Footsteps. His footsteps echoed through the woods as he ran, searching for her. Always searching for her.
His panic rose when he realized that she wasn't there. It threatened to break him, to tear him into pieces.
It was so dark. The future was so dark.
There was nothing to look for. There was nothing to find in this void of loneliness.
He was alone.
0.o.0.o.0
Len shot up, sweating and panting.
When he assured himself that it was just a dream, he kicked off the covers and ran to the bathroom, where he threw up.
As he slumped over the basin, he shuddered and turned off the tap. He hoped he hadn't wakened up Jake.
He raised his head and stared at himself in the mirror.
His cheeks were now shallow and under his tired, wild golden eyes were pale circles. His skin was white and bloodless, and while last time his hands were just cold, they now felt like ice. Although, rationally, he knew that his lungs, heart and other organs were there, it felt like they were no more.
It's bad, he thought to himself. It's very bad.
He checked his watch. It was five thirty in the morning. Well, that's an improvement, he thought wryly as he turned on the shower and stepped inside. Yesterday I woke at four, and three fifty-two the day before.
After his shower, he dressed quickly and slipped to his room and shut the door, and sat on the couch, huddling into the corner with both hands hugging his torso. I wonder… is she hanging on? Or is she already dead, and rotting in the cemetery?
His hands brushed his collarbone and he sighed.
"They're right," Len said aloud. "I'm going mad."
"I don't believe that."
Len jumped up and whirled to face the big man at his door. His hands clenched into fists, and he had to fight the urge to hit him.
Tsuchiura Ryotaro looked at him tiredly. "Well… now I do. You look bad. Even worse than me," he tried to joke, but his smile never reached his eyes.
Len eyed him carefully, and then a thought struck him. There was only one reason for this man to come here. And that meant…
"Is she…?" Len choked out, his hands flying to his throat.
Ryotaro wearily ran a hand through his green hair. "No."
Len almost crumpled in relief. She was alive. At least he knew.
Ryo sighed. "But she's worse. Much, much worse."
His hope crumbled into nothing. She was still going to die. Len swallowed convulsively and shook his head. This cannot be happening.
"I believe she's holding on only to see you, and have a little chat with you. I came here… I came here as a favor to her. She wants you to visit her, and play the violin. Don't worry, I won't leave her if you break the promise," Ryo added hurriedly at his face. "If this can help her… then I want you to be there. I won't say anything. Please, Tsukimori, would you help her?"
Len sensed that it was hard for him to bend his pride enough to say that. He appreciated it, but what if this didn't help? How could he handle that? Can he handle that?
"I don't know…" Len stalled.
"Please, Tsukimori Len. She needs you." He looked ready to get on his knees.
"I'll have to think about it," Len mumbled wearily. His head hurt.
Ryo nodded sadly, and his eyes dulled. "I understand how you must feel. Her new room number is on this paper. I've asked them to let you in, if you want to. Please, at least consider this."
No, you don't understand, Len disagreed as the other man turned and walked out his door. You never will.
Len slumped down again and lolled his head against the back of the chair as he thought.