"Reality continues to ruin my life."
Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
Just Like That
"Naruto, I... " said Hinata, with a small puff of smoke curling into the frigid December air from her chapped lips. Ever since Thanksgiving break Neji had lightened up in his chastity policing in favor of doing something else that he refused to discuss. Whatever it was that he was doing, it was better than cutting into Naruto and Hinata's relationship at every turn at least. They had almost reached their two month milestone, and Naruto thought of finally inviting her over to meet his parents to celebrate. She seemed happy with the idea just before Thanksgiving break, but now whenever he brought it up she would get all quiet, so he would change the subject. It was easy. After all, he had a lot to talk about, even more to complain about, and apparently he amused her either way. At least he used to.
He thought everything was fine up until a few days ago. Without Neji to snap at them, Naruto got to spend more time with Hinata. He walked her home every day for the past two weeks, and they held hands most of the way while they walked, only letting go once her house was in sight. For the past two or three days now she wouldn't take his hand when he offered it, and she didn't laugh or comment on any of his stories. The first day he'd just assumed that she was in a bad mood because she was on her period. He wouldn't know because he was too afraid to ask if that was it. But what if that wasn't it? This was something Uncle Jiraiya should have covered in his "absolutely everything you need to know about women" spiel from awhile back, and ironically enough his mom was even less help. Preaching the holy scripture of condoms almighty and their infinite uses had very little to do with the weird moods girls wound up in.
"What's up, Hinata? Is everything OK?"
She not only shook her head, but she looked like she was about to cry. Aww, crap. The only thing worse than making a girl cry was making a girl cry and not even knowing how he did it. He assumed it was his fault because here they were, embraced in awkward silence, a distinct distance, and only the backdrop of stores, stray trees, telephone poles, and Burger King on the horizon to keep them company. They'd stopped just outside of a foreclosed music store where there were no other pedestrians nearby, and Hinata uttered something that hurt him right away, though he wasn't sure he'd heard her quite right at first.
"What did you say?" Naruto said, surprised by the sting in his throat.
"We should... break up," she sobbed, and fat tears fell down her cheeks. This wasn't something that had even occurred to Naruto in her silent treatment. He figured if it was her period then he could offer to buy her chocolate with his allowance money. Hell, he would have even baked her brownies. That always cheered his mom up, but it's not like that mattered now. It had to have been something more serious if she was breaking up with him over it. For the love god what did he DO?! Why couldn't he remember upsetting her? This couldn't be happening.
"What? Why? Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to, whatever it was. Can't we work this out, please?" Naruto's heart was racing and frantic, and any minute now he'd be crying just as much as she was and he didn't care. This wasn't fair. He thought things were perfect, and then out of the blue she was dumping him.
"It's... it's just best if we don't see each other anymore. I'm so sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, but I can't be your girlfriend anymore."
"Sure you can," Naruto insisted, though he knew it was in vain. She wouldn't even look at him. "What's this about? Can't you tell me?"
"Naruto," said Hinata, and finally she raised her head. "Father is having me transferred to a new school. I'll be gone by January."
"Is that all?" said Naruto, and it was like a million tons of weight broke from his chest. So it really wasn't his fault. "We don't have to break up over that, right? There's phones, and IM."
Hinata shook her head, and his hopeful face fell. "We don't spend much time together as things are now, and I know that bothers you. You should be with someone who you can spend time with. Someone who makes you happy. That's just not me."
"Hinata..."
"A-and I know that this is a touchy subject, but also I think that you and Sasuke should stop fi-"
"Don't mention that name!" Naruto snarled, and tears were rolling down his cheeks before he knew it. His tone had startled Hinata so much that she pushed him aside and ran. She cut across two cross walks without the light, and a flatbed truck slammed on the breaks and honked at her, but she just continued to run.
"Hinata!" Naruto thought that he ought to go after her, to make sure that she got home safely if nothing else, and to apologize for yelling of course; however, she couldn't have made it more clear that she didn't want his company anymore.
Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Life just loved dealing him winning hands. First his best friend, now his girl. What's next? Would his mom rent his room out to some douche and make Naruto sleep in a dumpster? Between the fight and his bad grades she wasn't too happy with him these days, so it wouldn't surprise him.
Not too long after the whole Gaara fiasco Sasuke had gradually started avoiding him, favoring the company of Sakura Haruno, a former crush of Naruto's. Naruto confronted him about it, both the avoidance and why Sasuke shouldn't lead girls on, which he claimed that he wasn't, but Naruto decided that he didn't believe him because he was pissed. That's when the insults started to fly, and they weren't playful either. They twisted the knife.
The anger between them boiled well into the afternoon, and they'd run out of words on their way home from school. That's when their fists decided to take over. It was their first fight that landed them both in the emergency room. Naruto had to get stitches on his right cheek and Sasuke had to get his dislocated shoulder popped back into place. Of course their parents were furious, Kushina most of all. "If Fugaku Uchiha didn't have a countersuit to contend with he totally would have dragged us to court! You keep your hands to yourself from now on, or I'll break 'em!" Well, it seemed her opinion of the Uchiha family only ran so high. Perhaps there was something to be learned, but he didn't, because he hated this. He hated these silent lulls between fights. This was the worst one by far, because it'd been over a month now since they'd spoken to each other. That's because it was totally Sasuke's fault and he should be the one to apologize.
Naruto was getting really sick of his shit. Why was Sasuke so angry all the time? Why couldn't he just relax and enjoy life like a normal person?
Hinata had some nerve suggesting that he patch things up with Sasuke, though he still felt bad for yelling. Any chance he had at salvaging that relationship died the minute he snapped at her, and he doubted he could take it back now. It seemed he wouldn't be seeing her around anymore, which was weird since they'd always been in school together. He supposed it made sense, them breaking up, because she was right. It did bother him that they spent very little time together. He thought things would get better with Neji's absence. Obviously he thought wrong, and there was no way to fix it. They do say that first love is doomed to failure, but why was it? Being dumped hurt so much. He never wanted to be dumped again.
"Agh, DAMN IT!" Naruto shouted into the sky, and there were probably people staring. He couldn't even begin to give a shit. Once he became more aware of his surroundings his attention went straight to Burger King, and he no longer had a girlfriend to spontaneously blow ten bucks on. How convenient. Perhaps enough burgers and fries would fill the holes inside of him that Sasuke and Hinata left behind. Those jerks. Who needs 'em?
Mikoto's Saturday started off well enough, seeing as she spent most of it away from the house. She'd finished her share of the Christmas shopping, never one to dawdle. Oh, sure, she missed a lot of good deals because of it, but the stress and the crowds just weren't her thing. The boys were so easy to shop for. Socks, underwear, Old Spice, razors, gift cards, done. Fugaku made more money, so he could buy the expensive fancy gadgets. In fact, he insisted upon it every time. Hmph, men and their silly pride.
She didn't have to worry about Christmas dinner because they'd be eating at grandma Uchiha's, which was stressful and annoying, but not costly, which was why Fugaku insisted they do it every other year. Mikoto didn't even have to worry about funding any sport-related endeavors for Sasuke. He had changed his mind about football right before try outs with no explanation, and for that she felt relieved. She supposed she'd gotten through to him about the dangers of contact sports after all, though somehow the abruptness of his decision to opt out didn't sit right with her. She hoped everything was all right, but he'd reached that frustrating age where he never wanted to talk about anything.
Well, that didn't matter today, she decided. She would worry herself into an early death at this rate. This year's Christmas was a cheap one, so she figured she should rejoice by indulging herself. Dr. Phil's wife always did tell women to take good care of themselves. Mikoto took that as her invitation to a nice mani-pedi at the nail salon, followed by an eyebrow waxing and getting her hair trimmed. She'd neglected her split ends long enough. She even bought herself a new coat for the winter.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd bought herself a new coat, but she sure seemed to buy a new one for Sasuke every year, among other new things. Itachi somehow managed to wear holes into most of Shisui's hand-me-downs and even some of his own clothes before they could make it to Sasuke. Just because they were resourceful didn't mean that they had to look like bums, so Sasuke got new clothes more than anyone. Boys were so difficult, because even gentle ones like Itachi were rough at times. Also, boys grew like weeds, but unfortunately that wasn't something that yelling at them could fix.
Oh well. She topped her indulgence off with a thin slice of cheesecake and a peppermint cappuccino from Staci's Cafe, the one cute coffee place in Farwell still standing after the invasion of Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks. It was in a nice area that wasn't congested, or full of low lives. That's why Mikoto was a regular there. She'd been coming by every Sunday with a book. Kushina joined her sometimes, but ever since that awful fight the boys had she'd kept her distance. Maybe if Fugaku didn't get on the phone and threaten to put Kushina's family out on the street they'd all be on speaking terms, at least. Sasuke's hospital bill wasn't that bad, and they did have insurance, so he'd gone way too far.
Still, at what point did fondness for an old friend and their son interfere with Mikoto's good parenting? Sasuke and Naruto had been friends for five years now, but they'd gotten into some real heated arguments and scuffles before. Frankly, "boys will be boys" was a silly way of thinking. Why should she be any less concerned for her child's safety just because Sasuke was a boy? Although she had to admit, if Sasuke were a girl she'd probably never let that Naruto anywhere near him again no matter whose son he was! Did Sasuke being a boy make her question keeping them apart, though? She at least liked to think not.
Sasuke was sensitive and confrontational. He spoke his mind when he felt that he needed to, and wasn't afraid to point out what he didn't like. Naruto was a loudmouth and reactive. Both liked to be right. Both liked to bicker. She didn't expect things to get this nasty, though, and Naruto wasn't a bad boy. Sasuke was just as much at fault, and he was punished for it. That was yet another reason Christmas was cheap this year. No good parent rewarded her kid's bad behavior. In fact, if Sasuke actually had joined that football team then she would have revoked the privilege. It was too bad she didn't get the satisfaction.
Once Mikoto got a taste of her cold espresso she realized that she had been lost in thought for far too long. Getting everything she needed at the grocery store was going to be a scramble, but she could manage. In happier news Itachi had invited a girl over for dinner. It was that Konan girl, though. The skinny one with the piercings. Mikoto could have sworn that Konan was Nagato's girlfriend, though Itachi seemed to be spending an awful lot of time out with her lately. Oh well, things do change. Mikoto aside, women under the Uchiha roof were a rarity, so she was looking forward to the occasion.
To say that dinner was a disaster was an understatement. That disaster was a frequent occurrence was where the problem was. It was a shame, because the food was actually good. Sasuke couldn't remember the last time they'd had a roast, and the smell of a home cooked meal was still dense in the air. It smelled like sweet lies. Without the shouting one might mistake this for a happy home judging by the smell alone.
For the rest of the evening the Uchiha household flooded with shouting. Itachi and Konan left the house none the worse for wear, as far as Sasuke knew. Dad didn't like girls like her, because she had a lip piercing, wore a lot of make up, and was a vegan. Sasuke suspected the vegan bit was where Fugaku drew the line. Mom tried so hard to make Konan feel welcome by making extra vegetables, but was overtaken by what had become her default, which was arguing with her husband. Sasuke felt comfortable with exactly none of it and tried to concentrate on finishing dinner as quickly as he could. Then mom asked him when he'd be bringing a girl home, and before he could say anything dad chipped in about "always having to feed other people's kids." That's when mom lost it.
Fugaku and Mikoto were still hollering at each other in the kitchen, and things were being slammed. Sasuke was, as usual, alone. First he disappeared into his room, which was right above the kitchen, so not even music on his iPod cranked to max drowned them out completely. Sasuke had given up on ignoring them. In times like these they didn't pay attention to where their sons were, so Sasuke threw on some shoes and his coat and headed out the door. Just because he was grounded didn't mean he should have to put up with this shit.
The rush of cold nipped at his cheeks. Winter had come too early for Sasuke's liking. It always did. There was snow somewhere in the forecast, and Christmas was only two weeks away, not that Sasuke cared. Sasuke tried to tell dad not to bother, because he didn't want anything but socks, underwear, and an iTunes voucher. Actually, the real thing he didn't want was for the guy to bitch about maxing out his credit card for the holidays. He was cheap every day of the year but Christmas, then overdid it on Christmas when no one asked him to. The third or fourth time Sasuke had pointedly insisted that he wanted nothing, dad said that he would get him an Amazon Kindle. The last thing Sasuke wanted was to read books on a screen. Fuck the rain forest, he liked actual books. Of course dad wouldn't listen, though, but that was a given.
Sasuke wandered down the hill a few blocks away from his house with no real destination in mind, and no concept of when he'd return home. One of these days that "when" would become more of an "if," and it'd come a lot sooner than when he turned eighteen at this rate. There was nowhere to go, but if he found living under a bridge to be preferable at any given point then all bets were off. If he did manage to run away...
That train of thought died the moment someone pulled up next to him. This startled him. He didn't want to grant the source of those high beams any of his attention, but if it was a neighbor and he ran they might tell his parents.
"Do you need a ride?" asked a pale middle-aged man with funny-looking make up. Sasuke didn't get what it was about this person, but an uncomfortable chill shot up his spine. He had to get out of here. Would this person chase him if he ran? He couldn't accept the ride no matter what, and he really wanted to be alone. Besides, if his parents learned of their baby getting into cars with strangers, especially on nights where he was grounded, they would lose their minds. On second thought, the prospect was tempting. After all, Itachi seemed to enjoy giving them gray hairs these days. Why should Sasuke have to be their perfect little angel?
"No, thank you," said Sasuke, despite the temptation. No amount of issues with the parents made this guy any less creepy. Just go away. Go away. Go on. Get the fuck out of here already!
Thankfully he did. Once that man's car was out of sight Sasuke let out a breath that he'd been holding. That could have been some serious Dateline shit. Perhaps running away wasn't in his best interest, unless he could get himself a pocket knife, or a gun. Or at least some mace. No matter how girly that sounded, as long as it was effective it didn't really matter. Has Sasuke ever mentioned that he hates people?
"Are you all right, Sasuke?" said Minato, who had jogged up to him from four houses down. Sasuke hadn't given any thought to which direction he had chosen to go in, but when he looked up at the blue sign that read "Whirlpool St." he silently cursed to himself. He should have gone the other way, because the one person Sasuke didn't want to think or know about lived on this street, and right now that person's father was squeezing his shoulder and trying to get his attention. Life was a sadistic bastard that got off on cruelty, it seemed.
"Fine," Sasuke lied. Nothing was fine. It never was.
"That's good." Minato used the hand on his shoulder to push him forward and Sasuke shrugged it off. "Come on, I can't let you stay out here."
"Yeah, I got it!" He knew when he was caught. He didn't need to be treated like a damn baby about it. The best he could hope for now was that he'd get a ride home from one of Naruto's parents, and that they wouldn't tell his parents. Maybe he'd want to stay if he and Naruto didn't technically hate each others' guts at the moment. Yeah, that might be a problem. There was no way Kushina and his dad were on good terms either. He'd heard that phone call. How could he not? He was stuck at home with his parents all the damn time. Sasuke had come to terms with the fact that, even if he felt like forgiving Naruto, their parents were just going to get in the way, so it wasn't really worth it.
That's what he thought, until he walked into that house for the first time in what felt like forever. Kushina was on the couch with a bag of gummi bears watching Wipe Out, at least until she looked up.
"Sasuke! Oh." Sasuke didn't know what to expect. A slap in the face maybe. Perhaps demanding to know why he would put her baby in the hospital. He wouldn't put it past her to kick him out, or even call the police.
As usual, Kushina managed to surprise him every time. Sasuke was frozen in place when she wrapped her arms around him, and her red hair tickled his cheek. He was just about the height of her shoulders now. How about that?
"How's your shoulder, sweetie? Is everything OK? You look so sad."
"I'm fine."
"No one who says they're fine is ever fine!" Kushina took him by both shoulders and pushed him into the kitchen. This was annoying, but even if he shrugged her off she'd just do something worse, like fling him over her shoulder and carry him. He had to deal with it. Besides, she was right. He wasn't fine at all.
But that didn't mean he had to talk about it.
She sat him at the kitchen table littered with Sudoku puzzles, text books, and what he guessed was a manilla folder with graded tests stashed away. Every room in the house was Kushina's work station, but the kitchen was her favorite because of the Keurig. She was babbling about hot chocolate and hot apple cider until the phone rang. It was on the kitchen wall behind where Sasuke was sitting, and it didn't take him long to figure out who was on the other line.
"He's sitting at my kitchen table. We were about to... uh huh... yes dear, I know... OK.
"Mom's on the phone, sweetie. She wants to talk to you."
Sasuke sighed. He'd hoped that he could avoid the inevitable for at least a couple of hours, but he never had that kind of luck. To make matters worse, the moment he got up he looked toward the open doorway, and none other than Naruto stood there and stared like he was looking at a ghost or something. They said nothing, and Sasuke took the phone from Kushina.
"Hello," said Sasuke.
"Do you know how much trouble you're in right now?" said mom, her voice having run ragged from too much yelling. "You know you're not supposed to leave the house, and it's dark out!"
"I don't care."
"ExCUSE me?"
"STOP YELLING!" Sasuke hollered into the receiver. "I'm sick of the sound. It's all I ever hear from you."
"Who do you think you are?!" Sasuke pulled his ear away from the phone. She was loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. "Your father and I were worried sick about you because you decided to run off, and you have the nerve to bark orders at me?"
"You and dad only care about being at each others' throats. Neither of you give a damn about how I feel." Sasuke slammed the phone back on the wall, and noticed three sets of eyes staring at him like none of them knew what to say. Naruto was probably still stuck on what Sasuke was doing there in the first place. Kushina had her hand raised like she meant to either slap him, or draw him into another hug, but thought against both. Minato looked like he felt sorry for him, coughed, then wandered away awkwardly. That just burned. Sasuke Uchiha never wanted a soul on this planet to feel sorry for him. His life couldn't possibly be that shitty.
Then the phone rang again. Three guesses who that was, and the first two don't count.
"I-I'll talk to her, sweetie. Like go into the other room and watch TV with Naruto until you cool off, yeah?"
"Sorry I slammed your phone," said Sasuke, his way of thanking her for facing Hurricane Mom in his stead. Not that Sasuke wanted any battles fought for him, but it was hard enough giving his mom a piece of his mind for once. Also, he wanted to at least pretend that she wasn't screeching. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of his life. It was certainly surreal being surrounded by all these people watching the delicate fabric of his life being torn at the seams. It always had to be Naruto, too. Naruto had gotten way too involved in the daily dysfunction that was Sasuke's life. It was annoying. Could a man not have his secrets?
Though to be fair, this wasn't one Naruto went fishing for, so Sasuke couldn't even be mad at him about it.
"What was that all about?" said Naruto, the first one to flop on the couch. He helped himself to his mom's gummi bears and opened up On Demand, probably raiding it for South Park episodes. It wasn't Sasuke's idea of quality entertainment, but since his mom strongly disapproved of it he couldn't think of better background noise.
"Not even gonna ask me why I'm here?"
"I was getting to it. But seriously, what's up with your mom? I've never heard her yell like that before."
"I told her that I was gay," said Sasuke, the words having flown from his mouth before giving them any thought. It was a convincing enough lie, and not all that far from how he'd expect her to react anyway. Or worse, she'd be obnoxiously supportive all in the name of throwing it in dad's face, like she did with Konan. Dad didn't like things outside of his narrow scope of normal, and mom didn't like him, so it made perfect sense. Either way it fucked Sasuke over royally, and there was nothing he could do about it besides hate everyone and be done with it.
"Oh," said Naruto, and his face fell. Of course the casual, sarcastic tone would go over his head. For all the trouble Sasuke went through he was tempted to let Naruto stew in his little lie, but tonight was a night already filled to the brim with petty nonsense, and it left a bad taste in Sasuke's mouth.
"It was a joke, Naruto. I didn't tell her shit. She's only pissed because I left the house."
"Wha-oh, you complete dick!" Naruto punched him the arm.
"Watch it, you already fucked that arm up once."
"Cry me a river. At least you won't have this on your face for the rest of your life," said Naruto, jabbing a thumb toward the long cut on his right cheek. It was still healing, but would most likely leave a scar. Sasuke made a point to not even look at Naruto for the past month or so, so he hadn't had a chance to get a good look. All he remembered from that day was a lot of blood, that horrible pop that his shoulder made, and being sick to death of Naruto. This idiot meddled in his life way too much and it needed to stop.
"It's an improvement," was all Sasuke had to say about the gash.
"Yeah, sure. It's such an improvement that Hinata dumped me over it."
"I thought it was because she was changing schools."
"It's... wait, how did you know about that?"
"Sakura told me. They're friends."
"Oh." Naruto dumped the rest of the gummi bears into his mouth and chewed furiously. Sasuke almost told him that he chewed like a cow, but Naruto forced the half-chewed bears down his throat and continued with his thought. "Oww. Anyway, what's with you and Sakura? I thought you didn't like her."
"I told you before, she's my friend. That's it."
"You actually have friends?"
"No, I keep you around because I enjoy the headaches."
"You're doing a terrible job keeping me around if you won't even talk to me."
"What's there to talk about? You fucked up, I got mad, it's all just tiresome."
"You fucked up, too," Naruto grumbled.
"Fine, so I fucked up, too."
Sasuke supposed that best friends didn't maim one another as a general rule. He would take care to avoid at least that in the future no matter what kind of trouble Naruto got him in. Still, he wasn't lying when he said it was an improvement. It gave Naruto a wild look, and Sasuke did enjoy wild looks. It was better than looking at Neji's girly face, at least.
Once they were back on speaking terms Naruto had asked Sasuke what he wanted for Christmas. Sasuke's first response was that he wanted his parents to quit bitching, knowing well that there was nothing that Naruto could do about that. It was his off-handed way of saying that he wanted nothing. They wound up going to the thrift store immediately after school five days before Christmas and Naruto told Sasuke to pick out a book that he wanted. Sasuke bought him a shirt. They exchanged bags on the way out, too lazy to bother with wrapping and waiting. That's how they rolled. Minato and Kushina would probably get him something, though he never expected them to, and didn't want them to. His parents probably wouldn't get Naruto anything. After all, Naruto still wasn't the happiest topic under the Uchiha roof. Of course his parents would be the last ones to get over the stupid fight.
So Christmas came and went. Sasuke's favorite gift was new socks. He also enjoyed the book Naruto got him. Dad got him the Kindle, and Itachi got him an Amazon voucher, so he fiddled with it throughout the day. Its only redeeming quality was the amount of books he could get for free, and it was perfectly legal. Also, it was easier to stash in his pocket than a book, he had to admit. He still didn't like reading on a screen, though. It was too much like reading on the Internet. He feared for his IQ and how much it would drop whenever he looked upon a screen. He'd been exposed to too many idiotic comments on Youtube, he supposed.
Afterward dad, Itachi, and himself went to grandma's for dinner. Mom claimed to have a migraine and nobody argued. That was a relief. Dad might have pushed under any other circumstances, but when mom had her headaches no one else's opinion mattered. Sasuke thought she was faking it, but he wanted a Christmas without bickering, so he said nothing. He didn't like going to grandma's house, but he sucked it up.
Aunty Rei and Shisui were there, too. What this meant was that Aunty Rei would ask Sasuke a billion questions about school, and Itachi and Shisui would leave him alone to deal with it. Those two were close in age, and they got along better than any other two people with the last name Uchiha, at least to Sasuke's knowledge. Sasuke didn't really have a single friend in his family. No one was his age, and even if they were that didn't guarantee that Sasuke wanted to know them. They made him uncomfortable. Why did grown ups care so much about school anyway? Although if it wasn't that then it was politics and religion, the two worst topics ever. Yes, even worse than girls.
One of these days Itachi and Shisui would let Sasuke in on their disappearing act.
Dad and Sasuke returned home alone that night, and all Fugaku had to say during the entire hour and forty-five minute drive was "don't forget to write your aunty a thank you note." She gave him a candy cane. She probably plucked it off of grandma's tree. Sasuke was not going to write her a thank you note for something like that.
Mom was already in bed when they'd gotten home. Dad soon followed. Sasuke stayed up for awhile with his Kindle. He had the damn thing, so he might as well use it. It occurred to him that he'd never read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, so he figured it was as good a read as any. He shut off the lights around midnight once his eyes began to droop, satisfied with this relatively drama-free Christmas.
That is, until dad woke him up at five-thirty in the morning to announce that there had been an accident.
TBC