Disclaimer: Writing fanfiction stories generally includes inherent admission as to lack of the ownership of the intellectual property said stories are based on. This case is no exception of the rule.

Summary: Sometimes a split-second decision can alter one's fate completely. And have consequences beyond one's wildest expectations. Alternative story beginning with the events of Heart of Fire.

Credit for betareading goes to Sherron and Marlana.

Darkest Moments

Chapter XI

Mike loosened his tie and took a deep breath before he finally managed to bring himself to knock on the door. He honestly didn't know what he was going to say – hell, he didn't know what reaction he could expect at all – but he felt he couldn't really live with himself if he didn't at least try. The wording of the thought almost made him stop again. There wasn't any way of knowing whether coming here now wouldn't result in his obituary seeing the light of day very soon.

Unable to chase the thoughts away, he chose to at least get the first step over with and face whatever was to come. He knocked again, this time with a force that actually made it audible. Then, for some as of yet unexplainable, but most certainly supernatural, reason, time stopped for an hour or two. Or maybe it didn't, but it most definitely felt like it.

Finally he heard the door being opened. Surprisingly enough the sound came almost as a relief. A bit less comforting was the manner in which it was angrily swung open. It wasn't, however, an angry vampire that faced him as it did.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here, Mike?"

"I just came to talk with Fitzroy, Vic."

"Oh you did, did you? You really have nerve, Mike. Showing your face here after everything you did? I thought you had at least some decency in you."

"It's not like that, Vicki, okay? Can I see Fitzroy?"

"Why? You think you can stroll in here, thinking God knows what, just because you have a whim and demand to talk to Henry? You?"

"It's not a whim, alright?" Mike's resolve failed finally and he heard his voice rising. "But there are some things I need to tell him that I can't do with a goddamn proxy!"

"Really? Like what?!" Trust Vicki to measure up with temper instantly.

Suddenly all his anger and energy were gone as he looked down. "Apology."

That caught Vicki by surprise and she actually went silent. When Mike looked up he saw Henry Fitzroy standing there with a hand on her arm.

"I think I can deal with him, Vicki." The vampire prince smiled at her gently, causing her to cast one more warning look at Mike before gesturing to Henry the floor was his. The action elicited another smile. Then the vampire turned to him and suddenly the detective didn't know what to say.

The vampire measured him with his gaze for while before speaking in a quiet, dispassionate voice.

"Contrary to popular belief, vampires can't read minds, Detective. Perhaps if we could, some tragedies could be avoided. You said you wanted to apologise. Do you know what you want to apologise for?"

From all the possible reactions of the vampire to seeing him, stoicism was probably the only one Mike didn't consider. Which might have explained why he didn't know what to do with it once he got it.

"I don't know what you expect me to say, Fitzroy," he finally managed. "I obviously had no idea Mendoza was a lunatic. It never even crossed my mind that he could do something like that."

"So you made the mistake of lending someone your trust. I can't really blame you for that, as I'm also guilty of that. My justification was that someone I trust and care about trusted you as well. What was yours?"

The intensity of the eyes that were looking at him left him with a feeling that the vampire was looking straight into his soul. Mike couldn't even decide if it was fire or ice that was in that look. All he knew was that he would do anything not to be forced to answer the question under the vampire's gaze.

"It was protection," he finally found the voice. "He offered me a chance to protect others. To protect Vicki."

The vampire prince nodded and suddenly Mike felt a sickening feeling that he was making excuses for himself to the person he left to be tortured and almost killed.

"I'm sorry for what I did, Fitzroy. If I had the faintest idea..." He was silenced by a gesture of a hand.

"You aren't saying, Detective, that given a chance you wouldn't do everything in your power to protect others, are you? If anything your choice of career doesn't seem to point to you being able to dismiss the chance so easily."

'What the hell was going on?' Mike wondered, musing over the fact that, if it went on like this he'd soon need to convince Fitzroy why selling him to the inquisitor was a bad idea. And somehow it made Mike feel even more guilty. Maybe that was the idea of it all?

"Maybe I wouldn't. But what I did was still wrong and I see that now."

"Do you? Sacrificing everything to ensure safety? Do you honestly believe this wrong?"

"It's more than that and you know it!"

"Do I? You said yourself, we both made an error in judgement. It sounds quite simple so far."

'So far. Right.'

"I didn't know nearly enough to make the choices I did. And instead of learning I listened blindly."

"And we come back to the matter of trust, Detective. Having all the facts, we wouldn't ever need to trust. We would just have certainty. And if we somehow didn't have enough trust to take someone's word for anything we wouldn't be able to function."

The whole situation was becoming absurd.

"Not when the only reason you trust them is because they are telling you something you just want to hear. When by all rights you should have listened to other people who were telling you something to the contrary. If you had doubts and suspicions about the one telling you all that crap from the start but ignored it. Because you needed to hear someone tell you that you are better than the person it concerned." The words spilled out of his mouth and he fell silent, petrified.

The vampire nodded again. "Thank you, Celluci. May I be so bold as to ask what brought this now?"

"I realised it almost as soon as it all happened." He knew if he wanted to come clean completely he could as well call it for what it was – backstabbing. Betrayal. But that truth refused to leave his throat if only for the reason that he couldn't bear to hear it spoken aloud. "And as I learned more about your kind..."

"Vampires," Fitzroy supplied needlessly.

"Vampires," Mike agreed, not really having another option. "As I took a closer look, what I did only became harder to take."

"You are apologising for your own comfort then." It was a statement, not a question.

"No! What I'm trying to say is that with every moment it becomes more clear how horrendous an error I made. And I know there isn't really anything I could ever do to make up for that. So an apology is all I can offer."

"You are wrong there. Your sincerity and willingness to learn from this mistake is perhaps more valuable. I accept the apology and forgive you, Detective." The vampire spoke without releasing his gaze. Then he stepped closer to Mike and sniffed, making the cop very uncomfortable all of the sudden. "I see you took getting to know vampires better more literally than most would." He paused. "Hurt her and you won't live long enough for another apology."

Even though Mike had no intention to, the steel in Fitzroy's voice made his blood run cold. He was dimly aware of Vicki's jaw dropping as the words rang in the air.

III

For a moment the meaning of the exchange she just witnessed wouldn't register in Vicki's mind. The only possible association she could make seemed simply too outlandish to be true. Yet if she was to trust Mike's suddenly guilty expression and Henry's knowing look...

But it couldn't be, could it?

"You gotta be kidding me, Mike!"

He glanced at her, only now focusing properly as if he needed this to remember she was still in the room.

"And why the hell not, Vicki? Now you have a say in who I see? That's a new one."

"I don't give a damn who you see. You can be sleeping with Crowley for all I care. I just have this little thing about using women when they are vulnerable."

"Using? You may have issues, Vicki, but for your information not everything about relationships has to be about using each other!"

"Oh, relationship, is it? Tell me, Mike, does your new girlfriend know what you did?" He paled a bit and didn't answer. Which in itself was all the answer she needed. "You really do have nerve, Mike. How are you planning to tell her?"

"Tell her...?" he echoed as if the idea was too abstract to process. She suddenly had the strongest urge to hit him. Apparently last time she didn't do it hard enough if he'd pulled such a stunt.

"Yeah, tell her. About your little têtê-á-têtê with Brutus complex. And that thing about treating vampires like some monsters. Those little trivialities."

"How do you imagine I start a conversation like that with her now, after all she's been through?"

"Apparently it didn't bother you before. Or was your other head doing all the thinking? In any case, you'd better figure out a way within the next three days."

"Three days? What happens in three days?"

"That's when I'm having a little girl talk with her."

"God, Vic, you cannot be serious."

"Can't I? And keep God out of it."

"Can you just give me some more time?"

"Why should I? It's not like you were all that considerate in your actions lately. I'm sure you have a busy evening. Don't let me stop you on your way out."

"Vicki..."

"You can find the way out, can't you?"

He sighed and turned to leave. "Goodnight, Vicki, Fitzroy."

Henry gave a small nod that for some reason made Vicki think of the Duke of Richmond and Somerset dismissing someone. "Detective."

"I'll call you later to check if you told her. Bye, Mike."

It was with a strange satisfaction that she slammed the door behind him. Henry might be above holding grudges but that only meant someone needed to do it for him, right?

III

As soon as he left the vampire's apartment, he sped to his home, as if trying to outrun the thoughts haunting him the whole way.

On the whole, he supposed, he probably couldn't complain. Not really. When he was preparing to face the music and apologise to Fitzroy, he had fully expected an angry vampire ready to rip him into shreds. Instead he got understanding and acceptance. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it actually made him feel worse.

Anger and violence he could take. Hell, he was professionally trained to deal with those. Ironically enough, if he had come out of this confrontation with a few broken bones he would probably have felt better. Anything but the humbling forgiveness, leaving him with the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and once again putting forward the question of who really was the monster in this setting.

If that wasn't enough, to top it off, there was Vicki's demand. Granted, it wasn't irrational that she wanted Delphine to know the truth. Hell, he knew he would have to tell her sooner or later and he felt guilty enough for not doing so earlier.

But how could he, when she was already so vulnerable, needing some anchor to get her balance back? How could he push her away, when she had decided for him to be that anchor, and wound her additionally by this? And finally – how could he tell her about it just after she'd trusted him with herself like that? Simple. He couldn't.

He was hoping he would figure a way to break it to her, slowly, to ease her into the truth. Somehow. This deadline made that impossible and suddenly he felt lost again.

Or was he lost from the beginning and he was only now forced to face the fact of how deeply he had fallen into the web of half-truths and omission? He couldn't really tell. But he did know one thing.

In a very short time he would need to face the woman he owed the truth. The woman who trusted him. Who would come to him suspecting nothing of what he had to tell her. And by the time she did he would need to have at least some things figured out.

He parked in front of his building and rubbed his eyes before exiting the car. No matter what fantasies he had about tonight he could very well forget them. He couldn't allow himself to sink any deeper into this deception. She wouldn't forgive him, with the truth needing to be revealed soon. He didn't know if he could really forgive himself either.

And that meant he would have to talk to her as soon as she came. And hope for the best.

He fumbled with the keys opening his door. Who was he kidding? He would be lucky if the best in that particular case meant she would be willing to as much as look at him before he died of old age. And if things didn't go as planned he had a strange feeling that in an hour or two he would find out that old age wasn't exactly the cause of death fate had in store for him.

TBC