To my reviewers.

Laura – YOU WILL BE CORRUPTED. Now, draw my Integra! Please please please.

- - I'm glad you enjoyed it, they are drabbles, they're meant to be a bit short, but the arc I'm going into now is going to involve stories more about the 2000 word length (I hope)

KyaniteD – It's always nice to get reviews from you. You will indeed see…I'll try to live up to these expectations I'm apparently building…

Protégéofmaster – I deliver as promised! There is much more to come…though how much…I'm not sure…we'll see where it ends up…

Just a warning to you all, there might not be updates in November (or just a drabble). I do plan at least one more update before then but I'm doing nanowrimo and I thought I'd put a warning in now while I'm thinking about it in case I forget to next time.

Title : The Beginning

Fandom: Hellsing

Pairing: Seras/Integra

Words: 1867

30smiles challenge: #28 Crazy

I don't like to think I'm a closed minded person, or that I'm not introspective. I like to think that I'm intelligent and that I know myself, but it's only now that I've really had time to stop and think that I realise how little I know about myself. To realise how desperate and needy I am, how I can so easily repress everything I hate.

I need a vampire. Not to protect me, but to need me, to want me. Don't misunderstand, I do need Alucard, but I don't need for him to like me. The thought of not seeing him doesn't chill me.

She's so different from him that it's easy to pretend that they're not the same beast, it's easy to think of her as something removed from him, but then the little things remind me. The cold brush of her skin against mine, making me shudder. The touch of a fang against my tongue when I kiss her.

It used to be so easy to hate all vampires on principal. I was able to step back and say they were all evil, safe in the knowledge that Alucard would likely be wreaking his own little brand of bloody mayhem and terrorising people were he not bound to me. But damnit she's different! She fights for her humanity, something that Alucard's forsaken.

It's easy to say all vampires are monsters when standing in Alucard's shadow, it's a completely different matter when I lay there with Serar in my arms.

So, at which point am I wrong? Am I wrong now, to be reconsidering the nature of my opponent. To be sleeping with the enemy (well, not sleeping with her yet, but still). Or was I wrong before, to consider all vampires as heartless fiends because of Alucard.

Can I still order the deaths of vampires if I need Seras.

I know it's a bit of an academic question as things stand. I don't have to order anyone to do anything. I don't exist outside these walls, or I may as well not exist anyway. Trapped here. I wonder which idiot that have doing my job? I wonder if they're doing it as well as I did.

I wonder when Seras will come again.

And I hate myself for wondering about that. I hate myself for wanting her. I hate myself for needing her.

I think it's getting to a point where I essentially just hate myself.

They released Walter from hospital three days ago, and I never knew the man could be so demanding. Between him and Integra I've barely had a moment to myself. Not that I'm complaining, there are far worse ways to spend my time but still…it would be nice to have a little rest.

They told him to rest up when he left the hospital, and he is doing, so I'm fetching and carrying for him. Surely you'd think there'd be some better use of my time then running to the shop for milk.

I don't even know why he needs the milk so urgently. You'd think he'd wait until morning. Of course, it's more convenient for me to go in the evening, I suppose, being nocturnal and all but finding a shop that was open was a real challenge.

To think, not all that long ago really I'd have been terrified to walk alone at night like this, now I'm not even slightly scared. I suppose it's understandable, I am a vampire now and I do have a gun loaded with silver bullets tucked into my waistband (it hurts to, it's digging in right under my ribs, but I do feel better to have it. Old habits dye hard and there's only so many times you can fight vampires before you start carrying a gun as standard).

I won't use it, of course, the bullets are far too hard to get hold of now, I wouldn't even know where to start looking, but it's still comforting to have it there.

One of the major downsides of being a vampire is I feel changes in temperature more keenly. They don't bother me any more, my body's given up on trying to keep to the same temperature so I'm as happy in a snow field as a tropical beach, but I can still know it's cold and psychologically it still bothers me, even if physically it doesn't.

I wonder if that, like so many other things, will eventually just go away. I wonder if I'll eventually be in a place mentally where temperature changes mean nothing to me.

It's pointless to think about, I suppose, but interesting never the less. Just another little slice of my humanity disappearing.

But that's so depressing to think about. I'm here and who knows what I'll become, I just have to push through with what I am now and hope it all goes well.

As long as I stay positive and as long as I'm still kind and while I can still feel love I figure I can't be all that bad. It's so dark around here. I wonder why Walter's living here. I'll have to ask him when I get in, I suppose it might well be all he can afford, but Integra must have been paying him for all those years of service…he must have some money.

Maybe he just likes it here.

I just know it's a long way from my flat, and that busses don't run too frequently at night. There's a bus that runs up here from near the supermarket I ended up going to but it's only ever hour at this time and I'd just missed one, by the time the next one got there I could have walked it.

Though I'm not sure walking it is a good idea…well…it wouldn't be for a normal person anyway.

I turn a corner and stop in my tracts. The street before me is in complete darkness. It only takes a second for my eyes to adjust and I see that it's deserted. But all the lights are shattered, it looks almost as if they've been shot out. That's just silly. Why on earth would anyone want to shoot out all the lights if they weren't going to loiter and do some damaged. Mind you, the lights could have been shot out some time ago and the council just not got round to fixing them yet, figures…

I start of down the street finding myself, in spite of everything, walking a little faster then I would if the lights were on. I know it's stupid to worry, I can handle anything anyone cares to throw at me, but still…

There's something odd here. I start to feel it by the time I pass the second shot out streetlight. There is something here that isn't normal, isn't right. I slip my hand under my coat, brushing my fingers gently against the gun, reassuring myself it's there and it can be in my hand at a second's notice.

I think I see a scuttle in the shadows, but I could be wrong. My fingers tighten around the gun all the same. I feel so paranoid, walking along, on edge, my back stiff, seeming to hear every noise in the damn street, my fingers curled around a gun.

Then, something slams into my left side, sending me to the ground. I roll and bring myself up on my knees, pulling out the gun as I bring my hand down to steady myself. The thing throws itself at me again, from the other side this time, but I'm ready, I manage to roll it under me and bring my gun around.

One shot to the heart.

Damn annoying, I should have just torn of it's head, wasting such an expensive bullet on a piece of scum like that. I can sense more of them now, all annoyingly weak, though I can feel something stronger, hiding beyond them in the houses. Apparently, whatever was in charge here didn't feel the need to go out himself.

I bolt suddenly to my left, tearing into the chest of the vampire stood there then turning and tearing the head from his companions neck. The adrenalin's pumping through me again as it hasn't in so long, I feel so…so…so damn alive. I throw myself on the next one, tearing him to shreds. They've started to run now, cowards, idiots! Running from me!

Scum, all of them.

The something-more-powerful is moving. Apparently I've drawn some attention to myself. I grin, a wicked grin, and reach up to wipe the blood of the vampire I've just killed from my face.

It emerges, swaggering. It's a woman, should have guessed when all her little minions were male. She pouts at me, says something meaningless, and I tear her chest open right between her pert little breasts.

The street's deserted now, I stand there, dripping in blood. I draw deep breaths, though I haven't needed to breath for so long, trying to calm myself, to beat down the surge of adrenaline telling me to kill or maim anyone and everyone I find.

As the buzz from the killing wears of, I start to shake, slowly falling to my knees.

Why am I like this? Why do I loose control. I say I'm still human, but am I, really?

I pull myself to my feet and absently turn to look for the milk I dropped. It's half under one of the dead vampires and I move him to retrieve it, wiping it of as best I can, and I set of again.

Walter's home is only a few streets away, I don't think I'm seen. He nods at me when he sees me and lets me in, taking the milk and going to make some tea. I collapse in a chair, in a daze.

"I take it you dealt with my little problem?" he asks, coming back into the room with his tea. I think I nod, he seems to take whatever I do as an answer anyway and carries on.

"These little…dens, would you call them, have been springing up all over the place. I wanted you to see it for yourself, so you knew it was true…"

"Why isn't anyone doing anything about it?"

"Who is there to do anything about it? Hellsing is disbanded, Integra in jail…"

"But…surely something has been established…they can't just be letting the vampires run wild!"

"As you've seen yourself," he says calmly, "That is exactly what they're doing. And I'm afraid, Miss Victoria, it falls upon us to stop them."

I know he's right, know right there that I'm going to have to fight these things…it doesn't bother me much, which bothers me is the thought that I'm going to be doing it without back up. Without Hellsing agency covering my ass.

Without Integra.

And that's the crux of the matter, really, we need Integra to do this. Well, I need Integra to do this. It might sound pathetic but it's true. It seems, however, that today it is Walter who's reading my mind.

"I do believe, our first step should be getting Sir Hellsing out of jail."