Bars and Wars Chapter 11
One rainy Monday afternoon I was sitting at the desk in the office going over tax bills with Carmen when the distinctive ring-tone for Jasper sounded on the desk. Carmen's lips turned up in a slight smile as she excused herself, claiming she needed lunch. As she locked and shut the door behind her.
I answered, "Hello handsome."
"Well hi gorgeous." Jasper sounded happy. I could not help but smile every time I heard his voice now, no matter how much we went through.
"Everything okay baby?" I asked.
"Better than okay. I have two weeks leave coming up and I wondered if you would want to go on a real vacation Bella. I mean, school is over, we have the money." I could hear the excitement in Jasper's voice.
A vacation. A real vacation. It had been so long since we had done that.
"Oh Jasper, really? I would love that. Where would you like to go?" I could hear the excitement in my voice, and much as I tried, I could not reign it in.
"How about flying over and meeting me in Europe?" Jasper suggested.
Gasping, I stumbled over my response. " Really Jasper, oh my god, that would be awesome. Where?"
"How about we meet in London, we can decide later if we want to just stay there or travel around a bit." Jasper's words were like music to my ears.
Two weeks in Europe with my husband. I was positively giddy.
"That sounds great baby. When is your leave?"
We spent the next thirty minutes going over details, while I looked on line for flights. By the time we hung up I had booked a flight and made a hotel reservation for 4 nights. Just as we were saying our I love yous and missing yous Carmen knocked softly on the door.
I hung up and walked over to open the door for her, taking the bag of food she held out to me.
Carmen sat back down across the desk from me and just watched me for a few moments, smiling. Finally she shook her head and said, "I am glad he makes you happy, whoever he is. You need him, don't let anyone or anything come between you."
I looked up, and just smiled. "I am glad you think so, I need to take two weeks off next month."
Carmen laughed, agreed and we finished our paper work.
I called Charlie right after we finished our paperwork and filled him in on the plans. He was happy about it. Lately I had the feeling that he was losing faith in us; that he didn't think we were going to make it. He never said that directly, but little comments and the look in his eyes the last time I was home made it obvious.
"Dad, I love him, I know it seems odd, but there is nothing that has changed my mind on that in the last four years, so please, don't worry about me so much."
"Bella, I m your father, I will always worry about you. I just don't want your life to go by and you wake one day alone wondering what happened." Charlie sighed.
"This tour is almost done and then we will be together dad." I took a breath praying that was not going to change as we said our goodbyes and I went back to work.
Alice was jumping up and down like a lunatic when I told her what I was doing. She insisted on dragging me shopping for what she claimed was a proper vacation wardrobe. I argued and teased that packing 90% lingerie was not a proper vacation wardrobe.
We laughed and teased and in the end I ended up with a very nice new wardrobe only half of which I could wear out side the bedroom. I was not sure that was a problem, as I intended to spend at least half the vacation in nothing at all.
I was radiant for the next few weeks until it was time to go. I kept the news of a vacation to myself until the last minute. I told the staff at the bar I was going away, but not where, or that I was meeting anyone. I just said that I needed a break.
The rumors were circulating before I left, ranging from that I was going off on job interviews to I was sick and seeing a specialist. I even heard one that hypothesized whether Edward would be MIA the whole time too.
My life, or lack thereof, had become the topic for speculation for far too many people. Alice and I kicked back in my office laughing our asses off about it one evening just before I left.
The morning before I was leaving, I was finishing laundry and packing. I snuck in a quick shower and was wrapped in a towel. I desperately needed more coffee. Not hearing any movement, I figured I was alone. I knew Alice had gone to work and Peter had class. I decided to run for it and grab another cup of coffee to drink while I dried my hair and got ready.
I slowly opened my bedroom door and stuck my head out. Nothing, not a peep. Running, I headed for the kitchen and the smell of hazelnut wafting through the air. The running loosened the towel and just as I rounded the corner to the doorway of the kitchen two things happened.
One, Edward looked up from the kitchen table and the newspaper he was reading and two, my towel fell to the floor.
I froze, gasping. Edward's eyes travelled down my body to the floor and the towel laying there. I heard him mutter, "Fuck," as he lifted the paper in front of his eyes, and I darted for the towel, wrapping it back around myself, mortified.
I poured my coffee, refusing to tuck tail and run. Neither of us said a word and by the time I had dressed and come back out to put my cup in the sink, Edward was gone.
I never said anything to Alice, and as far as I knew, Edward never said a word. I left for my trip the next morning. Alice and Peter drove me to the airport. I was so excited. I had never been to Europe. London was someplace that I was so intrigued by, and I was going to get to see it with Jasper.
I was too excited to sleep on the fight. I couldn't wait to see Jasper and just hang out together, start talking about our plans for his next assignment. I had read every magazine I had brought with, cover to cover and honestly couldn't tell you a word that I read. I was touching up my light makeup by the time we were landing and attempting to do something with my messed hair.
The minute I walked through customs at Heathrow, a pair of strong arms lifted me off my feet and spun me around. I was giggling and blushing as our lips met. I could hear the faint snickers and giggles around us.
By the time Jasper set me down and we backed away from the kiss I was breathless.
"Just don't let go baby, please," I pleaded.
Jasper grinned and said, "I wasn't planning on it darlin'."
We walked out to the queue for a taxi, still holding hands, each of us pulling a bag behind us. Jasper gave the address for the hotel and that was the last I saw of London until we climbed back out at the hotel.
We couldn't keep our hands and lips off of each other, we were so happy to be together.
It was a challenge to keep our hands to ourselves while we checked in to our room. The woman checking us in winked at me while Jasper was signing the incidentals form.
The minute that door closed, the bags were dropped and I felt Jasper's hands on my wrists, my arms raised over my head just as my back hit the door behind us. Gasping, I looked up at him, his eyes, so dark, so hungry bore into me before moving slowly down my body.
"The arms stay where they are Isabella." I felt my entire body respond to that one sentence. My stomach clenched, my breathing hitched. Jasper's hands moved down the length of my arms, down my sides, his thumbs grazing my breasts as they passed. He reached the hem of my shirt and his hands slid underneath.
The feel of his warm hands against my skin made my body tremble in anticipation, and excitement. My breathing quickly became erratic. "Oh God, Jasper, please."
"I do plan to please, Isabella, all night long."
I moaned out, the command in his voice going straight through my body.
My shirt slowly rose as his hands travelled back up, across my quivering stomach, slowly, over my breasts, my now hard nipples. I felt a soft squeeze as his hands covered them fully. Just as quickly the hands were easing the shirt over my head.
I didn't dare move my arms. Jasper leaned in kissing my neck as he pulled the shirt free, dropping it at our feet. His hands moved straight to my jeans, flicking the snap open, the zipper lowering. It was so quiet I could hear every sound it made as it unzipped. Only my rapid breathing accompanied the sound of metal scraping.
Soft lips kissed down my body as the jeans were pushed over my hips and down my legs. I squirmed and wriggled trying to help rid my body of the denim barrier. Jasper lifted one foot at a time as he pulled each free. The discarded jeans, left at my feet in a puddle.
His kisses grew more urgent as they ascended my body, not missing an inch. I could feel my self pressing harder against the door with each kiss. Hands slid between my trembling thighs, gently spreading them. I kicked the jeans out of the way, moving my feet further apart at his nudging.
Lips followed closely behind the hands, my belly fluttered with the arousal growing deeper as he moved. "Jasper," I panted, "yes, please, I need you."
"Shhh, patience darlin', I have a very strategic plan for this sexy body tonight." Jasper's voice was low and gruff as he looked up from his knees. "Like this tattoo, my tattoo, it requires my attention." He kissed and licked and sucked at it for so long I thought I would implode before he moved on.
"AH," I screamed out at the sharp sting of bites across my mound, the sting at teeth grazing my already throbbing nub. The feel of his head pushing hard against my core, pushing me harder against the door. "Jasper!"
He responded with his tongue, sliding along my slit, flicking, torturing me, as his hands gripped my hips, pushing them harder into the wood door. My body was shaking and I was screaming through orgasm after orgasm, rolling through my body, when he finally stood from his knees, crashing his lips to mine, kissing with every bit of emotion. I could taste myself on his lips, the feel, the taste, the longing and need for him consumed me.
He kissed harder and harder and suddenly broke the kiss, looking at me. His eyes looked through me, right into my soul. "I love you so fucking much Bella."
"I love you too Jasper, more than you will ever know."
I barely had the words out when I felt my body spin, pressed into the door. Jasper's lips at my neck, kissing across to my ear lobe, nipping and sucking. "I need to bury my self deep inside you, I need to feel your tight walls clamping down around me; your body tremble for me when I fuck you, then I promise I will make love to you all night darlin'."
"Jesus Jasper, I think you just made me cum," I said as I turned my head over my shoulder.
Jasper chuckled at my words, biting down on my neck.
"Stop teasing me Jasper, please, I need you."
Jasper kept his word. The way his body took mine, the way his hands drew responses from every inch of me, it was magical. He took me hard and fast, slamming me against that door. The raw need and hunger turned me on more than I would have ever imagined. I felt my body go limp as he pounded, relentlessly, my breasts smashed hard against the heavy wooden door, my head turned, his teeth sunk into my neck. My walls clamped down around him as he hit that sweet spot, over and over again.
"FUCK, Jasper, my God."
I collapsed into his arms as he finished and felt him carry me to the bed, kissing me the whole way. The tender touch of his lips and hands travelling my body made me feel like he was memorizing every inch. He spent hours just languishing kisses across my flesh, igniting a fire inside I never knew existed.
The entire night was spent stoking the flames and tending the fire. By morning every part of me was his, owned, controlled in need of his touch to survive. From that moment on, all it took was one look from him and I would feel myself melt.
"Bella, do you like it in Seattle? " Jasper asked over coffee in the morning.
"Yeah, I do, its a really nice City Jasper. Do yo think there is chance that you could get stationed near Seattle?
"Yeah, if you really want to stay there, there is a way to a we can stay there permanently. "
"Permanently? I wouldn't have to quit my job or leave Charlie behind? "
"That's right Bella, we can everything we both want."
"What is the catch Jasper?" Knowing this was too good to be true without strings.
"You've been an army wife longer than I realized Bella. Yeah, there's always a string, isn't there," Jasper sighed and took a deep breath.
"They are offering first choice of permanent assignment to anyone that agrees to extend 18 months. It means 18 more month apart, but after that, it's Seattle. That's what you want, and for good. This is your call Bella, you deserve to make this decision you have put up with so much already." Jasper leaned forward, took my hands in his and just waited.
I felt like the floor fell out from underneath me. Was he serious? 18 more months?
I felt the sting of the first tears. We were on day two of our vacation, year 4 apart, and he wanted 18 more months.
But then we could stay in Seattle, together forever? Damn it , this is so not fair. "Jasper, can I think about it?"
"Yeah baby, we can talk about it while we are here and decide."
"I just need to think about it Jasper, that's all. I miss you so much, I don't know if we can handle another 18 months apart." Jasper stepped back at my words.
"Oh, I um, I didn't realize you felt that way; then no, I will say no and we'll be together where ever babe."
"Let's talk about it later, please?"
We enjoyed the sights of London, behaving like typical tourists. We hung around Picadilly Circus and Leicester Square. We did the tour of Buckingham Palace and Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery. I just had to have tea at Harrods. We rode on the top of the Double Decker bus.
We took a couple days and went to Stonehenge and up into Scotland. By the time the trip was over, it was a pretty easy decision. I could handle 18 more months. We could handle 18 more months. I told Jasper my decision and we both agreed. I decided I would go back to school, start on my Master's while Jasper finished his tour.
If we were going to be in Seattle permanently I would be able to finish the degree there with out having to worry about transferring or stopping once i started. I couldn't work for the bar forever after all; I needed options. Jasper thought it was a great idea and all for it.
When I got home I filled Alice in on the plans and called Charlie. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to tell Charlie. He didn't get upset really, he just asked pointed questions. Every answer broke my heart just a little. At the end he said, "Well, Bella, you've made it five years as husband and wife without seeing each other, I suppose another year and a half won't be a problem, will it?"
"No Dad. it won't, and then we will be here, close to you and the life I have made." I wondered for a moment whether I was trying to convince him, or myself, that everything would be okay. We hung up and I couldn't help think that he was really worried about me and the life I chose.
I went on living my life. I registered for school, glad I had taken the GMATs on a whim. Things were really no different than they had been. Peter and I studied at home now rather the library most of the time. Edward would join us some times too.
I spent more time with Edward, but still, things were awkward. We never spoke of the towel incident, but every once in awhile I would catch him just watching me, or staring. It unnerved me but I had known Edward for over five years now. I knew it wouldn't be anything more than that.
Months went by and Jasper and I talked fairly regularly. Still I had not told anyone else about my secret life. I kept trying to find a way to tell Edward and Peter at least. Edward was gone more and more, staying out all night, studying with the other med students.
It was Sunday night and we had our customary family dinner. Alice and Peter cooked, Edward and I set the table and cleaned up. We stayed up late watching movies. Once I went to bed I was out cold.
I could hear my phone ringing. My eyes barely opened, I looked at the clock, thinking it must be Jasper. It took a moment before it dawned on me that it wasn't Jasper's ring tone. I reached for the phone and hit accept. The voice on the other end, sounded wrong. It was too formal, too unfamiliar.
"Yes, this is Bella Swan." I blinked my eyes, trying to adjust as I turned on the bedside lamp. Sitting up a little I listened to the strange voice, the words not registering at first.
"Yes, this is she." I sat up straighter, throwing the comforter off my lap, the pit of stomach rising slowly.
"What? I'm sorry can you repeat that?" My legs were swinging over the side of the bed, about the same time that my stomach was meeting my throat.
"Oh MY GOD! NO, is he..., yes I understand, yes, I will be there as soon as I can."
I was on my feet, I know that I was, but somehow I found myself in a heap on the floor as my stomach continued its revolt. I felt myself lurch and my body heave. I tried to stand and run for the bathroom.
There was no time. The reality in my brain was not yet caught up with my body's response.
I shook my head and tried to figure out why I was shaking so badly. Where were the noises coming from. I could hear the strangled screams, the sobs. I could feel the moisture and smell the stench. The banging that followed, caused my head to turn to the door.
I knew it was Alice, I recognized the bell peal of her voice, the smell of her shampoo, the touch of her hand on my arms.
"Bella, dear God, say something, please, what is it, is it Jasper, is he hurt?"
At the sound of Jasper's name, my head popped up to her, shaking.
"Jasper, I have to reach Jasper, I have to call Jasper, I don't know where he is. I don't know where Jasper is." My words were stuttered by gasps of breath, trying to force myself to calm.
"Bella, you are scaring me, what is going on honey? I am going to wake Peter and Edward."
"NO. please, Alice no, let me call Jasper first."
"Bella, what has happened?" Alice's voice lowered, it softened somehow.
"Charlie. It's Charlie Alice. I have to get to the hospital in Forks."
"Call Jasper, I am waking the boys, then I'll help you get cleaned up and changed."
I looked down, I had vomited all over my pajamas and the floor. I nodded to Alice and dialed Jasper. Straight to voicemail.
"Damn it Jasper, not now, I need you." I left a message to call me immediately.
Getting up I went to the bathroom and striped, throwing my clothes in the sink and jumping in the shower. I quickly cleaned up and washed my hair, it seemed to have caught the brunt of the mess. By the time I turned off the water my clothes were gone and fresh jeans, shirt and undergarments were on the counter. I looked in the mirror and thought of Charlie, his eyes looking back at me. Our last conversation running through my mind, I tried to stop the shaking.
I dressed, brushed my teeth, gargled and rinsed and ran a comb through my hair. I was just twisting it and securing the clip when Alice walked in.
"Ok trucks running, Peter and Edward are throwing clothes in a bag, go get an apple or something while I grab our bags." Alice reached for my black shoes and I lost it.
Immediately Alice had her arms wrapped around me, comforting me. "Did you reach Jasper?"
"No, let me try again before we go." I hit redial and remembered, Jasper was not available.
"Fuck."
"What is it?"
"Jasper is not available, I have no idea where he is right now. I am going to have to call command. Damn it. I can't do that in front of Peter and Edward. I'll wait until I know something."
"Ok, lets' go sweetie." Alice took my hand and led me out to the open garage and running truck.
"Wait, we are all going?" I said surprised when I saw Peter behind the wheel and Edward sitting shotgun.
"Of course we are all going Bella." Alice opened the rear door for me and shut it as I adjusted in the seat behind Peter. Alice ran around and was in her seat in seconds and we were pulling out.
Peter raced down the highway as I explained that I didn't know anything. I called my in-laws, and remembered as I got voicemail that they were out of town. This just kept getting worse.
I sent my mother in law a text telling her what I knew so far and that I would text with details later.
I fidgeted in my seat and let Alice hold my hand, trying to calm me down. The only one that could ever calm me down was Jasper. One touch from him and my whole body would relax and still. I longed for it to be Jasper's hand wrapped around mine.
I had never been so scared or worried. I had no idea what condition Charlie was in. I didn't know if he'd be alive when I got there. I didn't know anything. I faintly heard Edward asking me if I knew the name of the person that called.
I didn't. I couldn't remember anything but those horrible words. I leaned back against the seat and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Images of Charlie flashed before me. I couldn't do this, not without Jasper, not with nobody knowing I was married.
How would I even explain that to my in-laws, to Jasper. This was a nightmare.
By the time we made it to the hospital and I was able to see the doctor, Charlie was gone. It was nothing short of surreal. It felt like forever that I stood there in that tile hallway waiting for the words I would come to dread to be spoken. He seemed to look to my friends for support or the courage to say it.
Finally I just blurted out, "Is he gone, just tell me, if he's gone."
The words echoed through the hall, "Yes, I'm sorry. Charlies Swan passed away at 8:05 am."
I vaguely recall nodding and then demanding to see him. I wouldn't believe it until I saw it myself.
Alice tried to say no, Peter held me against his chest. In the end, it was Edward that accompanied me into the room to see my father. The sheet pulled unnaturally high to his chin, probably disturbed me more than anything else. Edward held my hand as I cried and said goodbye.
We went back to Charlie's house right after I signed the papers I barely remember seeing. Peter helped me through the piles of pages that were all foreign to me. Alice made a list and sent the boys out to the store. I tired frantically to get in touch with Jasper while they were gone. I tried command, but of course, i couldn't reach anyone there either. My only hope was the Red Cross. They helped the families in emergencies like this.
Charlie's wishes had always been very clear though. Just like he lived, he wanted to go out, no frills no ordeals, no attention. There was a simple memorial on Wednesday, the Police Department and the Mayor and his office were in attendance. There were more people from Forks than I had expected, and of course Charlie's body had not been released until the investigation was completed.
It didn't really matter to me, his body would be turned to Ash now or in a week, it didn't house my father anymore. He was home in my heart now, where we would stay forever.
I couldn't face staying in forks that week, so we left for Seattle as soon as the service was over. My in-laws didn't make it back to town until the next day. They felt so horrible that I had to go through it without them or Jasper. They really were great about helping with everything else. I asked them to contact a realtor, I just couldn't face doing it, but I hadn't been back in years for more than a week at a time and only to see Charlie.
It was Friday when I heard Jasper's ring tone and I lunged for the phone.
"Oh baby, I'm so, so sorry, I want to be there more than anything. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you." Jasper's voice was heavy with tears, and worse, guilt.
"Baby, I wasn't alone, I had Alice and Peter and Edward. There was nothing more you could have done than hold me, so please just be with me now."
We turned on Skype and I just lay in the bed hugging the pillow, Jasper laying down his face on screen on the pillow next to me.
We talked for hours, reminiscing about Charlie and the crazy things he had said and done over the years. I felt not so alone by the time we finally disconnected. Jasper got leave for a week and came home Sunday. I picked him up in Seattle and we went to Forks and packed up the house.
It wasn't the way I had wanted to spend a week with my husband but at least he was there with me.
AN: I know this chapter took a long time to get out, but it was a very difficult one for me. And I realize if you have read my other work you probably see a theme. Yes, I borrowed from real life emotions for the worst parts and even tapped some actual details. So yes, there were several boxes of tissue scattered on the floor once again. I wish I could say that writing it was cathartic, but it would not be honest. Losing a parent, one you are so close to, is just something a woman that age never really gets over. So this is dedicated to Dad (please skip the sex parts daddy, cuz ewwwwww). It is also written with a very good friend in mind. I adore her and wish that of all the things we have in common that we did not share this similar horrible experience. I love you my twin, even though you may never read these words, it as much for you and your Mom.