10. Never Think
I hadn't seen much of Tyler since he met my family Tuesday night. He'd been helping his family move into their new home, the location of which I still don't know. He says it's a surprise. I'm not sure why, it's not like I'll be living there or something, but he insists I not see it until I meet his family on Saturday, when the house will be fully furnished and ready for guests. I could picture Tyler and I alone in an empty house, laying on the living room floor, our voices echoing off of the empty walls. Then his family of six walks in on us with boxes and furniture and taints everything with style and feng shui.
Oh God, his family, which I'll be meeting in a few days. Just the thought of it made me queasy. I wondered what they were like, if they were anything like Tyler. I assumed he'd be the odd one out, he's just so different. They couldn't all be that well rounded and beautiful. Tyler was a rarity, a diamond carved out of stone. Even so, when Tyler speaks of them, he makes them sound immaculate. I mean, with a doctor for a dad, a stay at home mom and siblings with such unique and bright personalities, how can anyone possibly measure up to that? How would I measure up to that?
They'd probably compare me to Tyler's ex-girlfriend, the one he says brought him back to life. I can't even imagine Tyler in such a dark place like he says he was in, a state that he'd need to be revived. It's just inconceivable to me that this risk taker could have been dead inside at one point. If he was, then this girl he was with must have been pretty darn special. Insecurity crept back as I conjured a picture of her in my mind, of this angelic beauty with long, brown hair that flowed in waves like a never ending, chocolate river, with perfect skin that glowed because it was so perfect, and with long, model legs and a slender body, with curves in all the right places. Her mental image haunted me, reminding me I can never be what she was for him. It was pretty depressing. Thinking about it just put me in a major slump.
Jessica keeps calling me, but I keep ignoring it. I'm not in the mood to listen to how wonderful Mike is, how he treats her like a queen, yet is like her best friend too, how she feels like she doesn't have to try so hard to impress him and that it's the greatest relationship of her life. I can't fake happiness right now. I shouldn't even have to fake it, I should be happy. I've got it pretty good. But insecurity is like the plague, it can kill even the strongest, happiest, brightest mood in seconds.
I don't try very hard for Tyler. Actually, I don't think I try at all. But to have a man of his calibre, shouldn't I be trying to impress him more? I mean, he seems to like me just fine, but maybe I should step it up. Maybe I should do my hair nicer, or dress better to match him, to attempt to compete with the image of his ex-girlfriend in my mind. But, that would go against everything I believed a relationship should be. If he can't love me at my worst, why should he get a chance with my best? And he seems to be doing pretty well with my everyday self. I'm probably just over-analyzing this entire thing. I have too much time on my hands, too much time to think things over and over until they become distorted.
I pushed my thoughts aside and just stared at my ceiling, focusing on the white paint. I forced myself not to blink, to let the ceiling move and morph into something else. It expanded and swayed, looking more like a thick goo than painted dry wall. I dove deeper and deeper until my eyes began to water, a tear falling from the corner of my eye and grazing my ear. When I blinked the ceiling became solid and flat again. I turned to my window quickly, doing a double take when I noticed something move. I squinted my eyes, trying to make out the figure, but it was too late. I stood up, stretched the blinds open with my fingers and scanned the backyard. It was too dark to see anything, but I searched anyway.
The feeling of eyes watching me washed over me, making me feel uncomfortable. I backed away from the window and left my room, speed walking down the hall and down the stairs to the living room next to the foyer. I kept my eyes on the stairs as I walked over to the couch by the window. I turned to sit down, making the mistake of looking out the window. Dane was standing directly outside of the window, soaking wet and in the dark, with a palm pressed up against the glass. His body was blurred in the window because of the rain, but I could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt, just the black sweat pants he always wears. I tripped over my own feet at the sight of him, landing on my butt on the floor. Even after the loud thump of my fall, no one came to see what had happened. Nice.
I got up and opened the front door for Dane, but he wouldn't come in. He just stood there in front of my porch in the pouring rain, not saying a word, just dripping water in silence.
"Dane? Come inside, it's freezing. You'll get sick." I held my hand out, hoping he'd take it and get out of the rain.
"Stella, I don't –" He began, his voice sad and pleading. "I can't stay." He lowered his head, then looked out to the road. His bike wasn't here, and other than the neighbour's car, there were no other vehicles in the road. I didn't know how he got here, or why he wasn't wearing any clothes, but I didn't bother to question it, I just wanted to get him inside before he got himself sick.
"Get inside, now." I stepped out on to the porch to grab him, only he grabbed me first. His large hands gripped my arms, pulling me close to him, his drenched chest and clothes squishing between us and soaking into me. His grip was rough and firm, desperate. He breathed heavily before pushing his scolding hot lips onto mine, forcing my lips to part. He kissed me roughly for a minute, pressing harder again, darting his tongue in my mouth as if he were searching for something. I just remained in his grip, lifeless and shocked at what was happening. This was Dane, the boy I grew up with, someone I was like a sister to. This was just so wrong. But I couldn't reject him, even though I wanted to, I didn't want to hurt him in his moment of desperation. Once he let me go, we could figure this out, but right now, for whatever reason, he needed this.
Finally, Dane released his grip on me. I stepped away from him, into the doorway. Dane was breathing heavily, his head drooping towards the ground. He licked his lips, shaking his head continuously.
"I'm sorry, I just needed to try. I – Jesus I'm in idiot." He mumbled, still looking down at the ground. "You probably think....shit."
"It's alright..." I said, trying to be supportive and sympathetic, even though I felt strangely violated.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I can't even – even if I did, you wouldn't – " He kept going on like that, starting to say something but then stopping, because I couldn't or wouldn't something.
"Try." I pleaded. "You haven't even tried to explain anything since we started talking again. Try this time. You owe me that much."
"Stella." He looked up at me this time.
"Come inside, Dane. Please. Or at least on the porch so you're out of the rain."
Dane stepped up on to the porch and stood on the opposite side from where I was standing.
"The kiss, it wasn't what you think. I'm not into you. I mean, I love you and you're an amazing girl, but –"
"I get it." I laughed, relieved that my best friend wasn't in love with me.
"This might not make any sense to you, but it's all I can say. There's this girl, her name's Sophia. She used to live on the res, but her parents split and she moved away, but now she's back."
"I remember her, I think. She moved to Toronto, right?"
"Yeah, that's her. Anyway, I saw her for the first time today and it's like, I don't know. Like anything I ever loved or cared about doesn't even compare, like she's the only thing that matters. I just wanted to run up to her and hold her, take care of her, be with her... I really believed I was in love with her. But then I thought, it can't be that easy, like love's not a switch that just flicks on when you see somebody. But, Jesus I just ache for her. But then I'm like, how do I know for sure? How do I know that's what it is? So then I thought, the closest I've ever gotten to love was you. I won't lie, during those pubescent years I had a bit of a crush on you. So I figured, if I go back to what love was for me, if I throw myself into it and remind myself what it actually is, I'll know for sure if Sophia's the real deal. But then I got here, watched you come down the stairs and remembered all the crap I put you through, and it's like, do I want to put her through it? Can I really be that selfish? I was going to leave, but then you saw me and it was too late to turn back and go home. So I did what I came here to do, to figure out if Sophia's the one."
I let what Dane said sink in before responding. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved that he wasn't kissing me because was in love with me, or to be offended because he used me to make sure he was in love with someone else. I figured the former was better than the latter, but still, knowing you're being used kind of stings.
"And? What are the results?" I asked out of curiosity.
"I think she's it. Not that I don't love you, because you know I do. But, Sophia...I can't even explain it Stel. It just takes over my mind, my body, everything. Like something is latched to my guts and pulling me to her." As he explained what he felt when he saw Sophia, I smiled, knowing that I related to that feeling so much.
"I get it, you know. You may think I won't understand things, but I do. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but that's what I feel whenever I'm with Tyler." Dane rolled his eyes.
"Let's not ruin this, k?" He said as he folded his arms across his bare chest.
"Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" I asked.
"You –" I cut him off, knowing already what he was going to say.
" – wouldn't understand, I know."
"I should go. Thanks for everything." He stepped towards me and placed a kiss on my cheek. I smiled and watched him walk into the pouring rain until I couldn't see him anymore. I didn't know why he was practically naked in the rain, why he was walking in it or how he possibly made it to my house on foot from the reservation, but something told me not to ask, to just let it go because even if I did ask I wouldn't get an answer. It's just one of those things you don't bother questioning, like God or aliens, because the answer is never going to be straight forward, or even the truth.
That night I returned to my room and climbed into bed with the feeling of being watched burning stronger than ever. I turned away from the window and hid under the covers, pulling it over my head to ignore the eyes I just knew were outside of my window, watching me. I eventually fell asleep and had more Twilight dreams, with Tyler as Edward again. The first was like ones I had before, of he and I talking in the meadow. It got so intense at one point that I woke up in a cold sweat, streams of the stuff dripping down my face.
In the dream it was summer time, although the sun was hidden. The meadow was alive with tall, green grass and flowers here and there. Edward and I were sitting in the grass and he was kissing me with one hand on the back of my head, curved to its shape. He gently laid me down in the grass, his body hovering over me so he wouldn't crush me. I pressed my hands into his back, telling him to lower his body on to mine, but he wouldn't budge. I just wanted to feel the coolness, to feel skin touching that's never been exposed to the others temperature before. I pulled his shirt up, throwing it behind me. Edward ran his hand under my shirt, pressing it to my stomach and making me quiver. His kisses travelled up my arm to my collarbone, my neck, my mouth.
"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded. "I'm afraid." He whispered, raising his body above mine even further.
"It'll be okay. I trust you." I reassured. He nodded, willing to try, sending trails of kisses burning into my neck. That's when I woke up. I was panting like crazy. I had to switch sides on my bed since I drenched my usual side by the window with my sweat.
The last dream I had was so strange, I couldn't even begin to explain it with a dream dictionary. I had full control of myself in this one. I was in a tiny, old looking video store with Edward. He came up to me, wearing a pale blue blazer and flared pants with a copy of The Last Waltz in his hands.
"Bella, I found it!" He said, holding it up for me to see. I looked at him strangely, eyeing his clothes and the movie in his hands. He walked over to the counter where a young girl, probably seventeen, was smacking her gum. She stood up straight, shoved the gum to the back of her mouth and smiled at the sight of Edward. She was wearing a long sleeved blouse and high wasted, belted pants. There was a calendar on the desk, claiming the date was September of 1978. Edward disappeared into the snack isle, leaving me at the counter with the hippie girl.
"Can I ask you something?" She leans over the counter. I nod. "Is your son seeing anyone?"
My son? What? I just stare at her as she smacks her gum and eyes Edward like a piece of meat she'd love to rip her teeth into. But more than that, why on Earth would she call him my son? Was I his mom in this dream? And why is it 1978? I turn to look out the window and see a middle-aged woman with flared pants and a button up shirt with longs sleeves and a ruffle at the neck. I look away, only to realize her head moved at the same time I did. I turn to face the window, realizing the woman is me. I walk towards it, examine the wrinkles that begin to branch out around my eyes and the deepened laugh lines around my mouth. I must be in my thirty, maybe even creeping close to forty. Then he appears behind me with a hand on my shoulder and says,
"You're just as beautiful as the first day I saw you." Then I woke up.
Thursday began like any other day, even after what happened with Dane last night and after the weird dreams, life still went on as per usual, and after a while Dane's kiss felt so minor. If anything, I should be glad he actually made the effort to explain something to me, after numerous time of hearing 'I can't tell you' and 'you wouldn't understand', he finally let me in a little. It doesn't explain what's happened to him, but it explained something. The dreams, on the other hand, completely baffled me. I'll never know what my subconscious is trying to tell me with every one of these whack Twilight dreams.
When I walked into my philosophy class, Sandy and her groupies were sitting in the third row as per usual, except this time Jessica wasn't with them. They all had their Twilight books out, with sticky notes jutting out of them. I remembered then that today was the vampire discussion. I rolled my eyes and dragged my feet up the steps to the back row, where Mike and Jessica weren't. Instead, they were in the corner, canoodling all over each other as if they were alone and not in a filling classroom. Sandy and the fang gang didn't even spare one glance in Jessica's general direction, they were too busy scouring their beloved books for vampire facts. So, I took my usual spot alone today, strumming my fingers on the little desk as I waited for Tyler to get here. Students scuffled through the door, the professor came and even wasted ten minutes emptying the contents of his bag on to his desk before beginning the discussion, and still no Tyler. Class began and we discussed the un-dead, a class full of many Twilight references and even readings from the books to explain points further. And even more bizarre, the professor went with it. I couldn't wait to get out of there, to be done with school for the week and just relax for a few days. Of course, that conjured up a different anxiety when I realized this brought me closer to Saturday, the day I'd be meeting Tyler's family.
I hated meeting parents, even when I met Jessica's parents I was freaking out. It's just so awkward and there's questions and all that getting to know you stuff that's just such a hassle. What's worse is I can't even consult with Jessica about this because she's too busy with her mouth suctioned to Mike's to even breathe let alone coax me through this.
I tried to calm myself by reminding myself that there was still another day and a half to get through before Saturday. Hopefully the minutes will tick by at a meandering pace and prepare me for the day to come. But, since luck seems to hate my guts, Friday arrived with a snap of my fingers and then zipped past me before I could blink my eyes twice; my very wide awake eyes. I couldn't sleep a wink all night. I just tossed and turned, forcing my eyes closed while thoughts ran marathons in my mind.
Saturday afternoon, Tyler was at my door promptly at two o'clock like we'd agreed. He was a bundle of excitement, not even his thick, grey pea coat could contain it. On the drive to his mystery house he continually told me how excited his family was to meet me, that his sister Allison had so much pent up energy and excitement that she went nuts decorating every room in the house so that it would be finished before I got there. His brothers, Jason and Emmery, were forced to help Allison, but even through their irritation they were equally as excited to meet me. He also warned me about his other sister, Rosa, who wasn't particularly thrilled about my arrival. Tyler assured me not to take it personally, that it just took her a while to warm up to people. His mom, May, has been baking all day for the occasion, with his dad, Carl, helping where he can. It seemed like they were going all out for this, which made me even more nervous for when I shatter every one of their expectations of me. I was glad Lindsey insisted she curl my hair, at least it was decent and looked like I made somewhat of an effort. I wasn't wearing anything special, just jeans and a t-shirt as per usual. Should I have dressed up? Whipped out the heels? Ugh, I just wanted to get this over with.
Tyler made a sharp turn into a gravel road that swerved left and right like a snake, then down a long bend and another curve until we reached his house. My jaw dropped at the size of this house and in amazement of its location in the middle of a forest not too far from Peck Meadow. It was incredible. It was a very modern home, not the ordinary boxy, rectangular homes you see you any residential street. This one had odd angles and shapes to it, and with so many windows you could see right through the front to the back. I couldn't see anyone inside at first, but then, one by one, his family appeared coming down the stairs and to the front living room. Tyler turned the car off and took my hand in his.
"It's going to be okay, they're going to love you." He said, caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. I nodded and stepped out of the car. Tyler met me on my side of the car, took my hand and led me to the door. We hadn't even raised our feet to step up the first step when someone already opened the door and came running towards me. Before I knew it, a body was slammed into mine, hugging me so hard I couldn't breathe.
"Alice!" Tyler called out, prying her arms from my neck. She stepped away and stared at me like she was about to cry. She had short, choppy hair like a pixie cut. She was petite and very fashionable, judging by her outfit. She wore dark denim skinny jeans, black boots, a black t-shirt, a leather bomber jacket that definitely wasn't pleather, and a red and black plaid scarf tied loosely around her neck. Her hands were covered with black, suede gloves that fit perfectly to each of her slim fingers. Lindsey's been talking trends all season, something about leather jackets and plaid...this girl seemed to have all of that down. She was really pretty, in a sweet and innocent kind of way. Her skin was pale like Tyler's and she had the same contacts as he did. Maybe these two were biological siblings and the rest adoptive?
"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited to meet you!" She said, her smile wide and sweet.
"It's okay." I laughed. I liked her already. Something about her was familiar and just being around her made me feel light and happy, even a little giggly and girly. I just had this urge to link arms with her, stroll down the road and gossip. "I'm Stella." I introduced myself.
"Oh, I'm Allison." She said, looking to Tyler when she said her name. Tyler nodded subtly. "We're going to be great friends, I just know it!" She said, raising her shoulders. She turned to look behind her where a guy stood in the doorway and waved him over. He cautiously and stiffly stepped down to the front steps and put an arm around Allison. He had blonde, curly hair that stopped at his ears. His eyes were also the same golden colour. He was tall, wearing jeans and a black blazer over a green button up shirt.
"Hello Stella, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm, uh,"
"Jason. This is my brother Jason." Tyler stepped in. Weird.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too." I said, borrowing his words. I noticed how he and Allison stood together, with his arm around her, bringing her into his side, and her hand on his chest.
"Are you guys together?" I blurted. Crap. Allison giggled and they both took in a deep breath.
"Yes, we are. It's really not that strange, we're not biologically related and we didn't exactly grow up together..." Allison tried to explain. I guess it made sense, I mean it's not incest or anything. But still, they lived together. I tried hard not to be judgemental and to just go with it, but it still seemed so odd. Whatever floats their boat, I guess.
"That's cool." I replied.
"Come in, I want to show you the house!" Allison took my hand and pull me up the stairs into the house.
It was gorgeous inside, wide open and very white. The floors and walls were white, the couches were a white leather, with a glass coffee table in the centre with a shiny black base. There were black and white paintings on the walls, black vases filled with white roses on accent tables. Everything was black and white; very classy and modern. There was an air of familiarity here. It didn't feel like I was walking into a house I've never been to, I felt very at home here. I had a hunch that if I walked up the stairs to my right leading to the second floor, I'd find some sort of study or library in front of the stairs, along with three bedrooms, guest rooms and a bathroom along either side of the hallway. How I knew this I wasn't sure. Was I thinking of a house I saw on an interior design show? Probably.
It smelled of cookies as we neared the kitchen towards the back of the house, around the wall hiding the stairs. In the kitchen, the rest of Tyler's family stood around the island in the middle of the room, which had a white base and a black, marble countertop.
Seeing Tyler together with his family was astonishing. They all had the same pale complexion, the same aura of perfection, even the same coloured contacts. That was weird. Maybe it was a family trend, some people get charm bracelets or rings, these people get coloured contacts. It's unique. Standing there in front of all of them together, I had an eerie sense that I knew them. It's like when you catch a glimpse of a familiar face but can't place where you've seen that person before. Only this time it was with six people, not just one. And it's not like they had ordinary faces, they were rather extraordinary, really. I guess I should be stunned by their beauty but it really doesn't faze me, it's just the feeling that I've seen them before that's irksome.
The woman I assumed to be his mother walked over to me, oven mitts still on her hands.
"Stella, it's so wonderful to meet you! Tyler lights up every time he speaks of you."
"Does he?" I laughed, glancing at Tyler. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. McCulley."
"Oh please, call me May."
"Okay." I agreed.
"This is my husband, Carl." She said, reaching an arm behind her for the tall, blonde-haired man behind her. It was so blonde it practically blended into his skin.
"Hello Stella, welcome to our home." He said, wrapping an arm around May.
"Thanks, it's beautiful."
"Thank you!" Allison chirped from behind me. A muscular guy walked over to me, dressed much more casually than the others, opting for a cream coloured zip up sweater as opposed to a button up shirt.
"I'm Tyler's older brother, Emery. This is Rosa." He said, pushing forward a drop dead gorgeous girl. She was tall with a body that screamed perfection, and had long, luscious blonde hair. She belonged on a runway somewhere. It was so weird being around such pretty people, especially standing in front of Rosa. Everyone in Wolfeville is so ordinary compared to the McCulley's.
"Hi." Rosa said coldly, avoiding eye contact.
"Hey." I said meekly.
"We've got chocolate chip cookies in the oven, they should be ready soon." May stepped in.
"Oh, that's so nice of you. It smells amazing." I said. Tyler stood behind me, placing a hand on my lower back.
"Shall we go to the living room?" He said. He nodded and I followed him, along with the rest of his family.
"Are you hungry or thirsty?" Allison asked, linking an arm in mine.
"No, I'm fine, thanks."
"Come sit by me!" She said, pulling me towards the longer couch. Jason sat to the right of Allison and Tyler sat to the left of me. Emery and Rosa sat in the love seat and May took the single chair, with Carl perched on the arm rest.
"So, how has your life been?" Allison asked.
"Um..." I mumbled, surprised by such a heavy question. "It's been good?"
"What have you been doing? What do you like?" She continued.
"Allison." Tyler warned.
"Oh hush, I'm just trying to get to know her."
"It's okay, I don't mind the questions." I said. "I go to Acadia university, I'm an English major in my second year. I like to read and listen to music, just not both at the same time. I like seventies pop music, it's so upbeat it always puts me in a great mood. Like The Smiths, I love them. I like movies from back then too." I stopped myself, realizing I was rambling about oldies stuff that they probably didn't care for. They seemed to be so modern, how could they?
"That's so fascinating!" Allison said genuinely.
"What is your family like?" May asked.
"My dad owns a bookstore in town. He sells pretty much everything, but his real passion is for rare pieces of literature. My mom works with him and helps him manage the place. I have an older brother who's the jock of the family, he plays football for Acadia. Then there's my younger sister, Lindsey, who's obsessed with Twilight." They all gave each other apprehensive looks when I mentioned Twilight.
"Twilight, that's that popular, um, vampire book series, isn't it?" May asked.
"Yeah, I don't really see the fascination with it, though. I read the first book and it was good but I'm nowhere near as addicted and obsessed as some of these people out there." I explained, hoping they didn't think I was some die hard twi-hard.
"Yes, it has grown into quite the phenomenon, hasn't it?" Carl added. I nodded.
"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" Tyler asked out of the blue.
"Sure." I stood up with him and followed him to the stairs.
"I don't think it's her." Rosa whispered to Emery as Tyler and I walked up the stairs. I looked at her, wondering what she meant by that. Did she not think I was the one for Tyler? Allison caught me staring and quickly followed me up the stairs. She placed a hand on my back.
"Don't pay attention to Rose, she's just a bit snotty." She said, her voice slightly louder than a whisper. I nodded. Tyler turned around when we reached the top of the steps and lead me into the first room, which was a very large study. The walls were lined with shelves of books, some very old looking, others new. There was a desk with a flat screen monitor on it and files stacked behind it. There was a brown leather couch on the other side of the room with a book laying open on it. By the couch was an ancient looking cross leaning up against the wall.
"This is the Carl's study. He's still unpacking and organizing. It's the one room Allison wasn't allowed to touch." Tyler explained. I heard a humph behind me.
"It would look so much nicer with a few accent pieces, maybe a painting above the couch. But, he refuses to allow me to work my magic in here." Allison said. Tyler looked at Allison for a long time, then he coughed. Allison tilted her head back, letting out a breathy 'oh', as if something had just occurred to her.
"I'll be downstairs. We'll talk later, Stella." She said, squeezing my arm before she skipped down the steps.
"Sorry about her."
"Oh, don't be sorry. Allison is great, I really like her."
"I knew you would." Tyler said, leading me down the hall to the last door on the left. He opened it and let me go in first. Instead of walls, two giant bay windows met at the corner in the back of the house. The walls that weren't windows were painted a light gray, with one wall behind a shelving unit with all of his books and music. There were books everywhere, most ancient looking. There were records, actual vinyl records, piled up by the shelves. There was a long, black leather couch-like thing that didn't have arm rests. There was no bed. I figured it was like his chill out space, a place to be alone. I wished I had something this cool to retreat to at my house.
"This is my room." He said.
"Oh, like your room-room? The one you sleep in?" I asked. He chuckled a little.
"Yes, technically." He answered. I furrowed my brows, unsure what he tried to imply by 'technically' but whatever. He was just a mystery man, I knew it from the beginning. Lately when he says something strange like that I just accept it as who he is and what he does.
"It's cool. You have a lot of stuff."
"Yes. Ah, here's the Thomas Gray I told your father he can have." He reached for an old looking thing on the couch. The cover was a brown, distressed leather that began feathering at the edges. Tyler carefully opened the cover to reveal the large, printed pages. It looked ancient, the paper was brown. I was afraid to touch them, worried they'd crumble to dust at my slightest touch.
"My dad is going to freak out when he sees this." I said, carefully skimming my finger down the leather binding. "Your family is really great." I added. "It's funny how much alike you all are."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you all look alike. Even though you're adopted, you guys all have really pale skin. And the contacts, is that like a family bonding thing?"
"Our contacts?" He asked, having no idea what I was talking about.
"The colour of your contacts, you guys all have the same one."
"Oh, right. Yeah, it's a family thing..." He tensed up and looked nervous.
"I think it's cool. It's different." I said, trying to save myself from looking like an idiot. I looked at the window, reflexively walking towards it to check out the view. "I can't believe you guys live in a forest. It's so beautiful out here." Tyler came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"You have a forest behind your house, it's much of the same isn't it? Trees are trees."
"Sure, I have trees to look at from behind, but to my left I also have my neighbour's pesky kids running and screaming and to my right is my other neighbour's dog that barks non-stop. Here, you're completely surrounded and you don't have to worry about any of that stuff."
"You may be right, but if an axe murderer shows up we're doomed." Tyler breathed into my neck. I turned to face him, our lips brushing. He then parted my lips with his top lip, sucking on my bottom lip. I fisted my hand into his hair, pulling him closer. We continued kissing, each one becoming more passionate. I closed my eyes and began to feel like I was in a different place. We weren't here in his room, we weren't even in Wolfeville. I could feel grass tickling my ankles, a breeze flittering through my hair and his cold hands on me.
"I love you, Bella."
It was barely a whisper, but I swore I heard it. It was like an echo in the wind. Maybe I was making it up, even though it's a really messed up thing to just make up in my mind. I opened my eyes, looking at the packed shelves in front of me and feeling his cool lips on my neck. I shivered and pulled away. Tyler stepped away. I looked at him, questioning him with my stare. Was it him? Could he have said that?
"Stella?" He asked. It was definitely his voice I heard. Wasn't it?
"Sorry, I just zoned out, I guess..."I said, still watching him, expecting him to admit to it or something. It couldn't have been him. He must have said Stella, I just misunderstood. Even if he got my name right, telling me he loved me already was a lot to swallow. He looked confused. He didn't say it, my mind is playing tricks on me since I obviously didn't get much sleep last night.
"I'm just tired, I keep imagining things." I said, trying to laugh it off and lighten the mood.
"What kinds of things?" He asked.
"It's stupid, really. It's like when you fall asleep with the TV on, and then you start dreaming about whatever was on, except instead of TV it's a book."
"Are you dreaming about Twilight?" He asked. It was less like a question and more like an accusation, like he already knew.
"Yeah.."
Tyler stared at the ground for a long time, his brows furrowed. His mouth opened, then closed.
"Tyler?" I placed a hand on his arm.
"Stella, there's something –" Allison ripped through the door, cutting Tyler off.
"Tyler! Carl wants to see you in the study." She said, slinking her arm through Tyler's. "C'mon Stella, you can hang out with the rest of us downstairs."
We left Tyler at the top of the stairs and skipped down to the living room. We literally skipped. Allison is very perky, but of the tolerable variety. It was just enough without being annoying. May was in the living room with Emery and Rosa, talking to them about gardening and her plans for the landscaping.
"Stella, come sit, dear." May said, patting the space beside her on the longer couch.
"Thanks." I said as I took a seat. Allison sat next to me, her arm still linked in mine like an old friend. I didn't so much as hug Jessica, we didn't do hugs. But with Allison it was comfortable to be so close. I felt like I had this strong bond to her, meanwhile I've only just met her.
"We just love Wolfeville! It's such a delightful little town." Allison beamed.
"Yes, it's very quaint." May agreed.
"It's just like any other town we've ever lived in." Rosa said sourly.
"Do you miss Forks?" I asked. May gasped and Allison looked shocked. Rosa whispered a 'does she know?' to Emery.
"Tyler told you we're from Forks?" May asked.
"Yeah. Well it kind of slipped when he was telling me you guys were moving here. I hope that's okay?"
"Oh yes, perfectly fine. We just didn't know you knew we were from such a...well known town. I suppose I miss it a little, but it was time for a change." May said.
"I can understand why you'd move. I'd hate it if tourists started crowding Wolfeville, snapping pictures and squealing over fictional beings."
"Yes, the attention became a bit much for us. Wolfeville is a nice change." May then stared at me for a long time, her eyes burrowing into mine. Her smile grew warmer and she tilted her head, like a mother seeing her newborn baby for the first time. Then she placed her hand on my knee.
"I am so happy Tyler found you." She said quietly.
"So am I." I said, patting her hand twice. Rosa made a gagging noise.
"Babe, be nice." Emery said to her.
"Stella, we must go shopping together! I stumbled upon the cutest little boutique in town." Allison chimed in.
"Varmello's Vintage Boutique?" I asked.
"That's the one! Do you shop there?"
"Once in a while. I don't have that much money to spare though, their stuff can get pricey."
"I'll treat you to something when we go. It'll be like a house warming gift." She held her hands intertwined with each other in front of her, pleading to let her buy me something from Varmello's.
"A house warming gift?" I laughed. "But you guys are the ones who should get house warming gifts, you just moved here."
"Well, we've already gotten everything we need here. I insist."
"We'll see." I said, not sure how I'd feel about her spending a lot of money on me.
"I'm looking forward to it! We'll pick you up from school on Monday, we can go from there."
"Okay." I shrugged. Allison hugged me, squeezing before letting go.
"Well, I'm glad Allison has a new shopping buddy." Emery said, stretching his arms over the back of the couch. I laughed. Allison didn't look too impressed. Emery reminded me of my brother a lot.
"Do you play football, Emery?" I asked.
"A little bit here and there. Baseball's more my thing, though."
"We all play when the weather suits us." May added.
"Tyler mentioned that before, that's really nice that you all do something together like that."
Tyler emerged from the stair case with Carl and Jason behind him. I didn't remember Jason even being upstairs, I was surprised to see him there. Tyler stood behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him, only to catch him staring down at me. We both smiled at each other and for a minute we were the only ones there. Then someone coughed and I looked away. Carl was staring at us. It was awkward to be under his gaze. It was like he was analyzing every part of me, trying to figure me out with his eyes.
"So..." I said, hoping he'd lay off with the intensity. These people did that a lot, just stare at me and get all weird. They were nice, and Allison was a hoot and a half, but they were so strange. It kind of made sense though, Tyler fits right in with them. I began to tap my foot as the silence lingered, anxiety growing in me. My shoulders tensed and I began to wrap my arms around my stomach. Jason grunted, so I looked up at him. His eyes were closed and he breathed in deeply, then slowly exhaled. All of a sudden my anxiety was gone. My foot stopped tapping and my arms relaxed to my side. It was like something was released inside me, flushing through every part of my body until I was completely calm. The awkward silence no longer bothered me, it was actually even a little comfortable. The tension in my shoulders was released.
"Jaz." Tyler whispered. Jason nodded, keeping his eyes on Tyler. Tyler then shook his head.
"Do you still read Wuthering Heights?" Allison asked, a glimmer of hope beaming in her golden eyes.
"Um..." I mumbled. It was an oddly phrased question. Did I still read Wuthering Heights? Didn't she mean to ask if I have read it? "I read it in high school for an English class. I haven't opened that book since then."
"Oh..." Allison turned away. Jason whispered something to her.
"It used to be her favourite." Allison whispered. Everyone started coughing and grunting at the same time. Allison turned to me and smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry. You remind a lot of a good friend of mine back in Forks, she loved Wuthering Heights." Allison explained.
"It's okay. Moving so far away from your friends must be hard. I've never had to do it, I'm not so sure I could. Wolfeville's small, but it's home."
Allison smiled. Then she turned to Jason, grasping his wrist. She went completely stiff like a statue. Everyone held their breath. Then, as if the life had been breathed back into her, Allison inhaled deeply and turned to look up at Tyler. Tyler furrowed his brows and tilted his chin down.
"We should go." He said as he walked around the couch, offering me his hand.
"O-okay." I stuttered, looking back at Allison. I didn't want to leave her. I just knew something was wrong, that whatever happened to her wasn't normal. Shouldn't Carl be doing something? He's a doctor, isn't he? This immense gust of worry took over me. I couldn't leave her here when she clearly just went through something traumatic. I needed to be here for her. I slinked my hand away from Tyler and sat back down next to Allison.
"Are you alright, Alice?" I asked. Her entire being lit up, her eyes widened and she threw herself on to me like she had when I first arrived.
"I guess that answers my question." I laughed.
"I couldn't be better." She whispered.
"Allison." Tyler barked. She let go of me and shrunk into Jason's side.
"Why don't you come with us? I can show you around town and we can take that little shopping trip." I suggested, still holding on to her hand. Allison glanced up at Tyler, then back at me.
"I'd love to, but I can't. We'll spend Monday together, right?" She asked.
"I'll even skip class for it, the entire day is yours." I smiled, cancelling my entire day on impulse. How could I refuse her? Plus, I kind of wanted to blow a day to just hang around town.
"I'm looking forward to it!" She beamed, hugging me once more. I stood up and glanced around the room at the familiar faces I still couldn't place. Well, now I knew them as Tyler's family, but I still could've sworn I've seen them somewhere.
"It was great meeting you all." I said.
"You too, honey. Come by any time." May stood up and gently hugged me, her arms barely touching me, merely hovering around my body.
"Thanks." I said, nodding to Carl who continued to stare at me strangely. He didn't say much. Maybe he was the quiet type. Emery waved goodbye, while Rosa glared poison from her eyes as I walked out of the door with Tyler.
Tyler and I silently walked toward the Volvo. He opened the door for me robotically, closing it when I got in. He turned the car around and drove down the path towards the road without saying a word. Something was definitely up.
"What happened to Alice back there?" I asked.
"It was nothing. She blacks out sometimes. It's not serious."
"It looked serious. It was scary to see."
"It is at first, but as you become familiar with it, it's fine. My family adores you."
"Except one." I grumbled.
"Don't mind Rose. She's just cautious, it takes her a while to warm up to people."
"So I've heard. Are you sure everything is okay?" I asked. He wouldn't look at me.
"Yes. Really, Stella, what happened to Allison was very minor."
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Of course, why do you ask?"
"You just got so distant all of a sudden. I mean one minute we're in your room having a moment, the next you won't even look at me."
"I'm sorry. There's just a lot on my mind right now."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, turning myself towards him, pressing my back into the door. Tyler smiled, reached over to me with his right hand and swiped his thumb across my cheek. I closed my eyes in response to his touch.
"When the time is right, I will tell you everything." He said, his voice creeping to a whisper. I sighed, but understood his need to think about whatever it was that needed his attention. I hated when people pestered me about things, I didn't want to do the same to him. He'd tell me when he's ready.
"Okay." I said.
"You know, in the little time I've known you I've grown to care for you so much. It baffles me. How could it have been mere weeks? I feel like I've known you lifetimes ago." He said, intertwining his fingers into mine.
What he said now reminded me of what I thought I'd imagined him say to me in his bedroom. Could I call this love? Rationally, no. But is love even rational? Can you really apply realism and rationality to such an abstract concept? I feel so strongly for Tyler it burns inside me. I dream about him every night and think about him all of the time. Why can't I call this love instead of continuing to refer to it as this 'feeling'. Duh, the feeling is love, right? Love. God, I do. I love him. Just acknowledging it for the first time made my body burst with energy. It was like I sprouted a thousand new nerve endings, all of them sparking fireworks into my heart. I pressed my free hand into my chest and let out a little 'huh' at the realization of it all and how incredible it felt. Sweet Jesus, I'm in love!
"I am..." I whispered, thinking out loud.
"Hm?" Tyler asked. Holy crap. My stomach definitely just twisted in on itself. I gulped, unsure if I was ready to tell him. I looked at him as he drove, then down at our hands clasped together, then at my lap. I can't tell him something that huge, this soon, in a car.
"Can we go somewhere?" I asked, feeling suddenly rejuvenated and awake. Tyler noticed my newfound energy and laughed at my restlessness.
"Sure. The meadow?"
"That's perfect." I said, sinking into my seat. I was going to do this. Screw what's supposed to be right and normal for a relationship, I'm telling him.
Tyler turned around and drove back down the road, turning into another to get to Peck. I stared out of the window, beginning to feel a little queasy. The drive felt hours long, when only minutes had passed. I knew this was detrimental to my original plan, because as time slowly crept by I began to second guess myself. Maybe I rushed into this decision, I didn't really think it through. Even if I did tell him, it's not guaranteed that he'll say it back. Although he did say he cared for me earlier. But does caring equal love, or is it an emotion way before love? Is this love, really? Or is it just infatuation? Crap. I don't even really know that much about him. I don't know his favourite book or his favourite band. Did that stuff even matter?
"What's your favourite book?" I blurted.
"Hm... I've always quite enjoyed The Stranger, by Albert Camus. Older works hold much more meaning to me than modern ones. Like the piece by Thomas Gray, that is one of my favourites."
I nodded. He's really cultured and intellectual. He's not your regular guy who does half of his best in school, plays sports and hits on girls at bars. He's different. It's what I loved so much about him. Love. There's that word again. I do love him. I love being with him, I love who he is and that he makes me think, always keeping me on my toes.
"Favourite band?"
"I prefer instrumental music to beats and lyrics mashed together. An orchestra carrying a melody reaches so much deeper than words ever can. Like when a violin carries a vibrato, my hands tremble with it." He explained, his hand trembling underneath mine. "You should try reading while listening to a piano solo. It'll intensify every word on the page."
"Ha, yeah right. I told you, I can't read and listen to music at the same time. It's impossible."
"Nothing is impossible, Stella." He said, squeezing my hand. We turned into a side road and stopped. I remember the trek to Peck Meadow and pursed my lips at the idea of trudging through moist grass. "We're here." He said, sliding his hand from mine. He stepped out of the car and quickly walked around the hood to my side, opening the door for me.
"Thanks." I said as he shut the door.
"Shall we begin walking?" He held a hand out to me.
"Actually, why don't we just stay here." I said, pointing to a log by the side of the road. Tyler shrugged and followed me towards the log. I threw my leg over to the other side and sat down, straddling it so that I could face Tyler. He did the same.
"What's up?" He asked.
"What you said in the car, about caring for me..." I began, staring at my fidgety fingers.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you off, I just – "
"No, no you didn't, it's not that." I laughed. He knew me, he knew that I was worried things were moving too fast, even when it was always just right. How can it not be love?
"What are you thinking?" He asked, taking my hands into his.
"When you said you cared for me, it made me realize how I strongly I really feel about you."
"Okay..." He said, trying to pull it out of me.
"I think – no, I know, that... I love you." I hesitantly looked up, afraid he'd have a look of horror on his face. I could just hear it already, the dreaded 'I'm flattered but, it's not you it's me' speech. But then his face broke out into the most delicious, crooked smile I've ever seen on him. He'd been holding out on me. He pulled me to him so hard I was laying down on his chest. He kissed me so passionately, confirming how much I did love him. I could sit here in the spitting rain for the rest of my life if it meant I'd be in it with him. God, this is so crazy and not normal, but it's so right, I can't deny it anymore. I don't even understand this, I don't know why it's electric and magnetic with him or why I know him so much, yet don't at the same time. I just know that we fit, that it's supposed to be like this. Some things you just know and this is one of those things.
"I love you so much. You don't know how much I've wanted to tell you, to shout it to the world and let everyone know that I am yours and you are mine." Tyler breathed. I let out a girly laugh, feeling like Romeo and Juliet or something romantic like that, except without the tragedy part.
"Ditto." I said.
"Pardon me for possibly ruining the moment, but what happened? I thought you wanted to take things slowly."
"I did, but that's only because this was so different and foreign to me that I didn't know what else to do. I've never known love before, it was kind of scary at first, you know? But I don't care anymore. I just want to be with you all the time and take you in. Enough with the slow and steady business." I kissed him again.
"Sounds good to me." He said when I moved from his lips to his neck. I could feel the rain drops getting thicker and harder, pelting into my back and soaking us. We didn't care. Rain was not going to ruin our love parade, no matter how torrential.
A/N: Surprise! It's not Tuesday yet but, in light of Labor Day weekend, I thought I'd post the chapter early. The title is from the song Never Think by Robert Pattinson (how fitting, right?). Just a reminder, you can follow me on Twitter for sneak peeks and updates and such, my username there is JoanneDff so check it out :) Things are going to heat up soon and all will be revealed sometime in the next few chapters. I hope you're all having a good weekend, enjoy the day off tomorrow if you get one. And, of course, reviews are greatly appreciated :)