Disclaimer: i do not own LoM... etc etc etc
Fonts in italic are for character's thought
"So she asked you to go back on Gnome or Undine day…?" Kain asked me as I told him my strange encounter with this green haired girl.
"Yes…" I trailed along waiting for the next inquisition that he may or may not do…
"Do you ask her name…?" I stopped walking and I guess my expression was very much like an open book to him. Since Kain slapped his forehead and sigh, resigned by my "sometimes an idiot and quite naïve plus slow when judging the situation" as he liked to put my forgetfulness to do something so simple like asking the girl's name. I pouted and think for a while.
"Kain…." I didn't know why but I suddenly feel like very emotional…
"Yeah…?"
"Am I that much of a nuisance to you…? Am I…?" Kain shook me in the middle of my sentence. I looked at him, I saw his eyes were worried, and
"Ange… What makes you think like that…? Of course, you're …"
I tore off from his grip and run away before I can hear the rest of his word. I just can't bear to hear the rest,
What if he said… what I feared the most…what if he said I was a nuisance, a pain in his guts. Just a bother and just a plain burden in his life. I can't stand it! I don't want to hear any of it. I just don't want to hear those words from Kain. I… I…
Then I felt something hard, when I opened my eyes, I saw somebody's chest. I muttered my apologies and looked up and saw the face that I missed for a long time.
"E…El… Elazul…" I stuttered with still teary stained face so I'm sure that my voice was croaked.
"Oh… hi… Uhh, fancy meeting you here." Elazul offered while staring at me confusedly. I quickly rubbed my tears and tried to act to be cheerful although I wouldn't know if he would buy it…
"Uh huh… so what are you doing here?"
"Searching for Jumi."
"I see… would you like me to help?" I offered as always because one, I wanted to spend some time with him and two, I wanted some company so that maybe I would get over this 'drama queen' mode quickly.
"Ah… I don't think it would be necessary. But thanks for the offer." Elazul's answer just made me more the miserable. I sighed and just smiled at him.
"Okay… if you say so. Then I'll just be on my way. See you again…" Then I turned around again and tears already threaten to fall again from my eyes. When I started to walk, I felt someone's hand touching my shoulder.
"Hey, are you okay…? It's not quite like you to give up so easily…" Elazul asked me worriedly.
"Uhh yes… I'm fine. I just…" I stopped. I didn't trust my own voice because I knew, I wouldn't sound fine at all. I was happy that Elazul asked me if I was okay but I didn't want to add his burden. I didn't want him to think like Kain that I'm just a nuisance. I…
"Hey! What's wrong with you? Why are you crying?" Elazul's voice brought me back to reality and I realized that he's in front of me. His blue eyes staring at me intently, I looked down and I felt my tears just fell down like a stream. I felt his warmth very close to me. I felt his heartbeat rhythmically, his soothing voice, and suddenly I just felt really tired. That I just wanted to rest, sleep, and forget everything. Everything bad, everything sad and especially what happened today…
I felt cold breeze trickling my skin, I shivered a bit and cuddled to the warmth next to me. I felt very secure right now, I wonder what happened... The last thing I remembered was Elazul's embrace. I fluttered my eyes open and saw a beautiful sunset. Then I looked up to Elazul, his blue orb gazed straight to the sea. When I saw him moved his eyes to me, I blushed a bit…
"Are you feeling better now?" He asked me with the same boyish voice.
"Uh huh. Thank you…" I replied softly still feeling a bit drowsy.
"It's okay. Uh.. can I ask you something…?" suddenly I had the feeling where this question might lead but I guess Elazul had the right to know. After all, I've been imposing him with my troubles.
"Sure… Is it about me crying?" He nodded.
"Well… I guess it's just me being stupid and emotional. You see, I was from the academy then I met Kain on the way. He asked what did I do there and I told him. But being just me I guess, I forgot to get certain information and Kain just sighed resigned. So by that time, I was feeling really guilty and then all sorts of bad thoughts started to rolling in and I guess I just had an outburst and cried. Well, after that I bumped into you…" I explained slowly since I didn't know how to really explain it but telling this to Elazul gave me a huge relief.
"I see… uhh I don't mean to pry but will you made up soon?" Elazul asked me again. I chuckled because I seriously never see Elazul talked to me this much on his own initiatives.
"Hey… I'm asking you seriously…" He fumed a little but I knew that he isn't really mad just annoyed.
"I'm sorry… but yeah, I think we'll make up soon." I replied to him happily.
"I had a dream just now…" Elazul looked at me strangely as if it was weird for me to tell him that. I just smiled at him and continued.
"It was when I was still a child maybe seven years old. Back then Kain still… ummm let's say not as nice as now. We fought a lot back then and I used to cry a lot. Mom and Dad were always smiling at us when we fought. Sometimes, they cut in and made us settle down for a bit before asking us to apologize to each other." I stopped then and remembered how I used to sit in daddy's lap, looked to the kitchen to see mom and Kain trying to cook something. It was very nice back then. I felt something trickled down my cheek. I just realize that I shed a tear again.
"Hey… are you alright…?" Elazul asked me worriedly maybe it's because I cried so much today.
"Yes, Yes… I'm fine. It's just I remembered so much happy memories back then. Uhh… do you mind to listen for a bit more?" Elazul nodded again. I smiled and silently thanked the heaven that he was so nice today.
"So… we used to fight a lot by then but when I turned eight and Kain turned 10. Mom and dad went for a quest but they never come back. We waited for months but they didn't come back. We tried to reassure ourselves that it was a very hard quest so it took a long time but our hope was shattered when Pelican came and told us that mom and dad had died protecting the villagers in a place far away."
I fell silent for a while then I just realized that I must have bored Elazul. Why he should care about my history.
"I must have bored you, have I" I asked him and saw his silent as a yes. So I stood up and I felt Elazul stood up too. His build towered me a bit, maybe he had grown from the last time we met. I backed away a bit blushing. Then I heard Elazul's deep tone.
"I don't think that's boring at all. I mean to tell you the truth, I think it took a lot of courage to say things like that. Your past wasn't what I call a very happy one. Mine wasn't and I know how it felt to be in your position so no, I don't think you bored me. Well, you said we're friends right…?" I nodded.
"And you said friends should help out each other, right?" I nodded again
"So I think it's alright for you to share your burden with me. I mean, you and Kain had helped me and Pearl out a lot when we're complete strangers to you. At the very least, I could listen to your problems. I don't like seeing you and Kain having a quarrel. I really like you two. You both had the kind of life I wanted. So I don't want to see you like this. I don't like seeing you sad. So if you still got things to say, I got the time for you."
I blushed a bit after his 'confession' to me. I kind of stuttered when I said this, "Umm.. Uhh.. th.. than… thanks… but.. uh.. um.. don't you need to look around for Jumi?"
I never see Elazul smiled until now. At least a real smile, the one that gave a warm tingling feeling.
"Well, even if I looked for them and found them. They might not want me, I'm a stranger to them after all, but right now, you need help and I'm your friend so I guess I'll help you out first before I go and look for Jumi."
His explanation gave me butterflies in my stomach. I'm so happy that Elazul considered me as a friend and he wanted to help ME first rather than helping his race. We stood like that for a while before sitting down again. Silence encompassed us, it was nice to feel the evening breeze on your skin and having someone close to you when you were not feeling your best. I didn't know how long we stayed like that but it must have been a while since now I saw stars in the night sky. A voice broke our silence, it wasn't Elazul's voice, someone else and from a distant but I'm pretty sure that it was a man's voice.
"ANGELIQUE, where are you…?" That voice echoed throughout the place, a voice that seemed very familiar to me.
"Hey…, isn't that Kain? It's his voice, isn't it?" Elazul unsureness broke a sudden surprise to me. I quickly turned my back and saw in the distance was Kain. He was running to here and I saw him looked much disheveled. I immediately stood up and ran to him.
"Kain…!!" I shouted and I ran over to him. I embraced him and laughed gleefully like a girl finding her long lost love. Kain lifted me and spun me around, he's also smiling and laughed. Then we fell into silence and I felt Kain's embrace was tightened. His hand gently tousled my hair and I felt something hot streaming down. I kind of wanted to look up but Kain's voice stopped me, "Don't look. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to see me right now."
I kind of understand how he felt and I, myself sometimes felt like that when I'm down but Elazul's voice keep ringing in my head, "You can share your burden with me"
"Kain…" I started softly
"Yeah…?" I heard his throaty reply, I smiled softly
"Would you like to share it with me?" I asked him again
"Share what?" He asked back confusedly
"Your feelings and all the things that you want to share" I replied
We fell into silence again but this time longer and more comforting. I heard footsteps behind me. I completely forgot Elazul was here. I felt that he slightly knew that we needed this time. He started walking to our direction and gave my hair a pat and Kain's shoulder a squeeze. He gave us a smile, one that was wise and old, one that was tired and relieved, and it made him looked like far beyond his years. A wise old man that was relieved to see his grandchildren resolved their fight. I chuckled to my mental image of Elazul and saw him waved from his retreating figure. And I knew that he was smiling contentedly right now. If it wasn't for this day, I would never know that Elazul could smile so much.
"Kain…" I started again
"Yeah…?" His reply was more composed now
"Should we settle this then…?" I offered
"Yeah, we should." And he gave me the go ahead.
"You see…" I started to tell him what I felt about today and before and lots of sort things that I felt about things from my earliest memory until now. Kain just listened to me as always, silently encouraging and giving grunts, nods, and hmm-ed at some point. After I had finished, Kain asked me that if I wanted to go back to the inn as it's already night time. I grumbled about he won't share things with me and being unfair. But he just laughed wryly and said that he would tell me all the things that I wanted to know after we're checked in. I'm glad that he decided that he's going to tell me even it was not now. I'm still glad that soon I'm going know more about my own brother that I so cherish in my life.
--
I felt constricted with emotions, as Angelique told me all the things that she felt. How was she feeling when I did this, how she felt when she met someone new, a lots of things. It was a welcome, yes. Although, I felt that I shouldn't really know these kind of things, I mean, I'm okay if she wanted to tell me all this but wasn't she supposed to keep some as her own secret. I might sound like I didn't want to open up to my own sister but I honestly didn't know what to think anymore. After the incident today, I did lots of thinking. Mostly on my behavior, I knew sometimes I can be a jerk but I didn't expect that Angelique of all people would took my every word/action literally. Maybe I'm just an idealist as much I like to tell her that. Well, now I realized that I'm also an idealist but perhaps, not a hopeless romantic. I hope. Well, with the way things right now, I know that she demanded the same thing from me. She wanted me to share all my burden and feeling with her so that we could understand each other better. Not that I opposed the idea. I kinda like it but I'm just not used to it. I used to think for myself and decide for myself. What I did and what I felt should be what I wanted, not what others wanted. That's how I liked it to be so the idea of sharing my thoughts and feeling was alien to me. However much I loved my sister, I couldn't bring myself to be very close as I still feared of losing someone dear again. I know that I'm selfish if I continued to be like this but I can't help it. I'm still had ways to go and that's why I promised her that I couldn't tell her now but sometime soon if I already could reconcile with myself, when I'm wiser and more mature. I'll tell her the things that she wanted to know even if it's sometimes sad memories that I wished she won't pry, I'll still tell her. When that time comes, I hoped that I'll be a better person than I am now. Sometimes, I did feel a bit lonely when I'm alone. Even when I'm in the middle of the crowd, sometimes I felt that I was alone out there with no one that could reach out to me.
I looked to the window, it's raining outside. Rain, the merciful drops that fell from heaven above to bless the land with it's gentle touch. I wonder if I can be received such blessing too in my life. I felt inwardly smiling to myself. I continued to be silent for a while until a knocking was heard.
"Come in." Placid… my voice seems so empty.
"Kain…?" I saw Angelique peered in. Her head inclined slightly at the door frame outside as if uncertain that it was me that's inside the room.
"Yes…? Why don't you come in and sit yourself?" I offered to her gently. Her smile warmed me a bit. I smiled back at her, I didn't know how she managed to smile like that. How could she still smile after a lot of sad things going on in her life. I envied her sometimes but I knew that it's one of the good things in her that other people could never acquire. That very one trait that could keep you going no matter how bad the present look like. It was the very same trait that she possessed and I didn't, with that trait she was able to charm almost everybody. Her warm smile, her amiable attitude could melt almost every male's heart and made any female befriend with her. Her sunny self that I admired, perhaps that's why I tried so hard to protect her. It was because I didn't want my sister that I so cherished be sad and mournful. Her smile was wiped off from her face now. When I realized it, I was staring at her. She gave me this funny and creepy look, it's as if I was a psycho that suggested that I wanted to do something funny with her.
"Why are you smiling to yourself?" She asked me confusedly
"Nothing much. Just thinking…" I trailed along unsure.
"About…?" she asked again, out of curiosity I suppose.
"You." I knew that will made her more confused.
"I see. Well, what do you think about me?" My hands slightly fell from its current position, which was crossing each other. Her reaction was not what I expected. I expected her to go all like "What…?? What do you mean by me…? Do you think that I'm stupid again?" or something along that line. I guessed she must have a bit more matured today. Perhaps her encounter with Elazul had opened her view on some things. Suddenly, I felt like I was left behind by my sister.
"Well… I'm waiting." I supposed, her impatience still didn't quite changed yet.
"Uh…" I didn't know where to start, or how to answer her question as a matter of fact. I still haven't got over her reaction yet but I guessed, I had to say something.
"Pretty much… everything about you, I guess." I answered a bit hesitant since I didn't know what to expect anymore. The Angelique in front of me was different from the one I knew. Her inner self was still the same, of that I'm sure but I sensed that the way she carried herself to be somewhat different.
"You guess…? What do you mean? It's your own thought, isn't it?" See… It was this kind of word that's supposed to be my line. Now, it seems we reversed our role. I chuckled softly, I saw her quirked her eyebrows as if asking what's funny. I just laughed then, I couldn't resist it. I felt like a fool. A very foolish fool but it felt wonderful. Maybe this was what they call to be a wonderful fool. I felt very smitten now, thanks to the laugh just now. I felt like there's this rush inside of me that's just wanting to come out. I saw Angelique, was eyeing me quite strangely. I must had looked like a complete fool, but somehow I didn't mind. If she could express her feeling the way she did then why can I not do it my way.
"You see… heh..heh… I was thinking about myself then I thought how I was someone very very broody. Then I thought about you and your miss. Sunny sunshine like person attitude. So yeah, now all of the sudden I felt like a total idiot because you just stole my usual line and how I think we reversed our personality although it's me being broody and idiot and you being wise and understanding. Hope that helps…" I explained to her still laughing and wiping away the tears that came out because I laughed too hard it seemed. Soon I heard her laugh too and I joined in chorus. Soon the room was filled with laughter. We laughed for quite some time and I felt my stomach cramped with laughter.
"Ehehehe… Kain oh Kain…" She said between laughter, it must be quite hard to speak while you're still stuffed with laughter. So I waited for a while, waiting for her to stop laughing. Actually, I was still laughing myself so I waited for myself to stop.
"You know, we never had a laugh like this for a long time…" She started again now her laugh had turned to little giggles.
"Yeah. It was quite a long time ago when we had a laugh like this." I affirmed her word. Then there was silence again loomed around us. Well, it was a nice one. I moved from my spot and walked to the bed. I sat beside Angelique and still kept silent for a while. I don't know what to say. I wanted to tell her all these things I felt but I don't know where to start.
"Ange, I don't know how to say this but I can't tell you all of the things that you might want to know right now. I still felt not ready with it yet but I guess, I can share with you most of the things that you want to know. And uh… I don't know how to start." I talked hesitantly and albeit a little shy. She inclined her head a little, giving me a weird look.
"Ahh… it's not that I don't want to share with you. It's just I haven't come to term with myself and I… I'm not used to this. So please give me time and please believe in me. Please believe that you will know all the things that you wanted to know about me. Have faith that you're my beloved sister and I will try to do my best to make you happy."
After I said that, I felt really flustered and I blushed quite profoundly. When I looked at her, I saw her smile and she tackled me with a hug. The bed squished with our weight, and we laughed again. I slapped my forehead and we kept laughing and I returned the hug soon after.
"Well, you see…" I started off and I knew that soon there would be questions rolling on.
R & R. and thanks for reading up to this point!