A/N: I know it's been a long time and you probably don't remember at all what's happened, or why, or who, or where. Or better yet, you don't care. In any case, if you're still with me I love you and thank you, please review, tell me if I should quit now before I further embarrass myself or if, by some ghost of a chance, you like it, and I should continue. I'm forcing myself back into a writing schedule instead of being a leech and reading fic like there's no tomorrow, so it shouldn't be that long, but we've all heard that before. Anyhoo, I hope you like this, I promise to get better soon, this was something that needed to get out before I could get to anything good (readers now shake head and laugh at the notion of good associated with this fic... oh man I crack myself up). Well, happy reading, reviews are eagerly soaked up and cherished forever... I know, I know, get on with the fic, here you are, lady's and gents:

Disclaimer: Not mine, not yours, well whose are they, why the incredible J.K. Rowling's of course. Love her! (Could I be any more annoying? Taking obnoxious to new highs, or lows...)

***

The first thing Hermione thought when she pulled herself from sleep was: "Oh shit, what the bloody hell have I done?" Then, upon further inspection of her surroundings she added: "Again."

Snape's arms held her tightly from behind, his bandaged arm a little weaker than the other. His face was nestled in her hair and his breath was soft and even on her cheek. Oh, Severus, good gods, do we ever think?!

There was really no way she could get out of this mess easily. He was wrapped too tightly around her, and somehow their legs had become tangled in a way impossible to extricate herself without waking him. She needed time to think away from him, away from his musky and intoxicating scent, away from his arms holding her and his body pressed up against her in a most delicious manner. She hated this, and she hated him. Sex is what had ruined them in the first place and she would be damned if she'd made the same mistake twice.

What the hell, what the bloody hell did you think would happen?! Not only is this an open invitation to treat you like an object of lust and get away with it, but his subconscious now has reason to believe he'll be rewarded for it. Didn't it seem a bit too easy when it began? You blame yourself for his faults just as much as he does.

Hermione sighed and closed her eyes. But it did seem right at the moment, didn't it? And he never felt like that before, never came that close without a very large amount of lust and darkness staining everything we felt. She heard him mutter something in his sleep, as usual it clearly wasn't a pleasant dream. Her heart wrenched and she began to absently stroke his healthy forearm. She came upon the tattooed skin there and looked down.

The Dark Mark was there, glaring at her, reminding her of an ugly part of Severus that could possibly never be washed away completely. He'd redeemed himself a million times over in her mind for the things he'd done as a Death Eater, but still, it wasn't enough for him, and that fact bothered her more than anything. It was still with him, she knew, better than anyone. It had controlled him and began killing him slowly the moment Voldemort died.

She put a finger to it again and traced the path of the snake through the skull. She felt Severus tense and his breath caught in his throat. Her finger stopped in its tracks immediately and she removed her hand completely from his arm.

They lay in silence for a moment before he spoke. "Hermione?" His voice was slightly ragged, from sleep and, she suspected, fear. She felt it in the way his body pressed against her, less now than before, and the way his arms released their hold somewhat.

He took another breath and now she knew he was trembling, her heart wrenched again and she bit her lip to keep from speaking. He had something to say. "I . . . did you . . . you're all right, it wasn't . . ." he stopped and put a hand up to his face.

Can this man ever love himself at these moments? She turned in his arms and pulled him to her. To her surprise he wrapped his arms around her tighter and buried his face in her shoulder. He was mumbling something but she couldn't quite hear him. Hermione began to stroke his hair and leaned her head down next to his.

"I'm sorry, I'm so very, very, sorry . . ." he continued on for some time before she felt the wetness of his tears.

For once all the knowledge he'd given her about potions, and foolish wand-waving, and even life couldn't aid her in any way. Her emotions were clashing in a way that made her dizzy and completely confused. He was apologizing, and weeping in her arms, and it wasn't the first, she seriously doubted it would be the last. She loved him first, she wanted to stop him from saying any more and forgive him on the spot, forget what had happened and move on. Another part of her wanted to see him weak and helpless, begging for her mercy and not giving it to him, just so he could feel the vulnerability and pain he'd subjected her to every time she'd come to him. Yet, still another wanted him to have his cry, apologize and them forgive him, not forgetting at all what had happened, but moving on nonetheless.

She needed to talk to someone real and stop debating with her multiple selves. It was truly obnoxious arguing with someone who knew you completely, and it didn't help that it made her feel quite mentally unstable. She needed Harry, or in the least Ron. She didn't want them to talk back, just to listen, and she wanted to get out her rage somewhere, it certainly couldn't be with Severus, no matter how much that thought interested her. First and foremost however, she needed to find a way to get out without hurting him or leaving before he was once more composed. The inner dialogue was not the most appealing alternative but really, she had no other choice. Hermione sighed inwardly and began to stroke his hair once more.

So Granger, you going to listen to us this time or do we have to leave you out in the cold with a little weeping Severus to deal with.

She supposed she would listen.

***

Snape, are you kidding me?

Severus ignored the posh voice from within and focused on Hermione and his desperate need to make everything up to her. It wasn't possible to express what he felt for her in words, or ever actions. His whole being ached for her but sometimes he couldn't control part of that, something he would never be rid of.

He pulled her closer and tried to stop his sobs, they were just as embarrassing as Lucius was making them out to be, she was the victim here, not him. He stopped himself soon enough and pulled back a bit covering his face and wishing she didn't stay when she so clearly wanted to leave. He didn't want to push her away, he'd done enough of that lately, but he didn't want to make her stay for something she didn't need or want to hear.

He wanted the tell her he needed her, that he wanted her more than anything. Most of all he wanted to tell her he loved her, everything about her, the way she looked when she was unsure about something, the way she touched his face when there weren't words to say what they needed to communicate, even the way she pensively comforted him when she needed to get out.

He would make it easier for her to ask, it was the least he could do. He opened his eyes and looked into hers for a moment, and there was that tentative, beautiful, unsure look that made the bittersweet emotions swell up and drown him. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment and breathing in her scent. "Go ahead," her whispered against her skin, "go talk to whoever or whatever and stop trying to keep me from doing myself in." He pulled away and looked at her again, this time surprise and thanks were present, but she didn't move to speak, just nodded. "I'll be here, in one piece, when you get back."

Hermione kissed him softly and brushed her fingertips against his cheek before gathering her robes and disappearing out the door. Snape sighed and rolled onto his back.

You let the mud-

Shut-up Lucius.

Severus smiled.

***

Hermione stepped outside Snape's front door and apparated . . . right onto Harry's doorstep. She rubbed a hand over her face and smoothed her robes as much as they could be smoothed before knocking. Harry opened the door a few seconds later and smiled broadly.

"I was getting worried. Thought I might have to get some friends and storm the Snape House." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind her.

"The 'Snape House', since when did you call it that?"

"Never mind that, what happened?"

Hermione smiled and shook her head. "Honestly, Harry you act like Lavender and Parvati when we were in school, Teen Witch lack enough gossip for you?"

He shook his head and began to get water for tea, he gestured to the pot and she nodded. "You wouldn't have come here with your robes wrinkled if it wasn't important." She blushed and he eyed her warily before sighing. "Please tell me nothing happened between you two? My best friend would not fall into this hellish cycle again." Hermione just looked at him, at a loss for words. "Not the one who got top marks at school," nothing, "not the one who dumped Viktor Krum for being a total prat?" Hermione stared intently at the counter she sat at.

Harry pushed her mug in front of her and took a sip of his shaking his head. "Well at least this time you're not asking to use my shower and sobbing uncontrollably in my scared witless arms."

Hermione looked up at that comment and smiled warmly. "At least," she said quietly, and he could tell she wasn't at all in pain, but it wasn't exactly real happiness either.

"Why don't you just tell me then."

Hermione took a sip of her tea before sitting back and looking at him. "When I found him," she paused and he could tell it wasn't a pleasant memory at all. "He was . . . indisposed."

Harry narrowed his eyes and Hermione slumped in her chair. "He had mutilated his arm so badly I couldn't heal it all myself. He was not far from dying of blood loss and there was something not quite right about the way he handled himself. There was," Is, she added mentally, "something going on inside him that I don't understand. I'm not sure he understands it, but it has something to do with that damn mark."

Harry came around and sat across from her, placing a hand on hers and squeezing gently. "There aren't any other Death Eaters in regular society, all of them are in Azkaban or dead, we don't know exactly what that thing does to them, but even the Dementors couldn't make someone as insane as some of those people are. 'Mione, a lot of the aurors I've talked to who have seen these people think Voldemort did something to it, he stays with them in a way. I don't think he's fully gone."

Hermione shuddered and looked up at Harry, that meant something coming from him. If anyone would know that Voldemort was back it would be Harry, and if anyone could gauge the thing's strengths, it was still him. "I thought along those lines too, but I dismissed them, I thought it wasn't possible, but Severus wasn't himself the night he and I . . ." she swallowed and Harry nodded. "It wasn't him."

Harry nodded. "So what else happened."

"I cleaned him up, he was stubborn, but more so than usual, eventually he gave in." Hermione left out the part about Snape weeping in her arms, some things only they would know, this was one of them, he could never be that vulnerable in front of anyone else, not even Dumbledore.

"The next morning he tried to get me to leave, I didn't listen, I didn't want him to hurt himself again, and I'd caught on to this pushing people away game long ago. We had a bit of an . . . encounter," Harry's grip on her hand tightened slightly but she continued. "Something happened and he just stopped, he looked like he'd been hit by the Cruciatus, he left and when I went to talk to him later . . ." Hermione didn't know how to describe it.

"Did he hurt you?"

Hermione shook her head violently. "No, no, he was so disgusted with himself, and I couldn't let him think he was who he thought he was." Hermione paused and looked up at Harry, he didn't seem to follow. "We had sex." He flinched slightly at that narrowed his eyes again.

"It was different Harry, different than anything I'd ever experienced. I can't believe I took it that far, I can't believe I had no qualms about it at the time, but I did and I didn't. He told me he loved me," Harry looked surprised, "he didn't know I was awake, of course."

They sat for a moment and Hermione took another sip of her tea. "So then why are you here, 'Mione?"

She sat back and looked up at him. "I don't know, I couldn't stay there and think that maybe I did it for pity, or to satisfy my own needs. I love him Harry, I just don't know if he can handle that. I have no clue if I can handle that he loves me back."

Harry smiled and pulled her out of her seat pushing her towards the door. "If there's one think I've learned about love in my life, it's that you can't go to anyone but yourself and the person you love for advice." Hermione looked back at him and moved to speak but he put a hand up. "No, sorry, love, I'm taken. Talk to Snape, that's all I have to say."

With that he pushed her out the door and closed it firmly behind him. Hermione looked to the sky and saw that it was about to rain. She sighed and made to apparate. "The Snape House," she said with a grin.

***