Thank you for your messages.

Wavering

" Ludwig."

" Yes, father."

" After we finish our dinner, I would like to talk to you. In person."

There was a maliciously triumphant tinge of accomplishment colouring each single word in the phrase, as Ludwig noted, nearly to a point of sounding illogical and foolishly empty, like a meaningless warning.

No, not meaningless. And perhaps, it wasn't really a warning. It sounded more like a neutral message, something to be expected. Besides, hadn't he come here because his father had requested it and so they could discuss a serious matter?

In different circumstances, the younger man might have found the way this sentence was expressed, slightly amusing, but the uneasy feeling that continued to claw his chest and the fact that he couldn't help but remain in a watchful state from the time he left the car, wouldn't allow a smirk that easily or even a plain, comfortable nod.

Naoji saw no specific, immediate reaction on Ludwig's part; Was he calculating what he was going to say or something else was happening? Since the duke had addressed Ludwig, Naoji had no reason to reserve himself from gazing directly at his fellow Strahl, there was no need of an excuse, thus finding his chance to examine his partner's face better, but mostly, to provide any kind of support he could manage, if Ludwig searched for it.

Slender fingers stretched out to grasp a piece of bread calmly, located close to the center of the table. Seeing that move, and though it lasted only a few seconds, Naoji unconsciously moved his own free hand, letting it slide towards the same direction, towards him, imperceptibly, so nobody actually noticed it, but its course was stopped as it stumbled upon the folded towel close to the plate.

He was suddenly very concerned about Ludwig. What other interpretation could be produced regarding the prompt impulse to reach out to him like this?

" I don't want to lose him from my sight. Not even for a minute. Who can distance Ludwig from me after all that we have shared and done together?" The viciousness in the stubborn thought that flashed in Naoji's mind, almost gave him a pleasuring feeling, like a strong drug that numbs the nerves. Although he never seriously attempted to measure the validity of his intuition and while he had adopted to a certain degree Ludwig's preference of approaching matters with a sense of logic, Naoji couldn't reject an inner signal that something he considered and called as his own, something important, was threatened to be taken away from him.

He stared away, in no specific spot. " Lui, it's not like I don't know what people would say... And, it's not as if it never crossed my mind even during our most intimate moments. But..."

" Naoji?"

It wasn't probably the first time Ludwig had seen that dark, inwardly furious gleam on his fellow Strahl's face. Then he understood, he remembered how Naoji asserted to him that he wouldn't give up without a fight and if he felt that the circumstances allowed it, he wouldn't stay inactive. He would talk. And stand his ground. Of course, that decisiveness would certainly have a price that only Ludwig seemed to acknowledge its gravity. Of course he had cautioned Naoji, but the man's feelings were too strong to let himself become affected by any warning. Ludwig had to use another means to ease the load from his partner's mind.

To his contentment, that unusual expression disappeared when Naoji turned to face him again. " I have a favour to ask." He began speaking, glancing both at Naoji and Ann. " Could you spend some time together while I will be busy discussing with father? I just have to secure that the evening will go on nicely for those who still have that privilege."

" Sure, Ludwig. If Naoji wishes it as well..."

" I do. I will be glad to share time with you." Naoji replied kindly.

" Fine." The son concluded and then turned to Philip. " Father, of course we will talk. In addition..." He casted a look at the almost half-filled glass of wine Naoji was holding in his hand on that instant. " I was recently told by someone important that in order to see if one's destination is possible, it is necessary to move forward."

" Words of responsibility are always pleasing to hear."

It was not difficult for Ann to discern her husband's weariness in his few words and long periods of silence, or to understand that his mind was pressed with thoughts about the matters of the country. There was also something else about the man that did not elude her observation. That distant, harsh tension in his gaze and the stern line on his lips, two characteristics which often emerged during older times, before Ludwig's entrance in Rosenstolz and presaged one very specific thing; The man's intention to reprove either her or her son, or both of them for a reason which was no one's fault, especially not Ludwig's. Whether it was about achieving great success in education or displaying proper social conduct according to his own standards, Philip had always had strict demands for Ludwig and wouldn't accept the slightest lapse. Ann never approved, knowing how hard and how much effort their son put in each subject taken and the few times he did not meet father's expectations, then, there was no way he would overlook it...

An alarming feeling had risen in her heart but she managed not to show any traces. Ann preferred to remain behind her silence, so she could observe the signs closely and be ready to anticipate any kind of problem, in case it appeared...

" I wonder what plans Ludwig might have made already about the future..." The duchess thought to herself secretly after the dinner had ended. It was time that the two members of her family went to talk in privacy.

" Naoji, I expect you can forgive me for depriving you of your favourite companionship." The guest was not given the necessary time to think and answer to that statement as Philip had already exited the room and headed somewhere else.

Ludwig had not gone yet and before his leaving, he turned to say something to Naoji. " Even when you are not keeping your eyes on me, I know you are there." His voice was serious and the words were spoken without rush. " And you, mother. You are a fine flower amidst the desert. But you must not let yourself understand what that means because, if you do, you will wither."

" Ludwig, what happened and now you give these... divinations?" The mother asked perplexedly.

" I wouldn't call them divinations. Just thoughts." Her son explained. " Besides, it is father who enjoys to think that he knows the future better than anyone else." After he finished, Ludwig left them to join his father to begin a new conversation.

In the piano room...

It was a quiet, well-lit place with a comforting atmosphere. The long, white curtains that covered the windows seemed to boost the pleasant light coming from a warm-coloured chandelier, like a stroke of brightness creating an intense contrast with the impressive, dark volume of the musical instrument there.

" Ludwig really likes to frequent this room, especially when he wants to spend his time in reading."

" I see. Well, since he does, I already feel comfortable here." Naoji commented calmly. He had managed to relax somehow, which was probably the result of being away from Philip's presence that started to fill him with awe and a strange, small impression of insecurity. He couldn't explain it thoroughly. However, a large part of the Japanese Strahl's conscience was with Ludwig, sincerely wondering and caring about his probable thoughts, what sort of situation he had to face and more importantly, how hurt, angry or anxious he might was. "But... Lui is strong... I have to put my trust in that right now, exactly as he did when he trusted that I would accompany him till this point. But I will await for my chance to do more when I will be called to, even if I have to face my fears."

Naoji waited for Ann to choose her seat first. He imagined that she would prefer the single armchair but she made herself comfortable in the couch, also showing to the guest that he was welcome to be seated next to her. The young man smiled and nodded positively. " Hm, I am trying to guess if Lui also enjoys performing on the piano besides reading. Unfortunately, I haven't heard him playing but I know he is very well-informed on most classical authors and their works." He said in a pleasant tone, making a clear effort to cover any sign of his previous thoughts. He wouldn't want to disappoint Ann in any way, though he suspected she may had realised the worry in his heart.

" He plays occasionally, giving me the impression that he prefers to occupy himself with music only when he thinks nobody is there to listen..."

Naoji shook his head. " Lui guards his feelings very tightly, I believe."

" That... yes, is true." Ann added. It seemed that Naoji's very sentence made her submerge into her own, similar reflections. " However, Ludwig was once really happy and extrovert as a child. It was his father's strictness and character that later made him lose his faith in close relationships with the people around him, preferring the company of himself instead. I am at fault too, because I wasn't strong enough to protect him during crises as much as he needed it. I am endlessly proud of my son, but I am also aware that I should have done too much more for him."

The mother's agony was apparent in her speech, but like Ludwig, she tried to keep the feeling in check, not allowing it to be revealed in its true form and intensity.

" I cannot know if that eases you, but Lui told me that you have always tried to understand him and give him comfort. And I am sure it's true because, by being with him, it was not difficult to discern how gentle and sensible he is." Naoji explained easily.

" I thank you for telling me. This is important and makes me realize something just now." She said and then rose, " If he showed you that side so clearly, then, that means you are special... Indeed very special to him."

The man was silent, feeling his heart beating very fast. It wasn't only the impact of the repeated word and the combination with the others that formed a short, completed message... It was also how Naoji interpreted it, the meaning it held to him and the guilty knowledge that Ann wouldn't have known the slight difference on how he perceived the word special compared to what she may had thought. Really, was there any way that Ludwig's mother could know and understand the adoration, the deep feeling he held for her son? Or - to the outer world - this earnest, honest view was nothing but a sick, filthy misdeed?

Before he could decide about the answer, his attention was caught by the image of Ann dedicatedly searching for something at a nearby bookshelf. Her hand extracted a pocket size book. It was also a note, or something else that Naoji couldn't define yet, which was revealed from within the book's pages.

" This is the book and a photo that Ludwig left here at home, the last time he came..." Naoji recognized the book, it regarded an in-depth theoretical approach on politics that his fellow Strahl would often study it. He also recalled that indeed, Ludwig was keeping a photo portraying them, but Naoji had no idea that he liked carrying it with him.

" I was going to give them to him myself, but now that you are here, please return these to him."

" Sure." Naoji assured as he received the two items. Somehow, he found no uneasiness in himself; just a longing to share with someone how much he felt about the most special person he had met since he arrived in Kuchen and how he changed his life, but that wish would probably be destined to stay unfulfilled.

Ann sat again next to her guest, " I saw that you wrote a note on the back side of the picture. A message that only Ludwig knows because this was your wish from the beginning, if I may assume." [1]

Naoji lowered his eyes and his gaze fell on the the woman's hand... it was pale, but very firm-looking, exactly like her son's.

" That is correct..." He quietly whispered. He knew. There was no ally for support, someone who was aware of the secret feelings. In this fight, there were solely himself and Ludwig. " Forgive me," He said to the duchess. " This concerns only him, that's why, it is my intention not to say..." The coherence of thoughts suddenly tangled, or maybe it was his mind, suddenly becoming blank, filled only with the clear image of Ludwig showing him the lake before they come. "...Not to say, how this feels." He eventually completed his phrase, not sure if it was the proper continuation.

" Ludwig has been through a lot for years. If you gave him room to breath, and offered him acceptance, he will treasure you always. However, granted that his past weighs heavily upon him, there is a shadow side even in this; Losing any fine feeling he gets from you, - I fear - it may affect him in a way which might not be reversed."

Note [1] : Reference about the photo can be found at the beginning of chapter 5.