Chapter Eleven - Shock To Your System
Notes: I wrote chapter eleven, then deleted it, then made this. I hope it's fine.
Notes Two: I remembered one reviewer asking about how Dantana came to be in WAMH. This is their backstory starting from when Dani first arrived at WMMI. Songs used are not mine and were generated through a random playlist of the songs I have on my phone. It worked out quite nicely.
Notes Three: Not proofread.
xoxo
The first time I saw your face
I knew I was meant for you
The first time you said my name
I knew I was meant for you
xoxo
Her eyes were bleary and the roaring rush of the blood thundering against her ear was the only thing she could hear. The world spinned around her, as though she was on top of a ball, constantly trying to regain her balance and keep herself upright. She felt the cold wetness of the tiles behind her, the water soaking through her shirt. The steady drip drop of the shower head above her made little to no sound. She couldn't even wrap my head about what was happening anymore.
It was always this. It had always been this.
The slow dull throbbing of pain on her arms and legs were delicious. It had always been and would always be her siren. She knew what could happen to her, and yet she couldn't seem to turn away from its call.
That time wasn't any different.
She was so far gone. She didn't even hear the bathroom door open. All she heard, the only thing to cut through her haze, was a gasp. With unfocused eyes, she found the owner of the voice. She couldn't help the smile that found its way to her lips.
"Are you an angel?"
Red lips quivered as the girl fell down beside her. Tan hands move towards Dani, shaking, but the girl hesitated, as if she was afraid she'd break the blonde if she touched her. Her eyes were glossy as she ran her eyes all over the girl's body. Dani knew all she saw was red.
For her, all she could see was a brunette goddess.
Her eyes closed on their own accord. She could faintly hear pained screams for help. She could remember, though, how she pulled her close to me and laced her lips with the goddess'. She could remember how soft the lips felt against hers. She could remember how the girl had frozen up against her, but in half a second, she responded.
And, as cliche as it sounds, Dani was in heaven.
xoxo
Cause it's frightening to be
Swimming in this strange sea
But I'd rather be here than on land.
xoxo
Dani's eyes snapped open to the harsh light of the institution's clinic. She recognized it by the distinct smell hospital and clinics had. She'd been in far too many of them to not know. Her head throbbed against her skull, and brown eyes burned from the light. Her entire body felt like lead, and the back of her throat burned.
How long have I been out?
"Oh, you're awake," A voice gasped out. She couldn't see the face clearly. All she saw was the outline of a woman.
"Whe-" the blonde croaked out.
"You're at the clinic, Ms. Sugg. You," the nurse paused for a moment. "Dr. Schuester frowned upon what you did. It goes against what we're trying to achieve here."
What? What did I do now? And who in the world was Dr. Schuester?
"That is enough, Penny," a voice called.
"Ah, Dr. Schuester." Oh, so he's Dr. Schuester. "Ms. Sugg have just awoken."
Dani's eyes couldn't focus on him. "What?" She managed to croak out.
"Danielle, right?" She couldn't do anything but nod. "My name is Dr. William Schuester. I'm the resident psychologist here at the William McKinley Mental Institution."
"Mental-" And that was when memories of what happened came rushing back to her mind. Her suicide attempt at the hospital, the doctors saying that they couldn't take it anymore, talks of sending her to an insititution, being sent here, the depression, the shower... Oh my God, I kissed someone.
"Yes. You are in a mental institution. But worry not, we are here to help you."
She wanted to laugh at him. Help? It was far too late for that. Her eyes focused better then, and she could see what he looked like. It was like staring into a sorry excuse for a doctor. She wondered if he actually got a degree or if he just forged his way through.
"Now, you have been here for less than two hours and you've already attempted to commit suicide."
She sneered at him. "I would have succeeded too." Her voice was laced with bitterness. She knew it wasn't really his fault, but there was no way in hell that she would blame her for ruining her attempt.
He frowned at me. "Please, Danielle-"
"Dani," she corrected hastily. She hated Danielle. It only reminded her of... Of everything.
"Dani. Right. You have to understand that I want you to get better. It's for your own good."
She didn't focus on whatever he had to say next. She couldn't. She wasn't being rude intentionally. Okay, maybe a little part of her was. But you couldn't blame her for not paying even a bit of attention on him. Her eyes were focused on one thing only - the new addition in the clinic.
It was her.
She was the only thing Dani could remember from the haze with perfect clarity. She could still feel the softness of those red lips on her own, and her hand raised unconsciously to her lips. Her heart thundered against my chest in an all too familiar way as Dani watched the Latina talk to Penny.
And then the girl turned and looked at her.
She felt like she couldn't breath. She probably wasn't breathing. Fiery dark eyes pierced into her, and it felt like the girl could see her soul. She turned her eyes away, however painfully. She didn't want the goddess-esque girl to see her soul. Dani didn't want her to see the dark abyss she had.
Schuester seemed to have noticed her lack of attention, so he turned to acknowledge the newcomer. "Good morning, Santana."
Santana. That was her name. She looked back at Santana to find her eyes still on the blonde. Those dark orbs shifted for a second to regard the doctor.
"Morning, Doctor. I just came to check up on her." She gestured to Dani. The blonde felt heat rush up to her cheeks. No, no. Stop it, Dani. You can't let this happen.
"Oh, that's nice of you, Santana. Dani, Santana here is the one who saved you."
She wanted to cough out that she knew. Dani knew Santana had been the one to save her - from more than a suicide attempt. But she didn't speak. Intead, she only continued her staring contest with the brunette in silence.
"It was my pleasure," Santana answered, the corners of her lips curving up into a smirk.
The blonde's heart banged painfully against her chest as if it was encaged and all it wanted was to run into her arms. That probably wasn't far from the truth.
She took the few steps needed to be close enough to me and held out her hand. "I'm Santana."
Dani gulped. Brown eyes flickered from black ones to the outstretched hand. It felt like forever, with her heart pounding against her ribcage and her cheeks burning a constant flame, before Dani finally reached a shaky hand out. When their skins touched, she felt electricity bolt up my arm. Judging by the slight widening of the other girl's eyes, Dani assumed Santana felt it too. "I-I'm Dani."
xoxo
You carried romance in the palm of your hand
You called the plays for us
You clung to self restraint you followed the plan
You put the breaks on this
xoxo
Fast forward to a month after that day at the clinic, she found myself in her room, guitar in hand and empty papers strewn all over her bed. Her eyes stared at nothingness as her mind searched and searched for the right words. Nothing was coming to her. McKinley was sucking out her muse. It was destroying her, really. No good came out of this hell hole.
Dani quickly sat up from her slumped position against the wall. There was one good in this place, although she was still wondering whether or not Santana was good or not. She thought back on the past month and came to a conclusion.
Santana Lopez was good, and she was the greatest good Dani was ever going to get in a place like this.
The tip of her pen poised over one of the papers. Where do I start on the topic of Santana?
'When I think of you I think of your skin, golden brown in the sun.'
She read and reread the line, mulling it over her head before crossing it out. Santana couldn't be described that easily. She was an enigma, perfection wrapped in a mystery.
Dani tapped her pen on the paper, urging her hand to write. But all she ended up having was the same crossed out line.
"Fuck," she groaned out. So maybe my muse her gone this time. It didn't matter. She was sure it would return in time.
She was so lost in my thoughts that she didn't hear the door of her room creak open. A familiar blob of dark hair peeked inside and a grin immediately found its way to Dani's lips.
"Can I come in, ninja?"
Dani almost rolled her eyes. The nickname had been a favourite of Santana's ever since their small debate about ninjas versus pirates. She put her guitar carefully to the side before she gestured for the girl to come in. Once the brunette was inside, Dani's grin developed to a playful smirk. "A true pirate wouldn't have asked for permission."
The Latina shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe I'm a vampire now."
"You're not going to sparkle, are you?" Dani asked, her nose wrinkled in disgust.
"God, no," Santana breathed out as she took a seat next to Dani. "I'm actually a cool kind of vampire."
"Yeah?"
The brunette nodded her head in response as she leaned towards a girl, a devious smirk on her lips. Within seconds, she had Dani pinned down on the bed. She couldn't help but lick her lips at the sight of the girl trapped beneath her, but she quickly reigned it in as she leaned in to whisper to the girl's ear, "You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
And that did the trick. Santana plopped down to her side, beside the guffawing Dani, and burst into laughter herself.
"Fuck, whoever thought that was romantic in the least bit is fucked up," the brunette commented once her laughter subsided.
Dani nudged her with her shoulder. "Hey, I'm not judging."
"What-" Santana was wide-eyed as she stared at the blonde in indignation. "What are you trying to say, Miss Sugg?"
Dani shrugged, laughter already slipping from her lips.
Santana just watched, unamused. A frown marred her features as she narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "Shut up," she pouted.
The blonde willed her laughter to stop as she looked at the pouting girl. She couldn't help it. She didn't even think of what she was doing until after she had pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. Brown eyes widened in alarm at her actions as she tried to stutter out an apology. An equally wide-eyed Santana just stood up from the bed and left Dani's room without another word.
Dani stared at the door for God knows how long, her lips still tingling with the softness of the brunette's lips. Finally, she snapped out of her reverie and proceeded to lightly bang her head against the wall. "Stupid," she muttered to herself.
But she couldn't deny that the contact, even if it had been only for a split second, had made her heart flutter in her chest. Without another word, she grabbed a nearby pen and paper and began violently scribbling the words that made their way to her head.
'Don't be so broken-hearted, cause you know we're just getting started..."
xoxo
Why do you take me down this road
If you don't wanna walk with me?
Why do you exit, go it alone
When you could just talk to me?
xoxo
It had been almost a week since that kiss in Dani's room. Santana hadn't said a word to her, not even once. And seeing that the month prior she had only spoken to Santana, she was now alone. It didn't bother her as much as it would have other people. In fact, she welcomed the isolation. It was better, she decided. People only hurt her. They only hurt her. Everyone's the same as her mother, her father, Ali-
She was snapped from her thoughts when a familiar figure took the seat across her. It was startling, as no one had dared join her during lunch ever since Santana stopped talking to her, but what was even more startling was the presence in front of her. Mischevous eyes that promised nothing but trouble stared her down into submission, so she kept her eyes down to her untouched food.
"Do you mind if I sit here, Dani?"
She shook her head. She knew that any other answer would earn her the wrath of Sebastian, and she had heard enough stories to know that she didn't want that.
"Wonderful." Evil glee coated his voice. Dani wanted to projectile vomit. At his face, preferably. "I know how hard it is to have to eat lunch alone."
Dani's eyes snapped up. She hadn't expected that tone of voice in Sebastian. It had actually sounded like the boy truly felt sympathetic to her. In some fucked up way, he really did understand.
"I should have warned you about Santana," Sebastian continued as he carefully sliced his meat. "She's not exactly the kind of person you'd want to befriend. Anger management issues and all that."
The blonde immediately frowned at the words. "She's more than just her rage."
The look Sebastian gave her was pointed, as if he was her best friend that was trying to keep her away from the hoodlum girlfriend. "Is she?"
Dani didn't hesitate. "Yes."
The boy seemed to contemplate it as he took a small piece of his meal to his lips. "Very well. I suppose there's no convincing someone so enslaved."
"Enslaved?"
"Of your feelings. It's no matter." At this, Sebastian's grin returned. Dani gulped audibly. "I can give you a release."
"Release from your horrible company?" A cutting voice cut through the conversation. Dani couldn't help the breathe of relief that escaped her lips.
Sebastian seemed unfazed by it all as he continued to eat his lunch. "How very rude of you, Santana," he said dryly.
"Ouch," Santana feigned hurt. "You hurt my feelings, Smythe."
"That's strange." Sebastian looked utterly perplexed, but Dani saw the defiant glint in his eyes. "I never knew you had feelings, Lopez."
"I'm full of surprises," Santana stated. "I'm seeing that you are, too. From what I know, you don't sit here."
"It just goes to show that you don't know a lot of things."
The animalistic growl that ripped from Santana's throat cued Dani that it was time to lead the Latina away from the smirking boy. She grabbed the tanned girl by the arm and used all her strength to drag her outside. She faintly registered Dianna moving close to Sebastian, prepared to give him a piece of her mind.
Once they broke through the doors of the cafeteria, Santana ripped her arm from Dani's grip. Her eyes were ablaze as she glared at the blonde. "So you kiss me and then run to Smythe? What the hell, Dani?"
"I didn't run to him, Santana," Dani said with a frown. "But you don't own me, and I can run to anyone I want to."
Santana reeled back at this. "But you were... You're really going to run to him?"
The blonde crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant child. "I didn't see anyone else coming to join me for lunch. You sure as hell weren't there."
Dark eyes fell to the floor. "I just couldn't- I'm sorry."
"Couldn't what?" Dani challenged. "So, yeah, I kissed you. You didn;t have to ignore me for a week, Santana. Then when you finally acknowledge my existence, you act like this uncontrollable ball of anger."
"It's the only way I know how to act," Santana muttered.
"No, it isn't." Dani shook her head. "I miss my Santana. I miss my pirate. I miss the real you."
Santana bit her lip, her eyes not moving up to acknowledge the retreating blonde. Only when the girl is out of sight did she release a breath.
"This is the real me."
xoxo
Give me the bones of what you believe
Maybe they'll save you from me
Will I be the strong hand keeping you safe
Or will I break you in half
xoxo
Santana stood in front of the door to Dani's room, her hand hovering over the wood. Her eyes flickered down the hallway for the umpteenth time as she bit her lower lip in hesitation. Her heart pounded against her chest and her palms sweated. She took a deep breath and tried to gather her courage. A second passed and her hand continued to hover still. Her other hand clutched the plushie behind her tighter. She could do this.
She tapped the door lightly.
Oh fuck, she couldn't. She turned her heel, prepared to make an escape, when the door opposite Dani's opened.
"Santana Lopez," Kurt said. "You aren't planning on murdering Dani, are you?"
The Latina glared at the boy, although it proved ineffective as her nerves were still running rampant. It only made the boy's brow raise.
"Then what are you doing here..." He trailed off, his head tilting to the side to have a clearer view of the item hidden behind Santana. "...With a ninja doll?"
The brunette's eyes widened momentarily as she hastily hid the doll behind her. "N-None of your business, Hummel."
Kurt's lips contorted into a grin. "My, my. Look how the mighty has fallen. Santana Lopez smitten with someone. I never would have guessed."
"Shut-"
The rest of Santana's words were trapped in her throat as both of them turned to the direction of Dani's door (which gave Kurt the chance to see what the plushie looked like - a ninja holding a bright red flower in its hands). There was a thud from the other side of the door, and Santana felt the uneasy tug ather stomach. All her hesitation dissipated as she ran to the door and opened it.
The roo was pitch black, something that already made Santana feel queasy. She knew Dani didn't like dark places. To add to that, she smelled the unmistakeable copper of blood.
Oh, no.
Her hands immediately felt around the wall for the light switch. The gasp that escaped her when the light flickered on reminded her of that day in the shower. Dani was strewn on the floor, covered in her own blood, a blade glistening in her hands. Santana was in autopilot mode as she found herself on her knees beside Dani, her hands shaking as they did that day. She vaguely registered the doll falling into the pool of blood and Kurt shouting for help. Her eyes were on Dani's pale face. She felt her heart constrict, and she couldn't breathe.
No.
She carresed the blonde's cheeks, leaving a bloody trail in her wake. It only caused her to shake even harder.
Dani.
She felt strong hands try to pull Dani away fro her grasp. Her eyes were blurred fron tears and she couldn't see who it was, so she pushed them away and held the blonde closer to her.
"Santana, we need to get Dani to the clinic."
She shoom her head no. She didn't even hear what was said. All she knew was that she had to protect Dani, and she wasn't going to let anyone take her.
"Santana, please. We have to, or she'll die."
That snapped her from her reverie as she turned to the newcomer. "Doctor?"
Dr. Schue nodded and tried to take Dani again. "She's losing too much blood. We need to hurry."
"I... You're going to save her?"
"Yes."
Dr. Schue attempted to relieve Santana of Dani again, and this time, the brunette hesitantly agreed. She watched as the other nurses took Dani and quickly brought her away. She heard shouts and panicked voices. Then she heard nothing at all except soft footsteps closing in on her. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall.
"She'll be fine," Dianna assured her.
"It's my fault." Santana sobbed when her roommate pulled her close. "I ignored her for a week then we fought and... It's my fault."
"No, it's not. It's the fauly of whoever gave her that blade."
Santana's eyes snapped open. "The blade?"
"Yes." Dianna's voice was hard. "We all know who did it."
Rage immediately consumed Santana. "I'm going to kill him." She moved to stand but Dianna kept a firm hold on her.
"Attempt to hurt him and get yourself into solitary? And then who will protect Dani?"
"But-"
"No buts. You need to be strong for her. Control yourself and protect her."
Santana wanted to fight back, but both exhaustion and the logic in Dianna's words took all the energy in her. "How can I protect her from me?"
"You'll find a way," Dianna assured. "You'll make this work."
xoxo
I'm the night-sky
I'm the fire in your eyes
And I want you
Now and for all time
I'm the cold heart
I'm the secret that you hide
I'll be listening until you decide
xoxo
They haven't spoken yet since Dani awoke. Santana kept her distance, while Dani couldn't really leave her bed just yet. But it was two days after she woke up that she could leave the room, and she had one destination in mind.
She was weak still, but she couldn't really concentrate on anything else. She sought the Latina out, but failed time and time again. After almost half an hour of searching, she finally gave up and headed to her room. To her surprise, she saw Santana sitting on her bed, her knees hugged close to her body.
"Santana," Dani breathed out. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you." Her voice was muffled. "Where were you?"
"Searching for you."
This made Santana's head snap up. "What?"
Dani joined her on the bed. "I wanted to talk."
"Me too."
A pregnant silence followed.
"I-" "I'm-"
They stared at each other, mouths open.
"Uh, you first."
Santana nodded. "Okay. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring you and being an ass. I was just confused, I guess. I'm not used to this."
"It's alright. I'm not used to this either."
"I'm not even sure what this is." Santana gestured widely between the two of them. "But whatever it is, I want it."
Dani smiled. "I want you. I know that, at least."
"The feeling's mutual."
Brown eyes widened. "Oh, right. I kind of made something," She reached over to grab her guitar.
"You made a song?" Santana asked, genuinely curious.
"Yeah," Dani answered with a grin. She pulled out a piece of paper from her stack and handed it to the brunette. "Sing it with me?"
"Okay."
The blonde's smile was radiant as she began to strum.
"Don't be so broken-hearted
Cuz you know we're
Just getting started
Even though we can see the end
It's no reason
Not to begin,"
Santana grinned as she quickly got the tune.
"But I'm worried
You're gonna hurt me
Even though that's not
What you want to do
And you know that
It makes me so sad
Cuz I see there's no chance
For just me and you."
They caught each other's eyes, smiling widely at how their voices melded together.
"And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon
And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon."
Dani smiled slyly as she sang the next lines.
"Don't be so high and mighty
Every time you
Wanna fight me
You think you've got all the answers
Then ask your heart
Just what you're after."
Santana stuck her tongue out, but quickly belted out the next parts of the song.
"You think I'm lyin'
But I'm not tryin'
To be the one who's gonna ruin you
I wanna stay here
But it's so clear
It's not the right thing for me to do."
Santana chuckled lightly at how fitting the lyrics were.
"And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon
And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon."
Santana made sure to catch the blonde's eyes for the next part as she snaked an arm over the girl's shoulder.
"But every time I think about you next to me.
I wonder if I've given up to easily."
Dani leaned in to the touch and whispered the next part to the Latina's ear.
"I'm not saying that I think we're meant to be
But maybe we can see."
They could try to see. Santana wanted to make this work, and she will try her hardest to.
"And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon
And you know that
I don't mean to say goodbye too soon."
Dani's fingers stilled against the strings of her guitar. Their hands entwined, and their lips meeting in a dance full of promises.
xoxo
Afternote: I love you all.
Songs used:
Love They Say - Tegan and Sara
Out of my league - Stephen Speaks
Drove Me Wild - Tegan and Sara
Now I'm All Messed Up - Tegan and Sara
Strong Hand - Chvrches
Night Sky - Chvrches
And You Know - Hannah Hart and Meghan Tonjes