Early the next morning, the previous few days of cold but clear weather came to an abrupt end. Dark ominous clouds rolled in and rain began to fall with such ferocity that deep puddles formed swiftly upon the ground and anyone who dared step outside were soaked within seconds.
Ianto woke to the sound of his window rattling in its frame and lay there for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the rain battering loudly against the glass.
He had returned home past midnight and gone straight to bed, where he'd proceeded to toss and turn his way through the next few hours, his mind refusing to settle. When he'd finally drifted off, his sleep had been disturbed by dreams of Alex moving behind him, stiff cock sliding through his bound hands, rough fingers clenched mercilessly hard about his own aching shaft.
At least he assumed it was Alex. He never actually saw the man's face, nor heard him speak, but the only other possibility was not one Ianto dared seriously consider.
The Welshman rolled his head to the side, glancing at the clock beside his bed. It read 04:42 and Ianto sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to fall sleep again before the alarm went off at six, even though he desperately needed the rest. Deciding to give in gracefully, he climbed out of bed and wandered wearily to the kitchen, seeking his first, and definitely needed, caffeine hit of the day.
Leaning heavily against the worktop as he waited for the machine to finish brewing, Ianto idly scanned the small room with heavy eyes. His gaze fell upon the pile of items he'd dumped out of his pockets the night before, including the tarot card the little girl had given him. He reached over and snagged one worn corner, sliding it out from under his keys towards him.
The Emperor. He frowned at the picture of a regal figure seated upon a throne, tired mind automatically running through all the possible interpretations of the card. Of course it was all moot, no matter what it was supposed to mean, seeing as how he didn't believe in tarot reading. Just like he didn't believe in palmistry, tea leaves, Ouija boards or astrology. He didn't know how Jack could put so much faith in the little girl's words about Gwen; although if she had rightly informed him of certain things in the past, he could understand the immortal's willingness to believe her. Of course that didn't mean she'd found out that information from the cards, just that she happened to know the answer to his questions.
Ianto dropped the card onto the counter and reached for his mobile instead, switching it on immediately when he saw it was turned off. A few seconds later it beeped angrily at him, reporting that he had five missed calls and two messages, all from Alex's number. He sighed and reluctantly dialled up his voice mail, listening as a bored mechanical voice told him that the first message had been left at ten to twelve the night before. Then Alex's voice took over.
"Ianto, call me back right now!"
The young man's eyes rounded at the stern tone and he barely registered the generated voice announcing the time of the next recording – twenty minutes after the first – before Alex spoke again. This time his voice was so different that Ianto's eyes widened even further.
"Ianto? Hi, it's Alex. Is everything okay? You hung up pretty abruptly and now your phone's off...are you all right?" There was a pause then, "Okay, uh, call me back when you can, yeah? Bye."
"Huh," Ianto exclaimed, deleting both messages to appease his innate discretion. He stared at the screen, trying to make sense of the two extraordinarily dissimilar recordings. It had been rather rude of him to hang up on the other man without warning, so perhaps it was understandable that Alex had been first annoyed and then concerned.
Ianto shook his head and abandoned his phone in favour of his espresso. How, in his search to regain his control, could he continually come across situations that robbed him more than ever of that precise abstraction?
"Tarot?"
Ianto jumped and glanced up sharply to find Tosh peering over his shoulder at his monitor. He bit back a curse as embarrassment warmed his cheeks.
"Why are you looking at things on tarot?" Tosh went on, her nose crinkling in disapproval.
"Research," Ianto replied automatically, wishing he'd given it more thought before opening up the database where everyone else could see what he was doing.
He hadn't intended to start looking at such information, but the strange little girl's words had been troubling him all day. As he'd left home that morning, he'd absently slipped the card into the inner pocket of his suit jacket, where it had proceeded to weigh heavily against his chest until he could stand it no longer.
So far he'd made it through the first six cards the girl had drawn, attempting to understand their meanings and connect them as she had done the night before. What she'd said about searching for something – and not Gwen's cure apparently – continued to circle his mind like a hungry vulture. For all his cynicism, it was as though he wanted to find the same link she had, to learn precisely what he sought and why he was supposedly doing it wrong.
If, however, there was an answer to be found there, especially in the second trio which had seemed to suggest the resolution to his search, Ianto could not put anything viable together from the vague descriptions in the database. He had no idea where the element of time had come from, there not being a card to specifically represent it, and that fact had only served to fuel his belief that this was a fruitless effort.
And yet, despite wanting to stop, he had still brought up the details on one more card.
"Research for what?" Tosh asked, turning to look at him now, openly curious at the unusual subject.
Mind finally snapping into gear, Ianto waved a casual hand at some paperwork beside his elbow. "I found an old report about a particularly accurate tarot-reader and couldn't decide whether to file it under 'scam' or 'divination'. Thought it best if I brush up on the subject instead of just guessing."
Tosh gave him a look that he chose to read as amusement, rather than ridicule, over his anal tendencies. "That makes sense," she said, biting her lip. "Yes, perfect sense."
Ianto nodded solemnly, before forcing a smile onto his own lips. "Nah, I'm kidding, it's going straight in the scam drawer. I'm just fascinated that people could fall for this kind of thing."
Tosh looked mildly relieved at that and chuckled warmly. "It is strange, in an era of so many scientific and technological advancements, that people are so willing to believe in something that lacks any substantial evidence of its accuracy."
"Yeah," Ianto said, feeling foolish for letting the girl's statements get to him. He knew Tosh was right, knew that she echoed his own views, but still his eyes were drawn back to the information upon the screen. "Anyway..." he trailed off and, as he knew would happen, Tosh immediately picked up on the subtle dismissal.
"Oh, right, I'll let you get on then," she said awkwardly, a little taken aback that Ianto would bring an interesting debate to such an abrupt end.
He winced but knew he couldn't hold his casual tone for much longer. "Sorry, Tosh, I've got more files to sort after this one," he told her, hoping to undo a little of the offence he'd given. It really wasn't fair of him to be so curt when she was still worried about the team's rocky situation.
"No no, it's fine." Tosh lifted a hand to stop any further apology. "I understand. I should be getting back to work anyway." She smiled and hurried off, leaving Ianto rubbing his temples as guilt began to set in. There was a time when he would have handled a situation as simple as that a hell of a lot better and he was truly beginning to miss that ability.
Sighing, he turned back to the monitor and stared at the old woodcut image that didn't quite match, but was very close to, the picture card still tucked inside his jacket.
The Emperor.
He'd assumed it would just mean power or authority, but whilst those words did feature in the list of interpretations, there was another line that caught Ianto's eye and which sent a cold shiver along his spine.
The need to control one's surroundings.
Laying a hand on his chest, above the inner pocket and its contents, Ianto swallowed and reread the entire page, searching for something else that his mind could latch upon, but there was nothing.
His fingers began to clench into a fist, closing around the edges of the card beneath the material of his jacket. He attempted to reason with himself, picking out the fact that he didn't want to control his surroundings exactly, just his own emotions, but he couldn't shake the words, couldn't stop them from repeating in his mind, over and over.
How had she known? Ianto stood, full of anxious energy. Could she see the battle raging within him? The struggle just to hold himself together? He paced a few steps from the workstation and then back again, gaze returning to that suggestive line once again. No, no, she must have simply handed him a random card in order to confuse him.
He strode away again, the tension in his shoulders steadily growing. Jack was already suspicious; what if he also thought to look at the meaning of the Emperor card? Would he pick up on that particular definition as well?
In reflex, Ianto glanced across to Jack's office and...
...stopped dead.
Jack was at the window, staring right back at him.
A gasp caught in Ianto's throat and he swallowed it down again, frantically urging his brow to smooth and his eyes to resume blinking. All the while Jack watched him, his own features set in a deceptively calm expression that Ianto knew far too well.
Bugger.
Ianto had been standing beside the five-foot high glass tank for the best part of a half-hour with a clipboard in his hand detailing all the various schematics for the sturdy container. He had yet to glance at either of them for more than a few minutes each.
He'd come down into the lower levels under the pretence of setting up a better home for the alien slugs, but the moment he'd found himself alone with his own thoughts, he had been completely unable to concentrate on his work.
Sighing, he made another half-hearted attempt to lift his clipboard and resume working, but his arm immediately dropped to his side again as though made of lead. He was seriously considering going back upstairs and trying to find a better distraction by provoking Owen into an argument, or maybe teasing Jack and then reminding him of the not-during-work-hours rule.
Ianto almost snorted in amusement at the way his mind betrayed him so frequently these days; now it was suggesting he go seduce Jack when he was trying to avoid him.
"I haven't been down here in years," a voice broke suddenly through the silence, causing Ianto to almost jump out of his skin.
"Jack!" he exclaimed as he span around, alarmed that the other man would turn up at that precise moment, as though drawn by his thoughts.
The Captain merely grinned in response, looking up at the dirty Victorian brickwork arching overhead in the narrow but tall room.
Ianto fought to regain some composure, fearing his heart would burst from his ribs the way it was pounding now. He lifted the clipboard and focused on the tank's specifications, praying for a way out of this situation. He really didn't feel capable of handling Jack right then if he started demanding answers again, but he couldn't very well leave moments after the Captain had arrived.
"Cosy though," Jack was saying. "If you like the whole dank and cobwebby scene."
Ianto was unable to stop himself from smiling, warmed by the other's jesting in spite of himself. "I must have missed this room during Spring cleaning," he said, leaping upon the safe topic. "But then there isn't anything down here, except this thing." He nodded at the tank and then waved his clipboard at Jack. "I can't find out why this was built, but I know it was never used. Another one of Torchwood's mysteries, I suppose."
Jack frowned at the tank. "I think it was from when we had some sightings of mysterious shapes out in the bay during the nineties. Alex had a larger one built somewhere else down here to contain whatever we found, whilst this one was to be used to study them. Course it never amounted to anything so we didn't get to fill our new aquarium with..." he trailed off, and Ianto guessed Jack had belatedly noticed him tensing at the name just mentioned.
It took only another second for the connection to catch up with the Captain and his expression darkened, mood souring instantly. Ianto winced and turned back to the tank. "Well, at least it'll get some use now, I suppose," he said weakly.
There was a long silence, then: "So," Jack began, faux casually, "I was wondering if you'd changed your mind?"
Uh oh. "About what?"
"About telling me what the problem is."
Ianto held back a sigh. It was becoming more and more apparent that Jack wasn't even going to consider letting the matter drop. "Jack," he wearily said. "Why can't you believe me when I say it isn't anything to be concerned about?"
"Because it clearly isn't," Jack countered, stepping forward so he could see Ianto's profile. "I don't care how many times you say it's nothing, I know it isn't. You haven't been yourself for months now and whilst I understand you withdrawing a bit after the incident with Lurrelia, I can tell this goes deeper."
Ianto cast him a sidelong glance. "So being used like a puppet by an alien being isn't enough for me to be a little quiet now and then?"
"If it were only being a little quiet then I wouldn't be worried." Jack inched closer, eyes studying the other's features closely. "But it's more than that. You're distracted, you disappear for hours at a time-"
"I spend almost as much time here as you do," Ianto interrupted. "I think I've earned the right to occasionally step outside once in a while."
"And visit with someone who hurts you?"
Ianto's eyes widened. For one fearful moment he was sure Jack had learned of Alex's profession, but the logical part of his mind stepped in before he could give anything away and reminded him that Jack knew only of the scratches on his chest and nothing more. "It was an accident," he said quietly, deciding to stick with his story.
"So you say."
Ianto did sigh now; this really was getting old. He set his clipboard down on top of the tank and turned fully to Jack. "Do you trust me?"
A muscle twitched in Jack's jaw but he replied, "Yes, I do."
"Then perhaps you could prove it by letting this drop."
The Welshman could see the conflict in Jack's mind over his request. "I've seen you like this before," the older man started slowly, choosing his words with care. "When you had a secret so dark that it almost consumed you. When you didn't know that you had friends you could turn to for help."
Ianto's lips pressed into a thin line. "Lisa." Jack didn't need to say anything, Ianto already knew he was right. What better ammo could Jack use against him than Lisa? "So you don't trust me then."
"I do," Jack assured him.
"Only you think...what? That I've got another half-converted girlfriend stashed away somewhere? Maybe up in the attic this time?"
"Ianto..."
"No, I'm serious," the young man said, growing more irate by the minute. What more did he need to do to make amends for that incident? "What exactly do you think I've done this time?"
"Ianto!" Jack barked, his eyebrows drawing together into a scowl. "I do trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything to endanger anyone else, not after last time." He sounded sincere and Ianto dearly wanted to believe him. "But even if I don't have to worry about what you do, that isn't going to stop me from worrying about you."
"Even when I say there's nothing to worry about?"
"Even then," the Captain said, holding his gaze intently.
Ianto felt his anger start to waver in light of Jack's concern. There was no way he could admit what he'd been paying Alex to do to him, but he supposed resenting Jack for simply caring about his well-being was perhaps a little unfair.
He sighed again and stepped forward, catching Jack's lips in a kiss that the older man hadn't been expecting, a kiss Ianto hoped would tell his lover that, whilst he might not like Jack's badgering, he'd try not to hold it against him.
Jack's surprise was evident, as he didn't respond straight away, but it wasn't long before his lips parted and he welcomed Ianto's tongue into his mouth. Ianto pushed in to taste the immortal, letting his actions speak where his words might fail.
Hands slid beneath Ianto's jacket, stroking his sides through his shirt and then reaching around to his back, pulling him closer to the other man's body. He smiled against Jack's lips, enjoying the warmth and strength of the arms that held him.
"Ianto," Jack said, leaning back slightly and then tilting his head as Ianto moved on to nibble at his jaw. "This isn't going to work."
"Hmm?" Ianto responded. He curled his fingers around Jack's braces, inching them off his shoulders.
"You're trying to distract me, but it isn't going to work."
Ianto ran a hand down to cup Jack's groin. "Of course it isn't," he agreed, lightly squeezing the flesh that he knew would soon contradict the Captain's words.
Jack took hold of Ianto's shoulders and pushed him back against the tank. "I'm still waiting for an answer."
"You might be waiting a while," Ianto said, licking his lips. He could see the frustration building in Jack's eyes, could feel it in the fingers digging into his arms. The older man was pinning him in place with strong determination and Ianto had no hope of breaking away. He shuddered, something growing inside him at the command Jack now held over his body, something he couldn't let take root, lest it overwhelm him entirely.
Something he didn't seem to be fighting very hard against, despite that fact.
"I don't have to, you know," Jack was saying and Ianto dragged his eyes away from the muscles he could see bunching beneath the other's shirt.
"What?" he asked dumbly.
"I could just go find out myself."
"What?" Ianto repeated.
"It's so easy to find someone these days, y'know. Even with just a first name..."
Ianto stared at him, eyes round with horror. "You wouldn't."
One of Jack's eyebrows lifted in silent challenge.
"No." Ianto shook his head. "No. You'd be invading my privacy."
"I've done worse," the immortal countered with a shrug. "What's a bit of snooping compared to everything else I'm responsible for?"
"Jack," Ianto said, his tone both warning and fearful. He couldn't let Jack find out about Alex. About what he'd been doing. "Promise you won't."
"Are you going to explain then?"
Ianto hesitated. There was no escaping it, he'd have to lie, but what lie would be sufficient to satisfy Jack's curiosity and yet not cause any troublesome consequences? He'd already insisted that he wasn't seeing Alex, that he wasn't sleeping with him, but Jack hadn't entirely believed him then either.
Perhaps that was the answer. "Okay," he said quietly.
"Okay," Jack echoed, loosening his grip and stepping away.
Ianto mourned the loss of contact; it was somehow easier to be forced into talking when the pressure was physical. "You were right," he admitted. "I lied." He looked away and self-consciously lifted a hand to his chest, resting it over one set of scratches. "I did sleep with him."
Jack's face was a perfectly impassive mask, though his eyes seemed to flash a little. "Right," he said tightly. Then he coaxed a weak grin onto his face. "Well, that's fine. Like I said, you're free to do whoever you want."
The words felt like a blade in Ianto's chest, in spite of their truth. It was one thing to be in a purely physical relationship, but it was quite another to be told by your lover to go fuck anyone you fancied.
At least it was when there was some major denial going on in your mind about being content with that 'purely physical' relationship...
Something in Ianto's tumultuous thoughts must have shown across in his expression, because Jack was suddenly frowning at him. "Look, I may have overreacted a bit, read too much into everything, and I'm sorry, but I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable about telling me you're seeing someone else."
"I'm not seeing him," Ianto instantly argued, the protest leaping from his lips before he could stop it. "And anyway," he pushed on, apparently out of control of his own mouth now, "I didn't mean for it to happen."
Jack cocked his head at him. "Oh? So why did it then?"
Ianto stared at the older man, completely baffled by his interest. He didn't want to know anything about Jack's past – or present – conquests, so why did Jack want to know about Ianto's?
"Because I let it," he answered. His eyes slid away from Jack's in shame, embarrassed to recall being sprawled over Alex's lap and spanked like a child whilst he did nothing to fight it.
Jack took a step forward and when Ianto automatically glanced at him, he saw suspicion creeping across the immortal's face. "Did..." Jack broke off, as though afraid of the words he wanted to say. "Did you want it to happen?" he asked carefully.
Ianto almost laughed. Jack had hit the nail on the head, but how could Ianto explain that had been the point? That he hadn't wanted to be humiliated and taken advantage of, and yet it had given him the precise sensation of freedom that he paid Alex to attain for him.
He did laugh then, realising fully the twisted nature of his perversion, but the sound came out weak and pained.
Jack was staring at him, rage spreading across his face as he took Ianto's response for an affirmative. His jaw clenched with resolve and he turned away, striding halfway to the door before Ianto realised what he was doing.
"Wait, Jack, don't!" he called out, hurrying after him.
The Captain shook his head and didn't stop.
"Jack!" Ianto said, slipping past to block the older man's way. "Don't," he repeated. "Don't you dare."
Jack shoved him aside and continued to stalk through the hallways that led back up towards the surface.
"I mean it, Jack," Ianto told him, still on his heels. "It was nothing. He didn't force me. I didn't go looking for it, but I wasn't forced either. It just happened, okay?"
That finally brought Jack to a halt. He peered into Ianto's eyes, searching for evidence that his words were true, and Ianto stared right back, determined not to cower beneath that murderous gaze. He might not have asked Alex to introduce a sexual element to their arrangement, but he hadn't stopped him, hadn't used the safeword that would have brought everything to an immediate halt.
And he certainly wasn't about to set his curiously angry lover on someone who had only been doing his job.
As the silent battle passed between the two men, a tiny voice piped up in the back of Ianto's head.
He's jealous, it whispered and Ianto mentally scoffed at the idea. No, he corrected, he's possessive. This was clearly some base desire to have Ianto to himself, to have the young man at his beck and call and have no one else exert the same control over him.
He shivered with emotion as he considered that idea, the dark hidden need rearing its head and Ianto realised just how dangerously close his two worlds were coming. He couldn't allow himself to connect them, couldn't bring the truth of his urges to Jack's door, because he feared he knew what would happen next.
And he couldn't let that happen. For his own sanity, he couldn't.
"He didn't ra-"
"No!" Ianto exclaimed impatiently. "And if you trusted me at all you'd take my word for it!"
Jack fell silent again, still staring deep into Ianto's eyes, but at length his body began to relax, little by little, his fury dissipating until he released a deep breath and the scowl lifted slightly from his brow.
"I trust you," he said eventually, though the slow pace of his words told Ianto there was more to come. "I trust you with everything except yourself."