A/N: Okay last chapter Roy interviewed Sonic. Sonic joined Marth's (technically Mewtwo's) team while Shadow joined Roy's team. Sonic also met the one person faster than him: Chuck Norris. Link and Sonic got Chuck Norrised and lived. Also….
Celticskyedancer: When I get my hands on you, you'll be speaking Ninlingo fluently and you'll respect each and every Nintendite.
(Roy and Marth are once again restraining a furious celticskyedancer from mauling Link.)
Link: Calm down; I apologized.
Celticskyedancer: Only because Pit said I'd make you Ruto's fiancé. I would never do that; I hate Ruto. (Nothing personal to any Ruto fans reading this.) Since I won't make you Ruto's fiancé and you're not scared of being bald, ugly, crippled, magenta, or dead, I have to find some other way to get my revenge for you dissing my word.
Roy: You could just set his fangirls on him again.
Marth: (whacks Roy upside the head.) Are you crazy? After they tore Link to shreds, who did they attack? It certainly wasn't Mewtwo. If she brings those crazy psychos in here again, we'll be torn to shreds again also.
Roy: (shudders) Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Zelda: Actually, it would make a hysterical YouTube video.
Roy: What, us getting mauled?
Marth: No you moron, us getting pampered at the spa.
Zelda: Well, it wouldn't just be you three; Ike would also get attacked as well as Pit.
Celticskyedancer: And it would make my latest fanfic even funnier.
Link: Goddesses, what torture are writing now?
Celticskyedancer: Oh, nothing. (It's this torture for those of you that for some reason didn't get the reference.) Bring on the fangirls!
Link: Zelda, you're supposed to save me from the fangirls!
Zelda: I'm pregnant. Don't worry; if they start getting too close to you, I'll interfere.
Ike & Pit: Holy crap!
Ike: Why they drag us into this!?
Pit: I don't know, just head for the boy's restroom. They can't get us there.
(Pit trips and falls.)
Pit: Ike, go on without me.
Ike: You don't have to say that twice.
Pit: You could at least pretend that you're concerned for my well-being!
MH: (to celticskyedancer) I really should just lock you up in that janitor's closet with the kidnapped heron laguz of yours. It will keep you out of the trouble.
Celticskyedancer: (just grins.) But then you'd have less fun.
MH: I would have more sanity; that's for sure.
Celticskyedancer: You know you like it.
MH: Well, the fangirls are hysterical, but I digress. Please try to cause less trouble at least to Roy. We kind of need him in one piece for the interviews.
Celticskyedancer: Oh yeah…But I can really torture the others?
MH: Within reason. Roy get your skinny little pyro ass over here this instant! We have a show to do.
Roy: I'm kinda busy (being mauled by rabid fangirls.)
MH: *Sigh* I'll go save the boys.
Part Eleven: Kirby
Mist: Come on Ike; take 'em to the cleaners.
Sheeda: Go Ellis!
Link: Go Chuck Norris! (To Marth.) They don't stand a chance.
Chuck Norris: (wins. Again.) I told you. No one beats Chuck Norris.
Roy: Who's up for round 265? (Chuck Norris makes the games not last long.)
MH: Roy. (Roy doesn't notice.) Roy!
Roy: What?
MH: The show's back on.
Roy: Oh! (Ruses for the microphone.) Help me welcome, the pink puffball extraordinaire – the Star Warrior Kirby!
(Kirby falls down on his warp star. When the star hits the ground it explodes in a fiery brilliance.)
Roy: Best. Entrance. So. Far.
Marth: You only say so because you're a pyro.
Kirby: Poyo la la fa poyo. Hi!
Roy: Hey Kirb, what happened to your translator?
Kirby: (Looks down.)
Roy: You lost it again? (Kirby nods.) Come on Kirb, is this like the fifth translator you've lost?
Dr. Mario: (gives Kirby a new one.) Try not to lose this one.
Kirby: Okay.
Roy: How's life been doing for you, Kirby?
Kirby: Great! I had three ice cream sundaes, a dozen brownies, five hotdogs, three hamburgers…
Roy: Okay, okay. I wasn't looking for what you ate. I wanted to know how Brawl is going.
Kirby: Oh, well why didn't you ask? Good. Meta Knight and I beat Pikachu and Lucario.
Mewtwo: Don't you ever say that name again.
Roy: What? Lucario?
Mewtwo: Stop it.
Roy: Lucario, Lucario, Lu- (Mewtwo zaps Roy with a ball of psychic energy. Repeatedly.)
MH: Mewtwo, let Roy continue with the interview. Lucario replaced you, and that's that.
Mewtwo: (glowering.)
Roy: What do you like best about Brawl?
Kirby: All my new forms.
Roy: What's your favorite new form?
Kirby: Either Snake Kirby or Zero-Suit Kirby.
Roy: I'll have to meet this Snake guy.
Ike: He's cool. He's a great drinking buddy.
Roy: I didn't think alcohol was allowed at the Mansion.
MH: It's not.
Ike: We weren't drinking at the Mansion.
(Police officer hands Ike a ticket.)
Ike: What's this for?
Police Officer: Underage drinking.
Ike: (Looks at the ticket and does like a quintuple take.) Surely you can't be serious?
Police Officer: I am serious; don't call me Shirley.
Ike: This is a shit-load of money.
Police Officer: Then you should think twice before you drink underage.
Ike: Well this sucks.
Mist: Serves you right.
Ike: Shut up.
Roy: Why does everyone get so testy about underage drinking?
MH: Because here in America the drinking age is twenty-one. I don't care if ten-year-olds drink on Elibe; here they can't. Neither you nor Ike nor Link nor most other Smashers are over the age of twenty-one.
Roy: Then who can legally drink?
MH: Snake, Samus, Mewtwo, Fox, Falco, Wolf, Wario, Bowser, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Captain Falcon, and Ganondorf.
Ike: Lucky them
MH: Back to Kirby's interview.
Roy: (sticks tongue out at Master Hand. Gets zapped.) So Kirby, how old are you?
Kirby: …I don't know.
Roy: What do you mean you don't know?
Kirby: I don't know! I was found in a starship with amnesia. (Bursts into hysterical tears.) I don't even know who my parents are.
Roy: Calm down! Please don't cry Kirby. What would make you happy again?
Kirby: *sniff* A pound of cotton candy.
Roy: …Um, I got a slightly melted Hershey's bar.
Kirby: *Sigh* I suppose that will do. (Sucks it from Roy's hand, wrapper and all.)
Roy: (Wide-eyed.) I thought I was going to lose my hand.
Kirby: Why are people either sitting with Marth and Ike or you?
Roy: Marth and Ike are the blue team, the losers, the light side. And my team, the red team, the winners…the Dark Side (in and evil voice.)
Kirby: I call Roy's side.
Link: What? No!
Kirby: Sorry Link, but Roy's on the Dark Side.
Marth: Actually we're the Dark Side because we called it first.
Ike: (Smacks him upside the head.) Don't confuse people. (Gets hit in the head with a brick.) What the hell?
Sheeda: There's more where that came from. (Ducks as Amiti almost slices her head off.) Hey!
Elincia: You just hit my boyfriend in the head with a brick.
Sheeda: Your boyfriend just whacked my fiancé in the head.
Elincia: You're just jealous because my boyfriend is more manly than yours.
Sheeda: You're just jealous because mine is prettier.
Roy: Marth, if I were you, I wouldn't like the way Sheeda just said "prettier."
Marth: I don't.
Sheeda: What's wrong with the way I said "prettier?"
Marth: You make it sound like I'm pretty like a girl.
Sheeda: You are pretty like a girl.
Marth: You make that sound like a good thing.
Sheeda: It is a good thing, Marthy-poo.
Roy: *snicker*
Marth: You're not helping me prove that I'm not gay.
Sheeda: We're going to be wed soon; I think that proves that you're not gay.
Roy: Hey Marth.
Marth: What?
Roy: Good cover.
Marth: (Stabs Roy.)
Lilina: You bastard! (Blasts Marth with a fireball.)
MH: Enough. Can't you three girls do anything without starting a brawl over your boyfriends?
Elincia: She (indicating Sheeda) hit my boyfriend in the head with a brick.
Sheeda: Your boyfriend hit my fiancé.
Lilina: Your "pretty" fiancé stabbed my boyfriend.
Marth: I don't like the way people are calling me "pretty."
Mewtwo: It doesn't help that you drive a Prius.
Roy: You're kidding.
Mewtwo: Nope.
Roy: Man, Marth; you are gay.
Marth: The Prius belongs to Sheeda. I drive a Chevy.
Mewtwo: And yet somehow you ended up driving the Prius last weekend.
Sheeda: I needed the Chevy for my shopping spree; it has a load more trunk space.
Link: What's so wrong about driving a Prius?
Marth: Well it's a blue Prias. But it's not a blue Prius, it's a blue Prius. (Awkward silence.) Okay. I did that way too good.
Sheeda: (All peppy.) It's pretty.
Marth: It makes me look gay.
Sheeda: Oh get a backbone. You're not gay.
Mewtwo: I beg to differ. Marth do you know what sound that car makes when you drive by? It goes "I--------m gay."
Marth: You know what Mewtwo?
Mewtwo: Yeah what Princess?
Ike: Copyrighted. Only I can call Marth a girl.
Marth: Stay out of this, Ike. You're going down, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: Bring it on Marth. (Get into a fight.)
Roy: (Watches fight.) So Kirby, which newbies do you like and dislike?
Kirby: I like Snake, Zero Suit Samus…
Zelda: Technically she's not new.
Kirby: Well, kind of. I like Ike, Pit…
Pit: Why thank you.
Kirby: I like Lucario…
Mewtwo: You will never say that name again.
Kirby: STOP INTERRUPTING ME! (awkward silence.) Um…I like Meta Knight the most.
Roy: So who do you dislike?
Kirby: I don't like Wario.
Mario: Nobody does.
Link: Then why did you hire him?
Mario: I have no say in Nintendo's decision.
Kirby: I don't like Wolf, Diddy Kong, Lucas…
Link: Why do you hate mini DK and Lucas?
Kirby: Diddy Kong stole my food.
Link: Also an unwritten rule of Smash.
Zelda: Link, remember, R.O.B. wrote them down.
Kirby: Oh really?
Roy: Why do you hate Lucas?
Kirby: I don't hate him, but…he's such a wussy!
Ike: He is a wussy.
Kirby: I also don't like Dedede…No wait, I hate Dedede with a passion. Did I leave anyone out?
Link: Pokémon Trainer, R.O.B.
Kirby: Oh yeah, they're both cool.
Marth: There's Sonic.
Kirby: Oh yeah. He's awesome!
Mario: No, he's not.
Kirby: He's cooler than you are.
Mario: Take that back.
Kirby: (smugly) No.
Mario: Why you ungrateful pink puffball!
Link: (hoping to distract a fuming Kirby.) There's Toon Link.
Kirby: He's all right for a wussy. What did you call me plumber?
Mario: Pink puffball.
MH: Oh no, now you've gone and done it.
Kirby: They call me Mr. Puffball. Aaaaaaaaah! (Charges at Mario.)
Roy: Um Kirby…(ducks as something gets thrown at his head.) Kirby I have to interview you.
Kirby: Do it later.
Roy: No, you don't understand. (Ducks again.) Master Hand will kill me.
Marth: And we don't want that.
Roy: Right…wait. Are you using sarcasm?
Marth: Of course not.
Roy: Okay…I'm not believing you.
Marth: I have no clue what you are talking about.
Roy: (Not convinced) You seem to be just dripping with sarcasm.
Marth: Roy, I honestly think you're crazy.
Roy: One, I ain't crazy.
MH: I ain't?
Roy: Yeah. I ain't. Got a problem with it?
MH: Yes, I do.
Roy: Whatcha gonna do about it?
MH: Zap you. Torture you in various ways. Embarrass you in public. Fire you.
Roy: No! I already got fired from Brawl. I'm staying in this job.
MH: Then do your job!
Roy: Kirby won't stop fighting with Mario.
MH: Then break up the fight.
Roy: How?
MH: I don't know. Think about it.
Roy: I start fights; I don't stop them.
MH: Well stop this one, or you're fired.
Roy: Okay. Aaaaaah! (Charges headlong into the middle of the fight. After an explosion, all three lay on the ground unconscious.)
Lilina: Roy! (Rushes to his side.)
MH: Great. Now we have to waste five minutes doing nothing since our interviewee and our interviewer are unconscious.
Link: We should use this time to end Young Link's polygamy sect.
Zelda: Why?
Link: I'm beginning to have urges to take multiple wives.
Zelda: You don't have to worry about it. I'll keep you a monogamist. Or else.
Link: Yes dear.
Roy: Maybe you should become a bigamist. (The three unconscious smashers are slowly waking up.)
Link: Why? *How'd you recover so fast anyways?*
Roy: Then you could solve your Zelda and Midna problem.
Link: I don't have a Zelda and Midna problem. I love Zelda; I married Zelda. I'm going to have a baby with Zelda.
Roy: Yeah, but what are you true feelings toward Midna?
Marth: *Roy's just asking for Link and Zelda to beat him up.*
Link: She's annoying bossy, and useless.
Midna: I beg your pardon.
Link: You're always bossing me around and doing absolutely nothing. You didn't do crap! You only got your ass kicked by Zant, nearly caused Zelda to die, and destroyed Hyrule Castle.
Midna: I nearly died saving your sorry hide *literally* from Zant. I tried to stop Zelda from sacrificing herself to save me. You weren't much better. And that castle is always getting destroyed. It has enough insurance. Seriously, I'm surprised your rates haven't skyrocketed. And by the way, I defeated Zant.
Link: Only because I weakened him in the first place.
Midna: You'd still be stuck in that cell in Hyrule Castle if it wasn't for me.
Link: You just told me there was a way out. I had to find it by myself anyways. I would have found the way out without you just as easily.
Midna: I warped you all across Hyrule and made your jumps larger.
Link: that just made my tasks easier. I could have easily done every single one of my tasks without you.
Midna: If you're so high and mighty (turns Link into a Wolf) then get yourself out of this.
Link: *growl.*
Midna: Oh you're so cute; I think I'll take you back to the Twilight Realm and make you my guard dog.
Zelda: (Holds her rapier to Zelda's neck.) I wouldn't if I was you.
Midna: Do you want to start something?
Link: (Steps between the ladies and shakes his head at Zelda.)
Zelda: (Through clenched teeth.) Stay out of this Link. (Link shakes his head and nudges her belly with his nose.) The baby will be fine. (Link begins nudging Zelda towards her seat.) This isn't over, Midna. In nine months, we finish this.
Roy: Cool, Link's a wolf. I want to turn into a wolf.
MH: And I want you to get a brain, but that isn't going to happen.
Pit: I think there's hope; he realized Marth was being sarcastic earlier.
Roy: Oh really? I was right?
MH: A distant hope.
Zelda: (to Midna.) Change Link back into a Hylian.
Midna: He has to change himself back into a Hylian to prove that he could have saved Hyrule without my help.
Link: (Yaps something at Midna then rushes out of the studio.)
Roy: Too bad that we didn't have a translator for Link.
Zelda: Trust me, that last sentence had plenty of asterisks in it.
Roy: How do you know? Can you speak wolf?
Zelda: No, I can just hear his thoughts.
Roy: Ooh, that's neat. Can you read mine?
Zelda: I tried it once.
Roy: And you couldn't do it?
Zelda: There wasn't anything in there.
Roy: Oh…hey!
Marth: Burn!
Ike: Good one, Zel.
Zelda: I wasn't trying to insult Roy. It's the honest truth.
Roy: Well I'll have you know that my thoughts are full of…awesomeness.
Chuck Norris: My thoughts are the only thoughts that can truly be deemed awesome.
Kirby: (At the sound of Chuck Norris' voice.) You! (points at the Norris.)
Ike: You know Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Aren't you that…thing I beat at a food-eating contest last month?
(Dead, stunned silence.)
Roy: …Dude! Chuck Norris is awesome!
Pit: Kirby lost a food-eating contest? That's not possible.
Ike: Dude, it's Chuck Norris. He can do anything.
Kirby: Yes, I lost! Does everyone have to remind me? That's why I hate Chuck Norris.
CF: You can't hate Chuck Norris.
Kirby: Can and do.
Chuck Norris: I'm sorry, little pink…thing. But only one being can handle this much awesomeness.
Kirby: Oh yeah? Then we'll see about that. (Sucks up Chuck Norris.)
Everyone: Kirby, no!
(A large explosion destroys half the studio.)
MH: Um…we're having some…technical difficulties…with…everything so we'll take an extra long commercial break. *Suck up Chuck Norris, great idea Kirby. He's Chuck Norris for a reason.*
A/N: Okay, hope you guys liked this chapter. Next up is Pikachu!