond eyebrows. He got off the couch, put his glass on the coffee table and disappeared into the bathroom. I suppose Ginny was the name of Draco's roommate. Draco returned shortly with the biggest grin on his face. "Mean Girls," he simply said. "It's such a chick movie, but it seems I'll be able to make fun of the movie anyway."

"OK?" I said a bit hesitantly.

Draco put the disc into the DVD player and hit the play button. He rubbed his hands together and grinned at the TV screen. "Lindsay Lohan is kind of hot," he said.

"I thought you were gay?"

"Oh, I definitely am," Draco nodded and glanced at me. "But that doesn't mean that I can't find women attractive. She's hot in this movie until she hooks up with those popular chicks at her high school. Are those tits real?" he said and cocked his head at the TV where the main character in the movie moved to the US or something. I suppose the movie was a bit funny, even if it was a chick movie, as Draco called it. And yes, Lindsay was an attractive woman until she began hooking up with the popular girls, who were absolutely ridiculous by the way. There was this rather dumb blond girl, a very pretty brunet who let her boyfriend take advantage of her and the leader; a blond bimbo who ate weight gain bars while thinking that it would make her lose weight. Those girls were absolutely pathetic. There was one girl that I liked; Janis Ian. A girl with dark hair and dark make-up, rather boy-ish attitude and her best friend was a gay guy. He wore a lot of pink, and I know that that is a stereotype, but we are led to believe that her friend was gay, since Janis introduces him as 'Damian, who is almost too gay to function'.

"If I were straight, I'd totally do the brunet chick," Draco said.

"You would?" I glanced at the TV and watched the brunet girl smother her lips with lip gloss. It looked disgusting.

"Oh, yeah," Draco nodded. "I'm not into blonds and the leader chick is too bitchy for me. I'd give her a good pounding, and not of the sexual kind. I really can't stand girls like that. Girls should be able to fight back, and I disagree with the not hitting girls thing. Girls can hit back just as much as guys can. If a girl hits me, I hit back, it's as simple as that. Guys shouldn't treat girls like they're made of china."

"I was always taught to respect a girl's feelings and not to touch her body in an inappropriate way."

"I'm not saying that we shouldn't respect a girl's feelings, but I respect a guy's feelings as well. It's these ridiculous gender roles that decide that because women are physically weaker than men that we should treat them like they're delicate. Most girls don't want to be treated like they're delicate flowers, you know? My roommate Ginny, damn, she's a feisty one. She'll hook you in the face if you say something to offend her. She's got a mean right hook and a very accurate one too."

"I will remember that the next time I see her," I said. After the movie was over, I slowly finished my drink, hoping that I could stay a bit longer. Draco turned towards me on the couch and looked at me. "What?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "How are you? How's the cutting thing?"

"Not as bad as it used to be," I said, though I really did not want to talk about that. "I have not done it in two months, so hopefully I will keep that up."

"Is there a reason that you don't cut yourself anymore? Do you still have that suffocating feeling?" he asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Sometimes I do," I shrugged. "I do not really want to talk about it if you do not mind. So Hermione finally gave in, huh? I suppose that this Ron fellow must be screaming it from the rooftops."

"If he would do that, Hermione would push him from the rooftops," Draco snorted. "It was about time that she got herself a boyfriend anyway. Ron is a good fellow, if not a bit of a loser. He's got an infamous temper that always gets him in trouble, or so I've heard from his sister. Apparently Ron always liked Hermione, blah blah blah, and now he finally has a chance to prove to her that he's not the idiot Hermione always took him for. Of course I still believe that he's an idiot, an incurable one, and he won't ever be non-idiot to me."

"Yeah," I said. "I saw him at our apartment once. He was hung over and Hermione did not look any better. I am glad that I did not hear them go at it." I shuddered with disgust and took a sip from my orange juice. "How is your love life? Do you enjoy being single or can you not wait to hook up again?"

"Well … I'm thoroughly enjoying being single actually," Draco said and sounded surprised about it. "When you're in a long term relationship things become different, you know? You're living with someone you love and there are certain things that you can't do. I stopped going out to bars when I got serious with my ex. We set rules for each other, because sometimes I would go out and he would stay at home or vice versa. It's a very different life when you live with someone for five years, which in itself it a pretty long time. I like being single at the moment. I've got no obligations to anyone but to myself, so it's good for me. I'm not desperate for a relationship and I'm not going to look for it. If I meet someone then that's great, but I'm not going to cry if I stay single for a few years."

"Do you have a lot of admirers?" I wondered.

"Admirers?" Draco chuckled. "Eh … no, not really. I'm one of those guys that someone needs to get to know better. I don't exactly face the world every day with a smile on my face. A lot of people misjudge me, which is partially to do with the way I look and of course my height. Especially younger kids are easily spooked by someone who is six feet and ten inches tall and looks mean. Remember that kid at the bookstore? He had a heard rumor about me and decided to believe it, and when I have the opportunity to confront them about those rumors, then I'll do it and I don't care if I scare them even more. But admirers? I can't say that I have admirers."

I raised my eyebrows at that. Surely someone as good looking as him would have at least ten people sending him cards and flowers with the question if he would want to go out with them sometime? It was nearing eleven o'clock, thus time for me to go since I had no other reason to stay any longer and I did not know when Draco's roommate would return so I gulped down my glass of orange juice and got off the couch. Draco looked up at me with a slight frown.

"Where are you going?"

"Eh … well … the movie is over and … I was invited to watch a movie and now it is over so I am heading back to my apartment," I said.

"Why don't you stay a little while longer to talk?" Draco said. "We never really get to talk a lot, you know? I want to get to know you better."

"Why?"

"Do I have to have a reason to want to get to know someone better?" Draco chuckled and patted the spot next to him on the couch. "Come on, sit down." I sighed and sat down next to him, which was a lot closer than where I sat previously. "There you go," he said. "So how are you and Seth doing? He's the thoughtful type, isn't he?"

"Er … yeah, he is. We are not together anymore. We have not been together for about a month and a half now."

"Oh, what happened?" Draco asked and crossed his arms over his chest.

I averted my eyes from his curious ones and played nervously with the fabric of my jeans. "I broke up with him because I have stronger feelings for someone else and I did not want to lead Seth on or hurt him more than I already have. I hope I did not hurt him too much."

"Oh, I bet Seth didn't like to hear that. So who is this fellow? Oh, please tell me it's not the kid that hit on you."

"What? Oh, God no," I said and shook my head. "No, I have not seen that kid around for a few weeks now. I thought that it would disappear because I thought that it was something shallow, but I could not stop thinking about this guy. I dream about him, I think about him all the time, but I know that I do not really stand a chance."

"Why not?"

"Well …" How I was I supposed to explain this to the man I desired without giving away his identity? I really did not want to tell Draco that I liked him a lot and that I thought of him every minute of every day. This was not a conversation that I was prepared for and I did not want to have this conversation just yet, if at all. "We are not really friends and he does not really like me and … he only hangs out with me if he has nothing better to do and that kind of hurts knowing that he would not want to hang out with me otherwise. He would never fall for someone like me," I said and shook my head.

Draco appeared to be in thought as he stared at the wooden floor. "You're talking about me right now, aren't you?"

I sighed and got off the couch. "I have to go."

"Harry," Draco said and grabbed me by my arm and turned me around to face him. He tried to say something but he could not find the words he wished to say, it seemed. "Look, I like you, but as a friend. And it's not that I have no desire to get to know you, because I do but you're so different from all the people that I know, so I'm not really sure how to handle that. Sometimes I just let it take its course and see where it goes, and I don't mean to make you feel like you're only good enough when I don't have anything to do."

I nodded and glanced at the hard-wooden floor. I understood where he came from, but I still felt like I was just not good enough because I was too different, or so he said. I think he just does not like me and does not wish to see my face all the time. Perhaps that is the reason why he visits Hermione less often at our apartment? I felt slightly nervous while sitting so close to the one man that was always present in my fantasies. To make matters worse, Draco put his left arm around me and pulled me against him.

"I'm not using you to get through my evening, whatever you may think. It's like I said, you're different from everyone I know, so I'm trying not to upset you like I did when we first met. You looked like I had slapped you in the face," he snorted and squeezed my shoulder.

"Well I kind of felt like you had slapped me in the face," I said and tried to ignore the fact that we sat side to side and that his fingers nearly brushed against my nipple.

"Hmm," Draco said. "This is kind of cozy," he purred.

"Oh, not again," I groaned and moved to the other end of the couch. I gave him a look and huffed inaudibly. "Do not start with the inappropriate comments again."

"I didn't say anything," Draco said and held up his hands in defense. "You need to loosen up a little, Harry. You're such a stiff board like you're not used to any physical contact or something."

"Well, I am not really used to physical contact," I said and frowned. "At least not from friends or anything. My father stopped hugging me when I turned thirteen, after that he only shook my hand and I never hugged my friends. Do you hug your friends a lot?"

"Sure," Draco shrugged. "Men shouldn't be afraid to hug another man, whether it is something friendly or romantic. Women hug each other all the time and they walk around arm in arm. You won't see two guys doing that, because men are supposed to be tough and macho and hetero. Well, screw that. I love my friends and I don't care if they're men or women, gay or straight, if I want to hug them, I will hug them."

"OK," I said. "Calm down." I chuckled and stared at his TV. "Such a strange world I have fallen into."

"Indeed," Draco said and got off the couch. "That is why I am offering you a bottle of beer, my dear friend." He opened the refrigerator and took out two bottles, uncapped them and handed one over to me. "To you, my friend," he said and raised his bottle slightly and took a long swig. "God, I missed this," he murmured and attached his mouth to the bottle again and drained it within seconds. "I need something stronger."

He went back into the kitchen area and opened several cupboards. I sniffed at my bottle, but I could not really tell what smell it had, so I decided to take a small sip. It was alright, I suppose. I do not know why everyone likes beer so much, though I did not tell Draco that. He was pouring himself a glass of water-like liquid, though I knew that it was alcohol. Was he always that much of a drinker? I shrugged and took another swig from my bottle, this time more confidently. Draco dropped down on the couch with his glass and a bottle in his other hand. He looked incredibly sexy. He drained his first three glasses incredibly fast, as if he were drinking water instead of vodka. He tilted his head back and groaned softly with his eyes closed. "There's nothing better than vodka," he said.

I stayed with him for a few more hours and those hours were filled with drinking alcohol until I felt pleasantly buzzed in my head. Draco had drunk far more than I had and he kept staring me which was kind of unnerving. I could not think very clearly anymore and my head swayed to the side. I felt giddy; I think it were those beer bottles that I had consumed. I sat very close to Draco, practically in his lap and he was telling me things he had done and who he had done it with when he was a teenager. For some reason, it was all very funny.

" … It was so stupid," Draco chuckled drunkenly. "There was this jock in my class, real buff guy, thought he was better than the whole goddamn universe itself and he was always very uptight and anyone who touched his ass―accidentally or purposely―during soccer practice got hooked in the face. He was like that. He would threaten to break your fingers if you touched his ass or his crotch for that matter. A slap on the shoulder was fine, but not a slap on the ass. I was seventeen at the time―it was before I got to know Blaise―and I entered the locker rooms while I wasn't even on the soccer team and I caught him showering. His name is James and he's still a very good looking man, just like he was when he was younger. And he was cleaning himself up and he didn't notice me until he came out with a towel around his waist. I said, 'I've seen you looking at me, Listings'. And he was denying everything until I threw him up against the wall and I practically shouted at him―the majority didn't know that I was gay because I'm not obvious―and I kissed him hard on his mouth. And eh … after some time he undid my jeans, felt me up and I turned James around so he faced the wall and I fucked him. It was great," he laughed. "I remember it very well. He was moaning like he got fucked every day and he was so unbelievably tight, it really did a number on my cock. I came so fast …" Draco shook his head and downed his hundredth or so glass. "God, I didn't even use a condom. Or lube."

"How interesting," I said sarcastically. "Have you ever been … fucked?"

"You mean penetrated? No, I never have been penetrated in my life, nor do I have any desire to be. I prefer pushing my cock inside a tight male hole."

"OK," I said and snorted. "So what do you look for in a man?"

"Hmm … that's a good question," Draco said and refilled his glass. The first bottle of vodka was already empty, and this was the second bottle that Draco had opened. It was already mostly empty. "Er … well … he has to be honest. Yes, I find honesty very, very important," he said and pointed his finger at me as if to emphasize it. "Of course, monogamy, who doesn't love monogamy? I want a monogamous relationship and a faithful partner. Yes, that is what I want. What do you want?"

"You," I blurted out. Later on I would blame it all on the alcohol.

"Aw," Draco cooed and smiled at me. "You're sweet. You know, you're pretty cute, that kid was right about that. I remember this one time when I had sex with an older guy and he thought that I was going to bend over for him," he snorted. "Well he thought wrong. He said, 'Get down on all fours', and I said, 'Screw you, you get down on all fours, bitch'. And we had a little battle for dominance. I won because I was taller and I love working out and I started in my teens to build up some muscle, so yeah, I was pretty strong even back then. And this guy, he looked very incredulous because he obviously thought that being the eldest meant that he got to fuck me. Not," Draco chuckled. "I forced him on his hands and knees and quickly put some eh … some, some lube on my fingers and I pushed them into him. He was howling with pleasure, that little asshole. He loved getting fucked. I seldom have relationships with older guys. For some reason I always pick the younger ones. Blaise for example was just a few years younger than I was. He was my first serious relationship." Draco chuckled again and downed his glass. "What do you look for in a guy? Does he have to be religious?"

"No …" I shrugged. "Just … I don' know," I slurred. "I want you." For some reason the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"You want me yeah?" Draco said and put his empty glass on his coffee table. He leaned against the couch and put his hand on my thigh. He started to rub gently and the closer he got to my crotch, the more I spread my legs for him. Then he leaned in and nipped my ear. I shivered because that was sensitive I noticed; apparently that was one of my pleasure spots. Draco noticed that too and he began to nibble on it. Then he went lower and kissed my neck softly. His hand left my thigh and brushed against my cheek. He turned my face towards him and then the most amazing thing happened: he kissed me. It was so much different from when Seth would kiss me. When Seth kissed me, I felt wanted by someone, even though I preferred to be friends with that someone. With Draco, I was in heaven. I let out a startled gasp when his tongue entered my mouth and I felt a foreign object in his tongue; a tongue piercing. I did not know that he had one, but it added to the pleasure. I noticed that immediately. I was violently attacked by butterflies in my belly and nearly jumped off the couch when Draco slid his hand up to my half erect penis and squeezed. No one had ever touched me down there except for myself, but even though I was drunk, I clearly felt the difference of touching oneself and getting touched by someone else. Draco's tongue probed my tongue and kissed me deeply. I restrained myself from slipping my tongue inside his mouth, because I was not sure how he would react to that. The alcohol made me feel freer, so I tentatively touched Draco's bottom lip with my tongue, and when he did not do anything, I got the courage to slip my tongue further in. He kept on kissing me and was apparently not bothered by the fact that I had my tongue in his mouth. Draco's hands wrapped themselves around my waist and pushed me closer to him. I held onto his shoulders while we kissed like there was no tomorrow. I moved a bit on the couch and cautiously placed myself in his lap. The fact that Draco did not throw me off gave me some confidence.

Draco's hands slid down to my buttocks and he squeezed again. My stomach flipped over and over when my erection touched his big one. I had been right about that, and it did not come as a surprise to feel Draco's big manhood. My hips bucked against his when Draco rubbed that spot that was basically sacred to me. I remember touching it twice, once during one of my cutting moments when I had forced two fingers inside it, but it felt a lot better when Draco touched it, and that was only through my jeans.

"Holy shit," I heard someone mutter and a door closed.

I pulled away from Draco and hazily glanced at the person who had spoken. It appeared to be Ginny, Draco's roommate. I groaned as Draco kissed my neck and thrust his hips upward, causing his impressive erection to brush up against me.

"Let's go to my bedroom," Draco muttered and stopped caressing me.

"Hmm," I murmured and climbed off Draco's lap. He took my hand, ignored his roommate, and led me into his bedroom. "I'm tired," I slurred. "Want to sleep."

"OK, we'll go to sleep," Draco said and stripped to his boxers. I had the idea that he was familiar with alcohol and perhaps he was not as drunk as I thought he was. I groaned tiredly and dropped onto the bed. I heard Draco chuckle and I felt him sit down on the bed. He tugged at my shirt and I tried to raise my upper body to make it a little bit easier but for some reason my body felt like stone. I just wanted to lie down and to go to sleep, but Draco kept pulling at my clothes until I only wore my boxer-briefs. He pulled the covers up and pecked me on my lips. "Goodnight."

"Night," I mumbled and fell asleep in no time.

I woke up to the whistles of birds outside and I had a mild headache. I had such a good dream; I dreamed that I made out with Draco on his couch and that we went to his bedroom where I fell asleep in his arms. That felt so good and so real. I could still feel his arms around me from behind. Wait a minute … My eyes snapped open and I looked over my shoulder. Draco lay behind me, fast asleep. How did that happen? Was it not a dream? Had we really kissed? We did not … Did we? I slid my hand down and felt a bit relieved when I felt my underwear. I also did not feel sore from behind. No sex then. His arms were wrapped around my waist and I felt his crotch against my buttocks. I carefully moved his arm and turned around. I did not have the heart to wake him up, but there was no need because he woke up on his own. His stunning gray eyes opened and he smiled at me; a reaction I had not expected.

"Hey," he said softly and reached up with the hand that was wrapped around my waist to cup my cheek. He tenderly stroked my cheek with his fingers and let his fingers dip down into my hair. It felt incredible to be caressed like this. "Are you OK after what happened last night?"

"Nothing serious happened did it?" I frowned and tried to remember more of what had happened, but I could only remember making out with him. Oh, and I climbed in his lap. And I put my tongue in his mouth. "I mean, we did not … you know?"

"No we didn't have sex together," Draco said and supported his head on his hand. "You were tired and you wanted to sleep, so I undressed you and we went to sleep. Do you have a hangover?"

"A little bit," I admitted. God, even when he just woke up, Draco looked gorgeous. It was unbelievable how attractive that man was.

"Do you want an aspirin?"

"Eh …" I rubbed my temples and groaned. "This is not the reaction I expected you to have."

"What reaction was I supposed to have then?" Draco asked.

I snorted and gave him a look. "Come on, you barely like me as a friend. And yesterday night was heavily influenced by too much alcohol. And you said it yourself, you like me, but only as a friend. So how come we kissed, well tongue wrestled is more like it and how come you touched me? You … I … I do not know what to think," I groaned. "First you tell me that you do not like me and the next thing I know your tongue is in my mouth. Was the alcohol? Would you have done it if you had been sober?"

"Well … Eh …" Draco began and sighed. "What happened last night was a mistake, OK? It never should have happened."

"You are the one who initiated it, if my memory serves me right," I said and scoffed. "This is not about your ex is it?"

"What does my ex have to do with this?" Draco asked.

"I know you are still not over what he did to you, but perhaps you should move on with your life. He did the same, did he not?"

"It's too soon for me to move on, Harry," Draco said quietly and sat up. He stood in front of the bed and crossed his arms over his chest. I glanced once, twice, thrice at his crotch, remembering all too well how that felt against me, but this was no time for thinking sexual things. "I have been trying to move on, I've tried kissing other guys, but it never felt right. I couldn't have a one-night-stand with a random guy. I just couldn't. I felt like I would be betraying Blaise if I had sex with someone else."

How could I be angry at this man when he was obviously still so hurt over what his ex had done? I sat up as well and pulled the covers off my body. I approached him and crossed my arms over my belly to hide the scars, even though he knew about them. I looked at the floor and bit my lower lip. "So what was this with me then? Was it an experiment for you to try and find out if you could kiss me without feeling guilty?"

"I don't know. I meant it when I told you that I thought you were sweet and cute, but … God, I just can't do this without feeling guilty. Making out with you felt great and I really enjoyed it, but I feel guilty for doing it."

"Draco, your ex cheated on you and he … fucked some chick, twice. You should not feel guilty for wanting to feel good or for trying to move on with your life. You are not to blame here. He is to blame for hurting you," I said. I felt angry at his ex for screwing with Draco like that. How in the name of heaven could he feel guilty while he was the one that got cheated on?

"I know, OK? Let's just have breakfast or something." He walked out of the bedroom in his boxers. I quickly put on my shirt from the day before and joined him. My cheeks felt a little hot when I spotted Ginny, who had seen us going at it on the couch yesterday night.

"Good morning," I said and sat down opposite from her.

"Yes, good morning indeed," Ginny replied with a smirk. "And a very special good morning to you, Draco. You finally got laid, well, it's about goddamn time," she said to Draco's backside. Then she turned towards me and chuckled. "I always have to drag him to all the good clubs and I have to beat the women away from him with a stick. If I tell them that's he's as gay as they come, then they won't believe me, so now we only go out to gay bars. Of course I get hit on by those women, but it's worth seeing Draco get hit on by every guy in the club, but he never takes them home. Where did he pick you up?"

"I was not picked up. I live at apartment number four hundred and four. I have seen you a few times before," I said. "Your brother goes out with my roommate, Hermione Granger."

"Oh, yes, that," she said and sighed. "I wonder how long Ron will be able to keep his dick away from those girls. He is such a player and a loser."

"Yes, I heard," I said dryly. Draco turned towards us with a plate of pancakes and put them on the table. He placed his hand on Ginny's shoulder and looked down at her.

"Harry and I didn't have sex, we just slept together," he said and squeezed her shoulder. He sat down next to me and took one pancake.

"Why not? He's incredibly cute and good-looking," Ginny said immediately and also took one pancake. I stared at the pancakes and bit my lower lip. Draco had not made a lot of pancakes, so it was probably enough for just him and his roommate. That did not bother me, I told myself, and so I folded my hands in my lap. I was not very hungry, mind you, but still.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"No idea," Draco said and yawned. He smothered his pancake with syrup and sugar, creating a sticky, brown mess that looked a bit like mud.

"It's currently almost eleven o'clock," Ginny said and put her cell phone next to her plate on the wooden table. She looked at me. "Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"I imagine that that is just enough for the two of you," I said and pointed at the small pile of pancakes. "I will eat something back at the apartment."

"Honey," Ginny began. "Neither one of us are big eaters in the morning. Trust me; this is more than enough for three people. Draco would always make enough breakfast, especially if we have a guest. So dig in. There's apple syrup and some sugar."

"Oh, thank you," I said. "Can I have a moment to say grace, please?"

Both Draco and Ginny stopped eating and glanced at me. "Sure," Draco muttered.

I smiled gratefully at him and clasped my hands together in front of me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer in my mind. I did not want to take too long to say a prayer and they would most likely roll their eyes if they heard it, so I decided not to say it out loud. After a few seconds I opened my eyes and cleared my throat.

"Yeah? Ready?" Draco said.

"Yeah," I nodded and took a fork and a knife in my hands.

The pancakes were absolutely delicious and the orange juice was fresh and cool from being put in the refrigerator. Breakfast was a silent affair, and it was only too bad that Ginny wanted to know more about what happened last night between me and Draco.

"Nothing happened between us," Draco said. "We kissed and then we went to bed. To sleep," he added when Ginny began to smirk.

"Well, you were doing a lot more than kissing from what I could see last night when I came home," Ginny said. "Your tongue was basically down his throat! And you were feeling up his ass. I'm sure there was some grinding involved as well."

"Fine, believe what you want to believe," he said curtly.

"Oh, honey, please don't tell me that that asshole Blaise Zabini is still the main factor in your life? He cheated on you! And he's withholding you from finding love again. Christ you can't even fuck a guy without thinking of that pathetic cheat!" she growled.

"I know OK!" Draco shouted. "You can't expect me to be over him within a certain time span, Ginny! I was with him for five fucking years. I'm not like you; I'm not going to fuck someone if I feel frustrated!"

"Are you calling me a whore?" Ginny asked dangerously.

"Jesus, listen to yourself," Draco spat. "I need to deal with this on my own in my own time, got it? And you are not going to force me to do it quicker, because I can't do it quicker than this! Not everyone is able to get over a five year serious relationship this quick and I want to be over this without feeling sad because of what that asshole has done to me. And yeah, Harry is cute and good-looking, and what if I would respond to his feelings for me without being over Blaise entirely? He would feel like I would be using him, and I would feel the same. I just can't do it, OK!" His chest heaved with anger and he quickly shoved the remains of his sticky pancake in his mouth. He left the table and went into the bathroom, slamming the door harshly behind him.

"Mr. Malfoy appears to be more sensitive than we would have thought," Ginny murmured. "It seems like this break-up with Blaise affected him more than I anticipated."

"Well what did you expect then?" I asked, trying to sound neutral so she would not hurt me or something. "If he really loved that guy, then no one should expect him to get over it within a few months. It takes time to deal with something like that, and I would imagine that he feels perhaps a bit insecure because his ex cheated on him. It makes you wonder if his feelings were real and all. Trying to force a boyfriend on him is really not going to help him," I said gently to her.

"Oh no? And what about you? You honestly don't think that he sees something in you, do you?" she said snottily. "It appears he likes you better than those hunky guys at the gay bars, but you're just a temporary thing for him anyway, until he sees something better waggle along. And trust me; there are a lot of guys who would bend over for him in seconds if he asked."

"That is not my problem. Yes, I like Draco a lot, but I will not be used by him. And I do not think that Draco would want to use me either."

"What do call what happened last night between you two then? Draco drinks frequently and you appear to be a lightweight if you get drunk off eight bottles of beer. He wasn't as drunk as you thought he was, honey. Men think with their dicks, and Draco has lost his if he ignores tons of hot guys."

"You just do not get it, do you?" I asked. "He does not want one-night-stands, for pity's sake. He wants to get over his ex so that he may find a new lover or a boyfriend or whatever. You cannot solve problems with sex, especially not when they affect him like this."

"You don't even know him," she sniffed and removed herself from the table.

I sighed and stared at my half finished pancake. She was right; I did not know him, not very well at least. And she probably knew Draco very well, what with living with him and all. Draco may not have agreed with her on this particular subject, but she probably did mean more to him than I did. I glanced over my shoulder and stared at the bathroom door. I could try to talk to him, I suppose. I looked ahead of me and saw Ginny's head turned towards the TV. I could at least give it a shot. I got up from my chair and walked over to the bathroom door. I cautiously opened it in case Draco was in there, but he was not, so I walked into the bathroom and knocked lightly on his bedroom door. "Draco? Can I come in?" I got no answer, so I turned the doorknob and opened the door. I peeked inside and saw Draco lying on the bed facing away from me. "Draco?"

"What?"

I closed the door behind me and approached the man. I kneeled on the bed and sighed. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," he said curtly and turned around to face me. "I don't want to take advantage of your feelings for me. I can't do that to you, nor do I want to. I'm not like that."

"I know you're not," I said softly. "Perhaps it is better if I go home, since your roommate and I exchanged a few words," I said and rolled my eyes. "Why can she not understand that some people cannot solve their problems with sex? You should just deal with it on your own instead of screwing everything that is male and walks on two legs."

"Yeah," Draco snorted. He reached out and grabbed my hand in his significantly larger one. "Perhaps it was mostly the alcohol last night, but you have to know that I don't kiss people I don't like."

"So you kiss your friends like that too?" I questioned.

Draco chuckled and stared at the ceiling. "No, I mean … I do like you. As more than a friend, that is. You caught my attention pretty early," he said. "I just don't want to use you to get over Blaise, you know what I mean? If I were to give in to my feelings for you, whatever they are, I could be using you to get over Blaise, and I don't want that. It's not fair to either of us and I couldn't live with myself knowing that I used someone."

"I understand," I nodded.

"I'm glad," Draco said, sounding grateful. "Do you want to go home?"

"Well … I always traditionally eat a slice of apple pie on this day at the baker's," I said. I was reluctant to tell him about my birthday, but I figured why not? It is not like Draco would do anything.

"Why?"

"Because I have turned twenty-one today," I said quietly. "I do not celebrate my birthday anymore," I said before Draco could say anything. "When I turned seventeen, I held a party in the backyard on my birthday and no one showed up save for four people who had said that they would be late. I was on my own for two hours and no one had called, sent me a text message or said in another way that they could not make it. I felt quite foolish then, sitting in a decorated backyard next to the snacks and the drinks. So I vowed to myself that I would never celebrate my birthday again."

"I'm sorry you had such a shitty seventeenth birthday," Draco said and sat up.

I shrugged and pretended that it did not bother me anymore. Strangely enough it still bothered me after all these years. I was just really hurt that no one had come to my birthday back then, and no one told me that they could not make it. Draco wrapped an arm around my shoulders and hugged me. I finally got the comforting hug that I often craved for. And I felt safe in these arms. All my hurt and insecurities went away and I felt good to be in these arms and to be near this person. It felt good to feel his body against me, to hear his breathing, to feel his fingernails trail soothingly up and down my arms and to hear his deep, sensual voice calming me. No human being had ever affected me as much as this man did, and I did not mind one bit.

I spent the rest of the morning lying in Draco's arms in his bed, not sure where to go from here after the things he had said. But that would come later, Draco told me. First he wanted to get dressed and to buy me a slice of apple pie for my birthday. I could not even tell him that I did not want him to do that.