Clara awoke feeling like she'd gone a round with Mike Tyson, everything ached, even her gums, if there was any doubt that she'd been 'poisoned' it was gone now as she stumbled out of the bed she'd collapsed into. Dressing took too long, she hopped on one foot for a minute trying to get into her socks, finding it too hard to balance and giving up on any attempt to wear something matching as she threw the nearest outfit on. Not that she was especially keen to face the Doctor again after the fool she'd made of herself. But he'd been affected too and he'd said it was different for every species, she'd gone down almost immediately after the bite, whereas his had definitely been more of a slow burn, she needed to check on him make sure he was ok, even if he was an ass. And possibly to check that she hadn't done irreparable damage to their somewhat hesitant... 'companionship'.
The door slid open without resistance and she headed out, almost tripping over the pair of feet... that belonged to legs, which belonged to the Doctor who was propped up against the wall beside her door, his head on his chest, snoring.
Catching herself on her doorframe she spun on him, looking down with an eyebrow arched imperiously, trying not to draw the obvious conclusion from his position as he jerked awake, his snores cutting off abruptly.
"Sleep well?" she enquired and he raised his head to reveal blood shot eyes in a sallow complexion. "Oh my stars you look dreadful." She whispered bending down, wanting to touch him and hesitating as the embarrassment flared and she shoved it to the back of her mind with the sudden concern that maybe he really wasn't well. Her hand went to his forehead, finding it clammy and hot.
His hand rose and took hers away. "It's fine, the fever broke some hours ago." He didn't release her hand she noticed and she brushed her thumb gently over his broken and bloodied knuckles, not wanting to know exactly what he had done to himself.
Clara stared at him feeling irritation bubbling. "If you were sick you should have woken me!"
The Doctor chuckled, but it was a dark sound. "No. I shouldn't." He admitted looking disturbed by the mere thought. "I was not myself last night." Her hand fell away from his suddenly loose fingers.
Clara took stock of his position outside of her door again, his bloodied knuckles and silently thanked the TARDIS for keeping her promise to both of them and keeping that door firmly closed, even if he was sick with fever at the time she wasn't sure if their still fragile relationship would have survived anything further than her embarrassing attempts to seduce him. Clara sighed, choosing not to voice her concerns as she slid down the wall to sit beside him, stretching her legs out to match his and dropping her head on his shoulder. Why was it so impossible for her to stay mad at him? Of course the state he was in right now; is inability to make eye contact let her know that she was the likely cause. "Do you want me to get you anything?" she offered gently, brushing across his damaged knuckles with her finger tips.
"My dignity." He muttered, looking thoroughly miserable as he withdrew his hand from her reach.
Clara rolled her eyes. "You were the picture of dignity. It's me that should be apologising." She clucked at herself. "Honestly I'd have been spider chow if it wasn't for you sweeping me off my feet and throwing me head first into a lake of freezing cold water... thanks for that by the way." She smirked at him, trying to lighten the moment and ignoring whatever indignities he had clearly been through that she wasn't privy to. It clearly worked because he gave her a small smile which lit her insides in a way that she wouldn't have believed possible a few weeks ago.
He held his hand palm out to her and she obligingly placed her hand in his, surprised but a little bit pleased when he immediately raised it to his lips to press a soft kiss there. Clara supposed it should feel uncomfortable, knowing the things she'd said to him, tried to do to him... and what she'd succeeded to do in some cases. But she didn't, if anything she felt comfortable with him sat there staring at his closed lids as he drew the simple pleasure from her presence. Just like he used to, with that other face. Although the phrase simple pleasure danced around her mind and she flashed back to a tree, to the feel of him pressing against her, denying himself again.
Clara tried to shake the image, knowing it was never going to happen, it was permanently etched into her brain, along with a couple of other choice ones... including a couple of Jack which she'd ponder over later. "Maybe we should take that planet off the 'safe' list." She offered and he smiled wanly.
"Yes, I suppose we should." His head fell back against the wall and he closed his eyes again, clearly exhausted and she thanked her lucky stars that as an 'inferior' human the simple cold shower had worked perfectly well on her, and as crap as she was feeling this morning, he was clearly worse.
"Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, squeezing his hand lightly. "Because I'd be a terrible nurse, and despite what it says on your name tag... you're not really a Doctor."
"Don't fuss Clara." He grouched, keeping his eyes closed. "Just let me enjoy resting here." The 'with you' seemed implied so she just dropped her head to his shoulder again and listened to his heart beat steadily in time with his slow breathing wondering why his clothes were slightly damp.
The questions that had pained her last night rose and she squashed them, feeling the tension begin to radiate from her, despite her best efforts to keep it at bay, but her mind was racing and his warmth beside her wasn't making it any easier to banish them, or the memory of just how badly she'd wanted him... venom or not that was a potent memory that she wasn't soon going to be able to forget and it stirred something in her again that she at least now was able to forcibly shove back into her mental locker of forbidden things.
"Ask." He snapped after a few minutes of silence and she almost jumped in surprise at his sharp tone. He cracked open an eye, daring her to pretend there wasn't something playing on her mind, and they both knew full well what.
"Was it all just the bite?" She hated that she sounded like the inexperienced teenage girl asking the older, wiser, sexier man if she was worth anything to him. Pathetic... her many lives and powerful personalities disowned her in disgust.
He opened the other eye and righted his head, giving her his full attention so that he could meet her gaze head on, he raised his blood stained knuckles shakily his eyebrow quirking at her in disbelief almost that she needed to ask the question when his predicament seemed obvious to them both. "Was yours?" he questioned just as tersely and Clara digested that question quietly interpreting his non-answer in it.
"No." She settled on trying to be bold, to be brave, he nodded clearly pleased and with that response if his small pained smile meant anything and he lowered his head to his chest again, his hand rising to his brow.
"The Ardor's venom is so effective because it enhances that which is already there... no matter what species you are." Clara dropped his piercing gaze, not able to handle the intensity of that stare matched with those words, feeling like that immature teenager again. "Surely you understood even that foppish man-child's affections for you?" she didn't respond causing him to sigh loudly and she was fairly certain he was aiming the 'foolish human' look her way again. "He spent a decade pondering you in a 12th Century monastery. You were his obsession before he'd even met the real you." His hand rose and he brushed her cheek lightly, "I assure you I am just as affected; but then I'm told my good judgement is a little off this 'face' round."
"Oh." It was all she could manage and all her bravado bled away as his hand fell away from her face, the rest of her words getting lost somewhere in her throat, what else were you supposed to say when someone like the Doctor called you his obsession? Aside from the initial instinct to thank him... she was alarmed to realise she was more than a little unnerved by it and by the idea that he thought it was the more morally ambiguous side of him this time round that was allowing him to act on it. Looking for assurance she felt her hand drop into to her pocket and clutch at the piece of fabric there, she hadn't even realised she'd picked it up again.
With great care she pulled it out and held it out between them, the raggedy bow tie representing more than it should. All that might have been she supposed... it was like her leaf, full of infinite possibilities. "You should put this back in the wardrobe." She whispered and he hesitated momentarily before letting her drop the scrap of fabric into his hand, both of their eyes on the visible evidence of her grief for the other man.
"Thank you." He replied, closing his fist around it and sliding it into his own pocket, although she wasn't sure if he was thanking her for seemingly accepting him as 'her' Doctor, or for grieving for the other one in the first place. The moment stretched between them and she felt that tension rise again. She understood the symbolism of her gesture just fine, she really didn't want him to comment on it... the irony was, the other him probably wouldn't have even be aware of it, or why it would make her uncomfortable.
"I suppose, as we're confessing our sins, I should give you this then." He slid his hand into his inside jacket pocket and withdrew his sonic, he held it out to her and she gave him a confused look.
"Why are you giving me your..." she stopped, feeling her heart stop with her. "That's not your sonic." She realised, her eyes almost popping out of her head as she noticed the smaller, sleeker metal design, the distinctly red light and the extra buttons. He extended his hand further to her, the sonic waiting. Clara hesitated, her fingers hovering inches from it. "Why?"
The Doctor huffed. "Why not?" Clara frowned at him, needing a better explanation than that, he looked like she was pulling his teeth. "The TARDIS made it for you... a few weeks ago actually. I, intercepted it." He settled on, looking guilty.
Clara felt a glimmer of understanding beginning; this would mean a bond, a step beyond a mere replaceable Companion; it was a big gesture, maybe one he wasn't ready for. As far as she knew only River had ever been given a sonic, and even then it had been the Doctor's... not her own. Did she want to be on a par with River in his affections? Did she want to be left without a goodbye as was inevitable for everyone that dared to think they meant something to him?
"What I think is irrelevant Clara. The TARDIS wanted you to have this. The sonic's she makes... they contain part of her matrix, a piece of her soul if you will." She still didn't take it overwhelmed by the concept of what Old Blue was giving her, willingly. He grew impatient and slightly exasperated with her refusal. "I assure you, this one is quite unique." Clara felt the implications slide beneath her layer of shock and she extended her fingers letting them slide around the cool metal surface as she finally took the device from him.
The Doctor was smiling, but she wasn't sure it reached his eyes. "I took a peek," he looked sheepish but she wasn't phased, "It's got a brand new operating system, it even does wood." He muttered the cause of his unease presenting itself as he managed to sound just the tiniest bit petulant and Clara tightened her grip on it.
"Thank you." She said it out loud, but she also sent the message out as far as she could into the sentient metal all around them, feeling an answering hum back. She didn't want to dwell on what the Doctor really thought about this, he'd given it to her in the end, he could have kept that information to himself never revealed it and she would never have been any wiser. The fact that he hadn't she thought said enough, it was an admission all of its own just as effectual as any of the ones she'd uttered in her venom filled state.
But as to why the TARDIS had given her it... she could feel the message loud and clear humming through her, 'a counterbalance'. So clearly the TARDIS didn't entirely trust his judgement just yet and was seeking to level the playing field, give her a way to counteract him if the desperate need arose. The Doctor wasn't stupid, clearly he'd understood his Old Girls gesture and its many implications, of which that was probably only one of many. And he'd still given it to her. Curiouser and Curiouser she stared at him, quietly trying to unwrap this new enigma.
A decision made, it only took a split second for her to lean in and capture his lips, applying gentle pressure to his and surprised to feel the way they trembled. Clara pulled back leaving his surprised mouth as she curled a hand supportively around his damaged ones. "Try not to think so much," she admonished, lifting her thumb to his cheek and smoothing out the lines there, "You'll get more frown lines."
He was watching her, his eyes wide as they tracked her every moment, looking utterly bemused with her acceptance in light of what he clearly saw as his own failure.
"Yes, well." He took her hand back, squeezing it tightly. "Occupational hazard."
Clara smiled softly, "We'll work on that then."
"Don't expect too much of me my dear girl... I might disappoint you."
Clara pushed her swirling thoughts that his words conjured out of her mind for now, focusing on looking after him, which was apparently her job now, even if that meant putting up with his less than winning and more than a little pessimistic personality sometimes. "Well I'm famished, I need something hot and greasy, maybe a full English?" she offered, tucking the sonic into her pocket with care as she turned beaming back at him, two could play at this 'I'm not bothered by all these deep gestures if you're not' game.
"How about you go freshen up and I'll see what I can rustle up in the kitchen." She instructed, hopping up gracefully to her feet and staring back at him expectantly, regretting her fast movement almost instantly as she tried not to wobble on her still slightly weak legs.
"As long as it's not a soufflé." He muttered.
"Hey that's my mother's recipe you're talking about." She cried affronted.
"The recipe's fine." He muttered. "I think your interpretations a little off."
"Everyone's a critic." She bit back.
"Well, are you just going to stand there or are you going to help an old man to his feet?" He waved his hands at her and she gave him an exasperated look, he really was a lazy bugger this time around and clearly not above torturing her for the whole 'yours does wood thing' because she knew he'd seen her legs wobble, the man missed nothing. His hands gripped onto hers and she tugged him up to his feet, he looked a little more unsteady than her and she reconsidered if this was just toying with her as she put a hand around his waist, deciding she'd better walk him to the bathroom whether he protested or not.
"I can manage Clara." He tutted, but didn't try and disentangle himself from her she noticed with a small smile.
"I know." She admitted softly. "Maybe I'm not as stable on my legs as I thought, could do with a hand it seems." She teased and they both chose to ignore the truth behind it as he leaned that little harder on her.
"Remind me to put a block in the TARDIS navigation for that planet would you." He muttered as he winced putting one foot in front of the other, she smirked and nodded, helping him slowly down the corridor, feeling a small thrill as the sonic bumped in her pocket... her sonic.