Author's Note: Okay, so the last chapter wasn't very "Beauty and the Beast." I promise that'll change as of now. I've deviated from the BatB plot long enough. Remember in the film, when the Beast saves Belle, she treats his wounds, and they finally came to an understanding? Then in this fic, when Pip saved Seras, she cleaned his wounds and they finally made a connection? Then in the next scene in the movie we see their deepening relationship, whereas in this fic it kind of went off on a tangent for several chapters? Well, now we're finally back on track. The beautiful montage of the Beast and Belle growing closer will FINALLY apply to Pip and Seras.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or the Disney movie that this story was inspired from.
In a dark tavern in the old town, in the dead of night, the Valentine Brothers waited. The warm lobby fire had long been extinguished, as well as the candles atop all the tables. Only the lantern on their table shined. This made the rest of the tavern look dark, empty, and sinister. Much like the two brothers.
The elder, Luke Valentine, sat up straight with his arms crossed and his eyes pointed expectantly toward the door. The younger, Jan Valentine, sat hunched over, drinking his beer.
Eventually the doors opened, and the wandering soldiers that had harassed Seras burst through. They looked tired and much-harried.
"You're late," Luke said.
The two glared at him. "Sorry," snapped the elder.
The one-eyed soldier that had haunted Seras' nightmares for the last three years hung his gun, hat, and sachel on the coat-rack at the door, but kept his coat on since it was so cold. His partner did the same.
"Fucking shit," one soldier said to the other. "That's the last fucking time..."
"Goddamn mercenaries..." grumbled the other.
Oh, that did not sound like a good sign.
"So, how'd it go?" Jan Valentine grinned.
Luke smacked him.
Jan clutched his head. "What?"
"It went like shit, that's how it went!" the one-eyed soldier snapped. His greasy black hair fell in clumps over his eyes without his hat to hold it back. "Luke, you're an old friend and I would do anything for you, but you did not tell me the little English bitch had a personal army!"
"And a personal army of trained war dogs, at that!" his companion glowered.
Luke narrowed his eyes. "Explain."
They told him of how they traveled to the town he pointed them out to, and confronted the little English tart he knew.
The two renegade soldiers were childhood friends of Luke and Jan Valentine. They grew up in the same village together, and worked for a family that rented and worked on the Valentine family farm, until they eventually grew up and joined the French army. Regardless, the two soldiers stayed in touch and caught up with the Valentine Brothers. They told the brothers of their highs and woes serving in the army, in battle, cards, and bed. After the greasy soldier eventually wrote to Luke venting his frustration of losing an eye to an English maiden he had tried to take during a battle against the English, who escaped, Luke eventually put two and two together and realized it was the same English maiden who had arrived at his poor provincial town.
While Seras still lived in the same town, Luke had hoped to use the information to remind Seras of how terrified she was of soldiers and men to persuade her to marry him. He hoped this would make her feel less inclined to serve men in the tavern, less likely to tolerate the Wild Geese, and more eager to accept his offer of marriage as protection against ruffians. That she would see him as a rescuer, a savior; a man carrying her out of the streets and into a proper home where she could serve a handsome husband and children of her own. like all women wanted.
But then his idiot brother had to attack her in the tavern at the dead of night, which prompted the captain of the Wild Geese to rescue her, which just brought her closer to them. Luke's attempt at damage control by trying to spin it so the Geese would seem at fault, and remind her of her terror of men, backfired when Seras revealed she wanted even less to do with Luke Valentine because of his brother. After she spurned him a second time, Luke arranged for his brother to get Seras fired so that she would feel she had no choice but to accept his offer now that she was destitute.
But that backfired too. Seras would rather take her chances in a new town than stay in this one. And those fucking Wild Geese (the same brutes that couldn't go longer than thirty seconds without throwing some sexual innuendo at her) offered to escort her safely to her new town.
Unfortunately for Rip and Seras, they did not travel far enough. Their new town was less than a day's ride away, and Luke and Jan had connections there. Men and relatives they had known a long time who acted as their eyes and ears, and sent letters to them informing them of Rip and Seras' whereabouts. The van Winkles were outcasts in the new town as well as the old one, and Seras served in a tavern same as before, and the Wild Geese frequented the tavern and made themselves at home.
So, Luke decided to make them as despicable to Seras as possible. He arranged for Jan and his cohorts to steal Wild Geese uniforms and accost villagers that traveled the roads at night, steal and butcher livestock from every farm except the van Winkles (which conveniently made him and his brother richer), and assault young women. He knew that villagers reporting thefts and rapes by men wearing Wild Geese uniforms would cause the entire village to turn against them, which in turn would make Seras feel repulsed by the Wild Geese.
But, Seras stood by them. Rather than turning on the Geese with the rest of the town as he expected, Seras insisted the Geese could not have done it.
Luke was enraged, and grew desperate. He saw an opportunity when his spies reported that Seras' loyalty to the Geese earned her ire from the town. So, he saw an opportunity to make her lose her standing with the new town, as well as rekindle her old fear of soldiers. He felt for sure would make her feel alone and vulnerable enough that she would have to accept his offer of marriage when he came to "rescue" her.
Since his friends in the army had been thrown out for misconduct and wandered aimlessly, he eventually called on a favor. He asked them to visit the village to accost Seras, publically reveal her history as an English maid who traveled to France to follow her English master, and who was mobbed and killed on suspicion of being a spy.
But this again backfired. Seras relived her trauma, but the Geese had supported her, and the captain gave her a shoulder to cry on.
Luke Valentine was extremely livid. "Why is it that every time you blockheads try to confront Seras, you just end up driving her further into their arms?"
"Um, because she's a fucking slut?" Jan said.
Luke jabbed him very hard with his elbow.
Normally he was very composed, but failure to get his way time and time again had made him much more irritable. He wanted Seras as his bride and he wanted her now, damn it. He never had to wait this long to get anything in his life, and he couldn't stand enduring it now. He could have any maiden he wanted in his village with just an incline of the head, but the girl he wanted rejected him and left town rather suddenly.
"You didn't tell me those goddamned Geese were like fucking guard dogs to that harlot bitch," the one-eyed soldier snapped.
"They weren't," Luke said.
"Well, they sure fucking rose to the challenge!" the one-eyed soldier snapped, and gestured to his broken arm. "That goddamned harlot-fucking captain broke my fucking arm and threatened to burry me and my buddy in the river if we didn't get out of fucking town! They've become like beasts guarding their carcass and I sure as fuck don't wanna end up dead by them."
"She is terrified of soldiers," Luke said, "After what you nearly did to her years ago, she should be running from those Geese in terror rather than running to them for comfort."
"But that was before you had us turn the entire town against her," one of the soldiers said.
Luke was taken aback. "What?"
They explained how they had publically accused her of being a spy.
"IDIOTS!" Luke thundered, and slammed his fist down on the table so violently a tankard of beer spilled over. "If you make her a pariah to all of France, what good is that to me? If she becomes an untouchable, then I will never be able to show my face in town after I marry her!"
"Well excuse me, princess!" the soldier snapped, "I thought you wanted us to reveal her past with soldiers."
"Yes, with soldiers. Not political accusations."
"Well, what do you want us to fucking do? She's further in those goddamned soldiers' arms and is probably off fucking them senseless right now..."
"Hey, that's what I said!" Jan perked up.
There's a reason these two slimy former soldiers were childhood friends with the Valentine Brothers.
"And she was supposed to turn against them just as violently!" Luke snapped, and slammed his closed fist on the table. "Few men can stand a woman that is repulsed by him. Especially hedonistic mongrels like them that only want a woman for one reason. She would never accept their advances, no matter how they begged. And when they pushed her too far, well... Everyone here knows how they reacted when she called them murderers and rapists in this tavern, weeks ago. The captain was so angered he stormed out straight away, and none of the men would look at her for days."
"You know, bro," Jan said, "if you put half this effort into chasing a girl who wants to be with you..."
"I told you, I'll have her for my wife, and I will make it happen!" Luke snapped.
"Well, you'd better try something else bro, 'cause this fear-mongering ain't working..." Jan said carelessly into his drink.
"And you better wait till the Wild Geese leave town. Those beasts guard her more jealously than a dog guards his bone."
Luke was about to get angry, but then a thought struck him.
"How have the Geese impersonations been going, by the by?"
"Oh, very well!" one of the soldiers grinned.
Finally, some positive news.
One of the soldiers peeled back his coat to reveal the stolen Wild Geese uniform. "As you can see, we have been quite successful."
Luke smirked and turned to his brother. "And your men?"
"Out in the field as we speak!" Jan leaned over and grinned excitedly.
Part of Luke's master plan. Have his brother and their men periodically visit the town and then, in the dead of night, commit crimes while wearing Wild Geese uniforms. Rob travelers on the roads at night, steal livestock from various farmers but never those in the van Winkle farm; and assault women when the opportunity presented itself. Jan absolutely loved the work. Luke loved hearing how much more the villagers hated, feared, and mistrusted the Geese after they started.
"We're getting fucking rich of these animals, by the by," Jan grinned carelessly, "I think we just got back every animal we slaughtered and then some!"
"Very good work," Luke said, "And keep it up. I want the town to be absolutely livid with the Geese before this is over."
"Bro, would you forget about the Wild Geese?!" Jan finally exclaimed. "Come on! We got a good business right here!"
"And yet, you would not have started this 'business' venture had I not wished to pursue the girl," he smirked. The gears in Luke's head were turning, which was always a dangerous thing for those not in his circle; that is, his brother and their morally bankrupt followers. "But don't worry. If all goes well, not only will we be all the wealthier for it, but the town and Seras will chase them out like the wild beasts they are."
The next day, Luke turned up at the van Winkle home. When Seras answered the door, she looked pale, tired, and sad. Her eyes were red from crying and weighed by purple bags from lack of sleep. She looked so tired and defeated... until she saw who he was.
Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped. "Luke Valentine!" she cried.
"Oh, Seras!" he cried with passionate concern. "I heard you were in danger, and I dashed over straight away to see if the dangers were true."
"I... what?!" she tried to get her bearings. "What do you mean?"
"Oh Seras, the whole town is talking about it," he said, and he grabbed her hand as he retold her all the rumors that she already knew.
"How did you know about this?" Seras asked.
"Oh Seras," he said, and tried to touch her cheek, which she shied away from. "My brother and I have family within this town. Several families who work on our farm have relatives in this town, or else have married to and from. And our sister... we have a sister who married into this village a long time ago.
"You've never mentioned her before," Seras glared.
"Well, of course we haven't, because she married out of the family and moved away."
Seras glared at him. She didn't know if such a sister existed, but if she did, that certainly said volumes about how much the Valentine Brothers valued women in their families. They certainly showed contempt for women in every other aspect of life, like the girls in town, the tavern wenches, the girls upstairs, and...
"Seras, lievered, who ist that?!" Rip said excitedly as she skipped over to the door.
As soon as she saw Luke, Rip lost her breath and the color in her face all at once.
"What's he doing here?!" she gasped.
"Rip van Winkle," he said simply.
"He says he's only here to show concern after what happened yesterday," Seras said calmly.
She was then aware that her hand was back in Luke's, and she was rather put out.
"Of course!' he said, "It was such a grave misfortune for those soldiers of your past to turn up at your very door, and to loudly proclaim your guilt for all to hear, and for you to lose face in this town. I'm sure now, what with everything that's been revealed, you shall be run out of the village if the cold does not kill you first. I am sure, what with everything that has happened, you shall want to move to a different town and find some sort of protector; perhaps the town you have come to think of as home for the last three years, and, perhaps, this time, under the care of a most prosperous husband..."
As he spoke, something clicked for Seras. She grew very stern, and her eyes very narrow.
"... How did they know I was here?" she asked.
Luke was too late in answering. His blank expression said it all.
"I said: How did they know I was here?" Seras asked much more firmly.
"Oh Seras," he said cheerfully, and tried to laugh it off. "Do you have any idea what you're saying...?"
"There are hundreds of French villages in this province alone!" Seras cried, and shoved his hands aside. "And each one has around a hundred maidens each. I have lived alone since I came here, and kept my head down and out of sight. The armies have been traveling from one war to another since the Sun King came to rule. And now, the two men who almost killed me that night, long ago just happened to know which village I was in, and you just happened to hear about it the next day?"
"Oh Seras, would you listen to yourself? I have no idea where you could get that..."
"Oh, I think you do," Seras said with deathly calm.
"You are not welcome here!" Rip squeaked from inside her home.
"Seras," he said with forced politeness, but squeezed her hand. "I do believe you are letting your imagination get the better of you again..."
"Don't you dare call it my imagination!" Seras snapped as she pulled her hand away.
"Seras! Do I do believe..." he said aggressively, and advanced upon her.
She pulled her hand away and slapped him. "And I do believe you are the most amoral, unkind, egoistical villain this world has ever seen!" Seras cried.
She was so angry, she couldn't even think of the words. She was furious. Fire burned in her eyes, and hatred and resolve burned in her heart. Everything she had ever suffered, everything she had been through, everyone she loved hurt and betrayed and killed and the most recent of her misfortunes were the result of THIS man?! That he was somehow connected to the monsters in men's skin that had caused screams she still heard in her dreams, whose sadistic grins and laughs still haunted her nightmares; whose faces she still saw every time she looked at a man in uniform; just that he might somehow be connected to them made her sick and repulsed on every possible level. But that he might have something to do with them finding her...? That he might...?!
"Seras, you're letting your imagination run away with you again," he said aggressively.
"And so are you if you think I would even dream of accepting you!"
"You're afraid of soldiers, remember! I am a common citizen..."
"In league with soldiers if your happy coincidence has anything to say about it!" Seras snapped.
"Why, you little-!" he shouted, and went to grab her.
A gunshot startled them both. Rip Van Winkle stood behind Seras, with a large flint-lock musket in her hands, pointed toward the sky with smoke steaming from the barrel.
"If you do not wish to have your head blown off, then I suggest you step away from ma cher right now. I am the huntress, Rip Van Winkle. Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor: my bullet punishes all without distinction." She lowered her gun and pulled out another bullet. "You will do very well to leave my property this instant, if you do not wish to receive a bullet in the eye."
"Oh? And do you think I would just sit back and let you reload the gun?" Luke sneered.
Seras pulled a large carving knife from under the fold of her skirts and pointed it at him. He leaned back with his hands raised in surrender.
"And do you think she would just sit back en let you assault her dearest friend? Agree to marry you after you threaten someone she dearly loves? You truly do not know livered, minj vijand," she sneered, "Now, you had better leave before the Wild Geese get here en make mince meat out of you."
Luke's pale face went a shade paler. "Th-the what?"
"The Wild Geese!" Rip absolutely relished the terror on his face. "Oh, you did not know? I'm sure your cohorts have given you ample accounts of our situation, but did they tell you the Wild Geese are our very good friends en come to see us regularly? That shot was loud enough to echo the whole village. After your the soldiers came to menace Seras, the Geese have been very concerned for her well-being. Do you think there ist even the slightest chance that they did not hear it, or realize it came from this direction, or will not be making their way over right now?"
Rip then slung her musket over her shoulder. "So if you do not want to get your face blown off, you had better leave!"
Seras jabbed the knife in his face. "Get out."
Luke glared absolute hate, and he leaned over and whispered threateningly to Seras: "You can't afford to leave this town or reject the goodwill of its citizens for a long time yet. Those Wild Geese won't be here to protect you forever, and I have eyes around every tree. One way or another, I will make you my wife. One way or another!"
But he was cautious in taking his leave, because Rip still had her musket.
They were both visibly shaken and afraid after he left.
"I should have shot him," Rip said to lighten the mood, and they both laughed.
Seras had thought it a bluff, but some time later a few mercenaries really showed up to make sure they were all right.
"We heard a shot at the outskirts of town! Is everything all right?"
"Everything's fine!" Rip grinned, and turned to Seras for confirmation.
Far out in the outskirts of town, Luke was livid as he spied on them from a distance.
"As long as those God-forsaken mercenaries are around..." he thought.
"Oh well!" Jan said cheerfully, "I guess it's not going to work after all!"
But Luke had other ideas. "They have to leave some time, and when they do, we'll be ready for them."
Later that night, Luke gave instructions to his brother's cohorts. "You men, stay here and keep harassing this town in mercenary uniforms. I want the villagers ready to stone them before this is over. And you, LeFou: don't move from this town until the Wild Geese ship out!"
"What? But, I..." his protests fell on deaf ears. "Aw, nuts!"
.
Despite declaring that she was no longer afraid or cared what people said, Seras lay low during the days after her public resignation at the tavern. Embarrassment and self-consciousness eventually returned, and she just wanted to be left alone. She also didn't know what to do with herself now that she wasn't working, which she did nearly every day since the day after her parents were killed, so she stayed in bed.
A few of the Geese came to see her, but she was too mortified to see them. She even threw a boot at the door when they tried to come through.
Her solitude didn't last too long though. Remember the heavily pregnant goat whom Captain Bernadotte said was heavily pregnant and due to give birth very soon? After hours of uncertainty, she went into labor. Rip saw this as the perfect opportunity to invite Captain Bernadotte over to help deliver the kid, on the excuse that he was raised on a farm with goats and knew what he was doing.
"Honestly Rip, now you're just coming up with the most ridiculous excuses to invite them over," Seras said.
But she didn't refuse his help. In a way, the mother goat giving birth was an excuse to see him without admitting she accepted his company. It was for the goats, after all.
Seras was worried that the wind and snow storm was too cold out for the kid to live outside.
"Should we move her to give birth inside?"
"Nah, it's best not to move her when she's in labor," Pip said, "She'll be fine."
"But what about the kid? Won't it freeze to death?" Seras asked with concern.
"Nah," he grinned, and knocked on the toolshed-turned-goat home they set up. "This little shelter will protect them from the worst of the wind. Besides," he patted the mother goat's shoulder. "Goats of this breed are born with thick fur that protects them from freezing weather, even when they are first born."
"If you're sure," Seras said doubtfully.
"The only danger is the moment when he's born. The air is very cold out now, and when he first comes out of the womb he'll be covered in warm fluid. But when it hits the cold air, it'll turn cold very quickly and he'll get hypothermic. We've got to make sure to dry him off quickly - especially get in and around the ears so he doesn't get frost-bite - then nature will take care of the rest."
"Dry him off quickly," Seras said to herself. "Got it." She paused. "After he's better, wouldn't it be better to move him inside where he can stay warm by the fire? Even for a couple of hours? Just in case?"
"... I wouldn't recommend it," he said. "The mother will be in a delicate condition immediately after birth, and probably shouldn't be moved. She most likely won't respond well to us taking her kid away immediately after birth, which would just make it worse. No, I think it'll be best to leave them out here. As long as we dry him quickly, and probably give them plenty of bedding and access to the goat shelter, they should be all right."
But Seras decided to warm blankets by the fire just to be on the safe side. She wanted to make sure the kid would be nice and warm.
The nanny goat lay in labor for hours, which gave Rip, Seras, Pip, and the Geese excuse to sit around talking to wile away the time. It also gave Rip an excuse to pass drinks around, which helped relax the atmosphere. Seras was still rather shy and quiet, but the chatter of other people was pleasant and she eventually joined in, in her own way.
On Rip's urging, Pip midwifed the goat. He had the most experience, she said. So he knelt before the mother as she strained to push the kid out, made sure the kid was in the correct alignment for birthing, and came out smoothly. Considering the mother goat's young age and out-of-season birth, it went by rather smoothly. As soon as the kid was safely removed from the mother's body, Pip immediately passed it over to Seras, who stood waiting with a warm, dry blanket and enveloped the kid in it as she took it into her arms.
Pip was glad he turned back to look at her face as she did this. In the soft glow of the lantern he could see her gentle and maternal smile, and the loving light in her eyes as she dried the kid off in her arms.
Rip soon helped too, adding her own blanket, and together they both dried the little kid as quickly and thoroughly as possible. They made sure to get all the easy-to-miss spots, particularly the ears.
They cooed and awed when the little baby goat uttered its first bleat.
One of the men scoffed. "Women!"
Both of whom glared.
Eventually, when the kid was as safely dried off, they returned baby to mother and wrapped them both in a little nest of dry blankets. They also made sure the path to the shelter was clear.
Pip thought they were being a little silly, and asked Seras if she wanted to go in.
"In a moment," Seras said without looking away from the goats. "I just want to make sure they're all right."
The other goats felt a bit neglected from this whole affair, and the other female goat insistently rubbed her head under Seras' hands, demanding to be petted.
So she stayed out for the next half hour, and Pip decided to stay with her. He still didn't see the point since he figured the goats would be fine, but he liked using this excuse to approach her. Rip did too, because she soon lured the other mercenaries inside on some flimsy excuse so they could leave the two love birds alone. There were still so many unspoken concerns between them.
"You don't have to stay, if you don't want," Seras said.
"Non," he said. "I won't leave you out here alone."
Seras closed her eyes and turned her head away.
She was never going to talk on her own, so he had to goad her.
"Unless, of course, you're afraid I'm going to jump you..."
"Oh, no!" Seras cried instantly, and looked at him. "No, I wouldn't believe that."
"Not now," he said, and casually lit a cigarette. "A month ago, you would have thought of nothing else."
"No, that's different," Seras struggled to find the right words again. "Before, I didn't - that is, I mean..."
"Look, Seras," he said kindly, and turned toward her. He grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. "It's all right. I understand now. You've been through something so horrible, most people could not even begin to imagine. I used to wonder why you were so standoffish with men, but now I think it's a miracle you were so kind at all. Soldiers destroyed everything you loved, shattered your life, murdered the people you loved; twice. I couldn't even imagine what that must have been like for you." As he spoke, his words opened old wounds that brought gushing tears into her eyes. "But, at the same time, you could have told us before so we could have known."
"Look..." she said, a little forlornly. "I..."
It was very slow, difficult, and painful for her, but it had to be said. As long as Seras kept secrets, hid her feelings, and avoided topics that made her uncomfortable, they would never get through. Though Pip was polite and respectful, he brought up the topics that needed to be said to move forward.
After a bit of talking, he finally ventured, "You miss your mom and dad, don't you?"
"... Yes," she finally said, and fresh tears streamed down her eyes. It was like a dam was broken. Year of bottling it up burst forward and she bent forward sobbing. "Yes, I miss them so much! I know it doesn't help to miss them since they're gone and there's no bringing them back, so there's no point in dwelling on the past, but I wish they were still alive. I wish it every day. I wish they were still alive. I want them back!" she sobbed and sobbed.
"Hey, it's all right," he said soothingly, and rubbed her back as her sobs racked her body. "It's okay to miss them. It's okay to want them back. They were very important to you."
"They were my whole world," Seras confessed. "They were everything to me. I... I know this sounds blasphemous, but they... they were like great, benevolent gods or titans. They were so big and beautiful, and kind. It seemed like they could do anything, but they loved me. They could do anything, and then... something they couldn't take care of killed them..."
"'Mother' is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children," he said.
The abruptness, and profoundness, of his statement shocked her into momentary silence.
"When your mother and father were killed, it was like your God, your entire world was killed. And those that did it were like monsters more powerful than the Devil. Not just something that threatens to take the world, but one that already succeeded."
She was silent, but it felt so nice to hear someone put to words how she always felt, but never felt able or allowed to say.
"But you know? At least you knew your mother and father. You can carry their memories in your heart. As long as you're alive, you can keep them alive in your memories."
Seras sniffed, and smiled. "The priest said the same thing at confession."
"That's because it's true," he grinned.
She smiled, and hiccupped.
Then he leaned back, "At least you knew your mother and father, and have memories of them to fall back on. I never even my parents. Before I was even born, my father enlisted in the Wild Geese army once more to pay for my delivery, where he got himself killed. My mother then died giving birth to me... my first victim, as it where." There was a hollow bitterness in his voice. "I was raised by my grandparents, who did not tell me of my legacy. My father married a French woman, you see, and settled down in a French village far away from a Wild Geese neighborhood. I was the only Irish-descended kid in my village. I thought my father was an Irishman that migrated to this country to seek freedom after an oppressive outcome to an unjust war.
"But my peers knew better," Pip said. "Even before I knew what a mercenary was, they used to tease me and throw rocks at me, and said I was descended from murders. That my family was paid to go off and kill in wars. And my grandfather confirmed it, in the bluntest terms possible."
"Oh, how awful!" Seras cried.
"Eh, c'est lavie," he shrugged.
Despite her own woes, Seras was overcome with genuine and profound pity for him. How awful that must be! To learn your birth, your very existence brought the deaths of both your parents before you were even born - father died raising money for his delivery, and mother died giving birth to him. Not only to live with that guilt, but to learn your whole family were the 'scum of the earth' anyway. Men paid to go off to fight and kill in wars.
Seras' mind wandered to that dark time when she told him he was nothing but a monster; a murderer and a rapist, incapable of feeling anything but sadistic glee and doing anything but destroying lives. After a lifetime of feeling like he was nothing but a monster, whose very existence was spawned from and maintained by destroying others, no doubt feeling like he couldn't be anything else, and no doubt going through life thinking he'd put that all behind him, only to hear someone tell him again that he was only a monster and could never be anything else.
Seras suddenly felt a powerful wave of shame, regret, and guilt. It must have been so awful. No wonder he was so upset that he stood abruptly, walked out, and didn't so much as look at her for days after.
A fresh batch of tears fell out of her eyes. "Mr. Bernadotte, I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I called you a monster. I shouldn't have said it."
"As glad as I am to hear you say it, it's all right," he said. "You couldn't have known."
"But I shouldn't have. You're not a monster. You never were. You're one of the kindest people I've ever met."
A small smile graced his lips. "Well, it's nice to hear you say that..."
"But it's true!" Seras insisted. "You've shown me more kindness now than... well, anyone else I've known for years for most of my life."
She thought of the orphanage priests and religious womenfolk who provided them scant clothing or food, treated them so harshly, and threw her out for acting up. She thought of the farmer's family that took her in just to use as an extra hand to help with tilling the soil. The father from the first family beat his children, but beat her hardest because she wasn't one of them. Another farmer's blood children bullied her and tried to drive her off, how they made her sleep with the pigs, and how the farmer himself tried to assault her because she was so young, small, separated from the rest of the family, and he thought he could get away with it. (Thank God the pigs in the pen were aggressive toward humans but had come to accept her as "one of their own," however that happened, and so tried to gore him when he got too close, allowing her to escape.) She thought of the men she encountered on the road that inspired terror. She thought of the gangs of wild urchin boys who she used to get into fist-fights with when she disguised herself as a boy to avoid getting raped, and the "good Christian families" that used to drive her off when she came to take scraps from outside their window. And all the people in France that treated her like an outsider no matter what.
"More than Rip Van Winkle?" he grinned.
"I said 'one of,' not the kindest," Seras frowned.
"You really are."
"Oh yes, you say that now, after I've already saved you, what is it...? Five times," he grinned.
"Three," Seras corrected. Jan, the open road on their way to Rip Van Winkle, and then the soldiers. "But that hardly matters. A man's character is defined by his actions, not his birth."
And she believed it to the depths of her soul.
"A man who goes out to kill in wars?"
"A man who is contracted to serve a king and a people in times of devastation, but shows kindness to those around him?" Seras retorted.
Somehow, that statement touched him more deeply than any other.
"Well, you'd be the first... but thank you." He then smirked, "But weren't you the one who said we were evil just on account of being soldiers?"
"Well, I..." she blushed, and nearly cried. "I... the only soldiers I knew did something so terrible..."
"Which reminds me," Pip said, "Why didn't you tell us? Even after you learned we were not evil, why didn't you tell us your background, so we could understand where you were coming from?"
This was one of the hardest questions yet. Seras finally admitted. "When I first met you... all I saw were the shaded figures of the men that killed my parents. As I got to know you, your behavior seemed to confirm it. I know you meant no harm now, but at the time, I..." she took a deep breath, "Even as I got to know you, you always love to make jokes about things." Tears pooled in her eyes. "I was afraid... afraid that if you knew, you would make a joke about it. And I couldn't bear that," and the tears fell out of her eyes and she wept.
"Non," he said soothingly. "Non, non, non. We would never do that to you."
"How could I know?" she cried. "How could I know, when you wouldn't take anything seriously?"
He rubbed her back again and let her cry it out again. "Seras, we joke because that is our way of coping. Most of us don't come from the best backgrounds - mine is blessed compared to many - and we live mean, hard lives besides. You learned to deal with your hardship by wiping your hands and walking it off, we learned to laugh and joke about it. If you can't find the humor in life, what's it for?"
Seras felt better hearing that. She honestly hadn't thought of it that way.
"But still, there are some things even we don't make light of. You saw it the day you accused us of being murderers. And making light of someone's tragedy is not one of them."
Seras tried to smile, but she could only let the tears flow, and Pip rubbed her back.
"Oh, before I forget," he said, and pulled out the locket that she had chucked. "You left this in the tavern."
She looked at it with pleased recognition, but not overwhelming gratitude. "Oh, thank you!"
He had looked inside. There was a lock of hair and a woman's face.
"Was that your mother's?"
"No. It was never mine. It was Mr. J. H. Brenner's," Seras confessed. "He... he dropped this after he died, and, well... I-I wanted to hold onto it for him."
"Keep his memory alive?" Pip asked.
Seras nodded.
"He must have meant a lot to you."
"He took me off the streets and gave me a home - a job - when no one else would. Before meeting you or Rip, that was more kindness than anyone had ever shown me. And it meant a lot to me."
A few things ran through Pip's mind at once. One of them was flattery to be included as one of the three kindest people she had ever met.
After a while, when they knew mother and baby were all right, they went in. It was obvious Seras had been crying, and the others had the good graces not to make light of it.
After a while the men left to go back to the tavern, and for once, Seras was sorry to see them go.
Seras stayed in over the next few days. The few times she went out was to tend to the animals, and she often walked around looking sad and lost. Several Geese came out to visit each day, since their favorite girls were no longer at the tavern. As they approached the house one day, they found Seras walked along with her head down, looking so distant and sad. She was taking the goats out for a walk while Old Man Winkle mucked their pen.
The new mother goat that walked beside Seras then bumped her with her horn. Seras looked at her in surprise, then smiled and knelt down so she could scratch her behind the horns, where she liked it.
The new kid then felt a sudden burst of energy and started hopping around, frolicking and bleating. It's little hooves sank into the snow with an audible "crunch" after each leap, and it literally bounced and kicked off of its mother and Seras as it bounced around. Most goats like jumping onto whatever high surface they could, because they liked feeling like they were "king of the mountain." Seeing a small pile of snow, the kid naturally tried to leap onto it, only to sink in.
Seras grinned as the little billy goat sank into the snow pile, then bleat and shake itself off, and bound over to her. Seras held out her arms, and then laughed when the baby goat launched itself in. She held it close and laughed like it was a puppy.
The men wolf-whistled and cat-called.
"Oy, Seras! Is that a nanny goat hidden under your bodice, or are you just happy to see us?"
She looked up in surprise, then stood and dusted herself off.
"I don't even know what that means!" she called. When they got closer she asked, "Are you here to see Rip?"
"We're here to see both of you! And we brought drinks!" One of the men said as he swished a bottle like it was the most tempting thing.
Seras scoffed. "And I suppose you want me to pour it for you?"
There was a resounding "Oui merci!"
Seras sighed.
"Of course!" Rip cried when the men came to see her and handed her the bottle. "Ask a man to thatch a roof or repair a chicken coop, en he is all over it. But ask him to pour his own drink and his entire falls on its head!"
"Very funny!" they smirked.
This was, perhaps, the first visit where there was nothing for the men to do. There were no chores or repairs needing done. Seras already took care of the former and the Geese already took care of the latter. There was no pretense of having a purpose, like helping the nanny goat give birth. They were there strickly for pleasure, and so the atmosphere changed.
As with most friendly get-togethers, several of the men broke off so different people could talk with their own group. Some of the men conversed with Old Man Winkle, some Rip, some... well, a few of the men eventually went out to join Seras in give the goats some exercise. Then there was much laughing when one of the goats started chasing one of the men, trying to head-butt him with her horns. Seras never looked so filled with when she laughed.
When it was just Pip standing near Rip, "I've never felt this way about anyone..."
Seras eventually gave the poor man a break and waved a sprig of mistletoe in the nanny goat's line of sight (it was the only piece of greenery she had on her), and the goat promptly forgot her rage and went over to nibble on the edible.
"Yes, Seras is very special," Rip agreed.
"She does so much for others that I want to do something for her." He faltered, "But what?"
One of his men leaned in. "Well, there's the usual favorites. Flowers... sweets... promises you don't intend to keep."
"Non, non, non!" Rip exclaimed, waving the imaginary offense away. "It must be something really special... something that only she likes..." Rip gasped and clutched Pip's arm when it came to her. "Wait a minute!"
A couple of days later, Pip said, "Seras, there's something I want to show you."
Her smiled dropped. "What is it?"
She expected him to pull a certain male organ out of his trousers as a joke. Wouldn't be the first time one of the Geese did it to her.
"Nothing nefarious," he said, and gestured to the closed door of the larder. "Just a... something I want to show you as a surprise."
Seras' expression became deadpan. "What, is one of your men going to jump out waving around a dead horse's severed member? Because it wasn't funny last week and it's not going to be funny today."
"Non, non! Nothing like that! I just... I just need you to trust me."
Seras raised a very skeptical eyebrow. Nothing inspires distrust quite like hearing someone asking you to trust them. But Pip had proven himself trustworthy recently, and it was probably because of his and nothing else that she eventually relented and consented to closing her eyes. Pip waved a hand over her face to make sure her eyes were really closed, then took her by both hands and led her around, which made her nervous, and then he opened a loud creaking door, which confused her.
"What's going on?"
"You'll see in a second."
He led her again, supposedly through the open door, and she felt sure a naked mercenary was going to jump out and yell, "Surprise!"
Pip then let go of her hands and bade her to open her eyes.
Slowly, suspiciously, she did, and then gasped in appreciation and awe.
The entire larder was completely stocked with food. Large sacks of grains and flours to make breads and cakes, barrels of wine and ale, an entire calf carcass partially hunt up on a hook, partially covered in snow to help preserve it till the girls could cut up, cook and eat it, yet more dried and salted meats and fish, more salt for the girls' own use, and jars and jars of honey.
"Rip Van said you liked honey," he grinned.
"I do!" she said in rapture.
"Then it's yours," he grinned.
"Oh, that's so kind of you... Wait, this is really for us?"
"You bet!" he grinned, "We're not going to let our favorite girls starve this winter."
"But this must have been so expensive!"
"Eh, t'is but a pittance to us," he grinned. "The army rations feed us."
"But, is there anything we can do to repay you?"
"Just invite us over for dinner some time, and let us help you drink that wine."
"Deal!" she turned to him and held his hands. "Oh, thank you so much!"
Rip Van Winkle and several Wild Geese watched from a distance.
"Ha ha, I knew it would work!" one of the Geese exclaimed.
"You did?!" Rip snapped, "It was my idea!"
"Yeah, but I knew it would work."
"Why do you think I came up with it?"
"At any rate," the lieutenant said diplomatically, "We can all agree that things are going... interestingly."
"Oh, I know! Isn't this exciting?" Rip gushed.
"We're going to have her in our ranks before the end of the year!" one of the men said confidently.
They knew they couldn't stay in the town forever, and wanted to keep Seras and Rip in their lives even after they left. Just having a pen pal to write to didn't seem foolproof enough. But a deepening relationship and possibly engagement to one of their own? Well, she'd have no choice but to stay in their lives.
Seras grew closer to the Wild Geese over the next two weeks. They continued going over to the tavern for their meals and drinks, as they would, but many of them made time to come over to the van Winkle home every so often. Seras and Rip greeted them warmly, and made good on their promise to share their meals occasionally. Since breaking bred together was, in this time, a way to forge deeper friendships, it only brought them closer together. For once the Geese did not also act like entitled pricks, but thanked the girls sincerely for their hospitality and sometimes tipped them for their service.
Not to be mistaken: the Wild Geese were still rowdy, lusty, and still told dirty jokes, stories and songs, and made vulgar comments and come-ons to Seras, but the dynamic had changed between them. They did so out of fondness rather than a desire to embarrass her, and she in turn was never truly offended. She would often smile wryly or make a mock-disgusted face, and would sometimes even laugh and joke as she walked away.
It was always as she walked away though. She never stayed to listen to their reactions, partly because she wasn't that witty and partly because their answers were so filthy it made her blush, which in turn made them laugh harder. However, from a distance she could laugh and dismiss their gestures, often with a wink and a twirl her of her skirt, as though to say, "Yeah, you all WISH you had it as good as someone like me."
Their Captain was the best and worst of all. She had to admit she was a fonder of him than the others. Despite the fact that he had been the most aggressive in his mockery and advances toward her in the past, now he was the most charming and friendly. They sometimes walked and talked when she had the heart to leave the van Winkle farm. He often accompanied her in her into town to grab some ingredient she needed that the Geese had not thought to stock in her larder, and sometimes even carried her purchases for her. Offered by him, no less!
He stood outside smoking a cigarette with a few of his buddies (mostly just to talk without the chatter of patrons to drown them out), when he spotted walk by with a travel cloak.
"Oy, cher, where you going?" he asked when he saw her walk near enough.
"To the market, I need to pick something up."
"Don't you have a full larder though?"
"Yes, and I thank you for it, but there's one ingredient I need... Whoops, excuse me!" she apologized when one of the townsfolk deliberately slammed into her.
"Do you need any help?"
"Um... no, that's all right. Enjoy your cigarette!"
"Nah, I'm done anyway," he lied, and snuffed it out despite only taking a few puffs from it.
Now she looked a little embarrassed. "N-no, really... I'm all right."
"Aw, come on! I insist!"
And with that, he invited himself along to her shopping venture.
It was a good thing he did, because she was still something of a pariah in town. A lone girl hated by everyone would have no doubt been bullied or ignored when she tried to get her essential shopping done, but with the tall, muscular, and imposing captain of the dreaded mercenary unit beside her, no one dared.
Seras expected him to get bored or find something better to do as she shopped around for the best bargain, but he never did. He walked cheerfully by her side. Despite her shyness and discomfort, she was grateful for his company.
Whether business in the town or simple walks around, at such times Pip and Seras would talk and smile and share stories. It was quite a sight to the townsfolk, to see that scruffy mercenary walking beside that prudish little tavern maid of theirs, talking and smiling like they were old friends. He was so loud and cheerful while she was quiet and reserved. He often made grand sweeping gestures and grinned widely as he talked, while she answered gently with her bag of purchases clutched modestly to her chest.
Yet, they could also see him flirt with her. He would grin and make some obviously perverted gestures with his hands while he talked of something that made her grimace or blush, but then he would point to her and make some flattering comment or ask some sweet questions, and she would smile and answer modestly before they went back to grinning and talking.
They seemed to like each other a good deal. Despite his usual perversions, when he spoke to her, she didn't get mad or irritated or walk away. She didn't frown or turn away. She often seemed embarrassed like before, but she smiled as she blushed or simply looked away and let her embarrassment run its course instead of trying to act angry to hide it.
As he walked her to Mass, where they both had to dress in their relatively best clothes, with their hands and faces washed and their hair done up nicely (Pip's hair freshly oiled, brushed, and re-braided, and Seras' likewise), she could not help noticing how... how handsome he looked. When did that happen? When did he become so handsome to her? When did he become so tall and noble in her eyes? When?
She scoured her memory. Did he look particularly different from the night she first met him? She didn't think so. The night she first saw him... all she saw was the huge, grizzled, shadowy figure of a soldier's uniform, and her terrified memory filled in the shadows with her parents' killers. All she saw was a shadowy soldier reaching for her with gloved hands when her hand shot forward almost of its own volition and broke his nose. What about after? He never seemed particularly noteworthy. He just looked so... sleazy, so common. Just another dirty, scruffy, perverted, morally bankrupt mercenary.
She remembered the night he saved her from Jan Valentine, and a blush creeped over her face. He had seemed so tall, strong, rugged, and handsome. But then, he had just saved her maiden virtue, she thought. He had risked his life, and nearly gotten beaten within an inch of his, just to save her from an awful fate. Of course, any man would seem attractive after that. Maybe she didn't want to acknowledge her feelings shifted on so shallow a change, and she tried to suppress it and see him as she thought he was. But now... despite it all...
Maybe it was just the way she was seeing him, Seras thought. His appearance didn't change, but her perception of him did.
As the snow had covered the land, there wasn't much to do but wile away the wintery months. The mercenaries made good use of the brothels and tavern during the freezing winter nights, but when the days were somewhat clear they made mischief in town and went out and played in the snow like children.
Seras was spending time with them more and more, now that she was no longer working shifts in the tavern. Having nothing better to do, they decided to have a snow day while she fed the chickens. While she scattered seeds for the birds to peck, they got to work in the snow. They built snowmen and snow forts on the command of their captain, who shouted military orders like it was the real thing. They took their game so seriously that Seras couldn't help smiling at their antics.
"There's something sweet," Seras confessed to Rip later that night, "and almost kind."
Captain Bernadotte was still not what one might call a "gentleman." He was still rough and vulgar, and often made comments about people and life in general that were so callous they made her frown.
"But he was rude and he was coarse and unrefined."
Remembered back when he had been so aggressively vulgar toward her. How he had used his perversion and poor manners to put her off as much as possible. While he was definitely much nicer now, not much had really changed. He was pretty perverted and liked to tease by nature. "Rude" and "coarse" and "unrefined" still definitely described him. None of that really changed. He was still loud and vulgar and perverted as ever. He was as silly and joking as always.
"But now… he's… dear…" Seras confessed. "And so... I'm not sure. I wonder why I didn't see it there before."
It wasn't as though Captain Bernadotte drastically changed in the time she knew him. It wasn't as though he had been cruel, coarse, and rough with her when they first met, and was now suddenly being sweet and gentle to her. True, he'd been pretty rude and tried to use his disgusting perverted nature to embarrass her when they first met, but then she jumped to think the worst of him and dished it right back with her high-handed prudishness. But now that they no longer needed to argue or one-up each other, she found that little had really changed. She realized his basic personality was always like this, but... it wasn't just who he was. He wasn't just rude and coarse and unrefined. There was more to him under the surface. He was the same person, but it was the way she saw him that changed.
She actually didn't know the word. What was he?
"Ma cher!" he called over to her, "You gonna help?"
"In a minute!" Seras cried.
"All right," and then he said earnestly, "Just don't think you aren't invited in our ranks, ma cher."
"I wouldn't dream of it," she replied, and she blushed.
The Geese all smiled at each other knowingly. They were all as fond of the girl as the next one, but they knew what was going on between her and their captain. The two could deny it all they want, but they knew.
She glanced this way, they knew they saw.
Pip had helped her feed the animals earlier that day, and when they touched, she didn't shudder at his paw!
"So..." one of his men said, "You too are getting closer, huh?"
"Nah, it can't be," Pip said, "She's afraid of mercenaries, remember? I'll just ignore."
One of his men nudged him and pointed to her.
"True, but then she's never looked at you that way before."
She glanced his way, a shy little smile peeping out.
The Captain flashed her a cheerful grin.
Strange and shy was the smile she sent him in reply, and then she calmly stepped behind the tree. As soon she was out of their sight, Seras leaned against the trunk and placed her hand over her heart in distress.
"New!" she thought "And a bit… alarming!" Seras fidgeting nervously. Seras didn't handle new very well. What was going on? What was happening to her world?
Once, she felt secure in knowing who she was and how she felt about the world. She was Seras Victoria, singular and orphaned. She hated men and soldiers like the ones that killed her family, and boys her age that bullied her and made her life so miserable. No matter how many times her life was changed and shattered, no matter how many new living situations and surroundings she came across, this was the one internal constant to her existence. Whether she was a homeless urchin running wild in rural England, a respectable scullery maid scrubbing pots for a wealthy English gentleman in town, or a tavern maid serving drinks to men she feared and hated in rural France, this was how she saw herself and the world.
Her fear and hatred for soldiers and mercenaries was constant no matter her living arrangements. No matter how wild her life became, she knew feelings on these things would never change. So then, what was this new emotion forming for these foul-minded, loud-mouthed, vulgar mercenaries? Particularly their captain? These voracious men with big lusts and appetites and perverted senses of humor that made her frown, twitch, blush, scream and shout with rage and embarrassment, even now? What had happened, over time? When did they go from being the locusts of the land to… very good, kind men that she enjoyed spending time with? Seras thought of how she saw them when they first arrived, to how she saw them now. Particularly their captain! When did he go from being the bane of her existence to the one mercenary she most looked forward to seeing when she got up from bed every morning?
She smiled ironically. "Who'd have ever thought that this could be?!" she thought, and turned around to watch them from behind the tree.
"True that he's no Prince Charming," she thought with a wry smile.
The Captain had made a snow woman with a very large set of breasts.
"Oi, cher! I made you a snow maid!" he grinned, "What do you think? Is it really accurate?"
A couple of weeks ago, Seras would have burst into shrill screams. Now, she just smiled. "It's very lovely, Mr. Berdadotte! It's just missing one thing!"
"Oh, and what's that?" he grinned, eyes closed.
She bonked his nose with a snowball.
The men burst out laughing.
Pip shook the snow off his face to glare at Seras, who giggled.
"Now it's a perfect likeness!" she grinned.
The Geese laughed even harder. Who could forget the first night they met, when Seras broke his nose for trying to grab her breasts?
"Admit it, Captain. She got you good!"
"There's something in him that I simply didn't see," she later confessed to Rip.
Any other man would have been enraged to have his ego bruised, but Captain Bernadotte had the good graces to laugh at himself.
"Oh, you saucy little minx!" he grinned.
Seras only giggled, and swooped down to pick up another handful of snow.
"I'll get you for that!" he smirked, and scooped up a large armful of snow.
When he went to throw it, Seras chucked another tiny but well-aimed snowball, which caused his to fall out of his hands and over his head. The Geese nearly roared with laughter as a friendly snow fight ensued between the two, with Pip playfully chasing her and chucking snow at her, and Seras easily ducking away and hitting him at every turn. It was fun, but quickly became competitive.
"Men, I could use a little help!" he called, after the seventeenth snowball had hit its mark.
"What? All of us team up against a single lady? No chance, Captain," they grinned.
"She's all yours."
The truce ended when a stray snowball ended up bonking one of the men in the face.
"Oh, I'm going to get you for that!" he grinned.
Then it was Seras and O'Connor against the Captain.
"Whoa! Hey! Two against one! Two against one!" Pip cried, ducking away from their upraised arms. "That's cheating! That's cheating!"
"Don't worry Captain! I'll save you!"
And soon a snow fight broke out between all of them. It was friendly, but the men were also very competitive, and it quickly escalated to a snow war. The snow babes and snow forts they'd built earlier became quite handy to duck behind, to escape the hail of snowballs. Perhaps the most fun part was when their captain decided to 'rescue' the pretty damsel hiding alone, and then snatched her up and carried her over to his snowfort, only to get pelted by an armful of snowballs. He made a huge, dramatic show about being shot down.
"Seras… I'm dying…" he rasped in his most unconvincingly dramatic voice ever. "I only ask for one kiss before I die…" and puckered his lips to receive one.
To this, Seras laughed, placed a snowball in his hat and pushed it onto his face.
The Geese later dragged their frozen and soaked selves back to van Winkle home to warm by the fire. Once they arrived, Seras told them to go get changed in dry clothes while she went and warmed some beer for dinner. That was… uncharacteristically generous of her. They didn't think she'd actually do it. Did they hear her right? But, as good as her word, when they'd gone to their rooms, gotten changed into dry clothes and come down to their home from the tavern's warm fire, she was right there supporting a large tray and pitcher in one hand and passing out steaming cups with another.
She made sure to act much more standoffish over the next few days, but the difference between now and before was that it was just an act, and they knew it was just an act. They smiled fondly at her, rather than just leering lecherously, as she walked away from them. Her hand brushed Pip's shoulder as she walked by. His eye widened.
The townsfolk could sense it too, and they marveled at the oddity of it all. Rip was beside herself gushing about it with the other Geese.
"Well, who'd have thought?" they said.
"Well, bless my soul!" she said.
"Well, who'd have known?" one said.
"Well, who indeed?" said another.
"And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own?!" cried the lieutenant.
"It's so peculiar!" Rip cried.
Their prudish little tavern maid with scoundrels just like them? This girl who turned down offers of marriage and grew pale and half-fainted during discussions of intercourse was now spending her days walking and talking with such vulgar skirt-chasers like them? This girl who grew so shy and blushed and changed the topic whenever "dirty talk" came up willingly talked, smiled, and laughed with their captain?
It's true that Seras had grown to regard Captain Bernadotte and the Wild Geese much more kindly since he saved her from Jan Valentine and after she moved to this town, but she had still been too shy and embarrassed to admit it. And the more Rip kept pushing her to try to admit her changing feelings, the more she had dug her heels in and insisted it wasn't the case. And yet, just giving the two time to talk made more strides than weeks, if not months of matchmaking efforts combined.
"Imagine how much trouble we could have saved if we'd just left the love birds alone in the first place!" one of the men exclaimed.
"Hey, I did the best I could!" Rip snapped. "Besides, I didn't see you do any better. Every time you opened your filthy mouths, she gets even more defensive. So really, it was your fault."
"Aw, come on. You know you like our filthy mouths," one of the men teased, and gave an imaginary playful bite.
"Hmph!" Rip exclaimed, and turned up her nose indignantly.
Suddenly she understood why Seras didn't like it.
In all the months they had known her, Seras' regard toward them and their captain had changed more dramatically over the last several days than the few months they had known her. The Wild Geese had arrived in Seras' poor provincial town in late August. Seras had barely tolerated their presence until the harvest festival in mid-October. Then she let her true hatred and prejudices them gush out in late October. Then Jan Valentine attacked her and they moved to this new town in early November. While she regarded them much more gently thanks to Pip's rescue and their being familiar faces in a strange town, she was still extremely shy and modest, and was afraid to let on that she was growing to like them. That was, until the two horrific soldiers from her past turned up in late November. Whatever happened that made her snap (probably her worst fears come to life, her life shattering around her, her innermost secrets revealed, Captain Bernadotte finally making her confront all the subjects she had been trying to avoid discussing) finally broke the last of her resolve, and she was significantly more open and friendly to them in only a few short days than the entire months they had known her.
"We'll wait and see a few days more," they agreed, "There may be something there that wasn't there before."
The town saw how she interacted with their captain in particular, and what an informal courtship passed between them. The more proper-minded townsfolk figured he was courting her (though it was a rather long courtship), or that surely the two were engaged? They saw the way the captain smiled at her, and they saw the warm, tender way she regarded him.
The less proper-minded townsfolk unfortunately had other theories of what changed between her and the Wild Geese. Some were more accepting of these changes than others.
As they walked with her to the last Mass before Christmas and then the New Year, the girls upstairs caught up with Seras to tell her.
"You know, he rarely comes to our beds anymore."
Seras gasped and fell over. "WHAT?!"
"The mercenary! The captain, you sill goose! He used to rent a room upstairs almost every night, but he's come much less frequently since..."
"I don't want to know that!" Seras screeched, frowning and blushing furiously.
"Why not? I thought you'd be pleased!"
"Why would I want to know…?!" Seras began.
"Because now you know he isn't straying from your bed."
"Wha-?!" Seras spun around so fast she tripped over a tiny clump of snow and fell over. "WHAT?!"
The girls upstairs laughed. "Oh, Seras! Everyone knows."
"You don't exactly make a big secret out of it. He goes to your cottage almost every day..."
"And looks so relaxed and pleased when he comes back. Sometimes he goes straight to bed and doesn't even bother calling on us."
"I... wha... nn... why would you think…?!" Seras cried, mortified and blushing furiously.
"Relax, I understand. It's natural. I know it can be hard for an inexperienced girl like you to keep such a seasoned man's interest, but I just wanted you to know you must be doingsomething right, for him to keep coming back to your bed instead of ours."
"I…" Seras whispered; her brain blank. "It's not like that!"
"I hear he still comes in, just not as frequently. And he wants to have the candles blown out most often," another of the women upstairs said, taking a bite out of an apple, "He used to love having the lights on to see the woman's bare breasts …"
"FOR GOD'S SAKES, WOMEN, WE'RE GOING TO A HOUSE OF GOD!"
"Oh, we know, dear! That's why we're telling you now instead of waiting till we get there."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!" Seras screeched, "I'm not hearing this! I'm not listening!"
"Oh Seras, it's all right, it's natural," said one of the girls, "I know once you've taken a man in, it can be hard to think of him with another woman…"
"If it helps, he calls out your name during sex..."
"I don't want to think of him in any way!" Seras shouted, her face hotter than a stove. "I've never thought of him that way!"
"Aw, look, she's blushing!"
"There's no need to be modest, Seras. We've all been through it."
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"
Seras was so embarrassed from these conversations she couldn't even stand to look at him when they arrived at church. She would be thinking mortifying, disgusting, sinful thoughts all through Mass, when she should reflect on a wonderful year and give gratitude for all the things God had given her, and reflect on her own sins.
He grinned insolently when she approached the church building.
Seras flushed, looked away, and kept walking.
Several weeks before, this would not have been unusual since she always tried to avoid him. Now that they were getting along, it was most alarming.
"Cher, you all right?"
She stopped suddenly, her face very hot, her eyes averted, her arms flailing. "I… I don't want to know!"
"What?"
"You. Girls upstairs. I don't want to know. It's not my business. Whatever you do up there is your business and not mine."
Realization dawned on him as he looked between her and the women he often went to see upstairs, who blew him kisses and sent him lusty winks on their way into Mass.
For once, he was also mortified. "What are they saying about me?"
"I don't want to know!" Seras screeched, her eyes shut tight and her face bright red, and she retreated back into the House of God too.
Pip looked to his men, who snickered. "What are they saying about me?!"
"Pft! How should we know?"
"Captain, I don't talk about you when I'm with a woman."
"Then why is she-?!"
Realizing he was making himself look like a fool by getting flustered and nervous in front of his men, he was suddenly calm and said, "I'm going in," and did just that.
His men kept snickering and winking long after he left.
Pip had wanted to sit next to Seras at Mass, but she took great care to avoid it. She sat in a crowded bench surrounded by people, even though they all hated her, and tried to keep her very red face down in her lap. Pip sat a ways to her left, in the row in front of her. During the entire service, he would glance over at her and send her a few winks, smirks, and silent kisses her way. She would blanched and balk.
The preacher noticed their interactions. Even though it was clear the mercenary was the initiator and Seras was the unwilling reciprocate, who kept blushing and scowling and modestly averted her eyes, he kept glaring at her, and at one point directed the end-of-year service to talk about lustful behavior. Pointed at her expense.
Not everyone was as kind about their suspicions as the girls upstairs. Most villagers sneered at Seras, taking it as just further proof that she was evil, vile, tainted, and traitorous. Thinking of her as being accepted by the mercenaries because she was just as tainted and defiled as them. Some suspected that she only slept with the captain, some thought she'd slept with most, some thought she'd slept with all the Geese. They saw no other reason for this beautiful but crazy girl to befriend such wild, vulgar, savage men. Some felt it confirmed their suspicion of why she wasn't married, why she left her country, why she moved around with no real home in theirs. Of course, she didn't marry or settle down because one man couldn't satisfy her.
Once, they suspected something going on between her and the mercenaries since she was a single woman traveling with a band of rowdy, lusty men, and they seemed to regard her more kindly than anyone else. Now that they constantly went to visit her house and sometimes didn't return until after dark, it seemed their suspicions were confirmed.
It was just another reason to hate and shun her. Thank goodness Seras and Rip had enough food in the larder to get them through winter, and had the fresh supply of eggs from the chickens and dairy from the goats besides. Thank goodness they had the highly feared mercenaries on their side, whose mere presence in town intimidated most trouble-makers from trying anything to hurt them lest they attack back.
But still, there was the matter of what the women upstairs said about Pip, and Seras couldn't hide from the subject forever.
"So, what did they say about me?"
"Mr. Bernadotte, could we please drop it?!" she cried.
"I just want to know what they are saying that has gotten you so flustered, that's all."
"Look, it doesn't matter, all right?
"Really, then how come you keep avoiding the topic?"
"I keep avoiding it because it doesn't matter!" Seras cried, and her blush intensified on her face.
"Seras, we've talked about you hiding your true thoughts so none of us know where you're coming from."
"Look, Mr. Bernadotte, it really doesn't matter to me," Seras said. "What you do with those women in those private rooms on your own time is none of your business - none of my business, sorry. It's your business. It has nothing to do with me."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," he grinned, and leaned toward her.
"Yes you would, because it doesn't," Seras said, leaning back. "It has nothing to do with me. It never will."
"Oh, I wouldn't say never," he grinned.
"Yes you would. Men like you don't marry girls like me."
The statement hit him like a punch in the gut.
"And you would never want anything to do with me that way. I know your type, I've seen it countless times before And I... I never want anything to do with that unless I was married. So in that way, we are fundamentally incompatible."
Pip was cut more deeply by her words than he ever would had thought.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that..."
"Could we drop this please?" Seas exclaimed loudly, "I don't want to talk about this anymore!" And with that, Seras took off.
Pip looked after her with a pained expression; more so than he ever felt near her. Disappointment, sorrow and longing laced his every feature.
'I wouldn't say never,' Pip thought as he watched her walk away.